Who'sThere

Ah memories Alvey I remember the time I was cooking and my guy came up behind me. Good thing we liked the seasoning I was working with, things ended up spicey. Love Rosey Posey
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Everyone has issues. Maybe the best thing is this surgery, and then renewed health/stamina. If you have children, a long term wife/marriage, I promise it is not perfect for anyone here no matter what they say. Work on you and your family, because that is the most important thing on earth. Best wishes.

from a male perspective, hes taking cialis daily? and testosterone shots? and doesnt touch you and isnt interested in sex with you? yeah. Umm . really? if you cant out two and two together, denial aint just a river in egypt.

Loopylulu, we joke all the time about being the couple in the nursing home that gets in trouble for pda. Lol
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He has an insanely high sex drive. I'm hoping that will help override any possible qualms about skin. Hopefully. That and the fact that we go weeks at a time with only "self-love" and phone sex, so hopefully he will also be so desperate for the real thing that it will be ok. Lol
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So, I am seeing the surgeon tomorrow about a revision to either sleeve or bypass. I think with either I will likely lose a lot of weight, and I'm worried already about the excess skin. I didn't worry before my first surgery because hubs and I didn't have sex very often at all. I figured if I looked ok in clothes, it would all be okay. I didn't plan on being with anyone else. Long story short, hubs and I had sex exactly twice since my lapband in 2009. However, I'm in a different relationship now. I have asked my boyfriend of 2.5 years to give me his serious opinions on how he will feel about the excess skin I will probably have. I even sent him some pics to consider. Our relationship is long distance and we never see each other any less than 6 weeks between visits. So, he will not have the chance to gradually get used to the skin. It will be a big transition between visits. He admits the visual might be tough to get used to, but he says he loves me for me and it will be okay. My question is have any of you had any issues with skin affecting your sex life. Also, do you have any lingerie tips or anything like that for concealing the skin? I've not had a revision, and I'm already worried about feeling sexy in my skin. I'm accustomed to feeling sexy even in my large body. I'm just no so sure about a thin but saggy body.

Thank you. Ironing...haha
I told him lingerie might help, and he had just eaten a super big meal. He told me if he didn't stop eating, he might need lingerie. I love his sense of humor. He will like the ironing comment.
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I would tread very carefully about asking if he wants to remain married. If he has issues (and clearly he does) this is a warning to him of what you are thinking. I would advise to get a lawyer, separate the money, and gtfo. If you mention divorce you are playing into his hands, and he'll take steps to have things go his way. I am not sure about the state you live in, but in many, "lack of services" is a reason for divorce. Choose wisely.

you may be overthinking things.
my husband has never had any problem with my body. not when I was thinner, not when I was younger. not when I was pregnant (right up to the morning of being induced) not when I was nursing (milk everywhere with the O) not when I was heavier, not when I got older, not when the weight is coming off and skin is in weird places.
He thinks I'm sexy, funny and beautiful, and I hope your man feels the same about you no matter where you are in your life, or weight loss.

That is so true! I just turned 70 last month. My husband has begged me 25 years, and still, to buy a bikini. Right now he is a couple hours away, and just told me to get naked and relax after I was in the pool. We might get old, but in our minds we remain you and happy in heart!

We are a very sexually active couple as well. Neither my wife nor I are.concerned.

He has an insanely high sex drive. I'm hoping that will help override any possible qualms about skin. Hopefully. That and the fact that we go weeks at a time with only "self-love" and phone sex, so hopefully he will also be so desperate for the real thing that it will be ok. Lol
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Thank you. Ironing...haha
I told him lingerie might help, and he had just eaten a super big meal. He told me if he didn't stop eating, he might need lingerie. I love his sense of humor. He will like the ironing comment.
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Bag of bones?! He must be looking at some damn sexy bones then, because I don't see that at all. Now that I know he has been negative, it just sounds like insecurities and pettiness on his side. He knows the insults hurt, but if he knows you have a more active libido than him, he most likely thinks that withholding sex and affection will hurt you more.
I am betting that when you got together and were thin, he had to work at gaining control of you. As the years went by and you gained weight, he was able to control more of what you did and perhaps thought. Constant belittling slowly erodes confidence when it comes from people you love and trust. Now that you are measuring yourself by something other than his gauge, your confidence is returning and he is losing influence.
Someone who doesn't have your best interest in mind and isn't supportive of your personal betterment is not someone you should keep around. If it were me, I'd be considering separation if you have already laid the cards on the table and he hasn't shown any signs of changing. That being said, I am a very black/white person. I don't have a middle ground. I have written off family for much less than what you have endured. I am generally not the empathic type, I prefer dispassionate decision making.
Whatever you end up doing, I wish you the best of luck.

I've never known a guy to get to "that point" and back away. Then again my buddies aren't superficial and haven't dated super models.

No issues at all. I tell my husband he needs ironing, but I love every piece of saggy skin and vice versa. If they love us fat they love us saggy! Good luck, be healthy!

So, I am seeing the surgeon tomorrow about a revision to either sleeve or bypass. I think with either I will likely lose a lot of weight, and I'm worried already about the excess skin. I didn't worry before my first surgery because hubs and I didn't have sex very often at all. I figured if I looked ok in clothes, it would all be okay. I didn't plan on being with anyone else. Long story short, hubs and I had sex exactly twice since my lapband in 2009. However, I'm in a different relationship now. I have asked my boyfriend of 2.5 years to give me his serious opinions on how he will feel about the excess skin I will probably have. I even sent him some pics to consider. Our relationship is long distance and we never see each other any less than 6 weeks between visits. So, he will not have the chance to gradually get used to the skin. It will be a big transition between visits. He admits the visual might be tough to get used to, but he says he loves me for me and it will be okay. My question is have any of you had any issues with skin affecting your sex life. Also, do you have any lingerie tips or anything like that for concealing the skin? I've not had a revision, and I'm already worried about feeling sexy in my skin. I'm accustomed to feeling sexy even in my large body. I'm just no so sure about a thin but saggy body.

@@Candygyrl - Yep, sounds like you were seduced. Some guys are predatory and they seem to spot low hanging fruit, not saying this was the case, but I've seen it. Now recovering from an affair is hard and it does require a great deal of investment.
An affair to a woman is very different than it is to a man. His hurt is that you disrespected him. That would not be your hurt if the situation was reversed. So please look at it from his perspective. (And this is interesting, nearly every book I see about recovering from infidelity and healing is from a woman's perspective. Guys who have been cheated on seem to leave, kill, or get over it. I'm sure there are exceptions, but not much written about it.).
At least you are not being tempted at this point. So you don't have lust playing with your emotions. But you have body issues as well as healing in the relationship. Those are two very different things. Deal with these separately. If hubby suspects you are losing weight so the 22 year old's will keep coming, he is going to resent any positive change. If you succeed at losing and he knows this, well it would be difficult to keep going IMHO.
I am not one to judge because to me monogamy is not natural. Never has been. I've met very few people that have only slept with one person ever. And when I have they have all been that way because of perceived social pressures, not because they were not tempted. I was faithfully married for 21 years. It has only been post marriage where I started really re-examining my beliefs towards marriage.
With my ex, we had negotiated complete fidelity within the marriage. I won't do that, nor expect in future relationship. I am completely happy with it now, but this has been a subject I have discussed with my significant other, and we are coming to a meeting of the minds in this area. I am of the mind that relationships should not be ruined because of sex. In the course of the marriage, kids happen, too much work happens and one partner can just lose interest...does that mean you have to rip up a relationship because one has needs and the other doesn't? It is worth discussing down the road, but for now you have some healing to do. Good luck.

My endo suggests I have a revision to sleeve or bypass from my band. I am pretty sure insurance will approve a revision pretty easily as I have regained almost all my weight. My question is this: My insurance requires a 6 month preop diet. (I did that with the band.) Will that requirement stand for a revision, or does the fact that I have a band serve as my medically supervised weightloss attempt?

Me, Me, Me! I was banded in July 2009 and lost 65 pounds. I have kept off (depending on the time of the month) between 50-55 of those pounds for three years. (Lost all of these pounds in about 8 months.) After a miscarraige 8 years ago and unsuccessful fertility treatments 6 years ago, hubs and I were about to adopt when BAM! I got a BFP!!! We have stopped even thinking about ttc, and then it happened. Three years out from surgery, but I will be 12 weeks in two days. So far, so good! Best of luck to you. It can happen!

Well, here's my take, for what it's worth.
If everyone took a look at the 5 year weightloss statistics of every weight loss program before trying it, no one would be on ANY weight loss program. If any of these programs were great, long term solutions, we wouldn't need the band. Granted, the band is a much more drastic measure than programs like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and even fentermine. However, I have tried everything else, and this is my one last hope! If I can keep off 1/2 of whatever I lose for five years, I'll consider that a victory! It will be far better than what I've EVER been able to accomplish.
Don't get me wrong, I fully intend for this to be a complete lifestyle change, and I hope to maintain 100% of my weightloss for life. I'm just saying that for me, it is definitely worth a chance no matter what the studies show! I plan on being a "results not typical" bandster anyway.:tongue: