kc892020

No matter what you look like, everyone is nervous about their body their first time. If you’ve gone through the first couple of bases, so to speak, he’s felt what your body is like and he’s still interested. My advice is candlelight and ask him for a massage: everyone looks better by candlelight, he’ll get a feel for your body, squish and all, and it’ll help you relax and get comfortable with him touching and seeing you in an intimate way. Plus, a lot of men like women with some softness to them! If you have cats or are uncomfortable with open flames get the electric candles. Also, try talking to him about this. My personal rule has always been: if you don’t feel comfortable talking with someone about sex and intimacy, you probably shouldn’t be doing it with them. Men like being clued in. Good luck.

Shapewear would be good

I generally wear briefs (just generic, fruit of the loom or hanes) for right now. Since I'm still in weight loss mode, I don't wanna spend on anything fancy or pretty since I'll only be able to wear it for a few months at best.
I wear tighter fitting stuff (like yoga pants, tights, tank tops) that hold my belly and pooch in, and then layer over those most of the time (skirts and shirts) to hide it a little. If it's about comfort, just keeping it from flailing around while you do daily stuff is nice. If it's about looks, Shapewear isn't always a bad thing, just make sure it's not too tight and you're not wearing it too often. People make the mistake of buying binders and things that they're hoping will help "shape" their bodies, but it just ends up damaging their muscles and making their body a little more saggy.

I wear full size briefs and the only ones that seem to fit me correctly at Cacique brand, which I buy at Lane Bryant.

it may have plugged you up. Then when gas starts backing up behind that and can't get through - OUCH! Been there.

Following this- I’m having the same problem right now and backtracking on what I’ve changed. Today my abdomen was so painful and distended I couldn’t work out and that makes me super cranky. I did try this new Keto Cereal called Catalina crunch that I’m in love with but I can’t take the gas and change in BMs. I’ve not had issue with anything I eat since surgery- bah humbug

Are these foods that were in your normal diet and tolerated well before surgery? It sounds like it may be a matter of adaptation of your gut biome (all those little buggers that live in your intestines that help digest your food.) A probiotic may help repopulate your gut with the bacterial species appropriate for digesting what you are now eating.
This is an adaptive thing, and our gut adapts to what we eat; make big changes to our diet and the gut needs to adapt to the new diet. Vegetarians can eat a lot of legumes and cruciferous veg that would have most of us farting to the moon are hardly bothered by them because their gut has adapted.
Just having WLS and the major dietary changes (along with the anti-biotics that can kill of some of the gut bacteria) that typically go along with it can cause digestive problems owing to the biome no longer being compatible with the diet; a malabsorptive procedure such as the RNY or DS compounds this as it also changes the way digestion is done, but we adapt over time. Now you are adding in a new phase of changes that the gut needs to adapt to. It will pass in time (so to speak) but a broad spectrum probiotic can help speed the process.

well yes - and then there's that!!

That's only natural when you eat cruciferous vegetables.

those are all complex carbs. And have Fiber. My system is a mess if I eat too much fiber, but for me too much means at least 30 grams a day. My experience is more bloating and abdominal cramps, though (although that's probably due to trapped gas). I just have to watch my fiber intake. I have to eat enough to keep things moving, but not enough to rile up my G/I tract. It's a continuous balancing act...at least for me..
Have you researched SIBO? Someone on another bariatric site I'm on has that. If so, supposedly low-FODMAP diets help.
anyway, good idea to check with your surgeon. I'm just throwing things out here - your issues may be due to something else.

So, I feel funny writing about this, but...has anyone else ever experienced a negative change in their social life post-op?
I had my surgery back in January. Although my physical health has made drastic improvements, I'm afraid my mental health has taken a toll.
I noticed people have been treating me very differently since having the surgery. I've been getting so many rude comments, I can't keep up. They think I "took the easy way out (not realizing it was actually quite the opposite: the last resort)," and/or are freaked out by all my new eating habits and restrictions or are saying cruel things like "oh, you'll just gain it back like so-and-so did anyway, you watch." A lot of them have also proceeded to claim my changed appearance "weirds them out." Some of my now ex-friends have even gone so far to complain that I "betrayed the body positivity movement by giving into society's expectations of what women should look like." What the actual heck? Even dating, something I thought would get better as I lost weight, is just as bad as it was before. Since I can't drink alcohol anymore or eat a lot of foods, guys have been pretty hostile. Although I've been private about my surgery while dating (simply stating I have a strict diet I need to follow), that hasn't stopped guys from being mean or rude.
Bottom line here is I've lost a lot of friends this past year and my love life is no better than it was. I'm extremely lonely and depressed.
Has anyone else ever encountered this? What can I do to change it? Why is there so much social stigma towards this surgery?

There is still a difference between "hiding" and "advertising". Nobody wants patients to wear an "I had WLS. Kiss me!" shirt. But losing weight and giving people the "just diet and exercise, man" schlock is something that feeds into the lack of acceptance of WLS. There is always the middle ground.
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However, there will always be discussion about this issue and I think I have made my opinion on this clear more than one time in the past. In the end I won't change anyone's mind on this anyway. If people want to hide their surgery, they will hide it as best as they can. Some will be able to hide it, some will be outed and some will be talked about behind their back because people are not as naive as some seem to think they are.

I think this is the main culprit when it comes to hostility post WLS: envy.
Weight/food struggles are ubiquitous, at least past a certain age and it's kind of a WTF?? feeling when slightly overweight people are getting all hostile when seeing a MO person dropping weight.

So, I feel funny writing about this, but...has anyone else ever experienced a negative change in their social life post-op?
I had my surgery back in January. Although my physical health has made drastic improvements, I'm afraid my mental health has taken a toll.
I noticed people have been treating me very differently since having the surgery. I've been getting so many rude comments, I can't keep up. They think I "took the easy way out (not realizing it was actually quite the opposite: the last resort)," and/or are freaked out by all my new eating habits and restrictions or are saying cruel things like "oh, you'll just gain it back like so-and-so did anyway, you watch." A lot of them have also proceeded to claim my changed appearance "weirds them out." Some of my now ex-friends have even gone so far to complain that I "betrayed the body positivity movement by giving into society's expectations of what women should look like." What the actual heck? Even dating, something I thought would get better as I lost weight, is just as bad as it was before. Since I can't drink alcohol anymore or eat a lot of foods, guys have been pretty hostile. Although I've been private about my surgery while dating (simply stating I have a strict diet I need to follow), that hasn't stopped guys from being mean or rude.
Bottom line here is I've lost a lot of friends this past year and my love life is no better than it was. I'm extremely lonely and depressed.
Has anyone else ever encountered this? What can I do to change it? Why is there so much social stigma towards this surgery?

I love this SO much!

Sorry that you've had this experience with friends, but I don't think it's that surprising to be honest. You have lost an amazing amount of weight - many congratulations! A major change like this, whether by wls or not, is bound to affect the established relationships you have with family/friends. Your obese friends have lost part of their "support group" where they can justify their own obesity because all of their friends are similarly obese. You've upset the balance of the friendship group and they can't accept that - subconsciously, it feels like a personal criticism of them remaining fat.
They're being cruel and unkind about the weight loss and wls because they're trying to put themselves back into the position where they don't believe they should try to lose weight.
Making new friends must be the answer - and make friends who have the same interests you now do i.e. not eating, but keeping fit & active pursuits like walking, running etc. Personally I wouldn't tell them about the wls because why do they need to know, certainly initially? Good luck!

Let me start by saying I have seen this a ton on here, People are mean by nature Not all but some. People are jealous and tend to talk out there ass. You have changed your life for the better that is what is key! Stay clear of the toxic people and enviroments, They killed this above so not going to harp on it, one thing i found was doing new things allowed me to meet new people. For example I joined a MC club and new nobody i never mentioned I had surgery and at huge cook outs i would just pick saying not really hungry. Met new friends and a few of them know now what i did but really do not judge
People Suck at times so just become Ice b***h and do not let it bother you, who cares what others think or say.
You got this

KC that is a lot of food intolerance - maybe get a second opinion?? Also what about a different support group? Depending on your area you mAay be able to join another or an activity group. On line exercise - something to promote dopamine production. You have gone through a lot of changes - change is tough Maybe counseling, I hear every day that these are uncertain times! If you look at the national group takeoff pounds sensibly - TOPS they have categories for WLS and maintainers for those at goal. You are not alone. Best

I don't have any sage words of advice and am not having my surgery until next week. I just want to say Congratulations! for making the decision to have surgery and significantly improve your health!!! I haven't experienced any negativity yet- just some concern and hopefully, it will stay that way. I hope that you are Proud of yourself and your success! No one else lives in our bodies and faces the consequences- positive or negative- of our decisions. I wish you happiness and continued success!

Thank you for the encouraging words! ❤️ I appreciate it.

Thank you! ❤️ I appreciate the encouraging words.

Thank you!

Thank you, and good luck to you on your surgery!

Well, you are lucky, that's for sure. I think for me, because a lot of my friends were also morbidly obese, they felt like I "betraying" them or something. That being said, unfortunately, these relationships can't be salvaged. As far as dining out, it is almost impossible for me these days, as I developed A LOT of intolerances to sooooo many foods since the surgery. I can't keep down any meat, fish, fruit, breads/pastas/potatoes/non-skim dairy/sweets of any kind, nuts, and some even some vegetables. I've consulted my surgeon so many times about this in recent months, as there's foods I'm supposed to be able to tolerate by now that I just can't. He just said some people develop intolerances and left it at that. 😕 So, it isn't just a "I don't want to do something food-related," it's a "I can't do something food related." It's very frustrating, because it seems dining out is literally the only socialization people do around my home. Even during the pandemic! Thank you for the kind words. I wish you continued success.

Yes it definitely scares people. Thank you for the kind words and recommendation. Unfortunately, my surgeon's office no longer offers a support group. They did but cancelled it with Covid and only made the online option available to pre-ops.