I have been struggling with my weight my whole life. It's always a comment from my parents, or my old doctor saying that I should eat more veggies and salads and run more. Or me trying fad diet after fad diet, or trying a "lifestyle change" diet like Noom or Weight watchers or Keto... but I always hover between 280 and 220 pounds. I remember once, I broke past my 220 pound curse... I got to 200 pounds even! "Finally! Progress!" I thought to myself, but a little voice in the back of my head came around. It was all the doctors I had ever seen come to torture me. "For a person my size, gender, and age. I should be between 100-120 pounds". Ok, so time to change up the routine, and try to lose more weight. I took weight loss pills, exercised harder, but the weight loss just stalled. No matter how much I tried I could not break the barrier.
So. I am taking the plunge into weight loss surgery. I spoke with my PCP, and he said felt it would benefit me. It will help with my insulin resistance that is due to my Pcos (polycystic ovary syndrome), and lower my risk for diabetes and heart problems (both are health issues from my parents). I found a surgeon in the Tampa, FL area and I have my very first appointment with him in a couple weeks... so why do I feel like a failure?
Why is it that I feel like I can try a new way to lose the weight on my own without having surgery? Why am I against the surgery? Why does it feel like I'm failing when I haven't even started? I just want to be healthy... I don't even care about being skinny... I just want to be able to tie my shoes without becoming winded. Or go to a theme park without becoming tired in an hour.
Do I have many, many questions? Yes. But signing up in this forum has helped answer some of them... do I worry about what I'll look like after the surgery? Yes. But that does not outweigh my health... and I know this!
But why on earth do I still want to cancel the appointment and try, for the millionth time, to lose the weight on my own? Why do I feel like giving up when I haven't even started?
Am I the only one who feels like this? I can't be alone in these thoughts, right? ... truthfully I probably should save this discussion for the bariatric therapist; but I can't stop thinking about it...
How did you all do it? How did you guys push past the intrusive thoughts?