weakminded

Good morning. Today I am supposed to start my 2 week pre op diet. I have struggled hard the past 2 days and am a wreck. I even think about the surgery and I cry so hard I can’t breath. Let me go back a little bit. My insurance does not cover the surgery so I am paying myself. That also means that it all is happening really fast. My initial consult was March 5 and surgery is May 6. Also no prerequisite were required like a psych evaluation. I started calorie counting and exercising in my own in February and since I have lost 24 pounds on my own. From 291 to 267. I never had the 6 month wait with working with a dietian to see if I could do it on my own. This is the first time I’m trying to change the problem not bandaid it with weight loss pills. And it looks like it is working but will be slower than surgery. I’m on track for 10 pounds a month. I have no underlying conditions such as blood pressure or diabetes. This surgery is scaring the poop out of me and I’m so close to backing out. Has anyone been here and done it on there own? I feel like there is no part of this I can mentally handle. I can handle tracking my food and losing slowly.