I understand that control is an issue for you and I also understand that childhood trauma can alter your state of mind at anytime but these are some serious thoughts you are having. Regretting your surgery to the point that you are already contemplating ways (albeit very unhealthy and unsafe ways) to stretch your sleeve back out really isn’t safe for your physical and mental well being. I read that you didn’t want a therapist, but having someone to talk to at this time could really help you adapt to the changes that you are uncomfortable with. And I say this because, as fresh out of surgery as you are, if you opted to try to stretch your sleeve out with food anytime in the near future, you could have some serious health risks at hand. I do not believe that you would want to risk your life by rupturing your staple line which could result in death or serious additional surgeries. Also, if you survived, your adaptation back to real food would start over and be a much slower process. These are things that you should consider before automatically dismissing therapeutic intervention. If you were able to work thru your lack of control, I am sure that you would find the healthier physical you will appreciate the healthier mental you as well.