kat__p

UPDATE: I went to have an upper GI done on Tuesday and my whole abdomen, stomach, colon all were still full of barium contrast from 2 MONTHS ago when I had a CT scan!!!! It was all stuck to my insides. My surgeon had me drink magnesium citrate for 2 days and basically poop my insides out (that's what it felt like, anyway.) I saw him yesterday and he's concerned. He has scheduled me for another upper GI and he said that if things didn't improve he would refer me to a colorectal surgeon to check if my colon is functioning correctly. I asked about the pelvic exam and he's scheduling that too. I'm not gonna lie I'm scared but at least my surgeon is aware and treating me and I trust him completely. Wish me luck you guys. Thank you all for all your kind words. <3

Hi all, I dunno if any of you have read any of my posts before. I recently ranted about an ER visit due to this issue I'm having and I'm hoping maybe someone else has experienced it? I had RNY Gastric Bypass in 2009, Galbladder Removed in 2010 and a Hernia repair in 2013. I've regained weight for several reasons but I'm getting back on track and you can find more background on that on my other posts. I just need to see if anyone has experienced something similar.
For a few months on and off now I've been getting this pain om my lower right quadrant. It starts dull by my belly button then slowly goes to the side and it starts getting so unbearable, reminds me of when I used to get gallbladder attacks. Sometimes I also feel it on my right mid to low back as well. The pain gets so unbearable I've had multiple ER visits and every time the CT Scan comes back clear and they just send me home (with an attitude because apparently everyone is a drug seeker now , but I digress). I even saw my surgeon's resident at the ER on Monday but instead of a CT she did an X-Ray and she said she couldn't see anything weird and I'm probably just constipated and make an appointment with my bariatric surgeon in a week. I will.
But, has any of you ever experienced anything like that? The pain comes in waves it's never fully gone but it can be bearable. As of this week I'm really not into food at all and have just been living off Water and Protein Shakes or coffee and the occasional cheese stick. If you've had this happen did anyone ever figure it out? Did it get better? Did I break something they can't see? This is maddening? Please feel free to comment with any idea you may have even if you haven't experienced this. Thanks in advance.

I definitely will. I'm tired of not feeling healthy and just feeling shitty everyday when this should be one of the happiest times in my life. I'll try anything for this to stop, seriously.

UPDATE: I went to have an upper GI done on Tuesday and my whole abdomen, stomach, colon all were still full of barium contrast from 2 MONTHS ago when I had a CT scan!!!! It was all stuck to my insides. My surgeon had me drink magnesium citrate for 2 days and basically poop my insides out (that's what it felt like, anyway.) I saw him yesterday and he's concerned. He has scheduled me for another upper GI and he said that if things didn't improve he would refer me to a colorectal surgeon to check if my colon is functioning correctly. I asked about the pelvic exam and he's scheduling that too. I'm not gonna lie I'm scared but at least my surgeon is aware and treating me and I trust him completely. Wish me luck you guys. Thank you all for all your kind words. <3

UPDATE: I went to have an upper GI done on Tuesday and my whole abdomen, stomach, colon all were still full of barium contrast from 2 MONTHS ago when I had a CT scan!!!! It was all stuck to my insides. My surgeon had me drink magnesium citrate for 2 days and basically poop my insides out (that's what it felt like, anyway.) I saw him yesterday and he's concerned. He has scheduled me for another upper GI and he said that if things didn't improve he would refer me to a colorectal surgeon to check if my colon is functioning correctly. I asked about the pelvic exam and he's scheduling that too. I'm not gonna lie I'm scared but at least my surgeon is aware and treating me and I trust him completely. Wish me luck you guys. Thank you all for all your kind words. <3

We just don't get the people who view life through the lens of a higher being (and if I lump the agnostics in here too, a specific higher being that has will and intent, etc etc). That's not being above or below, it's just speaking two different languages. I have a pretty hard time with Chinese characters (though I find them fascinating), because my mind works really well with the order system of phonetic alphabets, but I'm sure there are English-speaking kids who have a rough time with phonics but would be AMAZING at writing and reading Chinese characters since they're a method of symbol-building that's a lot more visual. As far as I'm concerned, those who believe in God are working in Chinese while I'm working in English. Would I find it difficult to understand if they suddenly phrased an English get-well sentence in a structural form closer to Chinese? Probably! Would I prefer if they expressed themselves to me in our common language where the intent was clearer? Also probably! (I would also resist speaking to them in iambic pentameter or lapsing into medieval english, so the road goes both ways.)
We could also look at this through the context of superstition. If you believe that stepping on a crack will actually break your mother's back, okay. I can roll with that. Just don't get weird about me stepping on cracks, and I'm going to find it pretty annoying if my mom gets sick and you tell me that you hope she gets better and that you'll be extra-vigilant in helping me to avoid stepping on cracks. That's your thing, not mine, so... What's the point in introducing your belief system when you know I don't give a toss about it? Especially when you're supposedly trying to be there for me in some way?
Personally I don't really care about the whole "prayers" thing, though my mind might change if I was constantly surrounded by it. I can brush it off because it's an aberration, not a constant low-key brainwashing attempt to normalize religious culture in secular space. Either way, when offering sympathy it's nice to offer empathy too. If you're talking to a religious person and you're not religious, resist any urge to get into atheist debate while they're talking about their cat going to heaven. If you're religious talking to an atheist, maybe strip out some of the God-language when telling them how you're thinking of them after their parrot died.
Proselytizing is an activity that has its time and place, no matter what brand you're pushing.

Try to be mindful on what you're doing before the pain starts. I've found that if I sit a certain way I can cause the pain to start after a while.
Also, try stretching your back when you have the pain to see if that alleviates it.

Existential crisis time:
But where does it all go...

Okay, so I've been having this unexplained pain on my lower stomach for a few moths and it comes and goes but sometimes it gets so severe I end up at the ER. And usually they start out super nice, treat the pain then do CT scan but can never see anything. Then they just do a 180 with their attitude with me and act as if I'm faking the pain and just sent me home. A couple of times I've been admitted and they found a hiatal hernia but the doctor said "everyone has those, it wouldn't cause that pain" and again, sent me home feeling humiliated for being treated like a drug seeker. I'm convinced it says that on my chart now. So I go see my bariatric surgeon's NP yesterday to go over my regain and I tell her about the pain and she's like omg that's awful! Your surgeon is actually at the hospital you had your surgery at, go straight to the ER, I will page him and make sure when you get there you tell them you're there to see him. By now the pain has gotten so bad it's not just on my lower right abdomen, it loops to my lower and middle back. I tell them I haven't been able to have a bowel movement or pass gas. The ER doctor saw me first, very nice she said don't worry we're gonna get you comfortable while we page Dr. De La Cruz. They gave me 4 mg of morphine and guys, IT DID NOTHING. I was sobbing! The nurse was like, I got you, I'll ask for something stronger I'll be right be right back. While waiting, finally my surgeon sent his "chief attending" cuz I guess he was in surgery and she examined me, asked questions, poked me around a lot and saw how I howled in pain
n the areas she touched that hurt the most. And she goes "Well, you had a CT scan like a week ago so I'm not doing that again, we'll just do an xray but I'm sure you're just constipated and you don't need pain medication, it'll just make it worse." So the nurse comes back and she's like, I can;t give you anything until after the x-ray." I hold out crying for the x-ray. The guy and lady who did it manhandled the heck out of me then I had to wait an hour for the results, still almost yelling I was sobbing so loudly and no one would come to even check on me. Finally the ER doc comes in and was like "well, we couldn't see any impacted stool or anything but the resident from your surgeon's team chose against scanning youand to follow up w your surgeon in a week so I'm gonna send you home. Just drink lots of Water and you can take ibuprofen and I'm like 1) I'm allergic and 2) bariatric patients can't take NSAIDS. She's just like "I'm not giving you narcotics" and I'm like "I'm not asking for narcotics! I just need someone to find out what's wrong with me and fix it, please" I didn't even finish my sentence when she just turned around an walked out of the room. WHO DOES THAT! The nurse came by to take off my IV and help me get dressed and she was like "I'm sorry but they made a bad call. You call your surgeon tomorrow and complain because anyone can see you're not faking" She was the one person that was nice to me.
I'm sorry for the wrong rant but I'm so discouraged. I thought my surgeon would at least see me himself or admit me so they can really take a look at what could be wrong. I've left 4 messages at his office today and no call backs yet. I know it sounds crazy but maybe it's because I'm one of his failure patients cuz I gained weight so he doesn't want to really deal with me. My pain is so bad, the only way I can deal at work is if I take one of my husband's muscle relaxants. It doesn't make the pain go away but it makes it bearable. I'm barely eating but I look 6 months pregnant and I feel awful. I hope I can get to see him again and make sure it's HIM soon.
I don't know what else to do. I hate being treated like a junkie when I'm legitimately in pain.

Some sort of spasms they can't put a finger on- so they put you down? Typical medical reasoning WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT THIS IS---THEREFORE YOU HAVE NOTHING WRONG! It is a miracle they are not killing a chicken, setting a fire , counting smoke rings to diagnose you. That's what they did in the Middle Ages,after all.Seems not,to have changed too much.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think this is going to happen more and more because of all the media attention to the opioid crisis. I'd rather see a thousand drug seekers get their fix than one person suffer in pain. I worry about this being a problem after surgery because we can't take NSAIDS. I hope you get a decent doctor to see you soon.

That sucks. Hope he figures it out soon and you get some relief. Good luck to you.

Okay, so I've been having this unexplained pain on my lower stomach for a few moths and it comes and goes but sometimes it gets so severe I end up at the ER. And usually they start out super nice, treat the pain then do CT scan but can never see anything. Then they just do a 180 with their attitude with me and act as if I'm faking the pain and just sent me home. A couple of times I've been admitted and they found a hiatal hernia but the doctor said "everyone has those, it wouldn't cause that pain" and again, sent me home feeling humiliated for being treated like a drug seeker. I'm convinced it says that on my chart now. So I go see my bariatric surgeon's NP yesterday to go over my regain and I tell her about the pain and she's like omg that's awful! Your surgeon is actually at the hospital you had your surgery at, go straight to the ER, I will page him and make sure when you get there you tell them you're there to see him. By now the pain has gotten so bad it's not just on my lower right abdomen, it loops to my lower and middle back. I tell them I haven't been able to have a bowel movement or pass gas. The ER doctor saw me first, very nice she said don't worry we're gonna get you comfortable while we page Dr. De La Cruz. They gave me 4 mg of morphine and guys, IT DID NOTHING. I was sobbing! The nurse was like, I got you, I'll ask for something stronger I'll be right be right back. While waiting, finally my surgeon sent his "chief attending" cuz I guess he was in surgery and she examined me, asked questions, poked me around a lot and saw how I howled in pain
n the areas she touched that hurt the most. And she goes "Well, you had a CT scan like a week ago so I'm not doing that again, we'll just do an xray but I'm sure you're just constipated and you don't need pain medication, it'll just make it worse." So the nurse comes back and she's like, I can;t give you anything until after the x-ray." I hold out crying for the x-ray. The guy and lady who did it manhandled the heck out of me then I had to wait an hour for the results, still almost yelling I was sobbing so loudly and no one would come to even check on me. Finally the ER doc comes in and was like "well, we couldn't see any impacted stool or anything but the resident from your surgeon's team chose against scanning youand to follow up w your surgeon in a week so I'm gonna send you home. Just drink lots of Water and you can take ibuprofen and I'm like 1) I'm allergic and 2) bariatric patients can't take NSAIDS. She's just like "I'm not giving you narcotics" and I'm like "I'm not asking for narcotics! I just need someone to find out what's wrong with me and fix it, please" I didn't even finish my sentence when she just turned around an walked out of the room. WHO DOES THAT! The nurse came by to take off my IV and help me get dressed and she was like "I'm sorry but they made a bad call. You call your surgeon tomorrow and complain because anyone can see you're not faking" She was the one person that was nice to me.
I'm sorry for the wrong rant but I'm so discouraged. I thought my surgeon would at least see me himself or admit me so they can really take a look at what could be wrong. I've left 4 messages at his office today and no call backs yet. I know it sounds crazy but maybe it's because I'm one of his failure patients cuz I gained weight so he doesn't want to really deal with me. My pain is so bad, the only way I can deal at work is if I take one of my husband's muscle relaxants. It doesn't make the pain go away but it makes it bearable. I'm barely eating but I look 6 months pregnant and I feel awful. I hope I can get to see him again and make sure it's HIM soon.
I don't know what else to do. I hate being treated like a junkie when I'm legitimately in pain.

If anyone had suggested WLS to me other than my doctor, I would have punched them in the face....and then cried like a baby. We all knew we were fat and I'm sure these young girls know it as well.
You cannot say anything no matter how much you want to. If someone comes to you for information...well that's different. But unsolicited advice is NOT appreciated.
My concern for myself is that I find that I am feeling negative towards my heavy brethern. I see a large person and instead of feeling sympathetic, I instead feel superior like I did something special. I did nothing special by getting WLS..I was basically forced to do it in order to avoid living in a wheelchair. That's not being special..that's being stupid for allowing myself to get to that stage. I constantly have to remind myself to get off my high horse and remember that under this new, smaller person is still a fat woman while also working with my therapist to separate myself from who I was and start to embrace who I am becoming.
I should start a thread about that...

This is supposed to be a forum where you get information, tell you stories of success (or failures) and get support. People who are struggling are looking for support and some good suggestions to help them. There is absolutely NO GOOD REASON to do that in any way but a nice, polite, supportive way.
The whole thing about "free speech" is just an excuse for some to be rude.
Yes, anyone has the right to be on here and voice their opinion and anyone else has the right to call them out on being rude.
It reminds me of blaming the victim (in this case calling them thin skinned) - remember all the fat jokes that we were supposed to laugh at because if we didn't then we "couldn't take a joke"?
I call it like I see it and rude is rude. Don't try to dress it up as tough love or blame the person it is directed at.

It has nothing to do with weakness. Depression is a physiological phenomenon, a biochemical mechanism that can be stirred up by huge life change and/or major trauma. It doesn't make sense, it's not always rational, and that's because ration is not a feature of the brain structures that control emotion. They operate independently of our rational mind. When someone's mind is already off kilter due to major life changes and maladaptive biochemical processes, something a simple as a post on a website really can be a kick in the teeth. That's because the mind is already reeling from these changes. It can take time for a person to get sorted out, to mentally get back on their feet to the point that they can just dismiss ridiculous comments on the web. We're all human, and so we are all vulnerable, we can all be stressed when someone, even a stranger on the internet, pushes on our weak spots or kicks us when we are down.
Frankly, in this day and age, with the widespread knowledge of depression and its causes, I'm shocked that you don't know all of this. I used to be a therapist, and most of my patients had at least some basic knowledge like this before they even sought out care.
I hope your post doesn't scare off people who are, however temporarily, in a dark place, and are sensitive to comments, on the internet or otherwise. It is absolutely normal to feel the way they do and experience sensitivity to the opinions of others. I mean, the opinions of others are exactly why we are all here!

I struggle with self-harm thoughts but as of right now I'm lucky to have a supportive husband so I think I'm safe. He knows what I'm going through and is there for me when I'm going through my bad days. Thank you for asking.

So, a little bit of background... I had rny gastric bypass back in 2009, lost over 200 lbs, I was sexually assaulted in 2013 and developed seizures after a car accident the same year and drinking and taking pills I was prescribed for anxiety got out of control since I couldn't eat like before surgery as a means of comfort and slowly put on about 20-30 lbs. Drinking and taking pills has gotten A LOT better in the last year but I started eating as a coping mechanism when the drinking stopped so I've gained about 60 lbs in the last 12 months.
I've started seeing a therapist and this time I'm trying to get to the bottom of why I started eating the way I did which led to surgery and why I'm doing it again now, while at the same time trying to deal with PTSD from the assault.
My rant? I KNOW that I'm hurting myself with food. I KNOW what I SHOULD be doing and I can be pretty good for a couple of days, then I binge and then starve myself to punish myself, then I go back to basics for another 2 days and the cycle starts again. My therapist says that it's going to happen and to just keep going to therapy and working through things but I'm freaking out because I'm finally going back to my surgeon's office after this regain (has been about 5 years since I've seen him) and I'm scared about what they'll say after me putting on all this weight.
I come to this forum daily to get inspired to do what's best for me and some days it helps but most of the time I just hate myself for this regain and feel worthless. I wish there was a way I could do things differently but here I am, feeling hopeless and like I can't kickstart me losing weight in a healthy way.
I don't know what to do, I see my surgeon's NP on 8/27 and just the thought of stepping on the scale fills me with so much dread I want to start crying or do something worse.
Anyone can relate or have any advice?

We have all used inferior coping methods, for whatever reason - forgive yourself - I'm serious here. You have to look in the mirror and forgive yourself and then start to heal and to love yourself, allow yourself to believe that you have value. It's so hard sometimes to not think we deserve to be our best, we hide behind the fat, the issues we imagine to be too huge, the feeling of being an imposter and soon everyone will know. You are important. You can do this with therapy and maybe the 'correct medication'.
I find that I cannot keep those racing incorrect thoughts if I am deeply involved in something - usually something physical, if I can just stand up and open one closet door and start staightening, I can chase that irrational thought away. Or I go to a square dance, I go to the garden and dig, I put on an exercise dvd, I sew. If I can't manage that - I might really just need a nap, a shower, a massage, to be kind to myself. Your body has seen you through it ALL, and been right there. Mine gave me my children, makes beautiful love to my husband, hugs my grandkids, lovingly sews smocked dresses, reads endless books, has installed thousands of computers and made them work together. I am sure yours has done some pretty amazing things. You can do this, you have done it before and can do it again.

I've shared this before on this site, but I think it applies here too. The best single piece of wisdom I ever took away from therapy is "just because you think a thought, doesn't make it true". Try to be ask kind to yourself as you would a friend.

I struggle with self-harm thoughts but as of right now I'm lucky to have a supportive husband so I think I'm safe. He knows what I'm going through and is there for me when I'm going through my bad days. Thank you for asking.

So, a little bit of background... I had rny gastric bypass back in 2009, lost over 200 lbs, I was sexually assaulted in 2013 and developed seizures after a car accident the same year and drinking and taking pills I was prescribed for anxiety got out of control since I couldn't eat like before surgery as a means of comfort and slowly put on about 20-30 lbs. Drinking and taking pills has gotten A LOT better in the last year but I started eating as a coping mechanism when the drinking stopped so I've gained about 60 lbs in the last 12 months.
I've started seeing a therapist and this time I'm trying to get to the bottom of why I started eating the way I did which led to surgery and why I'm doing it again now, while at the same time trying to deal with PTSD from the assault.
My rant? I KNOW that I'm hurting myself with food. I KNOW what I SHOULD be doing and I can be pretty good for a couple of days, then I binge and then starve myself to punish myself, then I go back to basics for another 2 days and the cycle starts again. My therapist says that it's going to happen and to just keep going to therapy and working through things but I'm freaking out because I'm finally going back to my surgeon's office after this regain (has been about 5 years since I've seen him) and I'm scared about what they'll say after me putting on all this weight.
I come to this forum daily to get inspired to do what's best for me and some days it helps but most of the time I just hate myself for this regain and feel worthless. I wish there was a way I could do things differently but here I am, feeling hopeless and like I can't kickstart me losing weight in a healthy way.
I don't know what to do, I see my surgeon's NP on 8/27 and just the thought of stepping on the scale fills me with so much dread I want to start crying or do something worse.
Anyone can relate or have any advice?

The only good wife is one who wants to marry you. Not one you buy or seek through an agency.
I wouldnt look twice at a mixed race marriage but really, exploiting someone who only wants you as a ticket to a better life is not really a recipe for happiness.
And what is a good wife anyway? If you want obedient, meek and mild then you probably have to do without friendship, love and equality.

So, a little bit of background... I had rny gastric bypass back in 2009, lost over 200 lbs, I was sexually assaulted in 2013 and developed seizures after a car accident the same year and drinking and taking pills I was prescribed for anxiety got out of control since I couldn't eat like before surgery as a means of comfort and slowly put on about 20-30 lbs. Drinking and taking pills has gotten A LOT better in the last year but I started eating as a coping mechanism when the drinking stopped so I've gained about 60 lbs in the last 12 months.
I've started seeing a therapist and this time I'm trying to get to the bottom of why I started eating the way I did which led to surgery and why I'm doing it again now, while at the same time trying to deal with PTSD from the assault.
My rant? I KNOW that I'm hurting myself with food. I KNOW what I SHOULD be doing and I can be pretty good for a couple of days, then I binge and then starve myself to punish myself, then I go back to basics for another 2 days and the cycle starts again. My therapist says that it's going to happen and to just keep going to therapy and working through things but I'm freaking out because I'm finally going back to my surgeon's office after this regain (has been about 5 years since I've seen him) and I'm scared about what they'll say after me putting on all this weight.
I come to this forum daily to get inspired to do what's best for me and some days it helps but most of the time I just hate myself for this regain and feel worthless. I wish there was a way I could do things differently but here I am, feeling hopeless and like I can't kickstart me losing weight in a healthy way.
I don't know what to do, I see my surgeon's NP on 8/27 and just the thought of stepping on the scale fills me with so much dread I want to start crying or do something worse.
Anyone can relate or have any advice?

Hubby and I are going to see the Scorpions in September! Flashback to my wasted youth!