Thank you all for your feedback, concern, and well wishes from my previous post.

I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date.

I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery.

i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.

I posted this on your other post and gonna post it here as well.

One of the reasons why I didn't want to tell people, and didn't, beforehand was because of what happened to you. I knew that there could be a multitude of reasons why the surgery wouldn't take place once inside (or even before that) and I didn't want to have to explain myself to anyone if something like that should happen. So, I get it.

I totally get your frustration and anger. I know I would have been too. But I'm happy to hear that you both had a cooling off period and MORE IMPORTANTLY, that you both were more pleasant with each other afterwards and that you now feel comfortable going forward.

You may not be as excited now but stay strong, and do what you have to do. You got this and you're gonna do well. As long as you follow through with the plan you will be where you need to be come surgery day. If you feel yourself struggling between now and then, don't be afraid to ask for help here or more importantly, from your surgeons office or your dietician. Best of luck to you!!!!!

14 hours ago, Darkerthanblack1964 said:

making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.

This is a great attitude to adopt to carry you through any future hurdles (weight loss related or otherwise).

But also, being able to make peace with things and pivot, even in the event that Plan B doesn't produce the results you want.

Good Luck! ❤️