Hi there! I'm a 21st Jan sleever in the same situation as you. Hoping the pizza my kids ordered in would disgust me, but it didn't. Also delving into research I didn't see before surgery on long term outcomes...then remembering I'm unique and was 44BMI pre-surgery, up from 35 BMI 9 years ago, and relatively well considering, so I'm not in those big risk centiles. Still blows my mind I had major bits cut off instead of hitting the gym, then sensible head weighs back in to remind me how that never worked and even dietician was baffled how I got here when I gave a full and honest account of daily diet. Please rant and doubt however much you need. Decisions get better the more we examine them and just because you can't reverse isn't a reason to shut up and put up. In future they may untangle all the electrics, hormones, thousands of genes that change with the surgery and synthesize a way to save folk the knife. In the mean time you have bought yourself a dramatic decrease in the risk of leaving the people who love you too early. That is courageous, as is the work you are doing now to make the best of it. Finally...hugs. It can be so lonely