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Everything posted by vcissvj

  1. vcissvj

    am i overthinking...

    im really sorry for the long post ahead i just don't know who to talk to about what im currently feeling... about two years ago, my endo recommended wls to me and i immediately shot him down and was upset he'd even mention it bc i didn't think i was overweight enough to need it. i didn't really understand it or understand what it could do for me that I've always struggled with doing for myself. i'm 209lbs and 5'2" which puts me at 38 BMI, but i have so many complications. my health is atrocious- im a type 2 diabetic (treated like type 1) thats insulin dependent (pump) while also taking xigduo and cycloset to help lower my sugars. i have sleep apnea, i have high triglycerides and have had pancreatitis 5 times from a range of 2 1/2 years (every 6 months like clockwork). i have gastroparesis, depression and anxiety. i have a history of eating disorders. after a recent hospital stay- where the cause of my admission is still unclear, but gastritis and fatty liver were determined- i finally started doing research and seriously considering wls. it was so embarrassing hearing the nurses talk during each shift change. having to tell my whole history, knowing that so many of these issues could have been controlled. i just felt so defeated. i talked to my mom abt it at the time and she's been a great support. i told my endo during my followup and he recommended me to a surgeon. i have my first consultation in a week but im scared. i told two of my closest friends, one of who is the most supportive person ever. but the other one.. hasn't really said much. and i feel discouraged by her because she doesn't believe i am "fat." my grandmother is the same way. they don't understand that i want this surgery for my health because I've tried long term dieting and exercise but with the amount of insulin i take daily its SO HARD to lose weight. i just want out of this hellhole of medication and hospital visits.... i don't take my meds and i feel like sh*t... i take my meds and i feel like sh*t... i just want to not rely on medication, and to just be someone thats healthy. and of course i have issues mentally with my size but i try not to share them because my friends are all heavier than i am, so i feel like no one takes how i feel seriously. i want to not be so defined by my weight. its hard when 2 of the people you expect to support you the most are so against you doing something that can help you. its almost making me believe that i shouldn't do it bc im not fat enough or unhealthy enough.. almost like i don't even "deserve" it...
  2. vcissvj

    am i overthinking...

    thank you for all of your great comments... it definitely helps me feel better about my WHY.

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