Jingle123423

I'd go with fake procedure. My fake procedure is going to be a hernia repair. At work, I am the only female, so I'm going to say it is lady business related. That'll shut em up real quick. : )

I'd go with fake procedure. My fake procedure is going to be a hernia repair. At work, I am the only female, so I'm going to say it is lady business related. That'll shut em up real quick. : )

You said you weren’t happy that your wife went forward with this from the beginning. Is it possible that you are unconsciously looking for physical changes in your wife to support that feeling? Maybe even a “I-told-you-so” feeling because you’re not happy with her appearance now or maybe because she proceeded with her surgery despite your feelings?
I’ve come to accept what she has done… I don’t think you’ve accepted it at all. Why were you opposed to her decision to have this done in the first place? Is there something deep inside of you that resents her for having this surgery even though you were opposed to it? (I don’t know you, but some men have a problem with women making their own decisions, including decisions about their own bodies.)
She used to be… she is now… she is starting to look… She also looks like…. These sound like mourning words. You’re in mourning for the body your wife used to have.
I’m starting to worry… Starting? No, you're in full-blown worry mode, except it’s not really worry. I still think it’s mourning for what was.
I’m afraid I’ve lost my wife… Afraid? No, in your mind you’ve lost her. But have you lost her? Really? Your wife is happy. And the doctor’s office doesn’t seem worried.
His office pretty much ignores my concerns… Are you sure that they’re just disagreeing with you and not ignoring you?
This surgery killed my aunt…. WLS is not a murderer with a sawed-off shotgun. Your aunt had a rare and unfortunate complication. I hope you didn’t bring up your aunt's complication as one of the reasons for not wanting your wife to have her surgery. Or did you?
If I come across as terse, it’s only because men tend to understand things better when those things are presented bluntly or in black and white.
Lastly, it’s only been 10 months. Your wife's body is still trying to find a happy balance.
Has your sex life changed? Is that something you’re also unhappy about? (My husband has always enjoyed my big, soft body.)
Please do not interpret anything I’ve said above as lecturing or patronizing because that is not my intent. This is just my take on things from a woman's point of view. Not every woman's point of view. Just mine. We're not all the same, you know.
You sound like a loving and caring husband. No one here wants you to be unhappy, including me. Your wife, I’m sure, doesn’t want you to be unhappy. But guess what? It’s okay to be unhappy sometimes, except you need to figure out if your unhappiness and fears about your wife’s new body are rational or irrational. If they are irrational fears, and you still can’t come to terms with it all, maybe a therapist might help. Maybe joint therapy. And there is, of course, absolutely no shame in that. None.

Since your wife doesn't seem to think there is a problem and neither does her surgeon, have you considered that this is your perception, and not reality?

I feel your pain but beware
mom guilt will have you 100lbs heavier 10yrs later still longing for surgery. Mom guilt is a convenient way society prevents women from self actualization. You become a mother and suddenly you're only a mother. Never again an individual who needs hobbies, happiness outside of motherhood or even health. Don't fall into that trap. You never see the reverse strictures placed on males in society. Motherhood is amazing, but i wanted to stick around long enough ( in good enough condition) to enjoy the active parenting phase and beyond without making my future (preventable) medical problems my children's burdens.

I'd go with fake procedure. My fake procedure is going to be a hernia repair. At work, I am the only female, so I'm going to say it is lady business related. That'll shut em up real quick. : )

Wow! What a nice lady!

I'd go with fake procedure. My fake procedure is going to be a hernia repair. At work, I am the only female, so I'm going to say it is lady business related. That'll shut em up real quick. : )

I love these. I actually call them my "softie bras" and I sleep in them every night.

I got impatient,I couldn't wait to do my 1 year picture so I am posting my 11 month progress picture.

My SIL had amazing results with a lap band years ago, and when I (rather rudely, in retrospect) asked how she did it, she said "diet and exercise," and I felt like a loser for not being able to do the same. Just ... as a data point. (Obviously, I found out, because my family is into gossip, and eventually the band failed and she gained a lot back.)
Being several years older and wiser, of course, I now realize that it is super duper rude to ask people about their weight or comment on their food choices, so with people who are close enough to me that they get to ask rude questions, I'll probably tell the truth. (It helps that I have some complicating medical issues that make this surgery a bit more necessary, which will slow their roll on the judgment front. I'm also happy to point out "this is my body, and since I'm the one who has to live in it, I'm the only one who gets to decide.")
But coworkers? And randos I just kind of know? I'm still working on a set of scripts, but it's going to be something along the lines of "That's a very personal question" or "I don't believe in food-shaming one another" or ... just ... blatantly ignoring anything rude they say and changing the subject outright. (I'm working on my quelling stare, for if they try again after I've changed the subject. ;))
I'm not willing to make someone feel like I felt, not if they're well-meaning and generally not a jerk. But I also don't owe anyone any answers, you know? So this is my happy center line. Ultimately, I hope we'll each find what works for us.

You don't have to divulge anything to anyone if you don't feel like it only those who need to know. PPl at my job i only discuss with those I care to know, any others can mind their own business. One coworker even saw that i lost 30 lbs already and our work gets a gym discount so I signed up and she offered to pay for a few sessions with a personal trainer........ thats the caring kind. Other than that, you do you!!!!! and you'll be fine.

Tell them as little as possible to shut them up...' I have a minor hernia/digestive issue that is going to be taken care of, nothing to be concerned about'
Or - 'your concern is so nice, I assure you I am fine, what about those Cubs?' 'How is the coleslaw, my gall bladder reacts terribly to it but i love it, excuse me I want to go talk to Uncle Fred before he passes out, what a character.'
Work only needs to see your leave paperwork and your Dr.'s leave excuse but NOT the type of procedure.

I'd go with fake procedure. My fake procedure is going to be a hernia repair. At work, I am the only female, so I'm going to say it is lady business related. That'll shut em up real quick. : )

I'd go with fake procedure. My fake procedure is going to be a hernia repair. At work, I am the only female, so I'm going to say it is lady business related. That'll shut em up real quick. : )

Thanks for taking the time out to share! That's extremely helpful. I had been wondering about the eval; mine is Tuesday. I am excited to have it done and move on. Thanks again.

Oh I think he’ll be supportive. It’s my own mental hang-ups. He’s always been normal weight so he doesn’t “get” the struggle. Plus it feels like failure to me. That I couldn’t do it myself and had to resort to surgical help. I just don’t like talking about it. I’m going to have to bring it up soon. I have a pre-op EGD that I’ll need a ride home from. Lol!!!

I'm with ya! I am scheduled for September 5th!

He askied about:
Drinking. They want to make sure that you don't over indulge regularly because you shouldn't drink for 6-12 months after surgery.
Why did I decide I wanted the surgery. Have I tried to lose weight other ways first.
Support system: Who did I tell? What was their reaction? Do I have anybody in my life who I think will be jealous after surgery.
My history of being overweight. Was an overweight child/young adult? Family history of obesity?
My childhood- what was it like? My relationship with my mother/father/siblings. My relationship in my currently family- husband kids.
If I had a history of depression or eating disorders. (lots of questions about that)
My relationship w food. Do I bing eat? Emotional eating.
What exercise I get now, and what my plans are after surgery.
There were also questions about how I sleep.
I hope this helps.

Have you tried Protein Water?

Hi All! I passed my psych eval! It was a lot more in depth than I expected. I'm glad it's over!

Hi All! I passed my psych eval! It was a lot more in depth than I expected. I'm glad it's over!

My transfer addiction is shopping to the point where I couldn't find anything in my closet when I went looking for it. I've purged my old clothes and bought a shoe rack so everything looks tidy and even organized my jewelry. It's motivating me to really question if I want to mess all of that up with bringing in something new because now I can actually find something when I go looking for it. It's very satisfying to buy size medium tops instead of 1x or 2x, so I have to do self-talk that I really don't need another top. Things look so much better on my frame now, so shopping is a joy. I have noticed that the lack of cushion on my tush makes hard seats miserable, but I'm so much happier overall (and yes I experienced my fair share of stalls along the way, ugh).

Well, I am officially below 200 lbs. I simply cannot believe it. It almost doesn't feel real to me. I never thought in a million years I would accomplish any weight loss goals let alone get below 200 lbs. I have gotten a lot of good advice from members on here and I want to thank you all. Although our journeys are all unique they all revolve around the same basic premise, changing our lives for the better.
I still have so much work to do such as working out harder, coming to terms with the new me I am striving everyday to be better. I ask myself, why didn't I do this sooner? I had a great day today.

Best of luck!!