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Darkerthanblack1964

Pre Op
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  1. Hugs
    Darkerthanblack1964 got a reaction from lizonaplane in My surgery was aborted   
    Thank you all for your feedback, concern, well wishes. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date.

    I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery.

    i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.
  2. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 got a reaction from orange_earrings in My surgery was aborted   
    June 9th 2021 was my surgery date. My fiancé and my family were so elated. “You finally get to start you life again”, they said. I was ready to bloody do this! Surgery was supposed to start at 11am and then got pushed back severely due to an emergency the surgeon had to deal with. My surgery didn’t commence until 9:30pm that day. I...was still ready but everyone was anxious and worried the surgeon would be exhausted and what not. Well not 30 minutes after, the surgery was aborted leaving me with six incisions and a pool of tears and anguish. My liver was too big to navigate the surgeon says. I did the pre-op diet. I DID it!!! What f**king gives? Now I did all this for nothing! He tells me lose 20-30 pounds then come back. Oh, it’s that easy, huh? I gotta lose more goddamn weight. Do you know how hard it was to lose the necessary amount to even get this f**king far? In the heat of the moment it just felt insincere of this guy to say such things and just leave me in my pool of tears saying “it was hard for me too”. Haha I don’t doubt that after doing another surgery right after this one for 12 hours straight but it is t about you. This was supposed to be it. Now look at me. 6 incisions, one bleeding out, 6 new ugly scars and nothing to show for any of it but more starvation. More misery. More depressed and sadness. How am I to recover from all this? I don’t want to quit but I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I mean no blood tests indicated a fatty liver at all. No abdominal scan was done to indicate that as well. Mom wants me to sue. My finances mom wants me to talk to a malpractice lawyer. I just hate everyone and everything. I’m filled with so much shame. To be honest I know he may have made the right decision but I still hate him for how unsincere it all felt. I am so distraught and I cannot stop crying. I may not have another chance at this for awhile. So much was riding on this. So f**king much. I waited so so long for this second chance.
  3. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to SarahMan80 in I tried again and I did it   
    Clear liquids (according to my diet plan) are Water, broth, sugar free Jello, calorie free gatorade/powerade, sugar free jello, sugar free popsicles, unsweet tea, Decaf coffee, calorie free- non carbonated drinks, and clear Protein drinks. And if it is really needed, pedialyte.
  4. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to Arabesque in I tried again and I did it   
    Unfortunately, apart from what you are doing, you just have to wait it out. I had no gas pain with my sleeve (don’t hate me) but with my gall removal oh yeah. I walked, I stretched (though because my abdomen had been distended with the gas & gallons of fluids they pumped me full of to up my low BP I had a lot of strained tummy muscles it wasn’t easy) but I totally forgot the gasX. It does ease a little more every day. Took about a week.
    You can have shakes, broths, Soups, clear liquids. As long as they are completely smooth & free from any residual bits of meat, vegetables, herbs, etc. I strained all my soups just to make sure.
  5. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to SarahMan80 in I tried again and I did it   
    It took me about a week and a half for the gas pressure to go away. I used gas-x, walking, sitting as straight as possible while resting (don’t know why but it made me feel better) and sleeping on an incline.
    I also found that only drinking clear liquids during this time helped. The creamy Protein Shakes I liked before surgery were disgusting and hurt my stomach after surgery. I am not sure if this assisted in the gas pain but it helped in my overall pain and discomfort. I stuck to the Isopure Protein Drink Powder (tastes like Vitamin Water to me).

    I hope your pain settles soon.
  6. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to SarahMan80 in I tried again and I did it   
    Congratulations! I am glad it worked this time! I am 4+ weeks out and can tell you that it will get better. Just work on drinking Water, ingesting Protein and walking. It will be worth it!
  7. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to Arabesque in I tried again and I did it   
    Some do have a tougher time post surgery & I’m sorry you are. But it does get better. The pain subsides, the swelling reduces, you’ll move more easily, …. Just give yourself time to heal.
    Honestly, there will be days in the future when eating or drinking may be tough or your tummy/body will throw you a curve ball. There’s a lot of learning & new things to discover about yourself & your body.
    It is soooo worth it.
  8. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to ms.sss in Second Chance.   
    This is a great attitude to adopt to carry you through any future hurdles (weight loss related or otherwise).
    But also, being able to make peace with things and pivot, even in the event that Plan B doesn't produce the results you want.
    Good Luck! ❤️
  9. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to SummerTimeGirl in Second Chance.   
    I posted this on your other post and gonna post it here as well.

    One of the reasons why I didn't want to tell people, and didn't, beforehand was because of what happened to you. I knew that there could be a multitude of reasons why the surgery wouldn't take place once inside (or even before that) and I didn't want to have to explain myself to anyone if something like that should happen. So, I get it.
    I totally get your frustration and anger. I know I would have been too. But I'm happy to hear that you both had a cooling off period and MORE IMPORTANTLY, that you both were more pleasant with each other afterwards and that you now feel comfortable going forward.
    You may not be as excited now but stay strong, and do what you have to do. You got this and you're gonna do well. As long as you follow through with the plan you will be where you need to be come surgery day. If you feel yourself struggling between now and then, don't be afraid to ask for help here or more importantly, from your surgeons office or your dietician. Best of luck to you!!!!!
  10. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to XtinaDoesIt in My surgery was aborted   
    When you have tried and failed at weight loss so many times before, it makes sense that you would be hesitant to believe it will work. Then to have your experience... any one would be apprehensive. But I (and I'm sure others here) will be sending good vibes your way and hoping it works out for you! Just put one foot in front of the other until you reach your goal!
  11. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to SummerTimeGirl in Surgery was aborted.   
    One of the reasons why I didn't want to tell people, and didn't, beforehand was because of what happened to you. I knew that there could be a multitude of reasons why the surgery wouldn't take place once inside (or even before that) and I didn't want to have to explain myself to anyone if something like that should happen. So, I get it.
    I totally get your frustration and anger. I know I would have been too. But I'm happy to hear that you both had a cooling off period and MORE IMPORTANTLY, that you both were more pleasant with each other afterwards and that you now feel comfortable going forward.
    You may not be as excited now but stay strong, and do what you have to do. You got this and you're gonna do well. As long as you follow through with the plan you will be where you need to be come surgery day. If you feel yourself struggling between now and then, don't be afraid to ask for help here or more importantly, from your surgeons office or your dietician. Best of luck to you!!!!!
  12. Hugs
    Darkerthanblack1964 got a reaction from lizonaplane in My surgery was aborted   
    Thank you all for your feedback, concern, well wishes. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date.

    I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery.

    i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.
  13. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 got a reaction from SummerTimeGirl in Surgery was aborted.   
    Thank you all for your feedback, concern, well wishes. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date.
    I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery.
    i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.
  14. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to lizonaplane in My surgery was aborted   
    I'm sorry you're going through this. I will say, surgeons generally do not have great bedside manner. They have to be great technicians, and most of them don't know how to deal with patients when they are awake! I'm glad you're trying again. Keep at the diet, take some walks if you're able for mental health, talk to a therapist if that works for you, and focus on the goal. Good luck!

  15. Hugs
    Darkerthanblack1964 got a reaction from lizonaplane in My surgery was aborted   
    Thank you all for your feedback, concern, well wishes. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date.

    I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery.

    i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.
  16. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to XtinaDoesIt in My surgery was aborted   
    Gosh this really pulled at my heart. Not the same, but a while back I managed to lose around 30 lbs and had saved enough money for lipo... but the surgeon I was recommended to wouldn't even do it. He said I needed to lose another 20 or so pounds. I was around 200 lbs then. After the months I put into it, it seemed he dismissed me in minutes. It was probably the most depressed I have ever been about my weight. I just cried and cried. The work I already did just felt so little. Needless to say I spiraled and gained all my weight back plus another 50 lbs. Now I am working so hard just to get back to 200lbs.
    My only words for you is not to give up. Try hard not to live in self pity and shame for too long. It took me 3 years to crawl out of that space and try again. The difference is WLS is soo much more work than Lipo. You already committed to this much, you can try again! Maybe with a different surgeon...
  17. Thanks
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to lizonaplane in My surgery was aborted   
    I hope you are able now to see that the surgeon was trying to protect your safety by aborting the surgery. You need a functioning liver. Hopefully this will motivate you to lose any additional weight required and try again. You wouldn't be able to sue the surgeon as no harm was done and he does not seem to have acted wrongly (I have studied medical law cases and neither of the things required for you to sue are present here). You just had a bad outcome and you are fortunate that there was no injury and you can try again. If the surgeon HAD completed the surgery, you might have ended up in really bad shape requiring a liver transplant.
    I hope you are feeling less hopeless and have become determined to get back on track. I know it would be very upsetting to me, too, to have my surgery aborted. I am having enough trouble getting it scheduled!
  18. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to ShoppGirl in My surgery was aborted   
    I am so sorry to hear that your surgery didn’t go on as planned. Some time has passed now, I hope you have wrapped your mind around it now and are committed to losing the extra bit of weight so that you can get your surgery and reach your goals. I know it will not be easy but I believe that you can do it and it will just be that much weight you don’t have to lose AFTER surgery. You have come so far already…don’t just give up.
  19. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to Jaelzion in Surgery was aborted.   
    I'm very sorry you're going through this. After all the struggle, anxiety, effort, discipline and determination of the pre-op process, it would be devastating to wake up and find out your surgery could not proceed. Please do be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to process what has happened before determining next steps. I'll second the suggestion to talk to a therapist - it can be really helpful. When you've recovered, physically, mentally, emotionally, I might consider finding a new surgeon. Aborting may have been the right medical decision, but because your doctor came across as uncaring and insincere, your trust in him has been compromised. Or perhaps when you talk to him again, you'll find that he's not as indifferent as it seemed in the moment. Either way, focus on self-care and when you're ready, I hope you'll find the motivation to keep pushing toward your goal. Hugs.
  20. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to Arabesque in Surgery was aborted.   
    How disappointing for you. No wonder you’re frustrated & deflated by the experience. It’s unfortunate your surgeon was unsupportive & not forthcoming about what happened. I agree with @Jaelzion’s suggestion to try to speak with him again to find out what really happened & what it means for you. Sometimes, regardless of the scans & tests they do or don’t do before surgery, what they find when they operate & can actually see is not what they expect. Better they stop the surgery then risk complications, a less successful surgery or prolonged recovery.
    On a positive, he’ll likely use the same incisions as he made with your aborted surgery when you do finally have your surgery. When I had my gall bladder removed my surgeon used three of the incisions he made when he did my sleeve & only had to make one new one to better access my gall.
    Good luck.
  21. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 got a reaction from GreenTealael in Surgery was aborted.   
    June 9th 2021 was my surgery date. My fiancé and my family were so elated. “You finally get to start you life again”, they said. I was ready to bloody do this! Surgery was supposed to start at 11am and then got pushed back severely due to an emergency the surgeon had to deal with. My surgery didn’t commence until 9:30pm that day. I...was still ready but everyone was anxious and worried the surgeon would be exhausted and what not. Well not 30 minutes after, the surgery was aborted leaving me with six incisions and a pool of tears and anguish. My liver was too big to navigate the surgeon says. I did the pre-op diet. I DID it!!! What f**king gives? Now I did all this for nothing! He tells me lose 20-30 pounds then come back. Oh, it’s that easy, huh? I gotta lose more goddamn weight. Do you know how hard it was to lose the necessary amount to even get this f**king far? In the heat of the moment it just felt insincere of this guy to say such things and just leave me in my pool of tears saying “it was hard for me too”. Haha I don’t doubt that after doing another surgery right after this one for 12 hours straight but it is t about you. This was supposed to be it. Now look at me. 6 incisions, one bleeding out, 6 new ugly scars and nothing to show for any of it but more starvation. More misery. More depressed and sadness. How am I to recover from all this? I don’t want to quit but I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I mean no blood tests indicated a fatty liver at all. No abdominal scan was done to indicate that as well. Mom wants me to sue. My finances mom wants me to talk to a malpractice lawyer. I just hate everyone and everything. I’m filled with so much shame. To be honest I know he may have made the right decision but I still hate him for how unsincere it all felt. I am so distraught and I cannot stop crying. I may not have another chance at this for awhile. So much was riding on this. So f**king much. I waited so so long for this second chance.
  22. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 got a reaction from GreenTealael in Surgery was aborted.   
    June 9th 2021 was my surgery date. My fiancé and my family were so elated. “You finally get to start you life again”, they said. I was ready to bloody do this! Surgery was supposed to start at 11am and then got pushed back severely due to an emergency the surgeon had to deal with. My surgery didn’t commence until 9:30pm that day. I...was still ready but everyone was anxious and worried the surgeon would be exhausted and what not. Well not 30 minutes after, the surgery was aborted leaving me with six incisions and a pool of tears and anguish. My liver was too big to navigate the surgeon says. I did the pre-op diet. I DID it!!! What f**king gives? Now I did all this for nothing! He tells me lose 20-30 pounds then come back. Oh, it’s that easy, huh? I gotta lose more goddamn weight. Do you know how hard it was to lose the necessary amount to even get this f**king far? In the heat of the moment it just felt insincere of this guy to say such things and just leave me in my pool of tears saying “it was hard for me too”. Haha I don’t doubt that after doing another surgery right after this one for 12 hours straight but it is t about you. This was supposed to be it. Now look at me. 6 incisions, one bleeding out, 6 new ugly scars and nothing to show for any of it but more starvation. More misery. More depressed and sadness. How am I to recover from all this? I don’t want to quit but I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I mean no blood tests indicated a fatty liver at all. No abdominal scan was done to indicate that as well. Mom wants me to sue. My finances mom wants me to talk to a malpractice lawyer. I just hate everyone and everything. I’m filled with so much shame. To be honest I know he may have made the right decision but I still hate him for how unsincere it all felt. I am so distraught and I cannot stop crying. I may not have another chance at this for awhile. So much was riding on this. So f**king much. I waited so so long for this second chance.
  23. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to Aliana Wood in Surgery was aborted.   
    So sorry this happened to you. If I were in your position, I would be feeling the exact same way. Your feelings are absolutely valid. I know it's easy for people who have already had the surgery to say "Just keep trying." Those words sound good, but when you just had your dream crushed, they are very little consolation at all. I can't imagine being in your position. I honestly would feel like giving up as well because for me, this surgery was such a light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like it was my absolute last hope. All I can say is I'm so sorry this happened to you and you have the right to be devastated for a while.
  24. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 reacted to Maisey in Surgery was aborted.   
    I am sorry for your troubles and can only imagine the tears and frustration. Although not something you want to hear at this time, your feelings about how and why the decision to stop surgery was made are not relevant. Ask for a copy of the surgical report which should provide details. Give yourself time for the strong emotions to pass and then make a clear-headed decision on how to proceed.
  25. Like
    Darkerthanblack1964 got a reaction from GreenTealael in Surgery was aborted.   
    June 9th 2021 was my surgery date. My fiancé and my family were so elated. “You finally get to start you life again”, they said. I was ready to bloody do this! Surgery was supposed to start at 11am and then got pushed back severely due to an emergency the surgeon had to deal with. My surgery didn’t commence until 9:30pm that day. I...was still ready but everyone was anxious and worried the surgeon would be exhausted and what not. Well not 30 minutes after, the surgery was aborted leaving me with six incisions and a pool of tears and anguish. My liver was too big to navigate the surgeon says. I did the pre-op diet. I DID it!!! What f**king gives? Now I did all this for nothing! He tells me lose 20-30 pounds then come back. Oh, it’s that easy, huh? I gotta lose more goddamn weight. Do you know how hard it was to lose the necessary amount to even get this f**king far? In the heat of the moment it just felt insincere of this guy to say such things and just leave me in my pool of tears saying “it was hard for me too”. Haha I don’t doubt that after doing another surgery right after this one for 12 hours straight but it is t about you. This was supposed to be it. Now look at me. 6 incisions, one bleeding out, 6 new ugly scars and nothing to show for any of it but more starvation. More misery. More depressed and sadness. How am I to recover from all this? I don’t want to quit but I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I mean no blood tests indicated a fatty liver at all. No abdominal scan was done to indicate that as well. Mom wants me to sue. My finances mom wants me to talk to a malpractice lawyer. I just hate everyone and everything. I’m filled with so much shame. To be honest I know he may have made the right decision but I still hate him for how unsincere it all felt. I am so distraught and I cannot stop crying. I may not have another chance at this for awhile. So much was riding on this. So f**king much. I waited so so long for this second chance.

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