You Are My Sunshine

First of all, I'm so sorry you're experiencing so many difficulties. I can't even imagine how frustrating and scary this must be. This is not the norm, and as such, I STRONGLY recommend you contact your surgeon ASAP. If they can't get you in go to the ER. This much pain and regression in eating a month out is super unusual and could be indicative of a complication. Go get seen!
As for your partner, if they are frustrated by your pain then that is a problem with them. Someone who loves you should be empathetic, caring, and more concerned about your well being than their comfort. If you have to lie or hide your pain to keep them from being inconvenienced, then you might want to reevaluate that relationship.
All that being said, take care of YOURSELF. This procedure is a tool and only works as well as we learn to use it which includes advocating for your needs and getting help when you need it. You do not need to suffer and should not be, please reach out to your team...

I was exactly in your shoes two and a half years ago. I researched both surgeries and I had decided on the bypass because I read that bypass patients tend to lose more of their excess weight. But the bypass turned out to be medically contraindicated for me and I had to have the sleeve. Like you, I was never one to eat large volumes of food, so I wasn't sure the sleeve would be effective. But it was. I was one of the lucky ones who completely lost my appetite for the first year so it was possible for me to eat 600-800 calories a day for months. As my appetite slowly returned in year 2, my calories increased to 800-900. My weight loss slowed down but it continued and almost two years from my surgery date, I hit my goal of 130 pounds for a normal BMI. I continued losing and at this point my weight stays between 120 and 125. When I see it creep up to 127, I find myself immediately cutting back until I get it back down to under 122.
It wasn't just the restriction of the sleeve that helped me lose. The surgery changed my relationship with food (I'm guessing due to the hormonal changes from having most of your stomach removed). Even today, my appetite is about 65% of what it was presurgery and I don't have unmanageable cravings. I still like sweets but I eat mostly sugar-free things like popsicles and pudding, yogurt, etc. Once in a while I'll have a treat of some kind, like cake or pie or Bailey's Irish Cream, but it's rare and it's always one treat and then back on plan. I feel like I still have the capacity to be a sugar/carb addict, so I'm careful with those foods. I also keep my carbs relatively low (although not keto-low) because that helps me maintain.
So, statistically, bypassers do lose more on average. But your individual results can vary a lot.

I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. No post op complications for me, no reflux (although a certain percentage of sleevers do get this). I surpassed my goal weight. I started at 286, today 135. I was 49 when I had my surgery, I’m a 5’3.5” female. I followed my plan, upped my exercise, and found every bit of success that I was hoping for.

I can't tell you how helpful it is to read this today. I am feeling the EXACT same way. My surgery is a month out, and I'm starting to panic. My rational brain tells me that some day I can enjoy food again (albeit is much smaller amounts), and I won't have to abstain from alcohol forever if I don't want to, but my neurotic brain is worrying about doing something irreversible to my body, and that I could end up going through this for nothing if I gain all the weight back. Glad to know I'm not alone, that this is normal, and that most people don't regret it in the long run.

I’m three months post op and feel absolutely great now. You will feel so much better too after your body heals. Likely you will surprise yourself each day with another activity you couldn’t do before. Like doing a lunge in yoga or walking up the stairs without getting winded. Focus on your goals.

I kept in mind that during the actual surgery I was going to be asleep. I wasn’t in charge of doing the actual surgery. It’s silly but it calmed me down. All I had to do was go to sleep and wake up, and I did. I was still me and felt like me afterward too. You will too.

I also use a piece of jewelry as an anchor to remind myself to keep my focus on weight loss and self care. (WW idea) I have a ring. I couldn’t wear jewelry into the hospital but tapped my finger to remind myself of self care when I got scared. My old WW leader had a charm Bracelet from her MIL who had died from diabetes complications. I still use my ring to refocus after missteps like Halloween candy lol.

It is common to have doubts. Make a list of reasons/fears why you shouldn't take the leap, and another one of the reasons why you should.
I made these lists, the one with fears was mainly that, fear of the unknown, fear of complications, etc. This forum helped me tremendously to put a lot of those at rest.
Now, my list of why I should take a leap.. well that one was pages and pages long..
So, I took the leap!

I'm being encouraged by my NUT to eat a more diverse array of foods, and she wants me to have carbs in there too if there's room. So I eat really tiny normal meals. Today for lunch I had 3 oz. of ground turkey cooked with a little Korean barbecue sauce; about a quarter cup of basmati rice; and five asparagus spears.

It is possible to eat "normally", just not as much, and not right away. And I'm still losing weight hand over fist.

Today was weirdly hard because I just wasn't hungry. Had to kind of force myself to drink and eat some stuff. Probably could use another shake, but I'm tired and want to go to bed. Jello has been good. One more week... then another couple weeks, lol.

@catwoman7
Same here with all of the attempts. My last real one was quite a bit back, and I lost a significant amount, but I did put it back on. I don't see myself getting there again without this support (surgery). I need the extra tools in my box, so to speak. I'm in that same boat (which is why I'm here, haha).

Very true... I'm working on managing that! Thanks.

All parts of your brain are spot on.
The idea of feeling better in your own skin and being healthier is appealing.
It *IS* possible to do it without surgery. Up to a massive 3% of morbidly obese people actually accomplish lasting weight loss without surgery. I wasn't one of the 3%. For years I got bigger and bigger with the belief I could do it through diet and exercise. I finally admitted I couldn't.
Fearing the unknown is a waste of time and energy. Commit to dealing with whatever comes, period. So many people speak of regretting surgery because of pain in the first few weeks post-op. Consider problems as the cost of getting from here to there. Every fear you have has an answer. Do research on your fears. Knowledge is power.
Every problem you encounter in the first weeks or months post-op are simply the price of admission. Problems will teach you to listen to your surgery teaching you to live again.
Good luck,
Tek

I think those thoughts are pretty normal. I had them myself. BUT....I know what would happen because it happened a million times before. I tried to lose weight for DECADES (I'm in my 60s). On my more successful attempts, I'd lose 50 or 60 lbs. I'd sit there for a couple of months, and then the weight would start piling back on. On my less successful attempts, I'd lose maybe 20 lbs. Same thing. Every time. Over and over. For decades. I was over 200 lbs overweight. I finally had to get real with myself. If I couldn't even keep 50 lbs off, how in the heck was I going to lose and keep off 200 lbs? I came to the conclusion that weight loss surgery was the only way I was ever going to get the weight off and keep it off.
I'd do it again in a heartbeat and my only regret is that I didn't do it years ago.

Thank you for your thoughtful post. Right now I'm scouring through the "NSV" thread that was quoted above, and my heart is letting some joy come in thinking of these things. Having lost some weight before, I can recall how GOOD some of them felt. So freaking GOOD!
Congratulations on your being thisclose to the twos as well.
I never thought I'd see 300 again, and I did just before my pre-op diet. That, also, was a reminder to me of where I've been, how far I've come, and where I want to be a couple years from now. ♥️

I had exactly the same thoughts... if I can drop this weight like this during the pre-op diet, why can't I just... continue?
But I couldn't have, and I talked to my surgeon's staff about it.
The pre-op diet (not that I had one necessarily, I put myself on it so I didn't go from nought to sixty in one day) is meant to be a crash diet. It is meant to shrink things and get a little visceral fat off you so that it's safer to do laparoscopic surgery. It is not sustainable long-term without surgery, and it is not meant to be.
The other thing is—all or nearly all of us have binge-eaten in our past. Whether we have a healthy or unhealthy relationship with food, we've all overindulged. Well, after surgery, you literally CAN'T binge... and, bizarrely enough, most people don't WANT to. The first time you take ONE BITE too much, you will really feel that restriction and the resulting sensations (for me, it's massive chest pressure, and terrible gas that causes me to spit up) will make sure you learn what "full" feels like.
I was a pizza eater. I could demolish an entire pizza myself in one sitting, because once I started I couldn't stop. Yesterday (just over 7 weeks post-op) I delivered pizza to my daughter's dress rehearsal, opened up the box, took a slice, had one bite, shrugged, and threw the rest of the slice away. It's like my body's been given this tool and it is forcing my brain to reckon with how I eat/ate.
I wish I had found this site and gone for this surgery ten or more years ago. When I was nervous about the surgery—I had exactly the same thoughts as you—my family reminded me that I had tried REALLY hard, and never gotten below 330, then gained it all back until I was two cheeseburgers shy of 400 lbs.
I went below that 330 mark 13 days after surgery. I'm now closing in on TWOsday, and I honestly feel like a different (and happier) person.
Ultimately, only you can make the decision, but I think you'll find the ratio of yeasayers to naysayers here at BariatricPal to be massively tilted in the "yes do it" direction.

🙋‍♀️ ditto!
Also, um how shall I put this...feeling confident that I can comfortably reach the "in-between" crotch spot to give it a good wash.

I did not have a lot for some reason but it is not at all uncommon to have doubts pre surgery. It is a major surgery which is a major decision. You are the only one who knows what’s truly best for you but my guess is that you are doing this because you have already tried everything else. Try to focus on WHY you want the surgery? And your non scale goals. You started down this path for a reason. What is your why and what do you hope to gain. There is a thread on here called “weirdest non scale victories” that I think everyone considering WLS should read. It will help you if you don’t already have a list on non scale goals for after surgery.

I am over 10 years post gastric sleeve. I waited for my *** to do the sleeve vs an RNY because of medication I need to take orally and was not recommended to have the RNY.
Weight loss surgery was the BEST THING I have ever done for myself. I was in my mid 50s. 5'3 and 320 pounds when I started. I lost a few pounds before I went in to start !!! I am now 65 years old. I lost 145 pounds. Yes, I am still overweight - but I lost 145 pounds. I work full time, have the same career for 40 years. I am active, I garden and keep chickens for fresh eggs, grow organic fruit and veggies. I rake and hoe and walk and am more active NOW at 65 then I was at 40.
NOT one regret at all. Also, I eat beef on occasion; when I want to. And I eat chocolate every darn day. Mind you - not a lot. I have learned the value of a really good piece of chocolate. No hershey bars here. But a lovely piece of dove chocolate ? YUM. I re-learned how to feed my body. Protein and fresh veggies and fresh fruits. Healthy fats, and keep my carbs down. Instead of a "rice bowl" think of it as a chicken and veggie bowl. I might sprinkle rice on top as a garnish !!! Move your mindset to "HEALTHY". I went from a 4x plus size to wearing a 14/16 petite. I am thrilled. My doctors are thrilled. Find the RIGHT support team. Start with supportive doctors.
Best Wishes.

Ugh. The longer I look at the boards, the more mental health pathology I see associated with weight loss surgery. People are nutty. Ignore the nonsense.
I won't even begin to guess why you've seen a weight bump. Sometimes it's just a damned mystery. The human body is freaking incredible at surviving...and it has tons of tricks up its sleeve to maintain homeostasis when it likes where it's at and doesn't want to change.

It took me about 2 years postop till I decided it had been the right thing for me.

I have never regretted my Lapband, even with some of the bad issues that went with it and I don't regret my recent revision to a sleeve. To be unburdened from a fixation with food, surrendering the concept of food as a comfort, and finally loving my body has been an amazing thing for me.

I am 6 weeks post op and have no regrets. I’m actually relieved that I was forced to change my relationship with food because now I can look at things and think “I’m not even hungry” or “that doesn’t even sound good” and I move on.

It really is an interesting topic... I have a friend who is sharing with everyone (coworkers, friends, strangers, you name it 😆) and I'm the complete opposite.
I agree with you 100%! I do not need any validation from those around me- the same way I didn't need any pressure or negativity while overweight and considering my options.
I received the sleeve just three days ago! I'm slowly but surely feeling better physically and happy with my decision. Like you, this wasn't as drastic as a decision for me like others may feel. Nonetheless, it was the right decision for me at the right time and I'm looking forward to this journey of good health and feeling my best!

To be honest, it doesn't! I'm generally not a fan of apple juice but a few hours after surgery it tasted really good/mellow with my stomach.

It absolutely is! I just returned home this morning from receiving the sleeve and I was feeling all of those emotions going in on Monday for the surgery!
Overall I'm feeling good! The procedure went great, I had an awesome care team, and my pain is tolerable. The first sip of Water post- procedure was scary and did not feel good (I expelled it back up). However, I've been sipping well since then...
I highly recommend you have some ice packs on hand (because you'll need them) for the largest incision. I'm also on a clear liquid diet so having broth, water, cranberry and apple juice on hand is helpful as well!
Cheers to all of the new and improved lifestyles beginning this month! 🌠

Thank you! I’m actually waiting to go back for my surgery now. Excited and nervous 😅

Good luck 👍