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luvlif

LAP-BAND Patients

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Blog Entries posted by luvlif

  1. 1/25 MOM SAID

    · luvlif · 01/28/07 09:05 PM

    TO NIGHT WHEN I TOLD MOM THAT IMTIAZ & ZULFI WERE SAYING HOW GOOD I LOOKED SHE SAID "THAT MEANS THEY THINK YOU'LL BE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER MAN"... YA MA, THEM, YOU, & EVERYONE ELSE THINK THAT...HIM TOO?
  2. :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: LAST YR THIS TIME I WAS SO HAPPY W SMALL VICTORIES! MY 1ST POST WAS 1/19/06 AND I LOVED THAT SIZE 18 FIT (back then)NOW TODAY A YEAR LATER I'M SIZE 8!:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: MAKES ME A HAPPY GIRL:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

  7. bitches

    · luvlif · 12/17/06 07:30 PM

    You are gorgeous. We all suffer from insecurity, even those size 4's do. People that talk about you behind your back are not worth a second thought. They are the flawed ones, not you.
     
    Have you ever heard the saying "fake it till you make it"? I bet if you acted as though you had confidence and were proud of yourself, you would soon realize that it is you who is seeing you the way that you do and not others.
    Walk tall girl, you are very special, you just need to believe it and reflect it.

  8. 12/9 bitchy women

    · luvlif · 12/09/06 06:57 PM

    I can't believe how bitchy women can be... unbelieveable! & I didn't even see it coming When I got out of the car yesterday Marlene from Holb gave me a dirty look & I thought she was just down...didn't take it personally.
    Later she asked me a qus about Corin's check & I said "Fuck her...we're mailing it to her" turns out she went & told him that I said that.
    He saw that I didn't even remember ...& chuckled...Then said "Nina people don't like to see people succeed" I said "Yeah but I don't see it that way"
    I guess I don't see what other people see.
    Obviously she's a jealous bitch!
    I told him what I said to Nancy Dillon about Carmela...if she doesn't go to the xmas party I will not be affiliated w her...he melted

  10. 12/7 yay!

    · luvlif · 12/07/06 06:14 PM

    :clap2: I'm fitting into most of my old clothes that still have tags on them...that never fit...yesterday I was wearing my new, unworn silk Jones NY black blouse. Tomorrow I will wear my shiny snake print beige & black shirt that I bought 6 yrs ago! To day I'm wearing my purple tweed blazer that my old assistant Anmarie had given me for Christmas in 2000 :nervous
    I also weigh less than I have since 2002...to-day I weigh 187.1. Now my journey begins to where I haven't gone since 1989. Now I'm ready to begin that journey, & looking forward to it....the band makes it possible for me to shed more weight.

  12. 11/27 I look hot!

    · luvlif · 11/28/06 11:38 PM

    my grey houndstooth (small) is very loose on me....
    to-day I wore my grey suit...w lace blouse...v sexy ....
    I guess I changed a lot & it's normal for a man to be jealous & insecure when a woman he loves changes as dramatically as I did in 10 mos, especially when he has issues w insecurity like HE does. The need for constant reassurance has not changed...just worsened.
    The neediness is worsened too!:omg:

  18. Being fat is lonely.

    · luvlif · 10/22/06 06:17 PM

    Being fat is lonely. It wasn't enough to be publically tormented and laughed at throughout school, but the effects later on are painful. As a kid I was not hurt badly, but enough to add emotional scars. I was always the fat girl friend, the one anyone can talk with and hang out with, but never get close to. My friends never called me fat, but those backhanded comments like, "you'd be so pretty if you were skinny (or not so fat... yeah I got that one)". The laughter when sitting down on chairs, that used to creak and moan under my weight... it just killed me. I hated myself, eversince elementary school. I begged my parents to send me to a fat camp when I was in 3rd grade... they finally did the summer before 5th grade. I cried many times after school, just due to people talking about me behind my back. What? Like I didn't know I was fat?
     
    I'm now 133 pounds lighter... but I still feel like people are staring at me, judging me, laughing at me. The only place I feel comfortable is at the hospital and at the gym. Students are more accepting of me now that I'm skinnier, but I'm still the largest person by far. Going out with them, means me and several girls in size 4 hang out... while they get hit on and I'm lonely in the corner. Some of my friends went out (and to be honest, I have to get up at 5:30 am and I couldn't go)... but the thought of being isolated brought back all my self-loathing feelings. I would have gone, but I would have been uncomfortable... especially since they get all dolled up in cute clothes that look good on them and I'm in frumpy jeans/T-shirt that try to cover up my flaws.
     
    It's lonely in the sense of dating. It just doesn't happen, either because I write F*ck Off on my forehead or that my body is that repulsive (or that I convy my self-loathing without words). The guys that I'm attracted to DO NOT like large girls... I know that based on their previous girlfriends. I would never change myself for another person, but it's a shame that a guy I like isn't attracted to me physically... which you need that in addition to the personality component.
     
    Sorry for the sad post. I just feel isolated, still... even though I do "fit" in society better. My perception still gets in the way of my happiness...
     
    I know others can relate, but I just had to vent or share or whatever.Alyssa, sweetheart I can relate. We all can. No one gets to be as big as we are and does not know how it feels to be tormented and hurt and rejected. People always say, "When you lose weight, you are just a smaller version of the person you are right now, so love yourselve for the person you are right now, big or small." Well, that is true and great advice, but how do you love yourself now, when you never loved yourself...ever???!!! This is how, you step away from yourself and approach this as if you were a friend of yours. Okay? So you are not Alyssa, you are a friend of Alyssa's. What are the things you love about Alyssa? Why is she your friend? What do you think is beautiful about? And so on... Sound corny? Beleive me, it works. I swear. It gets you to focus on something other than what YOU don't like about yourself and start to see what OTHERS do like about you. Now, regarding men, babe they have super sensitive radars to woman with low confidence. Some of them pray on that and are like preditors waiting for an easy mark. Others don't want to get involved because they don't want to hurt you. So, they stear clear. Let me say, some men are just plain intimidated by a tall, curvy Goddess. ( happens all the time to me...lol ) Nothing and I mean NOTHING, not perky big boobs, bootylisious beyonce booty, not legs for miles, is as sexy as a confident woman. So, don't beat yourself up. Take this time to learn yourself all over again. Learn to love yourself, care for yourself and respect yourself. If you do, he will too. If you don't, you will attract every doornob from here to East Jabip!!! Think about some therapy. It can (in a very short time) work miracles. Okay and my last thought....you are never alone. God loves you Alyssa and so do we. WE are here when ever you need. Just reach out....

  19. 10/22

    · luvlif · 10/22/06 05:58 PM

    When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks. Bob Dylan

  20. 10/22

    · luvlif · 10/22/06 05:38 PM

    I MET RICH JACOBY @ THE COLONY....FUNNY HE SEEMED TO KNOW WHERE I WAS, & WHAT I WAS DOING....FUNNIER....HE'S ALL GREY & BALDING, I LOOK YOUNGER THAN HIM!
  21. There ain't much fun in medicine, but there's a heck of a lot of medicine in fun.
     
    - Josh Billings, 19th Century Humorist

    Are You Taking Life Too Seriously?
     
    When was the last time your doctor told you to stay home and watch "Seinfeld"? Or suggested a night out at the circus? Or told you to play fetch with a dog? It probably hasn't happened, but the day may not be far off. Laughter and fun are great ways to break down the walls of stress, preventing both mental and physical damage. Play time loosens up joints constricted by tension and poor posture. It brightens your attitude and is a healthy outlet for the most troubled thoughts. Even during our time off, it seems like we still spend a lot of time working- as a handyman, chauffer, mechanic, negotiator, therapist, cook, activist, or whatever is called for. Next time you're starting to feel the strain, think about how long it's been since you just played for the fun of it. It might be longer than you think. Then go buy yourself a toy.

  22. HANG IN THERE NINA!

    · luvlif · 10/21/06 06:41 PM

    I don't know about you, but some days I just feel like giving up..... watching what we eat, sometimes even portion control if the restriction is not there yet, exercising, the band rules............
     
    But guys, don't give up, because at least we have already lost some weight, and we only have the rest to lose, imagine where we would be if we had never started this journey!!
     
    I hope you are inspired by the quote below:
     
     
    "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."
    By Harriet Beecher Stowe

  23. 10/21 HURTFUL PEOPLE

    · luvlif · 10/21/06 06:19 PM

    I feel your pain hon and I am so sorry that your spirit is sore.
    You have all that any man could and should want, but humans are stupid creatures. Never knowing what they are looking for till it has passed them by.
    Within you is a light that shines thru the darkest days and somewhere there is a man who will see that light and know he has found something magical!
    I know that does not erase the pain you now feel, but I also know it is the truth. God made each of us in different strengths... for different reasons, some of us may never know why...but you have so much to offer the world I can not help but believe that your strength is a gift meant for wonderous things.
    Be strong hon, feel the pain if you must but believe in the light as well!
    No one as beautiful and caring as you can go un noticed for too long.
    Be proud of who you are and what you have done!
     
    You are gorgeous. We all suffer from insecurity, even those size 4's do. People that talk about you behind your back are not worth a second thought. They are the flawed ones, not you.
     
    Have you ever heard the saying "fake it till you make it"? I bet if you acted as though you had confidence and were proud of yourself, you would soon realize that it is you who is seeing you the way that you do and not others.
    Walk tall girl, you are very special, you just need to believe it and reflect it.
     
     
    and remember that you are never alone, even though you may think it..... you are never alone!

    I am so sorry to know someone else - esp. someone as beautiful and special as you, NINA- feels this same way. I agree with those who say we need to learn to project confidence (and NOT the f*ck off/not-interested/available vibe) - not saying I know how to do that, just that we need to learn...
     
    For you, a truly Phenomenal Woman, I dedicate this poem to inspire (hopefully us both):
     
     
     

    PHENOMENAL WOMAN
    by Maya Angelou



    Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
    I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
    But when I start to tell them
    They think I'm telling lies.
    I say
    It's in the reach of my arms
    The span of my hips
    The stride of my steps
    The curl of my lips.
    I'm a woman
    Phenomenally
    Phenomenal woman
    That's me.



    I walk into a room
    Just as cool as you please
    And to a man
    The fellows stand or
    Fall down on their knees
    Then they swarm around me
    A hive of honey bees.
    I say
    It's the fire in my eyes
    And the flash of my teeth
    The swing of my waist
    And the joy in my feet.
    I'm a woman
    Phenomenally
    Phenomenal woman
    That's me.



    Men themselves have wondered
    What they see in me
    They try so much
    But they can't touch
    My inner mystery.
    When I try to show them
    They say they still can't see.
    I say
    It's in the arch of my back
    The sun of my smile
    The ride of my breasts
    The grace of my style.
    I'm a woman
    Phenomenally
    Phenomenal woman
    That's me.



    Now you understand
    Just why my head's not bowed
    I don't shout or jump about
    Or have to talk real loud
    When you see me passing
    It ought to make you proud.
    I say
    It's in the click of my heels
    The bend of my hair
    The palm of my hand
    The need for my care.
    'Cause I'm a woman
    Phenomenally
    Phenomenal woman
    That's me.


  24. 10/15

    · luvlif · 10/15/06 11:45 PM

    LISA O CALLED I TOLD HER HOW CARMELLA & NANCY DIDN'T SAY A WORD ABOUT ME IN MY CROPPED PANTS & BOOTS & SHE IS RIGHT SHE SAID "THEYR'E NOT GOING TO ...THEY ARE JEALOUS!
     
    MY SIZE 10 PANTS FROM NY & CO ARE LOSE!

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