1000islandgirl

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies.
I told my Dad last night over a cup of coffee (decalf LOL) and he was very supportive. He asked a lot of questions and I answered them to the best of my ability. I explained to him why I hadn't told him sooner and he accepted that. He said he would support me in anything I wanted to do. He understood my feelings and he is very happy for me. My Dad is 80 and my Mom passed away in March of this year. I didn't want to worry him. We had a bit of a cry and quite a few hugs. All in all it went very well.
This is a great group. Thanks for your help and support.

I'm pre-op as well and I feel like I have been working on coping mechanisms for quite a few years now as I became more and more aware of how I am a sugar addict/compulsive overeater.
I don't go to OA now but I have gone many times in past years. Friends from OA taught me how to use things other than food to help me cope like:
Calling a friend, going for a walk, journal, praying/meditation, quilting. I would say journaling has been my biggest help. When I didn't know what to write I either just put my pen to paper and kept writing anything for 15 minutes. Even if I wrote the same word &uck 1000 times I always felt better afterword. You could write a gratitude list or.......write about an issue that's been bothering you. You can burn it afterwords. No one has to see it.
Another thing is to write a letter to yourself but do it from the perspective of a good friend. In other words a good friend would be kind, forgiving, loving and caring. She/he would want to take care of you.
Best wishes on your journey.

I had surgery in November of 2020 and I'm 32 lbs away from my goal weight of 175lbs. I can relate to what you are talking about. I am way smaller than what I was and I have pictures to compare myself to but it isn't how I "feel". I still feel really big and sometimes feel very bloated and puffy. I think I really have a distorted view of my size. My boyfriend tried to help me with my perspective when we were on a hike this past weekend. He very discretely and quietly showed me women who were larger or smaller than me. Friends in WLS please don't think we are judging these people. He was only trying to give me a visual perspective of my journey so far. He also reminded me of times we went hiking in the past and how I would sweat profusely and be out of breathe and so very tired when we finished a hike. It really helped me realize that the main reason I did this was to get healthy and my size or number on the scale doesn't matter. It only mattered that I was able to continue to do what I love (hike) more easily and with greater energy so that I could better enjoy this hobby with him.

I'm pre-op as well and I feel like I have been working on coping mechanisms for quite a few years now as I became more and more aware of how I am a sugar addict/compulsive overeater.
I don't go to OA now but I have gone many times in past years. Friends from OA taught me how to use things other than food to help me cope like:
Calling a friend, going for a walk, journal, praying/meditation, quilting. I would say journaling has been my biggest help. When I didn't know what to write I either just put my pen to paper and kept writing anything for 15 minutes. Even if I wrote the same word &uck 1000 times I always felt better afterword. You could write a gratitude list or.......write about an issue that's been bothering you. You can burn it afterwords. No one has to see it.
Another thing is to write a letter to yourself but do it from the perspective of a good friend. In other words a good friend would be kind, forgiving, loving and caring. She/he would want to take care of you.
Best wishes on your journey.

I had to do 3 weeks of Optifast (liquid diet) prior to surgery. What helped me is that my bariatric team said this liquid diet was to shrink my liver. They have to hold the liver up and out of the way when doing surgery. Apparently liquid diets really help to make surgeries more successful. I just kept telling myself that I wanted the best possible outcome for myself and that it was really important and it was only three weeks! Out of a lifetime of being obese three weeks was nothing! I knew this was my last chance to change my life and get healthy. Plus a note on the fridge listing "why* I was doing this was helpful too. Hang in there! It does get better.

I had to do 3 weeks of Optifast (liquid diet) prior to surgery. What helped me is that my bariatric team said this liquid diet was to shrink my liver. They have to hold the liver up and out of the way when doing surgery. Apparently liquid diets really help to make surgeries more successful. I just kept telling myself that I wanted the best possible outcome for myself and that it was really important and it was only three weeks! Out of a lifetime of being obese three weeks was nothing! I knew this was my last chance to change my life and get healthy. Plus a note on the fridge listing "why* I was doing this was helpful too. Hang in there! It does get better.

I don’t have children either but I can share a couple of stories.
My mother asked by 20 yr old nephew if he thought I was different since I lost weight. He gave my mother a strange look then looked at me & said nope. She’s still the bestest aunt.
My 8 yr old niece asked me why I was skinny now. I told her it was so she could give me better hugs. She threw herself at me & wrapped her arms about me then ran off to play.
The 10 yr old son of my friend was talking to her about a boy in his class who was very overweight & how sad it was he couldn’t play sport. My friend said yes, it is difficult when you are big to be active. Look how much I can do with you now I’ve lost weight. Her son looked at her quizzical & said what do you mean you lost weight. She said you know from when I was really overweight. He replied you were never fat.
Sometimes, our children, nieces & nephews, only see the real us inside not the physical outer us. & they can be more accepting & non judgemental about changes to our external selves.
I don’t know the ages of your children but be open. Talk to them about why you’re doing this & how it will be better for all of you. You healthier, more active, etc. & benefits to all of you because of better eating habits as well. Introduce the changes that directly affect them slowly so they are more accepting & not adverse to the changes.
Good luck.

I think I am wanting Snacks more often than I should. Perhaps this is because I can't eat very much during my regular meal and my body wants more? I think to deal with this issue I'm going to go back to recording my food to actually understand how much food I'm taking in and I'm going to get some therapy. I think that the surgery helped my fat body, it didn't help my fat head...lol. Before surgery I tried many things to help me get it "right" although I never did. There are a ton of reasons why I ate and why I eat now. I want it to be about nourishing my body and not about all the other reasons why I want to eat.

Hamburgers are one of my favourite foods. Of course I also liked the fries that usually came with them. We are in a lock down situation in Ontario, Canada so there isn't an opportunity to go to a restaurant. At home I eat just the patty with all my favourite trimmings and I cut small pieces with a fork and knife. I can eat about 1/2 to 3/4 of a patty. With the trimmings I feel quite satisfied. I think it is quite "normal" to order a hamburger with no bun in a restaurant if you don't want the bun. I'm just shy of 6 months post OP.

I think I am wanting Snacks more often than I should. Perhaps this is because I can't eat very much during my regular meal and my body wants more? I think to deal with this issue I'm going to go back to recording my food to actually understand how much food I'm taking in and I'm going to get some therapy. I think that the surgery helped my fat body, it didn't help my fat head...lol. Before surgery I tried many things to help me get it "right" although I never did. There are a ton of reasons why I ate and why I eat now. I want it to be about nourishing my body and not about all the other reasons why I want to eat.

I think I am wanting Snacks more often than I should. Perhaps this is because I can't eat very much during my regular meal and my body wants more? I think to deal with this issue I'm going to go back to recording my food to actually understand how much food I'm taking in and I'm going to get some therapy. I think that the surgery helped my fat body, it didn't help my fat head...lol. Before surgery I tried many things to help me get it "right" although I never did. There are a ton of reasons why I ate and why I eat now. I want it to be about nourishing my body and not about all the other reasons why I want to eat.

I would do a self care reboot and contact a therapist. For self care, I buy myself beautiful flowers (lavender colored roses are my fave), take a bubble bath, put on some music and dance, maybe get a massage or pedicure. Whatever you like and feels good!

I totally understand. My HW was 325 (2/20/20). SW 311 (3/9/20) CW 195. I thought once I reach onederland, things would start to feel "normal". But they are far from it. I have to reach 180 before my plastics guy will schedule my panniculectomy. He's going to submit a breast reduction also. So fingers crossed it gets approved too. I had $ saved to get arms or TT or breasts (incase insurance doesnt cover) but my mom passed in october and well, family comes first. And the stimulus $ that did come, paid over due bills and rest to my Dad to help him with my mom's expenses. To make this already long story shortened, i cannot look at myself in a mirror. The sagging, hanging, wrinkling skin is horrible. I looked at my back and bottom with a mirror recently and omg, its worse than i imagined. I thought to myself, why did i look at that? ? My body image is so distorted more so now than when i was over 300 lbs. I refrain from wanting any type of physical contact because it makes me uncomfortable and i dont get dressed or undressed in front of anyone or a mirror. I dont even use a mirror to brush my hair! Its that bad.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and suggestions. I am very grateful to have come so far so I don’t want to seem like I am whining. I’ve fallen into the trap of looking at before and after pictures of people on “Instagram” or blogs who look amazing and I can’t help to feel like a failure. Thankfully, I decided to have surgery younger (when I was 26) so I did not have health issues that Had to be reversed. Granted, fitting into a size 10 from a 22 has felt good but just expected for it all to feel better. The best way to describe it is that prior to surgery I was so far from any “normal weight” that it was like a football game I was losing 0-42. Now, I am so much closer yet far away. Now I feel like it is 14-14 and I just missed the field goal. The worst part is that these feelings consume my mind 24/7 and my friends really encouraged me to reach out to different online communities to share my struggles to see if it helps lol. Who knows.

IslandGirl, I totally get doing that too. Doesn't help either when you see someone who is technically at a lower weight than you and yet they look way bigger than you. I do this every dang time I watch 1000lb Sisters. Once Amy had her surgery she was down around 285 and here I am at 320 and yet to me she looks sooooooo much bigger than I am. So of course then I start the questioning of my husband, "do I REALLY look bigger than her cause I do weight more than she does and yet to me she looks bigger. Am I foolin' myself?" or I ask him "who looks bigger, me or her?" It's never ending.
Back when I was late teens early 20's I weighed 180 and thought I was fat despite being able to wear sexy clothes that showed my mid section, short shorts and mini skirts, heels on the regular, etc. I ALWAYS felt fat and felt I WAS fat. Looking back on photos I was stupid for thinking that ad WISH I looked like that now. Didn't help that my GYN back then used to say, "WOW, you carry your weight well. I never would guess you weigh as much as you do." 🙄
I guess it just goes to show we're all different with different body types and no certain weight is THE weight to be nor is one certain type of body THE body to aspire to. It's impossible. Plus imagine how damn boring life would be if we all walked around here looking the same. LOL

Perhaps if you think of consulting a surgeon as more research, you will be less nervous. When you consult with a surgeon or enter into a program to have surgery (as we do in Ontario, Canada) you have all kinds of tasks you have to go through, blood work, seeing a nutritionist, maybe a psychologist, other testing like EKG etc. At any point in the process you can still change your mind. I didn't consider anything as a final decision until my surgery date was booked. I realize there are different processes every where and different requirements but it took me over a year between the first time I contacted the Doctor to my surgery and I learned so much along the way that even if I hadn't undergone the surgery I felt that time was still invaluable.

Perhaps if you think of consulting a surgeon as more research, you will be less nervous. When you consult with a surgeon or enter into a program to have surgery (as we do in Ontario, Canada) you have all kinds of tasks you have to go through, blood work, seeing a nutritionist, maybe a psychologist, other testing like EKG etc. At any point in the process you can still change your mind. I didn't consider anything as a final decision until my surgery date was booked. I realize there are different processes every where and different requirements but it took me over a year between the first time I contacted the Doctor to my surgery and I learned so much along the way that even if I hadn't undergone the surgery I felt that time was still invaluable.

I had surgery in November of 2020 and I'm 32 lbs away from my goal weight of 175lbs. I can relate to what you are talking about. I am way smaller than what I was and I have pictures to compare myself to but it isn't how I "feel". I still feel really big and sometimes feel very bloated and puffy. I think I really have a distorted view of my size. My boyfriend tried to help me with my perspective when we were on a hike this past weekend. He very discretely and quietly showed me women who were larger or smaller than me. Friends in WLS please don't think we are judging these people. He was only trying to give me a visual perspective of my journey so far. He also reminded me of times we went hiking in the past and how I would sweat profusely and be out of breathe and so very tired when we finished a hike. It really helped me realize that the main reason I did this was to get healthy and my size or number on the scale doesn't matter. It only mattered that I was able to continue to do what I love (hike) more easily and with greater energy so that I could better enjoy this hobby with him.

Perhaps if you think of consulting a surgeon as more research, you will be less nervous. When you consult with a surgeon or enter into a program to have surgery (as we do in Ontario, Canada) you have all kinds of tasks you have to go through, blood work, seeing a nutritionist, maybe a psychologist, other testing like EKG etc. At any point in the process you can still change your mind. I didn't consider anything as a final decision until my surgery date was booked. I realize there are different processes every where and different requirements but it took me over a year between the first time I contacted the Doctor to my surgery and I learned so much along the way that even if I hadn't undergone the surgery I felt that time was still invaluable.

I had surgery in November of 2020 and I'm 32 lbs away from my goal weight of 175lbs. I can relate to what you are talking about. I am way smaller than what I was and I have pictures to compare myself to but it isn't how I "feel". I still feel really big and sometimes feel very bloated and puffy. I think I really have a distorted view of my size. My boyfriend tried to help me with my perspective when we were on a hike this past weekend. He very discretely and quietly showed me women who were larger or smaller than me. Friends in WLS please don't think we are judging these people. He was only trying to give me a visual perspective of my journey so far. He also reminded me of times we went hiking in the past and how I would sweat profusely and be out of breathe and so very tired when we finished a hike. It really helped me realize that the main reason I did this was to get healthy and my size or number on the scale doesn't matter. It only mattered that I was able to continue to do what I love (hike) more easily and with greater energy so that I could better enjoy this hobby with him.

At any given moment in time people are going through their own stuff right? You have your issues, problems and bias and so does every other person on the planet. How you choose to respond is the only thing you can control. I've heard the saying "don't let people live rent free in your head" from OA (Overeater's Anonymous) meetings I've been to and by a friend I have who attends AA meetings and is a recovering alcoholic. That saying implies that you should "do" something if you have something that is playing on your mind. The thing you decide to do can be anything from writing about your feelings on the matter, working on letting it go, or talking to the person about the situation. Perhaps what you did here ...telling us the situation is all you need to do. You got it out of your head and onto paper (so to speak). Sometimes the "action" we should take is only with ourselves. If you feel this will cause conflict that you don't want to deal with at this time, for whatever reason, it is ok to no act or react to it.

At any given moment in time people are going through their own stuff right? You have your issues, problems and bias and so does every other person on the planet. How you choose to respond is the only thing you can control. I've heard the saying "don't let people live rent free in your head" from OA (Overeater's Anonymous) meetings I've been to and by a friend I have who attends AA meetings and is a recovering alcoholic. That saying implies that you should "do" something if you have something that is playing on your mind. The thing you decide to do can be anything from writing about your feelings on the matter, working on letting it go, or talking to the person about the situation. Perhaps what you did here ...telling us the situation is all you need to do. You got it out of your head and onto paper (so to speak). Sometimes the "action" we should take is only with ourselves. If you feel this will cause conflict that you don't want to deal with at this time, for whatever reason, it is ok to no act or react to it.

Wowzer Congratulations! You look terrific!
I feel sad that I didn't do this sooner. I'm so glad you did this now instead of in your 50s like me. Good on you girl...enjoy!

Thanks so much for all of your responses! They are helpful. I called the clinic and found out I can have sugar free jello...yay! But you all are correct in saying on the 3rd day it gets better. It is Day 3 for me and my appendages are still in tact (I haven't chewed anything off yet).

Hi Ladies,
This is what I have done to get ready so far.
1) Purchased my pre-op liquid diet shakes called Optifast and I will be starting them on Oct. 19th
2) Bought the required Vitamin supplements recommended by my bariatric team for the 1st two months after surgery.
3) Purchased Premiere Protein for my Liquid Protein supplement for after surgery
4) Purchased a small single serve blender "Ninga Bullet" to help me with making my shakes yummy and my pureed food yummy (I'm hoping)
5) I'm telling my office on Oct 19th that I will be having surgery on the 10th of November
6) Joined a very local WLS group so I can connect with people in person. I think I am going to initiate some group walk events so we can meet outside safely. We are in a rural area so that will be easy for us.
That's it so far....