ms.sss

So this morning I RAN my first continuous 5K ever.  On vacation, no less!!  I had gone to the hotel gym with the intention to do 45 mins of run/walk on the treadmill when I crossed paths with a group (led by hotel staff) who were going off-grounds for a group run.  They convinced to join them and I totally did it!!!  Funny because if I were alone I would have gave up at 3km...the presence of the others brought out my "if-you-can-do-this-so-can-i-dammit"  attitude..gonna join them again on Friday!

So this morning I RAN my first continuous 5K ever.  On vacation, no less!!  I had gone to the hotel gym with the intention to do 45 mins of run/walk on the treadmill when I crossed paths with a group (led by hotel staff) who were going off-grounds for a group run.  They convinced to join them and I totally did it!!!  Funny because if I were alone I would have gave up at 3km...the presence of the others brought out my "if-you-can-do-this-so-can-i-dammit"  attitude..gonna join them again on Friday!

So it's been a while since I posted - but progress has been amazing.
My VSG was 5/1/17.  I dropped to 220lbs and stayed there for some time.  This was a huge win for me - so I decided to take the next step and I met with an amazing plastic surgeon who helped me with the next step - excess skin removal.  There were three things that needed to be addressed 1) abdominal hernia's 2) panniculectomy and a 3) abdominoplasty.
First, talk to your plastic surgeon - I spoke with several, and these are expensive procedures - but I finally found a surgeon that advised me that the panniculectomy could be covered by health insurance - and it was - saving me nearly $5000.  Overall I still paid $7k out of pocket - but way better than the $12 - $14k that I had been quoted by others.
I had my reconstructive surgery 1 month ago - the surgeon removed 14lbs of skin and fat - and I dropped a few more pounds - and am now weighing in at 195.  My highest weight was 445lbs.  I way less than when I started high school - and I feel amazing - I am still recovering from the surgery because it is fairly invasive - so pics to follow - but what an amazing journey - I never thought I would get here. 
My journey has been almost 14 years - a failed lap band, massive complications from that, weight gain and then struggling to gain the nerve to try again with the VSG - but my care team has been amazing - and I cannot thank them for giving me my life back.  At 52 I am the healthiest I have been since I was 14.  
Please remember, the journey can be tough, the struggles are real, the pain is there - but it's your life you are fighting for - and there is nothing more important than that.

I haven't checked in for a long time. Thought I'd give an update. So after getting within 15 pounds of my goal, which was 167 the last time I posted, which was approx 16 months after surgery, I little by little started to slide into some old habits - using food for comfort, not eating enough protein, filling up on carbs, etc etc.  As of 3/31/19 I hit another bottom. I'd gone back up to 213 (my top weight was 241) and I was physically miserable and it was impacting my mental and spiritual health. What I was eating was NOT feeding me in any way. My mother had passed away and I found myself avoiding grief by eating anything I wanted.  As of 4/1/19 I began by doing a month of Whole30 to eliminate foods that were causing me distress and inflammation. It was a wake up call I needed. My skin cleared up, my inflammation is in check, my eyes are clear, my body feels more energetic and I don't feel the need to nap everyday due to fatigue, I can take the stairs without dread, and I feel freedom from the effect of food - even peace - for the first time in my life. I did not get to this place of paying REAL attention to nutrition until I hit a bottom. I was one month from turning 55 and I knew if I didn't do something, I was going to really plunge into a despair I might not come back from.  I completely threw myself into learning how to cook from a place of health, not putting butter and cheese on everything to "flavor" it (including salad).  I've eliminate dairy, sugar and flour from my diet almost 100% and I've got a primarily Mediterranean diet at this point. My spiritual/mental/physical health is so much more important to me now. I'm feeling so grateful.  I am 178 pounds - and figure my body is going to find it's stopping point when it's ready. I feel committed to my health in ways I wasn't when I had the sleeve surgery. I thought I was ready to change, I really did, but I was not willing to admit that some foods not only trigger me, they plunge me into addiction and it's very hard for me to find my way back to peace with food once I jump off track.  So I make it my intention to stay clear of processed foods, junk food, fried food, the things that make me not only in full addict mode, but enhance my feelings of low self worth and depression.  If I don't have the first one, I don't have to eat the last.  It's doable. One day at a time.  If you had surgery and gained weight back - DO NOT DESPAIR - you can find your way to health. It may take time and it will surely take effort, but once you get to that place of being done hurting yourself, you will want something different so you'll do something different and find a path back to wellness. It took me a little over two years to feel "ready" to change. I have no more shame for being someone who gained weight after surgery (I sure did though...and it was painful), I feel open and willing and I know that my experience was mine to have.  If I can help anyone else feel hopeful that it's not too late, no matter how many times you've tried to heal yourself and better your health, then it will all have been worth it. I'm 55 and I can tell you from the bottom of my heart...it gets greater later. xoxo
PS I've attached some before and after pics. Some are before gastric sleeve surgery, some are from March of this year and now (before and after getting back on track).

I can't wait to see my surgeon next week! I have passed his goal and my labs look fantastic! I can't decide whether to wear a cute little dress I found yesterday or my new size 4 jeans just in case they decide to do my "after" pictures!

Um...so all this time I thought I had a lumpy lower abdomen due to stubborn fat deposits or uneven fat loss.  Turns out two of those lumps are my hip bones.

Um...so all this time I thought I had a lumpy lower abdomen due to stubborn fat deposits or uneven fat loss.  Turns out two of those lumps are my hip bones.

Um...so all this time I thought I had a lumpy lower abdomen due to stubborn fat deposits or uneven fat loss.  Turns out two of those lumps are my hip bones.

Um...so all this time I thought I had a lumpy lower abdomen due to stubborn fat deposits or uneven fat loss.  Turns out two of those lumps are my hip bones.

Um...so all this time I thought I had a lumpy lower abdomen due to stubborn fat deposits or uneven fat loss.  Turns out two of those lumps are my hip bones.

So just came back from my first mini-vacay since getting into maintenance.  I didn't have a food nor body scale, so I was winging it.  I estimated to have taken in well over 2000 calories for each of the 4 days we were road trippin'.  I was fully prepared to see a noticeable weight increase upon our return due to the higher volume and calorie rich foods I was eating.  Plus I didn't poop the entire time, so all the food is technically still in me, lol.
Imagine my surprise when I got on the scale this morning and it read 116.2 😲
The exact same weight I was the morning I left.  WTF?

Ok...so keeping my daily weight updated on here is getting tedious due to the the daily 0-3 lbs fluctuations.  Soooo...I figure I'm just going to update every 1-2 weeks moving forward.
 

A couple of minor victories this morning...
Not only did the scale move (just a wee bit, but it moved below 216! Hallelujah!) but I also pooped without chemical inducement! I'm not ready to say that I've gotten past the stall, but I have a little hope. 
It's going to be a good day!

Worst. Dumping. Ever. Last. Night.
So I thought I would throw caution to the wind and sample some of the fruit salad that my mom brought over for the fam. I dutifully portioned out 1/8 cup of the stuff.  I figured the sugar in the fruit may be in issue, but come on, 1/8 cup?  Barely a couple bites, should be fine.
Before I could finish it, my heart started to feel like it was beating out of my chest.
*** TMI Alert: continue reading at your own risk ***
Ended up in the washroom barfing. And while I was barfing, I had to .  I was literally alternating ends to face the toilet until it felt like there was nothing left in my insides.  I swear more came out of me that I even put in it over the last 3 days.
I laid down with my forehead on the cold bathroom floor tile for like 20 minutes afterwards to recuperate.  Then Mr. (my hero ) carried me to the shower and helped me crawl into bed.
So yeah, I'm feeling pretty shitty this AM.
 
 

Worst. Dumping. Ever. Last. Night.
So I thought I would throw caution to the wind and sample some of the fruit salad that my mom brought over for the fam. I dutifully portioned out 1/8 cup of the stuff.  I figured the sugar in the fruit may be in issue, but come on, 1/8 cup?  Barely a couple bites, should be fine.
Before I could finish it, my heart started to feel like it was beating out of my chest.
*** TMI Alert: continue reading at your own risk ***
Ended up in the washroom barfing. And while I was barfing, I had to .  I was literally alternating ends to face the toilet until it felt like there was nothing left in my insides.  I swear more came out of me that I even put in it over the last 3 days.
I laid down with my forehead on the cold bathroom floor tile for like 20 minutes afterwards to recuperate.  Then Mr. (my hero ) carried me to the shower and helped me crawl into bed.
So yeah, I'm feeling pretty shitty this AM.
 
 

Worst. Dumping. Ever. Last. Night.
So I thought I would throw caution to the wind and sample some of the fruit salad that my mom brought over for the fam. I dutifully portioned out 1/8 cup of the stuff.  I figured the sugar in the fruit may be in issue, but come on, 1/8 cup?  Barely a couple bites, should be fine.
Before I could finish it, my heart started to feel like it was beating out of my chest.
*** TMI Alert: continue reading at your own risk ***
Ended up in the washroom barfing. And while I was barfing, I had to .  I was literally alternating ends to face the toilet until it felt like there was nothing left in my insides.  I swear more came out of me that I even put in it over the last 3 days.
I laid down with my forehead on the cold bathroom floor tile for like 20 minutes afterwards to recuperate.  Then Mr. (my hero ) carried me to the shower and helped me crawl into bed.
So yeah, I'm feeling pretty shitty this AM.
 
 

Worst. Dumping. Ever. Last. Night.
So I thought I would throw caution to the wind and sample some of the fruit salad that my mom brought over for the fam. I dutifully portioned out 1/8 cup of the stuff.  I figured the sugar in the fruit may be in issue, but come on, 1/8 cup?  Barely a couple bites, should be fine.
Before I could finish it, my heart started to feel like it was beating out of my chest.
*** TMI Alert: continue reading at your own risk ***
Ended up in the washroom barfing. And while I was barfing, I had to .  I was literally alternating ends to face the toilet until it felt like there was nothing left in my insides.  I swear more came out of me that I even put in it over the last 3 days.
I laid down with my forehead on the cold bathroom floor tile for like 20 minutes afterwards to recuperate.  Then Mr. (my hero ) carried me to the shower and helped me crawl into bed.
So yeah, I'm feeling pretty shitty this AM.
 
 

I am officially under my ultimate goal weight...holy cow! Just wanted to share an update on my progress. I didn't take a whole lot of progress pics. The before is the oldest one I have and its 2.5 months post op and the right photo is of me today! Thrilled with my progress. Hoping everyone is happy, healthy and doing great!

So I went to a wedding last night and definitely consumed more calories than I ever had since before my 2-week pre-op diet.  I didn't have a scale nor labels to scan, so I estimated everything in MFP, and logged in about 2000 calories.  I didn't really eat much, so most of this was comprised of booze (red wines and gin & sodas) and 3 spoonfuls of creme brûlée.
Well, either I over-exerted myself with all the dancing, or I was drunker than I planned, or I possibly experienced my second-ever dumping episode (I say possibly because I'm still not sure the first one I had was really dumping nor am I positive that last night was one either...).  I was sweating at the level of my pre-op days, and barfed for like 15 minutes.  Luckily, I felt sooo much better after the barfing that I got to enjoy the rest of the night, so all was not completely lost.
I have another wedding to go to this month, and will do better.  Pinky swear. 
 

So I went to a wedding last night and definitely consumed more calories than I ever had since before my 2-week pre-op diet.  I didn't have a scale nor labels to scan, so I estimated everything in MFP, and logged in about 2000 calories.  I didn't really eat much, so most of this was comprised of booze (red wines and gin & sodas) and 3 spoonfuls of creme brûlée.
Well, either I over-exerted myself with all the dancing, or I was drunker than I planned, or I possibly experienced my second-ever dumping episode (I say possibly because I'm still not sure the first one I had was really dumping nor am I positive that last night was one either...).  I was sweating at the level of my pre-op days, and barfed for like 15 minutes.  Luckily, I felt sooo much better after the barfing that I got to enjoy the rest of the night, so all was not completely lost.
I have another wedding to go to this month, and will do better.  Pinky swear. 
 

Never thought I would say this, but I think I've lost enough weight.
My goal was originally 120 lbs, and I think I'm going to stop where I am (127.3 lbs).  I'm about to size myself out of the smallest of sizes of women's clothing and I really don't want to sport a wardrobe from Gap Kids (which, btw, I actually wore this morning...my jacket felt so loose on me and its just a little too cold today to go jacket-less, so I put on the Kid's old windbreaker that she wore 2 years ago: Gap Kids size 12. Seriously.  I'm wearing my kid's hand-me-downs.  What is happening??)
I don't really understand though why when I was in my 20's, when I weighed less than I do right now, was I actually bigger than I am right now.  I still have clothes that I wore in my 20's that I am swimming in these days *scratches head*.
...and since I plan to get some PS done in August, I figure whatever skin they chop off of me will get me down closer to 120 without having to lose any more fat and/or muscle and/or overall bulk.
Soooooo....now I have to figure out how to do the maintenance thing.

Never thought I would say this, but I think I've lost enough weight.
My goal was originally 120 lbs, and I think I'm going to stop where I am (127.3 lbs).  I'm about to size myself out of the smallest of sizes of women's clothing and I really don't want to sport a wardrobe from Gap Kids (which, btw, I actually wore this morning...my jacket felt so loose on me and its just a little too cold today to go jacket-less, so I put on the Kid's old windbreaker that she wore 2 years ago: Gap Kids size 12. Seriously.  I'm wearing my kid's hand-me-downs.  What is happening??)
I don't really understand though why when I was in my 20's, when I weighed less than I do right now, was I actually bigger than I am right now.  I still have clothes that I wore in my 20's that I am swimming in these days *scratches head*.
...and since I plan to get some PS done in August, I figure whatever skin they chop off of me will get me down closer to 120 without having to lose any more fat and/or muscle and/or overall bulk.
Soooooo....now I have to figure out how to do the maintenance thing.

Was feeling sassy after my shower tonight and tried on a dress that I haven't worn since 2004, when I was 30. It fits!!! 

8 month update... well ill let the pictures speak for themselfs.

Never thought I would say this, but I think I've lost enough weight.
My goal was originally 120 lbs, and I think I'm going to stop where I am (127.3 lbs).  I'm about to size myself out of the smallest of sizes of women's clothing and I really don't want to sport a wardrobe from Gap Kids (which, btw, I actually wore this morning...my jacket felt so loose on me and its just a little too cold today to go jacket-less, so I put on the Kid's old windbreaker that she wore 2 years ago: Gap Kids size 12. Seriously.  I'm wearing my kid's hand-me-downs.  What is happening??)
I don't really understand though why when I was in my 20's, when I weighed less than I do right now, was I actually bigger than I am right now.  I still have clothes that I wore in my 20's that I am swimming in these days *scratches head*.
...and since I plan to get some PS done in August, I figure whatever skin they chop off of me will get me down closer to 120 without having to lose any more fat and/or muscle and/or overall bulk.
Soooooo....now I have to figure out how to do the maintenance thing.