Hi everyone. I had gastric bypass 2 years ago and have gone from 299lbs to 178lbs. I am able to see that I am smaller than before but I have become more and more obsessed with my weight and the fact that my BMI of 30 is still obese and can’t help to feel like I failed this surgery. Prior to my weight loss, I dreamed of being under 200lbs but now that I am here I can’t help but be so disappointed of how big I still am. Anyone else suffering from this?

I haven't had surgery yet, but I lost 100 lbs through diet and exercise 5 years ago (gained it all back). When I was 190 I thought I would be so happy to be in onederland, but I still saw the rolls in my stomach. I didn't know how much more I'd have to lose to be happy... then I went out with someone who dumped me because I was too fat. ?That's my second biggest fear, after regaining all the weight after surgery. I'm sorry you're struggling. I can commiserate.

Edited April 13, 20215 yr by lizonaplane

I had surgery in November of 2020 and I'm 32 lbs away from my goal weight of 175lbs. I can relate to what you are talking about. I am way smaller than what I was and I have pictures to compare myself to but it isn't how I "feel". I still feel really big and sometimes feel very bloated and puffy. I think I really have a distorted view of my size. My boyfriend tried to help me with my perspective when we were on a hike this past weekend. He very discretely and quietly showed me women who were larger or smaller than me. Friends in WLS please don't think we are judging these people. He was only trying to give me a visual perspective of my journey so far. He also reminded me of times we went hiking in the past and how I would sweat profusely and be out of breathe and so very tired when we finished a hike. It really helped me realize that the main reason I did this was to get healthy and my size or number on the scale doesn't matter. It only mattered that I was able to continue to do what I love (hike) more easily and with greater energy so that I could better enjoy this hobby with him.

9 minutes ago, 1000islandgirl said:

My boyfriend tried to help me with my perspective when we were on a hike this past weekend. He very discretely and quietly showed me women who were larger or smaller than me. Friends in WLS please don't think we are judging these people. He was only trying to give me a visual perspective of my journey so far. He also reminded me of times we went hiking in the past and how I would sweat profusely and be out of breathe and so very tired when we finished a hike.

I totally get that and I wouldn't judge. I love finding out how much people in my WLS FB group weigh when they post pix of themselves because I have no sense of my size. When I was abotu 13-14 I was too thin and thought was the size I am now (morbidly obese) and it's really hard for me to be realistic.

IslandGirl, I totally get doing that too. Doesn't help either when you see someone who is technically at a lower weight than you and yet they look way bigger than you. I do this every dang time I watch 1000lb Sisters. Once Amy had her surgery she was down around 285 and here I am at 320 and yet to me she looks sooooooo much bigger than I am. So of course then I start the questioning of my husband, "do I REALLY look bigger than her cause I do weight more than she does and yet to me she looks bigger. Am I foolin' myself?" or I ask him "who looks bigger, me or her?" It's never ending.

Back when I was late teens early 20's I weighed 180 and thought I was fat despite being able to wear sexy clothes that showed my mid section, short shorts and mini skirts, heels on the regular, etc. I ALWAYS felt fat and felt I WAS fat. Looking back on photos I was stupid for thinking that ad WISH I looked like that now. Didn't help that my GYN back then used to say, "WOW, you carry your weight well. I never would guess you weigh as much as you do." ?

I guess it just goes to show we're all different with different body types and no certain weight is THE weight to be nor is one certain type of body THE body to aspire to. It's impossible. Plus imagine how damn boring life would be if we all walked around here looking the same. LOL

Thanks everyone for your kind words and suggestions. I am very grateful to have come so far so I don’t want to seem like I am whining. I’ve fallen into the trap of looking at before and after pictures of people on “Instagram” or blogs who look amazing and I can’t help to feel like a failure. Thankfully, I decided to have surgery younger (when I was 26) so I did not have health issues that Had to be reversed. Granted, fitting into a size 10 from a 22 has felt good but just expected for it all to feel better. The best way to describe it is that prior to surgery I was so far from any “normal weight” that it was like a football game I was losing 0-42. Now, I am so much closer yet far away. Now I feel like it is 14-14 and I just missed the field goal. The worst part is that these feelings consume my mind 24/7 and my friends really encouraged me to reach out to different online communities to share my struggles to see if it helps lol. Who knows.

I totally understand. My HW was 325 (2/20/20). SW 311 (3/9/20) CW 195. I thought once I reach onederland, things would start to feel "normal". But they are far from it. I have to reach 180 before my plastics guy will schedule my panniculectomy. He's going to submit a breast reduction also. So fingers crossed it gets approved too. I had $ saved to get arms or TT or breasts (incase insurance doesnt cover) but my mom passed in october and well, family comes first. And the stimulus $ that did come, paid over due bills and rest to my Dad to help him with my mom's expenses. To make this already long story shortened, i cannot look at myself in a mirror. The sagging, hanging, wrinkling skin is horrible. I looked at my back and bottom with a mirror recently and omg, its worse than i imagined. I thought to myself, why did i look at that? ? My body image is so distorted more so now than when i was over 300 lbs. I refrain from wanting any type of physical contact because it makes me uncomfortable and i dont get dressed or undressed in front of anyone or a mirror. I dont even use a mirror to brush my hair! Its that bad.

I relate to this as well! I'm early 10 years out from my initial surgery and I still have issues with body image. Occasionally, I still feel the shock of being able to sit in a new type of seat or squeeze into a small space when needing to grab something. When I look at myself I still see the 320-pound girl that I once was. Eventually, I think plastic surgery may help those issues of what I see in the mirror, however, I have started working with a therapist as well. I hope that we all eventually can see and love who we are because it is so important to love who you are regardless of the weight or skin issues. Good luck on your journey!!

YES YES YES!
After a lifetime of obesity I feel fat with a closet full of jeans sized 0/2/4. At size 18/20/2x I didn't feel fat at all. You are not alone. It will get better.

MSW

It's so hard to NOT see myself as 325 lbs. Im at 191. I jave 11 more to go to get to plastic surgeon's goal. But I see all this hanging skin, sagging, crepey, wrinkly skin. My face has wrinkles and I look 10 years older when back when I was morbidly obese people thought I looked youthful or maybe they were just being nice. Because you know people always tell big girls "you have a pretty face" or "your eyes ate beautiful". Now I still hide my body just in smaller clothes. I still wear shorts daily but now I wear only shorts that have spandex liners that cover my wrinkled thighs or shirts covering my wrinkled, stretch mark, damaged skin on upper arms. The sizes have gone from 4x/26 to L/XL/12 but the feeling of people looking at me for all the wrong reasons has not gone away. I had started wearing tank tops out until someone made me feel self conscious about it. Now I just wear them indoors, at home. I don't look at myself in the mirror , they ate all gone or the 2 we have are turned around because I thought Id grab a hand mirror and check out my back and bottom and well it is doing exactly opposite what i thought it was doing and horrified me. So, no mirrors. No one sees me dress or undress. No one touches me. No sexual contact. No hugs. I have a major issue going on. I just hope my panniculectomy gets scheduled next month to help me feel better about something.

22 minutes ago, Highly_Undermedicated said:

It's so hard to NOT see myself as 325 lbs. Im at 191. I jave 11 more to go to get to plastic surgeon's goal. But I see all this hanging skin, sagging, crepey, wrinkly skin. My face has wrinkles and I look 10 years older when back when I was morbidly obese people thought I looked youthful or maybe they were just being nice. Because you know people always tell big girls "you have a pretty face" or "your eyes ate beautiful". Now I still hide my body just in smaller clothes. I still wear shorts daily but now I wear only shorts that have spandex liners that cover my wrinkled thighs or shirts covering my wrinkled, stretch mark, damaged skin on upper arms. The sizes have gone from 4x/26 to L/XL/12 but the feeling of people looking at me for all the wrong reasons has not gone away. I had started wearing tank tops out until someone made me feel self conscious about it. Now I just wear them indoors, at home. I don't look at myself in the mirror , they ate all gone or the 2 we have are turned around because I thought Id grab a hand mirror and check out my back and bottom and well it is doing exactly opposite what i thought it was doing and horrified me. So, no mirrors. No one sees me dress or undress. No one touches me. No sexual contact. No hugs. I have a major issue going on. I just hope my panniculectomy gets scheduled next month to help me feel better about something.

All the things you spoke of I worry about for when I get my surgery in a few weeks. I also get told how young I look despite turning 49 in a few weeks, etc. I REALLY worry about losing weight and looking old. I have a friend who had the surgery years ago and I kid you not, she looks about 30 years older and she's so frail and all skin and bones. I DO NOT want that for myself. The uncertainty of all of that happening has occupied my mind for months now. I always thought of myself as being attractive (and have had many men hit on me throughout my life.....esp when I was thinner). It was always my weight that has been an issue and my body that I felt was ugly. So yeah, I'm so afraid of this changing my facial appearance, shallow as it may be. And most definitely afraid of all the sagging skin and knowing that I most likely will not be able to afford skin removal surgery down the line. These issues sometimes make me second guess doing this but I do want to be healthier. But the unknown is most definitely the scary part of this surgery for me. Sigh

Edited May 4, 20215 yr by SummerTimeGirl

23 minutes ago, Highly_Undermedicated said:

It's so hard to NOT see myself as 325 lbs. Im at 191. I jave 11 more to go to get to plastic surgeon's goal. But I see all this hanging skin, sagging, crepey, wrinkly skin. My face has wrinkles and I look 10 years older when back when I was morbidly obese people thought I looked youthful or maybe they were just being nice. Because you know people always tell big girls "you have a pretty face" or "your eyes ate beautiful". Now I still hide my body just in smaller clothes. I still wear shorts daily but now I wear only shorts that have spandex liners that cover my wrinkled thighs or shirts covering my wrinkled, stretch mark, damaged skin on upper arms. The sizes have gone from 4x/26 to L/XL/12 but the feeling of people looking at me for all the wrong reasons has not gone away. I had started wearing tank tops out until someone made me feel self conscious about it. Now I just wear them indoors, at home. I don't look at myself in the mirror , they ate all gone or the 2 we have are turned around because I thought Id grab a hand mirror and check out my back and bottom and well it is doing exactly opposite what i thought it was doing and horrified me. So, no mirrors. No one sees me dress or undress. No one touches me. No sexual contact. No hugs. I have a major issue going on. I just hope my panniculectomy gets scheduled next month to help me feel better about something.

I wonder if, after your plastic surgery, if you don't feel better about yourself, you might consider therapy. I see a lot of people on here who won't wear bathing suits when large and won't wear something else when small. Even at my highest weight of 293lbs, I wore swimsuits, shorts, t-shirts etc. It's not that I didn't know I was and am still morbidly obese, but I wanted to wear the clothing that made me happy and comfortable, and I wasn't going to avoid swimming or travelling or hiking or getting my picture taken or anything else just because I was fat.

2 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

I wonder if, after your plastic surgery, if you don't feel better about yourself, you might consider therapy. I see a lot of people on here who won't wear bathing suits when large and won't wear something else when small. Even at my highest weight of 293lbs, I wore swimsuits, shorts, t-shirts etc. It's not that I didn't know I was and am still morbidly obese, but I wanted to wear the clothing that made me happy and comfortable, and I wasn't going to avoid swimming or travelling or hiking or getting my picture taken or anything else just because I was fat.

I know for me I feel totally comfortable wearing a bathing suit now. I usually wear a tankini that has a longer top with a separate skirted bottom that comes down long enough to hide my very upper, inner flabby thighs. I worry all of this will be much worse (and sag lower) when smaller and what I'm able to hide easily now won't be so easy to hide when I lose. Totally effs me up with worry. Right now I know what to wear to hide everything and what looks good on me and makes me feel good about myself. But, who the hell knows once I lose weight. Scary thought.