Beck53

I am pre-op and one of the most concerning restrictions of VSG for me is the 30 minute before and after rule of drink/eat. I have always been a constant sipper and my husband & I have a lot of "wine & dine" business/social engagements. I had assumed the drink/eat rule was due to filling up in liquid and then not having room for food.....wrong. After researching the mechanics behind this rule, I discovered the reason why. The video below shows how we can easily sabotage ourselves by breaking the rule! https://youtube.com/shorts/oNdeGkkwqlw?feature=share

You can't change the fact that you had the surgery but please believe, it gets better. Right now, you need to talk to a professional so you can get some relief for the mental pain that you are experiencing. Good luck to you.

I had an unsettling situation occur last week when I was at a work related conference. I was with about 6 other ladies when they started being disrespectful about the weight of another attendee. I was stunned! I immediately thought 'how could they say this stuff in front of me?' I just looked looked around at them in shock. Then it dawned on me; they think I'm one of them! They didn't know that 9 months ago I was her size. I felt like a closeted fat person. A fraud. I came to her defense but they weren't having it.
That fat girl just needs to diet and exercise, etc. Everything I've heard my entire life.
This was the first time I've ever been in this type of situation. Hopefully I can handle myself better in the future. I feel like I have to stand up for my sisters!
Any suggestions on how to handle these types of situations?

I had an unsettling situation occur last week when I was at a work related conference. I was with about 6 other ladies when they started being disrespectful about the weight of another attendee. I was stunned! I immediately thought 'how could they say this stuff in front of me?' I just looked looked around at them in shock. Then it dawned on me; they think I'm one of them! They didn't know that 9 months ago I was her size. I felt like a closeted fat person. A fraud. I came to her defense but they weren't having it.
That fat girl just needs to diet and exercise, etc. Everything I've heard my entire life.
This was the first time I've ever been in this type of situation. Hopefully I can handle myself better in the future. I feel like I have to stand up for my sisters!
Any suggestions on how to handle these types of situations?

Don't even try. Usually people start to whine about how hard their life is the second you mention skinny priviledge to prove that it doesn't exist (which is only proof that they don't understand what skinny privilege is about).

If I needed to be diplomatic with the fat shamers, I'd probably say, "I prefer not to judge someone by their appearance because I don't know what's happening in their life."
If I didn't have to be diplomatic, I'd probably say, "I'd rather be obese than a b*tch."

Even when you explain, Some people will still have negative opinions of people that are obese. These are the same type of people that will find other things to say or place judgment to tear people down.
Keep the positive people that have your back around you.

This would make me loose my job. I'm working on having a filter, but this would be unavoidable. Truly.

Maybe just say the next time That is not nice and you do not know her story because EVERY one has one. I always feel that people who bad mouth others do it to make themselves feel better about their insecurities.
Also next time tell them that you are going to pray for them and walk away. Poof be gone!!

This stuff makes me furious. I've spoken up in the past when people make those sorts of comments to me or in my hearing (usually online, where they don't know my own struggles and body type) but sometimes in person too. In situations where they've decided I'm one of the "good ones" because they know me, they see me trying. Where as they see any one that is larger and, heaven forbid, looks happy, and they assume that person is too happy, too comfortable, and that makes them uncomfortable. Not that they want to see the strangers trying either, half of the the time it seems these comments are about an obese person eating a salad, or at the gym. They want us to change, but out of sight so they dont have to see it.

I usually try to explain that they dont understand all the science, that its more complicated then they think, that they cant make assumptions about people like that. Sometimes I even try to explain skinny privilege. It never works. They dont want to change their minds, so they dont.

Mean while I've gotten more and more angry and sick of it.

I think as it is an issue at work for you, talking to HR might be the best move...if you trust your HR person/people to not be part of the problem... And depending on the situation calling your co-workers out would probably at least make you feel guilt free. Something as simple as "That you'd talk about ____ like this is really disappointing." It might not endear you to them, but with people who are that casually nasty? No big loss.

I know I speak of empathy for people who are obese. When I hear comments, I usually say something like "You don't really think that person WANTS to be overweight do you...for many people there are reasons they end up this way beyond their contol!" And then I go on to say that I feel sorry for them and wish they could have surgery to help them.
People think I'm "nice" but inside I'm taking mental notes of the assholes.

It's a strange thing because not too long ago in my memory, I was 150lbs lighter. I remember being that same person you describe... very judgmental. I wouldn't make fun of people to their face, except my mother who I would outright call fat and just be cruel to (I was a nasty teenager), but I would definitely sit and snicker with my friends. Now the tables are turned and I understand the struggle. People who have never experienced morbid obesity or the conditions or circumstances that got us this way can never understand. That being said, outside of the workplace, I will probably completely verbally snap on someone if I hear them making fun of someone who is overweight. After all of this, I don't think I'd have the restraint to say anything kindly.

You know the politics at your job better than any of us. It's a judgment call.
I had someone who has been lean and healthy all his life make the comment to me " These obese people" " they can workout all they want but they need to clean up their diet" I publicly humiliated him and told him he needs to be supportive of anyone walking in here.
He had no clue I was morbidly obese in the past. Wow, did he choose the wrong person to make a weight comment to.

Side note: We all get to share this experience of being obese and as normal weight people. I am still surprised some days at how I am treated differently. As you said "one of them" *laughing* Not all normal weight people are @sshats.

Yes because inside you are still MattZ, the same dude trying to make it through life successfully. People are and certainly will be so shallow and superficial. And I guess raging against it gives ME the headache instead of THEM!

At work, I'd tread lightly, maybe mention to them how if the roles were reversed they wouldn't appreciate folks talking about them that way. Or just state that that type of conversation isn't appropriate in the workplace, but be really careful as it could make you the target.

It's amazing seeing how people change their interactions with me, some folks I worked with before I lost a lot, treat me differently now, and then there are those staff members that I really only saw in passing that would give me the 1000 yard stare, now are much more pleasant to interact with and actually acknowledge my presence. Even walking shopping, associates are much more attentive and engaging. It's sad really.

An old saying If you stand silent instead speaking out against injustice; you risk falling for anything. Even a low-drama mama who have to speak out, I second Green Tealael's rebuttal.

If you're comfortable calling out their unprofessional behavior on the spot, do so. If not, speak to your HR or supervisor. It's not acceptable behavior.

I have no suggestions for your situation as it involves work
BUT
knowing myself I would said
"I'd rather be mobidly obese than morally bankrupt", flipped the bird and watched the cinders fall...

Knowing me, I would have pulled out one of my fat photos and said "isn't it a shame to be so fat and be talked about behind their back." It's always funny how small someone gets when they realize they are talking about something that effects someone they are around. My youngest son has a large head. There was this girl talking about his head once when he was in my sight but surrounded by other kids. I told her thank God I had him C-section and I just watched her shrink down. I just laughed about it, but I've seen it happen many times about different situations.

I would keep a before and after picture of yourself. It seems the issue is more about you feeling like a fraud (your words). There would be nothing more educating and inspiring than you showing a before and after picture of your success and hard work.

I had an unsettling situation occur last week when I was at a work related conference. I was with about 6 other ladies when they started being disrespectful about the weight of another attendee. I was stunned! I immediately thought 'how could they say this stuff in front of me?' I just looked looked around at them in shock. Then it dawned on me; they think I'm one of them! They didn't know that 9 months ago I was her size. I felt like a closeted fat person. A fraud. I came to her defense but they weren't having it.
That fat girl just needs to diet and exercise, etc. Everything I've heard my entire life.
This was the first time I've ever been in this type of situation. Hopefully I can handle myself better in the future. I feel like I have to stand up for my sisters!
Any suggestions on how to handle these types of situations?

Most grocery store should have it. Called Traditional Medicinals Smooth Move. I found it at Earth Fare.

I'm going to back @GreenTealael on this one, if you've got even the slightest GERD now... the sleeve will more than likely make it worse. Side note that people seem to get wrong (not that you stated this either way, just some information that most folks don't have correct) is that the sleeve is non-reversible under ANY circumstances, You can be revised from Sleeve to RNY, but you cannot be reversed from the sleeve. The bypass... is reversible, it is risky, and it doesn't happen too often, but it DOES happen. Something to think about. Sleeve, 90% of your stomach ends up in the medical waste bin... Bypass, everything is still in there, the stomach is split but just the connections have been adjusted, nothing is actually removed.

I'm almost 8 months out and I'm still losing some hair. It has decreased significantly though. I haven't noticed regrowth yet but am looking forward to it!

It's actually VERY easy to do. The sleeve is ONLY a restrictive surgery, so, anything that passes or "slides" through the sleeve without providing any restriction... is very easy to eat and overeat with, it's called a "Slider food" and it's something sleeved folks need to be careful with. With a purely restrictive procedure, you can easily "eat around" it. Nothing is stopping those with the band or sleeve from drinking milk shakes all day every day.

People gain weight because they stop paying attention, They stop tracking, They stop working with the surgery.