wendytip

I BLEW IT OUT, in the last days before my surgery. Yes, they told me not to eat a bunch of junk, but I did anyway. I had to give all that food a fond farewell because I knew if would be the last time I'd eat it. And, I'd love to tell you that I regretted that, but I don't. I relished every bite and I was ready to make a change! It's normal, no biggie. However, after my banding I turned over a whole new leaf. I stuck to my post op diet, religiously, and even decided to give up sugar while I was at it. I used to say that I'd NEVER give up sugar,but it's a "trigger food" for me and it just wasn't worth the hassle. Oddly....VERY ODDLY, this just isn't that big of a deal anymore. I make it through holidays and birthdays cakeless and goodieless and I don't really miss it. My new life is way worth any sacrifice.

And, I think you're just being honest about how giving up your favorite foods makes you feel. Hopefully, the rewards of losing the weight will be enough for you to realize that, "it's just food." I think, though, probably what you're anxious about, even though you may not realize it, is how you're going to manage life without being able to "use" those foods. If you're like most of us, the food is a coping mechanism and a companion. You must find other ways to cope. Know that there will be hard times and stressful times and that "friend" won't be there. You'll actually have to face situations...YUK! But, you can do it. You can. Oh, and find something you like to do more than eat, then when you find yourself wanting to eat out of habit or boredom, do that thing. Learn to knit, paint, basket weave, weld, work on cars, whatever.

P.S (What drew me to you post in the first place...) Yes, you deserve to be banded. We all deserve that chance. We all deserve to be happy.

Best of luck and celebrate every lost ounce,

Wendy

Good for you! You'll be surprised how easy this becomes once you commit to it! Way to go!

By the way, chickie, you're HOT already. Watch out world when that weight is off!

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! Hang on girl; let's just take a breath and slow down for a minute. First of all: This is some stressful stuff YOU are dealing with; YOU...not your husband or co-workers or family members or friends: YOU. And you're absolutely right; no one really gets this unless they've been through it, but you're going to be fine. And there comes a time as all fat people know where you decide: you decide if you're going to live your life in the same old miserable way, OR if you're going to make a change. You have a right to be selfish on this; it's your life we're talking about. And your husband is a grown ass man! Hell, he won't starve to death. Are his legs broken? What? Who's making him eat the same thing you eat? YOU are not starving him; if he's starving then he's starving himself. He can fix a damn sandwhich the same as any of us. And yep, you are doing this to yourself; THANK GOD! You're trying to better your life and be happy, so more power to you, honey! Sooner or later you will have to stand up to the people who, joking or not, try to poke, poke, poke at you until you give up or doubt yourself.

Now- what's going on, exactly? Are you post op? Are you on a post op liver diet? If so, then God help you...but it is something you can do and this too shall pass. So, if you don't like that grainy protien stuff there's bound to be other stuff you can use? What kind of diet restrictions do you have? Take a trip to Bath and Body, get you some "Stress Relief" body soak or sugar scrub, grab a good book and load up your MP3. Relax, clear your head and for at least one hour don't think about diet-lapband-calorie-carb-ANYTHING...then get back to me. K?

You are such a doll, but I wouldn't wish doing my roots on my worst enemy!...still, I'd take you up on it! So, how's everything with you?

Finally! I'm back online. So sorry, it's been so long, but my life has been CRAZY lately! However, through it all, I just keep thinking how much better everything is! Honestly, and maybe it's because I'm a recovering addict (YES, I said it! I am an addict...a recovering addict...a food addict, and yep, food addiction can ruin your life as easily as any other addiction can!) that I am just so damn grateful for every single day of "sobriety." And let me tell you, I don't think anyone is as grateful for sobriety as an addict that's relapsed, gotten back up, and reclaimed their lives.

I am a firm believer that out of every horrible situation, something beautiful is born, and the beauty of topping out at 271lbs is finding your own truth and standing back up one more time.

Yes, I am unemployed, denied my unemployment benefits, preparing for a wrongful termination lawsuit, had a flat tire yesterday, getting ready to perform my annual fundraiser for AIDS awareness, I have to do my own roots, the puppy isn't housebroken, I don't get to go to the George Strait concert...all of this WITHOUT SUGAR, but by GOD, I'm not FAT ANYMORE!

My life is so good, I can't belive it's mine! My surgeon hadn't seen me since I was three months out, and when I went in for a fill he went on and on about how proud he is. And, get this; he wants me to speak to groups getting ready to be banded!''

So hang in there, brothers and sisters. Life is beautiful and you can do this!

P.S If you wanna', I have some WLS vids on youtube; That Crazy Fat Chick. But, be warned; I don't play. I tell it like it is.

Kisses!

Celebrate every lost ounce!

Hey Everyone!

It's been awhile; computer problems, employment problems, all sorts of DRAMA, but that's okay, I can handle it and life is SO GREAT! I'm coming up on my 1 year "RE-BIRTHDAY" and I'm down 93 pounds! God, it is so surreal! I can't belive it's been a year! And more than anything, I can't believe this is my LIFE!

I remember just about a year ago thinking; next year, I'll be skinny! It's so cool that when I see friends that I haven't seen in a while that I have to tell them who I am! It makes me so excited, reading about everyone who is getting ready to be banded or who have just been banded. I wish for all of you the happiness that I've experienced!

Oh, and one more thing; it's late tonight, but I'll post some progress pix tomorrow!

Celebrate every lost ounce!

TODAY…is the day that I wore high heels to school. Oh, but not just any high heels…oh no, these were…are you ready for this: red, glittered, sandal, stilettos! The heels on these bad girls must be at least 4-5 inches. I get up, get dressed in this really cute black and white, polka dotted sundress; with red piping…very retro 1950’s looking. I bought it at spring of this year and it was tight…now it fits fine. I had to wear a little black shrug so that I’d be in dress code…I’m a teacher…can’t be showing too much skin around Middle School boys with raging hormones! So, I was just about to go for my “cute”, medium heeled black shoes when I saw those red glittery ones. Now, I do not have to tell you how unbearably painful wearing high heels can be when you’re fat. I mean, the only reason I had these shoes was for a show I perform and the second I hit the wings of the stage I’d kick those shoes off. God! The Agony! But, no more! One of my teacher friends was like, “Your feet are going to be killing you today.” To which I replied, “I’ve waited a long damn time to be able to wear heels again and I might just wear these bitches everywhere I go…to work, to check the mail, to take out the trash, to the pool, to church, to water the garden, grocery shopping…hell, I might sleep in them. I may never take them off…EVER! So today, whenever anyone said, “You look beautiful,” I simply smiled happily and said, “Thank You.” Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Today was one of the best days of my life! I’ve waited so long for this day; a day I though would never come. My, my hubby and my daughter went to Jack’s Falls (I posted some pix in photo section, if you wanna take a look.) We hiked 3 miles in, swam and played at the Falls and then hiked 3 miles out. Was it ungodly hot? Yes. Did I sweat out every ounce of liquid in me? Oh yeah. Am I bruised and exhausted? More than you could possibly imagine. Was it everything I dreamed it would be? Oh, yes!

You know, I still have over 50 lbs. to lose and I was by far the oldest woman and fattest woman up there, but I felt like a supermodel! I was rockin’ that size 12, red, Jantzen one piece. I had no problem hoisting my curves up those rocks and climbing to the top of the falls. I stood on the huge rock, felt the moss beneath my toes, the rush of the water against my legs, readied myself to jump and I thought, “It really is amazing how much your life can change in a year.”

B.G! Congrats to you too, girl! Isn't it the best?! You look great!

Thank you Sabrina! I was "re-born" December 22, 2008. What about you? Banded yet?

Xavier,

You are too sweet! Yep, I'm just over the half way mark...sometimes it's so hard to believe. What about you? How's everything going with you? I posted some more pix, by the way...about 6 weeks ago.

Honey, get used to telling all that personal stuff. Before you know it, we'll be all up in your biz. We're all family here, sweetie, so it's all good. You need to be poopin'! Call your doc and tell him/her that nothing's happening. They'll fix you up.

AT LAST!

I weighed in last week at a much anticipated 198! That puts me at a loss of 73 and a half pounds gone! It seems like only yesterday that I was reading other peoples' posts about getting to Onederland, and longing for the day! I can't tell you how great this is! For all you you bandsters that aren't there yet, hang it there; you'll be there before you know it!

P.S I you wanna, you can check out my video blogs on youtube; That Crazy Fat Chick.

At LAST...I CAN SEE MY TOES! I can see my toes. I can see my toes. I...can...see...my...TOOOOOOHHHHHHHHZZZZZ! I remember when I started this journey, I stand in my bathroom, butt assed nekkid (that's Southern for naked,) and I'd but my toes on a line of tile. Then I'd straighten up and look down.

Nothing.

I'd suck in...HARD, and look down.

Nothing.

Month after month I'd line my toes up and look down.

Still nothing...damnit!

And yesterday.

I lined my piggies up.

I looked down, expecting...nothing.

And BAM!

There they were!

My toes!

I counted all ten of them.

And then today, I went to class at the University. I have to take these summer classes for my licensure.

I remembered so many years ago, when I'd squeeze into those damn, tiny assed desks! God, I hated that! I felt so freakin' HUGE! "Stuffed" into a desk. I'd look around and it seemed no one else was having that problem with the desk...just me. I'd think, "You're so lucky and you don't even know it; to NOT have to wrestle with these desks."

So, today, I trot my size 14 ass in that class...and I sat down in that desk. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING touched me, or squooshed me, or squeezed me! I slid in. Do you hear me? I slid in? And then I got back up and sat down in the desk a few more time, just because I COULD! I think a few of the other students may have thought I was a bit mental, but I don't care.

And, as if it couldn't get any better...yesterday I was in my favorite thrift store and when I said hello to a friend of mine, she said, "I saw your van out there, but I didn't see you, because I didn't recognize you. You've lost so much weight!" I wanted to scream, " I know, right! It's it awesome?" Instead, I just said thanks.

Oh, life is SO GOOD.

Next stop; ONEDERLAND!

BTW, If you wanna, check out my video blogs on youtube; That crazy fat chick.

Thank you so very much!

I’m in New Orleans; in the French Quarter…now…right now! I am typing this blog from my hotel room as you read. Nyal’leens is a very cool place…not as great-awesome-I-must-have-died-and-gone-to-heaven-fantastic as NYC, but very nice all the same. Of course, maybe I’m not being fair. Maybe I can’t really give Nyal-leens it’s due, because I’m experiencing so many amazing “firsts.”

This is the first time that I’ve ever gone on vacation and been totally bummed because I forgot my running shoes.

This is the first time that I’ve gone on vacation, and although, I do still have “hammy” arms, I’m not worried about it, AND hell yes, I go sleeveless.

But most importantly…and this is HUGE; this is the first time that I’ve gone on vacation and been off sugar AND not completely obsessed over food for the right reasons. I’ll explain. In the past I’ve gone on vacation and not obsessed over food. Yes; that is true. But I didn’t obsess because I was eating…everything. So, there was nothing to obsess over. I was all out, no holds barred, eating. The times that I went on vacation and obsessed about food was when I had either just came off of a diet, or I was on a diet, but had taken “vacation week” off from dieting and/or eating right. You know how that goes.

“I’m going on vacation and it will just be too hard to be on a diet.

“I’m not going to go on vacation and NOT eating. That’s crazy. I only go on vacation once a year.”

“God, I’ve worked so hard on this diet so that I can fit into this ridiculously tiny bikini to impress a bunch of people that I don’t know and will never see again, and now that I made my goal I can eat!...of course I’ll only eat while I’m on this vacation, and the minute I get back home I’ll cut out all the junk…but that means when I actually pull into my driveway; not on the way home, but when I GET home…unless of course, we get home on a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday because I can’t cut all the vacation eating halfway through the week…I’ll just wait until Monday. Everyone knows that Monday is the official “I’m back on my diet and/or eating healthy” day.

Now, in the past, when I had employed any of these excuses/strategies I would get CRAZY. I’d be obsessing about food because I had deprived myself for soooo long and food was the ultimate reward, so I’d obsess over what kind of off limits goodies I was going to eat. Also, I’d know that I only had vacation to eat this way, so I’d gorge myself…because I’d have to go on a diet/start eating right when I got back home, and even if I didn’t want the food I’d know that I’d be kicking myself come Monday. I knew I’d be thinking, “Damn, I KNEW should’ve eating that huge dessert that I didn’t have room for when I had the chance! Yes, it would have made me sick, but who cares? Now it’s MONDAY and I can’t HAVE IT!

*One time, I was on a family vacation in Daytona Beach, and I had just come off of this horrible starvation diet (I was 23, 5’7 and weighed 114) I know, crazy, right? So, we were at this restaurant; Captain Cody’s, and I had already eaten a full mean, and I was stuffed…but I wanted dessert, so I ordered it. I want you to know, that I was so stuffed and miserable that I could not stay awake at the table! I put my head down and nodded off. Yes! I was Thanksgiving Day full, and when they brought my dessert I roused myself awake and ate it!

But this year…for the first time in my 47 year old life I went on vacation and food was not a big deal. Let me just say that again because it just feels so damn good; I went on vacation (and was off sugar,) and FOOD WAS NO BIG DEAL!

I’m a lucky girl!

Well, if you're laughing post op, at least you're not thinking about food! Best of luck to you.

Oh, I almost forget. Here’s a recipe for a refreshing summer smoothie that I enjoy frequently…especially since giving up my beloved sugar free ice cream bars.

Fill your blender about ½ to capacity with fresh seedless watermelon.

Add ½ can of unsweetened pineapple.

Add ½ packet of any sugar free, fruit punch drink mix. Make sure it’s the 2 quart sized packet, and not those singles for bottled water.

Add two or three packets of artificial sweetner.

Fill blender the rest of the way with water and ice.

Give it whir and enjoy.

Besides, it’s the only way you can eat watermelon and pineapple now that you’re banded!

Cheers!

Don't judge your amazing success by others progress. Yeah, you need to make sure that you stay focused, but damn, it's hot! I live in Tennessee, and honey, IT IS HOT! I have to get up early in the morning to get my run/walk in...or I have to do it after 8 in the evening. 65 pounds is an amazing amount of weight to lose and you've lost it in less than a year! If you want to see just how much you've lost, go buy some 5 lb. bags of sugar. Put them in a couple of backpacks and take a little walk; THAT'S how much you've lost! Don't sell yourself short, you've accomplished so much.

That is so awesome! Congrats to you and way to go! I can't wait to say that I'm 5 lbs. from goal!

Thanks so much FFC,

And you're right, it's not all all rainbows and butterflies, but it's so definately worth it! Don't let the hard times or negativity that you may encounter from people and/or other Bandsters get you down. Do what you're supposed to do and enjoy the ride. Celebrate every lost ounce! By the way, I have some video blogs on youtube if you'd like to check them out; That Crazy Fat Chick.

See, here’s the thing; I don’t think having a singular scoop of ice cream is a big deal, but my problem is that I don’t want a singular scoop of ice cream. I want my scoop and your scoop and the person in front of me in line, I want their scoop too. Then, I’d like some ice cream to take home for later. Later, meaning way after 10:00 at night, probably…when it can do me the most harm.

You know, as a kid, I remember that Baskin Robbins had this delectable monstrosity of ice cream called THE MATERHORN! It was not one, not two, but SEVEN scoops of ice cream! In my pre pubescent fat girl’s mind I dreamed not of receiving my first kiss from Donny Osmond, not of Bobby Sherman taking me on my first “car date,” and not even of wearing a purple, crush velvet pantsuit and walking down the aisle, carrying a Partridge Family lunchbox in lieu of a bouquet to utter dreamily, “I do…think I love you,” to my teen idol soul mate David “Keith Partridge” Cassidy!” No, I didn’t wax rhapsodic for any of these dreams; instead, I dreamed of having one of those 7 scoop treats all to myself!

Yep, that’s my problem because that’s just the way I roll… (although, thank God, not literally.)

To the tune of Let's just kiss and say goodbye.

I had to throw you in the trash,

Or I would have eaten you in a flash.

This hurts me more than you could know,

But this is it! You’ve got to go!

You’re my heart, yes, you’re my soul,

But I have no self control.

As much as I want you in my life,

Let’s just kiss and say good-bye.

Okay, so here is the ugly truth that I’ve been trying not to blog about. Yes, I am down 64 pounds, since being banded December 22, 2008… (I’m thinking about changing my birthday to that day, by the way…except then, I’d be one of those poor unfortunate souls who have their B.Ds close to Christmas…and that would suck) Anyway, I go into my doctor’s office for my 6 month weight in, and do keep in mind that I can almost pinpoint exactly how much I’m going to lose. So, I’m putting my weight loss at about 12 lbs. I get on the scales and I’m down from 213 to 207. “What the HELL?” I wanted to scream. Ohhhhh, I was pissed/upset. I thought about DEMANDING that the nurse weight me again because there had to be something wrong with those scales…all of a sudden. Of course, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with those same scales when I was losing more weight…hmmmm… Then I thought that I could strip out of my clothes real quick, and jump back on the scales for one more try. You know, like best 2 out of 3 or something. I mean, there had to be something wrong! Maybe that nurse forgot to “clear” the last person’s weight out…like a calculator. Or maybe…just maybe…I had not lost as much as I wanted because I had slacked off…No. That couldn’t be it; I so desperately wanted to believe.

But deep down in my gut…which was not near as big as it was 6 months ago, I knew the truth, and here it is:

Once an addict; always an addict.

Sorry, but it’s true. And I know that Tiffany (My girl that does my “how’s it going with your band?” talk) thought I was being a greedy selfish pig…which I was. When I told her why I was upset, she told me how proud she was of me.

Tiff: You’ve lost 64 pounds! That’s so awesome.

Me: (pouting) I know, but I wanted to lose more.

Tiff: No. You don’t need to lose anymore. You don’t need to lose it too fast.

Me: I wanted to lose more.

Tiff: But, you’re doing so great. The 6 month average is 50 pounds. You’re on the high end of that.

Me: I wanted to lose more.

Tiff: But, your fat percentage is down. Maybe your body is just trying to take a break.

Me: I wanted to lose more…I wanted to lose MORE…I WANTED TO LOSE MORE!!!

I didn’t go quite like that, but pretty close. The thing that bugged me was this: I gave up sugar when I got banded, but Good Humor makes these wonderful little sugar free ice cream pops, and well, you know me…a big ole’ food addict, that of course kidded myself into thinking that I could handle it. So, for the past month my breakfast consists of at least two of those pops. Yeah….there’s twelve pops in a box and I can go through that in about 2 days. And here’s the really messed up part: I count my calories. I don’t eat over 1200 a day, but that sort of defeats the purpose when I’m scarfing 600 of those daily calories in SUGAR FREE ICE CREAM POPS. And…it’s not like I’m not 47 YEARS OLD AND KNOW BETTER THAN THIS! And that, my dears, is the REAL reason that my weight loss wasn’t as good as it should have been was because of me…me, me, me!

So yeah, Once an addict; always an addict.

But let me tell you something, I didn’t get my fat ass kicked the last time when I lost all that weight and gained it back for nothing. I know when the game is up, and the game was definitely up! I went home and flushed the rest of the heroin down the toilet…Oh, did I just refer to those empty caloried ice cream pops as “heroin?” Yeah, there’s a reason for that…I got rid of all the “stuff,” and knew it was over. Yeah, I still wanted to cry when I threw it out. It was like getting rid of the vestiges of love affair gone bad. I wanted to cry after that ice cream, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s not you. It’s me. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU…WAHHHHHHHH. Don’t leave me!

It’s gone, and it’s gone forever. Sometimes I wish I could be “normal,” but I’ll settle for happy. I’m okay though. Damn, I miss that ice cream.