Missouri-Lee's Summit

@AshAsh1. You are such a sweet person. Very eloquent and compassionate. The way I see it, people like you are the gift.

Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (impregnated at 12),
I managed to overcome many buried years of trauma. I keep telling
myself that I can do this, too.
It feels good to have power now, particularly after having a long history
of it being denied to me. Those pedophilic bastards!
I'm encouraged by the kind words of support so far. I hope at some
time soon (in this forum) I will be able to be more a giver-of-support and
less of a taker-of-support. For now, though, I will allow myself the guilty pleasure of
"receiving" until I can reciprocate, in a genuine way, all of the kindness offered me.

I have no friends in real life. I was so embarrassed about my weight that I shut people out.
Now I find myself, hesitantly, seeking out others who might understand me.
I'm hoping this is the first step to feeling better about myself and loving myself.
To punish myself for being fat, I wear the same green dress every day, everywhere.
I call it my FAT UNIFORM. I hope to retire my uniform on the day of my bypass
surgery on 13 June 2018. My dietitian has offered to covert it into a blanket for her
dog's bed. She insisted that symbolically I needed to discard my uniform because
of what it represents/ed.

I finally replaced what I now realize was an unrealistic goal weight. I don't know why I chose 130lbs but it no longer seems right for me. I've given birth four times and have lots of loose skin that I did not have when I was a young, thin thing. My surgeon and I agreed that 150 is more realistic and attainable. I see my surgeon in August. I think those last 30lbs might be my hardest but I'm not going to stress myself out over them. All in all, the pounds have just fallen from me with very little effort. My hair is still thin and I'm practically flat-chested now. I'm okay with it. I'd rather be flat-chested than one of those big inflated parade floats.

I finally replaced what I now realize was an unrealistic goal weight. I don't know why I chose 130lbs but it no longer seems right for me. I've given birth four times and have lots of loose skin that I did not have when I was a young, thin thing. My surgeon and I agreed that 150 is more realistic and attainable. I see my surgeon in August. I think those last 30lbs might be my hardest but I'm not going to stress myself out over them. All in all, the pounds have just fallen from me with very little effort. My hair is still thin and I'm practically flat-chested now. I'm okay with it. I'd rather be flat-chested than one of those big inflated parade floats.

I'm approaching my one-year anniversary since my bypass. My life has changed drastically. I have more energy than I every imagined possible. I wear actual clothes (L or XL), and not fat-lady uniforms from the 4X plus-size section.
I still have some body dysphoria. It's often hard not to see myself as still FAT. Others instantly see a different person, but I have a harder time. My face is lean, and no longer pasty and puffy. I do have batwings, which are a constant reminder of what was once a much fuller arm. Skin hangs in folds around my legs and thighs. I'm okay with the skin, actually. I've always dressed modestly and I prefer long dresses. The trick is to stop wearing overly baggy clothing and wear instead clothing that is a little more body contouring.
All in all, it has been an amazing journey and I would encourage anyone thinking about this procedure to SERIOUSLY consider it. It has changed my life for the better.
I'm no longer the lonely, depressed person I was when I started this post. People CAN change, and I'm one of those people now.

I finally replaced what I now realize was an unrealistic goal weight. I don't know why I chose 130lbs but it no longer seems right for me. I've given birth four times and have lots of loose skin that I did not have when I was a young, thin thing. My surgeon and I agreed that 150 is more realistic and attainable. I see my surgeon in August. I think those last 30lbs might be my hardest but I'm not going to stress myself out over them. All in all, the pounds have just fallen from me with very little effort. My hair is still thin and I'm practically flat-chested now. I'm okay with it. I'd rather be flat-chested than one of those big inflated parade floats.

I'm approaching my one-year anniversary since my bypass. My life has changed drastically. I have more energy than I every imagined possible. I wear actual clothes (L or XL), and not fat-lady uniforms from the 4X plus-size section.
I still have some body dysphoria. It's often hard not to see myself as still FAT. Others instantly see a different person, but I have a harder time. My face is lean, and no longer pasty and puffy. I do have batwings, which are a constant reminder of what was once a much fuller arm. Skin hangs in folds around my legs and thighs. I'm okay with the skin, actually. I've always dressed modestly and I prefer long dresses. The trick is to stop wearing overly baggy clothing and wear instead clothing that is a little more body contouring.
All in all, it has been an amazing journey and I would encourage anyone thinking about this procedure to SERIOUSLY consider it. It has changed my life for the better.
I'm no longer the lonely, depressed person I was when I started this post. People CAN change, and I'm one of those people now.

We started our journeys at about the same time and shared the same starting weight. You have been such an inspiring and supportive influence on me, AlteredReality. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out.

My life has changed drastically since my surgery almost a year ago. I still suffer from body disphoria in that I still see myself as a fat person. I still look for clothing in the plus size sections. I keep thinking that I'll need a few extra "fat uniforms." Wearing a mere XL is still unfamiliar territory. I still seek out the loose, baggy look with arm holes too big and my garment sliding off my shoulder. I continue to wear long dresses. I have not worn jeans or any style of pants for years. I don't see myself wearing pants again until I reach my goal weight, even then I see myself wearing a long tunic style top to cover my butt and legs. I'm not sure if I view this as modesty or as a continuation of fat-shaming myself.
I continue to be proud of myself but this is a little hill that I still have to climb. I'm being patient with myself. I know it takes longer for some people to come to terms with their "new body." The other day someone said to me (rude when I recall it now), "I didn't know that you had a neck."

I have no friends in real life. I was so embarrassed about my weight that I shut people out.
Now I find myself, hesitantly, seeking out others who might understand me.
I'm hoping this is the first step to feeling better about myself and loving myself.
To punish myself for being fat, I wear the same green dress every day, everywhere.
I call it my FAT UNIFORM. I hope to retire my uniform on the day of my bypass
surgery on 13 June 2018. My dietitian has offered to covert it into a blanket for her
dog's bed. She insisted that symbolically I needed to discard my uniform because
of what it represents/ed.

Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (impregnated at 12),
I managed to overcome many buried years of trauma. I keep telling
myself that I can do this, too.
It feels good to have power now, particularly after having a long history
of it being denied to me. Those pedophilic bastards!
I'm encouraged by the kind words of support so far. I hope at some
time soon (in this forum) I will be able to be more a giver-of-support and
less of a taker-of-support. For now, though, I will allow myself the guilty pleasure of
"receiving" until I can reciprocate, in a genuine way, all of the kindness offered me.

Back home after one night's stay. Surgery was a success. I wish I could say the same about the "customized" and "nurturing" care I received at the hospital. It wasn't the nurses, but the hospitalist and my doctor who completely dropped the ball with my pain management. The pain from the gastric bypass wasn't the problem. Believe it or not, HOSPITAL PEOPLE, some patients have existing chronic pain that needs to be managed. When your body is dependent on 300mg of morphine a day for pain relief, 1 mg. every 3 hours doesn't cut it. And an increase of a hefty 1mg is the equivalent of a teaspoon of Jell-O. I was beside myself with unmanaged agony and withdrawal. I was ready to leave against medical advice, if necessary. I notified the charge nurse and went up the line trying to get my distress resolved. The hospital finally discharged me with no apology or concern. Even the discharge papers were inaccurate. This is an issue I brought up numerous times during the pre-surgery visits. The biggest breakdown in communication was with the hospitalist on-call at two in the morning who knew next to nothing about me. And it didn't help that the inexperienced nurse who was attending me (the one who brought me ice Water with a straw and offered me a 7-UP earlier in the evening; I declined the straw and the carbonated beverage, btw) told the hospitalist that I was "demanding" more pain relief. Demanding?! More like begging and moaning. I felt as though I received one-size-fits-all post-op care. And they were probably glad to see me go. No one likes a self-advocate, not really. Be a good little patient and don't question your care.
I'm home now. Medicated properly and going through a normal recovery.
It's a struggle to get enough Protein and I feel like I'm not meeting my liquid quota either, but I'm trying.
Even though my hospital experience was an unfortunate one, my surgery was a success -- and that's the important thing.
I wish I could be more positive in every detail, but I think honesty is more valuable, particularly for anyone with chronic pain who anticipated TOTAL pain management.

Sosewsue61 asked me to write something about myself.
In no particular order of importance: I have a free-flying aviary with 20 uncaged parakeets. I keep their area clean and full of stimulating amusements. I enjoy their unconditional companionship. My newest additions are five weeks old, raised from blind and naked to happy and healthy. At four weeks, a parakeet is fully-feathered and ready to fly... and mine did.
I'm married and have four adult children. My daughter is a doctor of pharmacy, and two of my sons are medical doctors (not bariatric surgeons, though!). My youngest son -- the "smart one"-- is pursuing a non-medical career. I have a medical background, too, but my actual occupation is one I can't mention because then it would be easy to figure out my identity. It's strange... but when I wrote in my topic headline about having no friends, I meant face-to-face friends. I have fans all over the world, but they know me ONLY based on my public persona. Because of past scary-creepy stalking behavior, it's no longer safe or a good idea for me to open myself up to my fans directly. It really is possible to be known by thousands of people, and still be horribly lonely.

Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (impregnated at 12),
I managed to overcome many buried years of trauma. I keep telling
myself that I can do this, too.
It feels good to have power now, particularly after having a long history
of it being denied to me. Those pedophilic bastards!
I'm encouraged by the kind words of support so far. I hope at some
time soon (in this forum) I will be able to be more a giver-of-support and
less of a taker-of-support. For now, though, I will allow myself the guilty pleasure of
"receiving" until I can reciprocate, in a genuine way, all of the kindness offered me.

I have no friends in real life. I was so embarrassed about my weight that I shut people out.
Now I find myself, hesitantly, seeking out others who might understand me.
I'm hoping this is the first step to feeling better about myself and loving myself.
To punish myself for being fat, I wear the same green dress every day, everywhere.
I call it my FAT UNIFORM. I hope to retire my uniform on the day of my bypass
surgery on 13 June 2018. My dietitian has offered to covert it into a blanket for her
dog's bed. She insisted that symbolically I needed to discard my uniform because
of what it represents/ed.

I have no friends in real life. I was so embarrassed about my weight that I shut people out.
Now I find myself, hesitantly, seeking out others who might understand me.
I'm hoping this is the first step to feeling better about myself and loving myself.
To punish myself for being fat, I wear the same green dress every day, everywhere.
I call it my FAT UNIFORM. I hope to retire my uniform on the day of my bypass
surgery on 13 June 2018. My dietitian has offered to covert it into a blanket for her
dog's bed. She insisted that symbolically I needed to discard my uniform because
of what it represents/ed.

My life has changed drastically since my surgery almost a year ago. I still suffer from body disphoria in that I still see myself as a fat person. I still look for clothing in the plus size sections. I keep thinking that I'll need a few extra "fat uniforms." Wearing a mere XL is still unfamiliar territory. I still seek out the loose, baggy look with arm holes too big and my garment sliding off my shoulder. I continue to wear long dresses. I have not worn jeans or any style of pants for years. I don't see myself wearing pants again until I reach my goal weight, even then I see myself wearing a long tunic style top to cover my butt and legs. I'm not sure if I view this as modesty or as a continuation of fat-shaming myself.
I continue to be proud of myself but this is a little hill that I still have to climb. I'm being patient with myself. I know it takes longer for some people to come to terms with their "new body." The other day someone said to me (rude when I recall it now), "I didn't know that you had a neck."

My life has changed drastically since my surgery almost a year ago. I still suffer from body disphoria in that I still see myself as a fat person. I still look for clothing in the plus size sections. I keep thinking that I'll need a few extra "fat uniforms." Wearing a mere XL is still unfamiliar territory. I still seek out the loose, baggy look with arm holes too big and my garment sliding off my shoulder. I continue to wear long dresses. I have not worn jeans or any style of pants for years. I don't see myself wearing pants again until I reach my goal weight, even then I see myself wearing a long tunic style top to cover my butt and legs. I'm not sure if I view this as modesty or as a continuation of fat-shaming myself.
I continue to be proud of myself but this is a little hill that I still have to climb. I'm being patient with myself. I know it takes longer for some people to come to terms with their "new body." The other day someone said to me (rude when I recall it now), "I didn't know that you had a neck."

I can't remember the last time I weighed myself. The only time I feel comfortable weighing myself is when I believe my bowels are empty.

My life has changed drastically since my surgery almost a year ago. I still suffer from body disphoria in that I still see myself as a fat person. I still look for clothing in the plus size sections. I keep thinking that I'll need a few extra "fat uniforms." Wearing a mere XL is still unfamiliar territory. I still seek out the loose, baggy look with arm holes too big and my garment sliding off my shoulder. I continue to wear long dresses. I have not worn jeans or any style of pants for years. I don't see myself wearing pants again until I reach my goal weight, even then I see myself wearing a long tunic style top to cover my butt and legs. I'm not sure if I view this as modesty or as a continuation of fat-shaming myself.
I continue to be proud of myself but this is a little hill that I still have to climb. I'm being patient with myself. I know it takes longer for some people to come to terms with their "new body." The other day someone said to me (rude when I recall it now), "I didn't know that you had a neck."

Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (impregnated at 12),
I managed to overcome many buried years of trauma. I keep telling
myself that I can do this, too.
It feels good to have power now, particularly after having a long history
of it being denied to me. Those pedophilic bastards!
I'm encouraged by the kind words of support so far. I hope at some
time soon (in this forum) I will be able to be more a giver-of-support and
less of a taker-of-support. For now, though, I will allow myself the guilty pleasure of
"receiving" until I can reciprocate, in a genuine way, all of the kindness offered me.

113lbs in 10 months.

113lbs in 10 months.

I just bought some matcha powder and was wondering what to do with it! Thanks! Hard to find it without sugar in it, had to order online!
@jess9395 I haven't opened my matcha Protein Powder yet. It's a small container, 30g, of ceremonial grade Matcha. Quite pricey. Recently, my adult daughter and I had a little tea party like we used to have when she was about six years old. Of course, there was no Matcha tea back then. The party was prompted after she ran across the teeny-tiny hand-painted tea set I bought her when she was young. I only have one daughter. The other three are boys.
BTW, I had no problem inviting my boys to join our tea parties (back in the day), but they had already been "indoctrinated" by society as to what is boylike and what is not. Sad. It's not easy being a little girl... or a little boy.