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Myap

Gastric Sleeve Patients
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  1. Hugs
    Myap got a reaction from Snapcase- in 500.5lb Guy now down to 316!   
    Your story truly gives me hope and I am looking forward to getting to know the new me that emerges even halfway to my goal weight. You look fantastic!
  2. Like
    Myap reacted to FluffyChix in Stranger than fiction...   
    Wow! Prayers for healing!!! ((hugs))
  3. Like
    Myap reacted to Michael S in Stranger than fiction...   
    Hang in there!

  4. Like
    Myap reacted to GreenTealael in Stranger than fiction...   
    positive thoughts your way ❤
  5. Like
    Myap got a reaction from GreenTealael in Stranger than fiction...   
    Good evening everyone,

    I am four days post-op and I am exhausted. I had trouble getting the intubation for surgery because my cervical spine is fused. I was a little worried going in that there could be problems. I wanted to stay optimistic and pray for rage best.

    I spent from Monday to Wednesday in the ICU . What I didn’t expect was the spearing pain my right arm. It’s pretty badly bruised but the orthopedic surgeon thinks its a bicep tear, which isn’t really a ‘now’ emergency.

    The anesthesia and physical deconditioning (plus the arm) means I am going to subacute physical rehab. I know this the best choice because I have zero energy. I am pretty sure I have dozed a few times writing this.

    Has anyone and weird complications? I figure my arm issue is from laying in an awkward position for too long or being tugged the wrong way, but I have a baseball size bruise at the side of my inner right arm.

    Besides my arm, I have no pain in my belly. I kept trying to will myself better immediately but I don’t have the energy for that. No trouble keeping fluids down and that’s good.

    I feel like I have a new birthday -with the good and bad.

    ~Mya
  6. Like
    Myap got a reaction from GreenTealael in Stranger than fiction...   
    Good evening everyone,

    I am four days post-op and I am exhausted. I had trouble getting the intubation for surgery because my cervical spine is fused. I was a little worried going in that there could be problems. I wanted to stay optimistic and pray for rage best.

    I spent from Monday to Wednesday in the ICU . What I didn’t expect was the spearing pain my right arm. It’s pretty badly bruised but the orthopedic surgeon thinks its a bicep tear, which isn’t really a ‘now’ emergency.

    The anesthesia and physical deconditioning (plus the arm) means I am going to subacute physical rehab. I know this the best choice because I have zero energy. I am pretty sure I have dozed a few times writing this.

    Has anyone and weird complications? I figure my arm issue is from laying in an awkward position for too long or being tugged the wrong way, but I have a baseball size bruise at the side of my inner right arm.

    Besides my arm, I have no pain in my belly. I kept trying to will myself better immediately but I don’t have the energy for that. No trouble keeping fluids down and that’s good.

    I feel like I have a new birthday -with the good and bad.

    ~Mya
  7. Like
    Myap got a reaction from BlackHeart80 in Sharing thoughts with 4 days left to surgery....   
    Hi everyone,
    Its early in the morning on Thanksgiving, four days before surgery and I wanted to check in because I owe it to myself to be honest about how I am feeling. I am struggling, not with the decision I made to have surgery, but the truth about the challenges I am facing moving forward. I started to ask if anyone had challenges with their pre-op diet, but I know the answer to that question does not matter because I am. I feel a little silenced or maybe ashamed because if I admit to my family I am scared and self-sabotaging then I will be forced to ask myself if I am doing the right thing.
    I was doing well with the pre-op diet until two days ago...Tuesday. I have a form of anemia that makes it difficult for me to absorb Iron through food. I noticed I have increasingly more tired and I found out Saturday my iron levels are low again, 6 months after my last iron infusion, and a part of me feared that I would need to post-pone surgery for another round or go in early for blood transfusions. In meeting with me hematologist late Tuesday afternoon, he told me I did not have to do either and since they draw blood every day in the hospital, they could do a blood transfusion there if necessary.
    I have been through a lot Healthwise, many surgeries (8), including a gastric sleeve six years ago. The irony is I stepped on the scale and I was the exact weight I was, 368 lbs before surgery in 2013 and although I had a great deal of success the first time, but then as I said in my story life happened. Even though the weight itself was shocking because I felt like I failed in only losing 4 pounds during the first week of my pre-op diet, I don't think panic really set in until I met with the check out receptionist. We were talking and laughing about my relief of not needing to delay my surgery....then without knowing it, she dropped a bomb on me that I did not really recognize how much it affected me until this morning.
    When I said I was having a second sleeve, which I had gotten over the embarrassment of admitting, she told me that she had a friend who had her third sleeve some time ago, and she had not seen or heard from her since. My gut reaction was - hell no, no way I am doing this a third time, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder. Am I ready...will I be successful...is this worth it to go back a third time....then finally, maybe her friend died after her last surgery. The reality is the cavalier way Miss 'size 10' talked about her struggles in what she described as ballooning due to a medication, my guess is that her friend decided she was not the right person to share her struggles with. I cannot even remember he name but I already regret sharing mine.
    I am aware of how desperately I battled depression, how I came back from the brink after two suicide attempts after surviving a horrifying violet attack, and I was grateful to be at the point ready to have surgery. Then I came home and started self-sabotaging. I am not sure it was intentional, but I was extremely exhausted and had two doctors appointments that day and had missed two of my shakes. I had larger meal, not like before, but enough to make me horribly sick. I had not eaten any basic carbs in more than a week. Yesterday I was so fatigued, had burning pain in my knee from an old injury, but since it is too late to take NSAIDS, I used flexeril, which made me feel even more out of it.
    Yesterday, I still felt out of control and had half of hoagie, which then made me feel worse about myself. My normal unconscious reaction was to head for my go-to foods, SUGAR, thankfully not an ounce of it existed in the house, except for fruit. I took two (non-benzo) anxiety pills and took a nap. I reached out to my surgeon and asked if I now had to change my surgery schedule. He calmly told me no and to just use the pre-op diet to get back on track.
    This morning (well technically middle of the night) I woke up and realized all week I have been looking for signs I was making the wrong decision. My nutritionist had given me this negative self-talk wheel that I really forgot about even though it is stuck to my bulletin. When I looked at it, my behavior patterns started to make sense.
    The truth is I am scared, and I need to give myself permission to feel that and grieve. Its Thanksgiving and fortunately, I am not cooking and will not be around a lot of food. For the past few years, I have been a part of big Thanksgiving celebrations, due to emotional struggles, but my adult daughter usually brings me something from her dad and his family celebrations.
    This morning I woke up and realized how much of my life I have missed out on living in a prison that I not only created, but am the warden who locked away the key to release myself. I want to start living again and not just existing. I know what to expect and that having the surgery will not take away my problems. It is just one tool in my journey to health and better living. Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to begin losing the pounds of pain I have carried for far too long. I needed the last two days to remind that this journey is not going to be easy, but it will take a conscious effort every day to choose to strive for a healthier life for me.
    Hopefully, this time next year I can look back on how I feel today and we thankful I made it to the other side.
    Thank you for sharing this journey with me,
    Mya

  8. Like
    Myap got a reaction from BlackHeart80 in Sharing thoughts with 4 days left to surgery....   
    Hi everyone,
    Its early in the morning on Thanksgiving, four days before surgery and I wanted to check in because I owe it to myself to be honest about how I am feeling. I am struggling, not with the decision I made to have surgery, but the truth about the challenges I am facing moving forward. I started to ask if anyone had challenges with their pre-op diet, but I know the answer to that question does not matter because I am. I feel a little silenced or maybe ashamed because if I admit to my family I am scared and self-sabotaging then I will be forced to ask myself if I am doing the right thing.
    I was doing well with the pre-op diet until two days ago...Tuesday. I have a form of anemia that makes it difficult for me to absorb Iron through food. I noticed I have increasingly more tired and I found out Saturday my iron levels are low again, 6 months after my last iron infusion, and a part of me feared that I would need to post-pone surgery for another round or go in early for blood transfusions. In meeting with me hematologist late Tuesday afternoon, he told me I did not have to do either and since they draw blood every day in the hospital, they could do a blood transfusion there if necessary.
    I have been through a lot Healthwise, many surgeries (8), including a gastric sleeve six years ago. The irony is I stepped on the scale and I was the exact weight I was, 368 lbs before surgery in 2013 and although I had a great deal of success the first time, but then as I said in my story life happened. Even though the weight itself was shocking because I felt like I failed in only losing 4 pounds during the first week of my pre-op diet, I don't think panic really set in until I met with the check out receptionist. We were talking and laughing about my relief of not needing to delay my surgery....then without knowing it, she dropped a bomb on me that I did not really recognize how much it affected me until this morning.
    When I said I was having a second sleeve, which I had gotten over the embarrassment of admitting, she told me that she had a friend who had her third sleeve some time ago, and she had not seen or heard from her since. My gut reaction was - hell no, no way I am doing this a third time, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder. Am I ready...will I be successful...is this worth it to go back a third time....then finally, maybe her friend died after her last surgery. The reality is the cavalier way Miss 'size 10' talked about her struggles in what she described as ballooning due to a medication, my guess is that her friend decided she was not the right person to share her struggles with. I cannot even remember he name but I already regret sharing mine.
    I am aware of how desperately I battled depression, how I came back from the brink after two suicide attempts after surviving a horrifying violet attack, and I was grateful to be at the point ready to have surgery. Then I came home and started self-sabotaging. I am not sure it was intentional, but I was extremely exhausted and had two doctors appointments that day and had missed two of my shakes. I had larger meal, not like before, but enough to make me horribly sick. I had not eaten any basic carbs in more than a week. Yesterday I was so fatigued, had burning pain in my knee from an old injury, but since it is too late to take NSAIDS, I used flexeril, which made me feel even more out of it.
    Yesterday, I still felt out of control and had half of hoagie, which then made me feel worse about myself. My normal unconscious reaction was to head for my go-to foods, SUGAR, thankfully not an ounce of it existed in the house, except for fruit. I took two (non-benzo) anxiety pills and took a nap. I reached out to my surgeon and asked if I now had to change my surgery schedule. He calmly told me no and to just use the pre-op diet to get back on track.
    This morning (well technically middle of the night) I woke up and realized all week I have been looking for signs I was making the wrong decision. My nutritionist had given me this negative self-talk wheel that I really forgot about even though it is stuck to my bulletin. When I looked at it, my behavior patterns started to make sense.
    The truth is I am scared, and I need to give myself permission to feel that and grieve. Its Thanksgiving and fortunately, I am not cooking and will not be around a lot of food. For the past few years, I have been a part of big Thanksgiving celebrations, due to emotional struggles, but my adult daughter usually brings me something from her dad and his family celebrations.
    This morning I woke up and realized how much of my life I have missed out on living in a prison that I not only created, but am the warden who locked away the key to release myself. I want to start living again and not just existing. I know what to expect and that having the surgery will not take away my problems. It is just one tool in my journey to health and better living. Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to begin losing the pounds of pain I have carried for far too long. I needed the last two days to remind that this journey is not going to be easy, but it will take a conscious effort every day to choose to strive for a healthier life for me.
    Hopefully, this time next year I can look back on how I feel today and we thankful I made it to the other side.
    Thank you for sharing this journey with me,
    Mya

  9. Like
    Myap got a reaction from BlackHeart80 in Sharing thoughts with 4 days left to surgery....   
    Hi everyone,
    Its early in the morning on Thanksgiving, four days before surgery and I wanted to check in because I owe it to myself to be honest about how I am feeling. I am struggling, not with the decision I made to have surgery, but the truth about the challenges I am facing moving forward. I started to ask if anyone had challenges with their pre-op diet, but I know the answer to that question does not matter because I am. I feel a little silenced or maybe ashamed because if I admit to my family I am scared and self-sabotaging then I will be forced to ask myself if I am doing the right thing.
    I was doing well with the pre-op diet until two days ago...Tuesday. I have a form of anemia that makes it difficult for me to absorb Iron through food. I noticed I have increasingly more tired and I found out Saturday my iron levels are low again, 6 months after my last iron infusion, and a part of me feared that I would need to post-pone surgery for another round or go in early for blood transfusions. In meeting with me hematologist late Tuesday afternoon, he told me I did not have to do either and since they draw blood every day in the hospital, they could do a blood transfusion there if necessary.
    I have been through a lot Healthwise, many surgeries (8), including a gastric sleeve six years ago. The irony is I stepped on the scale and I was the exact weight I was, 368 lbs before surgery in 2013 and although I had a great deal of success the first time, but then as I said in my story life happened. Even though the weight itself was shocking because I felt like I failed in only losing 4 pounds during the first week of my pre-op diet, I don't think panic really set in until I met with the check out receptionist. We were talking and laughing about my relief of not needing to delay my surgery....then without knowing it, she dropped a bomb on me that I did not really recognize how much it affected me until this morning.
    When I said I was having a second sleeve, which I had gotten over the embarrassment of admitting, she told me that she had a friend who had her third sleeve some time ago, and she had not seen or heard from her since. My gut reaction was - hell no, no way I am doing this a third time, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder. Am I ready...will I be successful...is this worth it to go back a third time....then finally, maybe her friend died after her last surgery. The reality is the cavalier way Miss 'size 10' talked about her struggles in what she described as ballooning due to a medication, my guess is that her friend decided she was not the right person to share her struggles with. I cannot even remember he name but I already regret sharing mine.
    I am aware of how desperately I battled depression, how I came back from the brink after two suicide attempts after surviving a horrifying violet attack, and I was grateful to be at the point ready to have surgery. Then I came home and started self-sabotaging. I am not sure it was intentional, but I was extremely exhausted and had two doctors appointments that day and had missed two of my shakes. I had larger meal, not like before, but enough to make me horribly sick. I had not eaten any basic carbs in more than a week. Yesterday I was so fatigued, had burning pain in my knee from an old injury, but since it is too late to take NSAIDS, I used flexeril, which made me feel even more out of it.
    Yesterday, I still felt out of control and had half of hoagie, which then made me feel worse about myself. My normal unconscious reaction was to head for my go-to foods, SUGAR, thankfully not an ounce of it existed in the house, except for fruit. I took two (non-benzo) anxiety pills and took a nap. I reached out to my surgeon and asked if I now had to change my surgery schedule. He calmly told me no and to just use the pre-op diet to get back on track.
    This morning (well technically middle of the night) I woke up and realized all week I have been looking for signs I was making the wrong decision. My nutritionist had given me this negative self-talk wheel that I really forgot about even though it is stuck to my bulletin. When I looked at it, my behavior patterns started to make sense.
    The truth is I am scared, and I need to give myself permission to feel that and grieve. Its Thanksgiving and fortunately, I am not cooking and will not be around a lot of food. For the past few years, I have been a part of big Thanksgiving celebrations, due to emotional struggles, but my adult daughter usually brings me something from her dad and his family celebrations.
    This morning I woke up and realized how much of my life I have missed out on living in a prison that I not only created, but am the warden who locked away the key to release myself. I want to start living again and not just existing. I know what to expect and that having the surgery will not take away my problems. It is just one tool in my journey to health and better living. Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to begin losing the pounds of pain I have carried for far too long. I needed the last two days to remind that this journey is not going to be easy, but it will take a conscious effort every day to choose to strive for a healthier life for me.
    Hopefully, this time next year I can look back on how I feel today and we thankful I made it to the other side.
    Thank you for sharing this journey with me,
    Mya

  10. Like
    Myap got a reaction from Dances with Carbs in GALS who started their journey over 300 lb+<br /> +   
    Great topic! I was 391 in March 2019 when I was nearing the end of my preoperative testing. My unofficial high was 410 lbs. Down to 368 and 4 days away from surgery on Monday, Dec 2nd!
  11. Like
    Myap got a reaction from BlackHeart80 in Sharing thoughts with 4 days left to surgery....   
    Hi everyone,
    Its early in the morning on Thanksgiving, four days before surgery and I wanted to check in because I owe it to myself to be honest about how I am feeling. I am struggling, not with the decision I made to have surgery, but the truth about the challenges I am facing moving forward. I started to ask if anyone had challenges with their pre-op diet, but I know the answer to that question does not matter because I am. I feel a little silenced or maybe ashamed because if I admit to my family I am scared and self-sabotaging then I will be forced to ask myself if I am doing the right thing.
    I was doing well with the pre-op diet until two days ago...Tuesday. I have a form of anemia that makes it difficult for me to absorb Iron through food. I noticed I have increasingly more tired and I found out Saturday my iron levels are low again, 6 months after my last iron infusion, and a part of me feared that I would need to post-pone surgery for another round or go in early for blood transfusions. In meeting with me hematologist late Tuesday afternoon, he told me I did not have to do either and since they draw blood every day in the hospital, they could do a blood transfusion there if necessary.
    I have been through a lot Healthwise, many surgeries (8), including a gastric sleeve six years ago. The irony is I stepped on the scale and I was the exact weight I was, 368 lbs before surgery in 2013 and although I had a great deal of success the first time, but then as I said in my story life happened. Even though the weight itself was shocking because I felt like I failed in only losing 4 pounds during the first week of my pre-op diet, I don't think panic really set in until I met with the check out receptionist. We were talking and laughing about my relief of not needing to delay my surgery....then without knowing it, she dropped a bomb on me that I did not really recognize how much it affected me until this morning.
    When I said I was having a second sleeve, which I had gotten over the embarrassment of admitting, she told me that she had a friend who had her third sleeve some time ago, and she had not seen or heard from her since. My gut reaction was - hell no, no way I am doing this a third time, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder. Am I ready...will I be successful...is this worth it to go back a third time....then finally, maybe her friend died after her last surgery. The reality is the cavalier way Miss 'size 10' talked about her struggles in what she described as ballooning due to a medication, my guess is that her friend decided she was not the right person to share her struggles with. I cannot even remember he name but I already regret sharing mine.
    I am aware of how desperately I battled depression, how I came back from the brink after two suicide attempts after surviving a horrifying violet attack, and I was grateful to be at the point ready to have surgery. Then I came home and started self-sabotaging. I am not sure it was intentional, but I was extremely exhausted and had two doctors appointments that day and had missed two of my shakes. I had larger meal, not like before, but enough to make me horribly sick. I had not eaten any basic carbs in more than a week. Yesterday I was so fatigued, had burning pain in my knee from an old injury, but since it is too late to take NSAIDS, I used flexeril, which made me feel even more out of it.
    Yesterday, I still felt out of control and had half of hoagie, which then made me feel worse about myself. My normal unconscious reaction was to head for my go-to foods, SUGAR, thankfully not an ounce of it existed in the house, except for fruit. I took two (non-benzo) anxiety pills and took a nap. I reached out to my surgeon and asked if I now had to change my surgery schedule. He calmly told me no and to just use the pre-op diet to get back on track.
    This morning (well technically middle of the night) I woke up and realized all week I have been looking for signs I was making the wrong decision. My nutritionist had given me this negative self-talk wheel that I really forgot about even though it is stuck to my bulletin. When I looked at it, my behavior patterns started to make sense.
    The truth is I am scared, and I need to give myself permission to feel that and grieve. Its Thanksgiving and fortunately, I am not cooking and will not be around a lot of food. For the past few years, I have been a part of big Thanksgiving celebrations, due to emotional struggles, but my adult daughter usually brings me something from her dad and his family celebrations.
    This morning I woke up and realized how much of my life I have missed out on living in a prison that I not only created, but am the warden who locked away the key to release myself. I want to start living again and not just existing. I know what to expect and that having the surgery will not take away my problems. It is just one tool in my journey to health and better living. Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to begin losing the pounds of pain I have carried for far too long. I needed the last two days to remind that this journey is not going to be easy, but it will take a conscious effort every day to choose to strive for a healthier life for me.
    Hopefully, this time next year I can look back on how I feel today and we thankful I made it to the other side.
    Thank you for sharing this journey with me,
    Mya

  12. Like
    Myap got a reaction from Losingit2018 in Revision surgery in four days.   
    Good morning everyone,
    Somehow I missed this forum when I first joined. I posted in the pre-surgery Q & A and felt like a loner, but I included the post on my profile too.
    I am scheduled for a gastric sleeve revision on December 2, 2019. Someone asked why I did not choose to a have a bypass the second time and the reason is that I have a form of anemia that make the bypass too dangerous to manage. The irony is not only was my last surgery December 3, 2013, I am at the exact pre-surgery weight I was back then. I had quick early success and dropped 80 pounds in the first three months. That was both scary and exciting and I had this fairy tale belief that I could eat very small amount of my favorite foods and still be successful. Not to mention, I was drinking tequila probably every other Friday night. I do not have those misconceptions and gave up most of my vices - coffee with splenda is the last vestige to go...as a sheepishly sip my last cup.
    My weight crept up drastically between 2015-2016 as I battled depression and suicide attempts, not specifically because of my weight. In 2017, I started thinking about having surgery again, but it would be another year before I was even emotionally stable enough to have a real conversation about it. I knew in 2017 I would not get back on that table until I was ready to change my life, not just my weight.
    I languished a bit in the last couple of months after finishing my preoperative testing. I still had not made my an appointment for my final surgery review and scheduling a date. Although I am more spiritual than religious, I asked God to give me a sign of what the right was for me. Well, my answer came when I fell out of the shower (can't believe I said hospital before) and had no choice but to struggle to get off the floor. My knees hurt terribly when I finally got to them and in that moment I thought 'I am 46 and there is no reason I should not be able to get off the floor.' I made it up off the floor, went to the ER to make sure I did not have any new broken bones, and scheduled my appointment the next day.
    When I finally had a surgery date three weeks ago, I felt empowered and excited for the first time. I have traveled down this road before and I know the hard work begins after Monday. I have stumbled a bit this week, but I am ready.
    Mya
  13. Like
    Myap got a reaction from Mildred Rose in Weight loss journey 2.0   
    Hi everyone,
    I am scheduled for a sleeve revision to sleeve on December 2, 2019. I am 46 years old and have been significantly overweight since I was 20 years when I was pregnant with my daughter. I called this thread 'Weight loss 2.0' because my previous gastric sleeve was December 3, 2013. Looking back, I believed the surgery was the magic fix to all of my problems. At first I had considerable success and dropped 100-120 lbs. Then,life happened - well bad things in life happened. I survived two violent attacks, the first in 2014 which left me with physical challenges, and then in 2015, after a sexual assault, I attempted suicide twice. It took me two years to get to a place of mental stability, but by then I regained my weight, plus more.
    In 2017, I began discussing with my doctor the prospects of having a revision surgery or bypass. For health reasons, the bypass is not an option. I discussed the options and decided I would not get back on the surgery table until I knew I was truly ready for change. What I have learned though, is that there will never be a moment when I will be truly ready, but it is about making a decision to change my life and working hard to do so. I am very good at self-sabotage and while awaiting my final doctor's visit to schedule surgery, I went over in my head all of the reasons I should and should not have the surgery again. After all, my first sleeve in 2013 was a failure and I stretched my sleeve to 2.5 times its size at surgery. There is a million little things that added up to me regaining weight, but I could not stop wondering if I had the fortitude to stick to it this time.
    All of the questions and doubts went away when I fell out of my shower two weeks ago yesterday. My spine is fused from C2-T1 and I handed on my back with my head and shoulders against the sink cabinet and the shower curtain rod jammed against the bathroom door. Short of the fire department tearing the door down, I had to find a way off the floor. It was early in the morning and my pride/embarrassment was too much to ask for help. Eventually I painfully got up off the floor. In that moment, I felt there is no reason at 46 years old I should not be able to get off the floor. I went to the emergency room to make sure I did not suffer any real damage and then decided to schedule my final appointment and pick a surgery date.
    I am teetering through excited and terrified because I have been down this road before. In my gut I know it will be different because I am in a different place and have already made changes to start my journey. To commemorate the start of my pre-op diet, I gave up coffee, sugar, Snacks, all at once. For some reason last week, I kept eating things I figured I would never be able to eat again and then went cold turkey starting Monday morning. The lack of coffee and sugar alone makes me feel like crap all the time, but I am keep working at it and already lost 3.5 lbs this week. I had a Protein Bar today that somehow tasted like a mixture of cardboard and paper mache paste dipped in cocoa powder, which was some sort of scientific miracle that allowed it to be stamped as a food product. But it had 20 g of Protein and 3 g of sugar. (definitely will not try that one again).
    For any other coffee addicts out there, I found that hot tea with dry non-dairy Creamer (no sugar) is enough to trick my brain into thinking I had my usual coffee drip. The good news I no longer feel like I am losing my mind. The sugar substitutes are just not my thing. Fortunately, I love Water and the many trips to the second floor bathroom have been a kick-start to my exercise regime - that is after many years of couch surfing. I found a 64oz water bottle that has times on one side and inspiration on the other, but I feel like I will start floating soon. I truly never realized how dehydrated I was, probably from the excessive amounts of coffee every day.
    I am less than 2 weeks away from surgery now and I am grateful that I have a sense of hopefulness, mixed with the reality of knowing that after surgery is when the hard work starts. A part of me is grieving too because I need to give up this life-long terrible relationship with food to live a fuller life.
    Thanks for reading and happy to be here to share my story. I look forward to learning more about other people here.
    Mya
  14. Like
    Myap got a reaction from Dances with Carbs in GALS who started their journey over 300 lb+<br /> +   
    Great topic! I was 391 in March 2019 when I was nearing the end of my preoperative testing. My unofficial high was 410 lbs. Down to 368 and 4 days away from surgery on Monday, Dec 2nd!
  15. Like
    Myap got a reaction from Losingit2018 in Revision surgery in four days.   
    Good morning everyone,
    Somehow I missed this forum when I first joined. I posted in the pre-surgery Q & A and felt like a loner, but I included the post on my profile too.
    I am scheduled for a gastric sleeve revision on December 2, 2019. Someone asked why I did not choose to a have a bypass the second time and the reason is that I have a form of anemia that make the bypass too dangerous to manage. The irony is not only was my last surgery December 3, 2013, I am at the exact pre-surgery weight I was back then. I had quick early success and dropped 80 pounds in the first three months. That was both scary and exciting and I had this fairy tale belief that I could eat very small amount of my favorite foods and still be successful. Not to mention, I was drinking tequila probably every other Friday night. I do not have those misconceptions and gave up most of my vices - coffee with splenda is the last vestige to go...as a sheepishly sip my last cup.
    My weight crept up drastically between 2015-2016 as I battled depression and suicide attempts, not specifically because of my weight. In 2017, I started thinking about having surgery again, but it would be another year before I was even emotionally stable enough to have a real conversation about it. I knew in 2017 I would not get back on that table until I was ready to change my life, not just my weight.
    I languished a bit in the last couple of months after finishing my preoperative testing. I still had not made my an appointment for my final surgery review and scheduling a date. Although I am more spiritual than religious, I asked God to give me a sign of what the right was for me. Well, my answer came when I fell out of the shower (can't believe I said hospital before) and had no choice but to struggle to get off the floor. My knees hurt terribly when I finally got to them and in that moment I thought 'I am 46 and there is no reason I should not be able to get off the floor.' I made it up off the floor, went to the ER to make sure I did not have any new broken bones, and scheduled my appointment the next day.
    When I finally had a surgery date three weeks ago, I felt empowered and excited for the first time. I have traveled down this road before and I know the hard work begins after Monday. I have stumbled a bit this week, but I am ready.
    Mya
  16. Congrats!
    Myap reacted to Matt Z in Confessional - Lets post our cheats/confessions/etc so others can see that we are all human   
    I figured it would be nice to have a section where we could just confess to some of the potentially dumb things we've done, pre or post op. Just so others can see we are all human. I want this to be kept as civil as possible, where people can own up to things without anyone else chiming in with anything negative, we all know what we did wasn't "right" but I'm sure we ALL have done something we shouldn't have.

    I'll start.

    I cheated on my pre-op diet a few times. I also like to find loop holes and exploit the crap out of them. I drank beer for a week+ on my pre-op, because it didn't say I couldn't. I only stopped after I was forced to, because my wife asked my surgeon and of course they said "no"... boo. I also ate a whole slice of French meat Pie at my Dad's 60th birthday luncheon.

    I cheated on my post-op diet/puree stage a bit too. I ate rice cakes and Protein chips or other veggie chips. Not a lot, but it happened. I "pureed" a steak and cheese sandwich once. I ate a few fried ravioli on my puree stage as well.

    This past weekend, I had a beer. My wife and I took my parents out to dinner at a local casino, it's Restaurant week, so we found a good looking location and went out to eat, part of the deal was that you got a draft beer with your meal. So, I had a shipyard summer ale with my grilled chicken parm sandwich (only ended up eating 3 bites of the chicken and none of the bread).

    I did all that thus far and nothing bad happened.
    I understand the changes are to ensure we stick to our diets, but understanding that we are all human and WILL either slip up or just stray from our diets on purpose like I did. It's good to see that, it's possible to still live and be able to enjoy a few things we "shouldn't" without any negatives happening.

    So, what's your WLS confession?
  17. Like
    Myap got a reaction from Slownstedy in Sharing thoughts with 4 days left to surgery....   
    Sure we can definitely chat and give each other support. This is my second hiatal hernia repair too.
  18. Like
    Myap got a reaction from BlackHeart80 in Sharing thoughts with 4 days left to surgery....   
    Hi everyone,
    Its early in the morning on Thanksgiving, four days before surgery and I wanted to check in because I owe it to myself to be honest about how I am feeling. I am struggling, not with the decision I made to have surgery, but the truth about the challenges I am facing moving forward. I started to ask if anyone had challenges with their pre-op diet, but I know the answer to that question does not matter because I am. I feel a little silenced or maybe ashamed because if I admit to my family I am scared and self-sabotaging then I will be forced to ask myself if I am doing the right thing.
    I was doing well with the pre-op diet until two days ago...Tuesday. I have a form of anemia that makes it difficult for me to absorb Iron through food. I noticed I have increasingly more tired and I found out Saturday my iron levels are low again, 6 months after my last iron infusion, and a part of me feared that I would need to post-pone surgery for another round or go in early for blood transfusions. In meeting with me hematologist late Tuesday afternoon, he told me I did not have to do either and since they draw blood every day in the hospital, they could do a blood transfusion there if necessary.
    I have been through a lot Healthwise, many surgeries (8), including a gastric sleeve six years ago. The irony is I stepped on the scale and I was the exact weight I was, 368 lbs before surgery in 2013 and although I had a great deal of success the first time, but then as I said in my story life happened. Even though the weight itself was shocking because I felt like I failed in only losing 4 pounds during the first week of my pre-op diet, I don't think panic really set in until I met with the check out receptionist. We were talking and laughing about my relief of not needing to delay my surgery....then without knowing it, she dropped a bomb on me that I did not really recognize how much it affected me until this morning.
    When I said I was having a second sleeve, which I had gotten over the embarrassment of admitting, she told me that she had a friend who had her third sleeve some time ago, and she had not seen or heard from her since. My gut reaction was - hell no, no way I am doing this a third time, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder. Am I ready...will I be successful...is this worth it to go back a third time....then finally, maybe her friend died after her last surgery. The reality is the cavalier way Miss 'size 10' talked about her struggles in what she described as ballooning due to a medication, my guess is that her friend decided she was not the right person to share her struggles with. I cannot even remember he name but I already regret sharing mine.
    I am aware of how desperately I battled depression, how I came back from the brink after two suicide attempts after surviving a horrifying violet attack, and I was grateful to be at the point ready to have surgery. Then I came home and started self-sabotaging. I am not sure it was intentional, but I was extremely exhausted and had two doctors appointments that day and had missed two of my shakes. I had larger meal, not like before, but enough to make me horribly sick. I had not eaten any basic carbs in more than a week. Yesterday I was so fatigued, had burning pain in my knee from an old injury, but since it is too late to take NSAIDS, I used flexeril, which made me feel even more out of it.
    Yesterday, I still felt out of control and had half of hoagie, which then made me feel worse about myself. My normal unconscious reaction was to head for my go-to foods, SUGAR, thankfully not an ounce of it existed in the house, except for fruit. I took two (non-benzo) anxiety pills and took a nap. I reached out to my surgeon and asked if I now had to change my surgery schedule. He calmly told me no and to just use the pre-op diet to get back on track.
    This morning (well technically middle of the night) I woke up and realized all week I have been looking for signs I was making the wrong decision. My nutritionist had given me this negative self-talk wheel that I really forgot about even though it is stuck to my bulletin. When I looked at it, my behavior patterns started to make sense.
    The truth is I am scared, and I need to give myself permission to feel that and grieve. Its Thanksgiving and fortunately, I am not cooking and will not be around a lot of food. For the past few years, I have been a part of big Thanksgiving celebrations, due to emotional struggles, but my adult daughter usually brings me something from her dad and his family celebrations.
    This morning I woke up and realized how much of my life I have missed out on living in a prison that I not only created, but am the warden who locked away the key to release myself. I want to start living again and not just existing. I know what to expect and that having the surgery will not take away my problems. It is just one tool in my journey to health and better living. Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to begin losing the pounds of pain I have carried for far too long. I needed the last two days to remind that this journey is not going to be easy, but it will take a conscious effort every day to choose to strive for a healthier life for me.
    Hopefully, this time next year I can look back on how I feel today and we thankful I made it to the other side.
    Thank you for sharing this journey with me,
    Mya

  19. Like
    Myap reacted to agwill in Revision surgery in four days.   
    My surgery date is 12/2 as well. Band to Sleeve.
  20. Like
    Myap reacted to mcfluffington in Revision surgery in four days.   
    I too am having a revision due to weight regain. My problem wasn't emotional it was situational.
    I was taking care of my mom and living in her tiny apartment sleeping with with my head six feet from bread and Cookies.
    I have a tremendously hard time resisting food (maybe emotional, maybe an addiction or compulsion) that is right in front of me which is why I don't keep it in my house.
    I thought I was only going to be there for a week or two but it turned out to be a year while I looked for a situation where I could be near my Mom full time and not live next to her food. In the interim, I gained 75 lbs. OUCH!
    I lost 25 of it on my own but it took two and half years.
    I applaud all your hard work and wish you the best! Good luck with your surgery!

  21. Hugs
    Myap reacted to Deedee12 in Sharing thoughts with 4 days left to surgery....   
    Happy Thanksgiving Mya!!!! Thanks for sharing such an authentic story about yourself and your journey! I know how powerfully cathartic that can be and how you are also helping others who feel the way you do/did. Your journey will be an inspiration to you and others! Please stay connected and NEVER feel alone!
    I'm always of the mind that a second chance is laden with courage, experience, wisdom and perseverance. All qualities that will spring you forward this time around that you will even suprise yourself!!

    I've found that this WLS journey has not really been ALL about losing weight, but about finding out the amazing things that is tucked within our human spirit that we didn't even know existed and the discovery is invigorating and intoxicating in a very good way.
    Keep pushing forward, more amazing wonders lies ahead for you!!![emoji176][emoji176][emoji176][emoji176][emoji176][emoji176][emoji176][emoji176]

    Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app


  22. Like
    Myap got a reaction from Jenniferdmartinrn in December Surgery dates???   
    My surgery is Monday Dec 2nd. My pre-op diet was only two weeks and it has been 3 shakes and a small meal (4oz) of Protein. The protein intake is important because your body starts to burn fat, and you have that period you feel like crap people refer to as the 'keto-flu.' I like the pudding idea - I brought some sugar free for post op. Sunday is my 24 hr full liquid only diet, well technically ending with only clear from 6pm - 12 am, then nothing after midnight. I have slow digestion issues (gastroparesis) so that could be little different for me.
  23. Like
    Myap got a reaction from BlackHeart80 in Sharing thoughts with 4 days left to surgery....   
    Hi everyone,
    Its early in the morning on Thanksgiving, four days before surgery and I wanted to check in because I owe it to myself to be honest about how I am feeling. I am struggling, not with the decision I made to have surgery, but the truth about the challenges I am facing moving forward. I started to ask if anyone had challenges with their pre-op diet, but I know the answer to that question does not matter because I am. I feel a little silenced or maybe ashamed because if I admit to my family I am scared and self-sabotaging then I will be forced to ask myself if I am doing the right thing.
    I was doing well with the pre-op diet until two days ago...Tuesday. I have a form of anemia that makes it difficult for me to absorb Iron through food. I noticed I have increasingly more tired and I found out Saturday my iron levels are low again, 6 months after my last iron infusion, and a part of me feared that I would need to post-pone surgery for another round or go in early for blood transfusions. In meeting with me hematologist late Tuesday afternoon, he told me I did not have to do either and since they draw blood every day in the hospital, they could do a blood transfusion there if necessary.
    I have been through a lot Healthwise, many surgeries (8), including a gastric sleeve six years ago. The irony is I stepped on the scale and I was the exact weight I was, 368 lbs before surgery in 2013 and although I had a great deal of success the first time, but then as I said in my story life happened. Even though the weight itself was shocking because I felt like I failed in only losing 4 pounds during the first week of my pre-op diet, I don't think panic really set in until I met with the check out receptionist. We were talking and laughing about my relief of not needing to delay my surgery....then without knowing it, she dropped a bomb on me that I did not really recognize how much it affected me until this morning.
    When I said I was having a second sleeve, which I had gotten over the embarrassment of admitting, she told me that she had a friend who had her third sleeve some time ago, and she had not seen or heard from her since. My gut reaction was - hell no, no way I am doing this a third time, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder. Am I ready...will I be successful...is this worth it to go back a third time....then finally, maybe her friend died after her last surgery. The reality is the cavalier way Miss 'size 10' talked about her struggles in what she described as ballooning due to a medication, my guess is that her friend decided she was not the right person to share her struggles with. I cannot even remember he name but I already regret sharing mine.
    I am aware of how desperately I battled depression, how I came back from the brink after two suicide attempts after surviving a horrifying violet attack, and I was grateful to be at the point ready to have surgery. Then I came home and started self-sabotaging. I am not sure it was intentional, but I was extremely exhausted and had two doctors appointments that day and had missed two of my shakes. I had larger meal, not like before, but enough to make me horribly sick. I had not eaten any basic carbs in more than a week. Yesterday I was so fatigued, had burning pain in my knee from an old injury, but since it is too late to take NSAIDS, I used flexeril, which made me feel even more out of it.
    Yesterday, I still felt out of control and had half of hoagie, which then made me feel worse about myself. My normal unconscious reaction was to head for my go-to foods, SUGAR, thankfully not an ounce of it existed in the house, except for fruit. I took two (non-benzo) anxiety pills and took a nap. I reached out to my surgeon and asked if I now had to change my surgery schedule. He calmly told me no and to just use the pre-op diet to get back on track.
    This morning (well technically middle of the night) I woke up and realized all week I have been looking for signs I was making the wrong decision. My nutritionist had given me this negative self-talk wheel that I really forgot about even though it is stuck to my bulletin. When I looked at it, my behavior patterns started to make sense.
    The truth is I am scared, and I need to give myself permission to feel that and grieve. Its Thanksgiving and fortunately, I am not cooking and will not be around a lot of food. For the past few years, I have been a part of big Thanksgiving celebrations, due to emotional struggles, but my adult daughter usually brings me something from her dad and his family celebrations.
    This morning I woke up and realized how much of my life I have missed out on living in a prison that I not only created, but am the warden who locked away the key to release myself. I want to start living again and not just existing. I know what to expect and that having the surgery will not take away my problems. It is just one tool in my journey to health and better living. Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to begin losing the pounds of pain I have carried for far too long. I needed the last two days to remind that this journey is not going to be easy, but it will take a conscious effort every day to choose to strive for a healthier life for me.
    Hopefully, this time next year I can look back on how I feel today and we thankful I made it to the other side.
    Thank you for sharing this journey with me,
    Mya

  24. Like
    Myap got a reaction from JRT Mom in My revision story   
    Thank you for sharing your story.

  25. Like
    Myap got a reaction from Dances with Carbs in GALS who started their journey over 300 lb+<br /> +   
    Great topic! I was 391 in March 2019 when I was nearing the end of my preoperative testing. My unofficial high was 410 lbs. Down to 368 and 4 days away from surgery on Monday, Dec 2nd!
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