B.Annie

By the way, I also love far away from family and have kept this decision a secret from everyone except my husband. I feel the solidarity. HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 275 (preop 53# disowned)

Progress! Good news. You and I are sharing the same life right now lol. My husband doesn't want me overweight but doesn't want me to have the surgery just because he's scared something will happen and believes it's unnecessary since I've lost 53 pounds preop and prove that I can lose in my own. The problem is, I'm a yo yo and have never been able to get anywhere near the weight I was when we met. He says he will support my decision if I feel it's best and I'm prepared for the distance for awhile too because that's how he handles stress and frustration and fear. We have 6 kids that we care for (3 biological and 3 non biological) so I won't be able to rest either. If he's anything like my husband, he will get much better as time progresses and just needs to see a happy and healthy wife through it all - even on days you feel like utter dirt. HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 275 (preop 53# disowned)

I had 188 to lose. I'm still only preop and have only lost 53 pounds so far and only 1 person has noticed. She said "it looks like you lost a little weight??" So I said yeah and told her how much and THEN she complimented me lol. Anyway my motivation has only been from non scale victories (NSV), goal NSV and incentives I gave myself for weight loss numbers. I posted my charts on another thread and I believe my profile but I'll also include them here just to give you an idea of what I mean. Sorry for low quality and poor handwriting lol. I didn't initially intend to share. The last pic is of my "skinny bucket list" / goal NSV HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 275 (preop 53# disowned)

I started my clear liquid preop diet on Wednesday and I woke up feeling a tad better today. Wednesday was hard, yesterday was a bit better but still very cranky. Praying today will be even better because my poor kids are dealing with mama crank right now. It's surprising how many people are allowed to have protein shakes like boost slim fast or premier protein (which is my favorite protein drink). I can't even have those after surgery because of the calorie to protein ratio. Too many calories for the amount of protein you get. My dr gave me a list of protein I can have and those I can't. For my preop liquid diet, I'm only allowed SF popsicles, SF jello, water plain or with protein powder mixed in, decaf tea, and low sodium broth. Only starting my third day and already hating the taste of it all. HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 278 (preop 50# disowned)

Exercise for anyone can cause weight gain. Two main reasons seem to be not increasing your fluid intake and increasing your muscle mass. Fluid needs to be increased during exercise or else you'll experience water weight. It's so counter intuitive, but water flushes out water retention. It's your bodies way of freaking out and holding on to what it has because it doesn't think it's getting enough. And then of course is muscle gain. We all know by now that muscle weighs more than fat, so if your gaining muscle, the numbers might reflect poorly. That's where body measurements come in handy. Lastly, there's always the potential that your body is in a stall mode while one or both of the above options are taking effect as well. Stalling plus muscle gain or stalling plus water retention. Keep at the exercise, increase your fluids, and check again in a week or two. Your body should get the right idea soon. HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 278 (preop 50# disowned)

SF = sugar free HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 278 (preop 50# disowned)

I don't know all abbreviations but here are some: HW = high weight SW = surgery weight CW= current weight GW= goal weight DS = duodenal switch RNY = Roux-En-Y = gastric bypass GS = gastric sleeve NSV = non scale victory I'm having a blank trying to think of what other abbreviations you'll see. Do you have any that you've seen and want to know what it means? HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 278 (preop 50# disowned)

Odd thought... have you gotten a new mattress since losing all this weight? My mattress is form fitted to my current shape and weight due to normal wear and tear so when I lose a lot, I expect the mattress to do worse for me. It would be like sleeping in an awkward shaped hole. Maybe your body is bent wrong when sleeping due to an old mattress? HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 278 (preop 50# disowned)

My surgery is scheduled for next week... and so is my period lol. Should be fun. HW: 328 (02/21/17) CW: 278 (preop 50# disowned)

Woot! Looking good!! I can't wait to be able to announce that I've disowned 85. When did you start? HW: 328 (02/21/17 CW: 278 (down 50 preop)

This is such good news and I look forward to experiencing it! Of course the random fear of "always being hungry" after surgery has popped up a few times. HW: 328 (02/21/17 CW: 278 (down 50 preop)

Psychological hunger thoughts. I'm getting plenty of protein and liquids in to be physically satisfied. The lack of chewing substance always makes my brain think it's starving. HW: 328 (02/21/17 CW: 278 (down 50 preop)

So I'm only in day two of my preop clear liquid only diet and yesterday evening I had 3 ounces of meat and was very satisfied for the rest of the night. My head hunger went away and I slept well. Today I have been struggling worse with the head hunger because I feel weak and wobbly. I was making dinner for my family as I enjoyed a cup of tea and wanted to see if the roast was seasoned well and cooked without being chewy so I had a bite. No more than that. All of a sudden i was very satisfied and wasn't so hungry or weird feeling. It's gotta be all in my head. I've lost 50 pounds just on the 2 1/2 month dr monitored diet, before starting the 1 week liquid diet, so I'm not worried that 3 ounces and a bite will stop the surgery. I'm worried because the "side effects" of cheating are so real. It just shows me that my brain has perfected its hold on me and that I need to find a new source of satisfaction. HW: 328 (02/21/17 CW: 278 (down 50 preop)

I'm in northern AZ. The only bariatric surgeons around are in the desert valley (Phoenix). It's not the worst length of time, but it's very twisty and drops 3000 feet in elevation. Just is disorientating and way too many accidents happen both ways due to it HW: 328 (02/21/17 CW: 278 (down 50 preop)

Akules82 thank you for posting your frustration. I'm still preop and already having some of these thoughts. Food is currently the only way my family socializes with my other family members so it is going to be weird to sit and not eat. I like the idea of grazing off of my kids plates for now. We currently always take home leftovers so I'm sure a few bites off of theirs won't be a problem. I'm only on day 2 of my week long preop clear liquid diet and those feelings are stronger than ever. I cooked dinner last night and no one really ate because they weren't hungry. I couldn't have anything so I was frustrated that I wasted time over the stove just to not even be able to enjoy it or have it eaten at all. That got me thinking about what my next 6 months is going to be like and I woke up a cranky mess. HW: 328 (02/21/17 CW: 278 (down 50 preop)

New date is 24th for me. How much did you lose in the process so far?

Also I'm on a clear liquid preop diet so can't have shakes anyway. have to have powder mixed in to my water

Premier protein was always my favorite because it was the one that had the most protein that I could find without carbs, sugar or other extra junk. My doctor gave me a list of preferred proteins supplements and I did the math and the protein to calorie ratio is 1 to 3 or 1 to 4 for almost everything On the list versus Premier protein is 1 to 5. That means it has more calories per gram of protein.

Since my surgeon moved my date up to the 24th of May, it's gotten real. I was on a protein shake diet the last week to prepare, not being told by the nut I had to do a clear liquid diet. My preop appt was yesterday and I was informed that not only do I need to start a preop liquid diet, but that my favorite protein drink (premier protein) is on the list of protein to stay away from. It's due to the calorie to protein ratio. I did get a lot of wonderful information though and even though I really don't want to take an extra trip an hour and a half down to the valley for hospital preregistration and testing, they did call me to get that scheduled for the 23rd. I packed For the hospital stay this morning and got my pre and post op prescriptions filled. I will be in the hospital for 3 days (surgery day plus 2 post op days), but Only packed a small travel bag (or large purse) for my stay. I scheduled a shuttle service to take me down to the hospital and my husband has prepared for picking me up and childcare while I'm gone. Yesterday when coming home from my preop appointment, I did exactly what I swore was unnecessary and had a McDonald's food funeral. It was pointless and only worth it mentally. Maybe some people feel they'll never be able to have that food again. For me, it was just a goodbye to my old way of eating. One last hooray for food after months of a very strict diet. Whats bothering me the most is that I've told no one except my husband about this. My kids know I'm going to surgery but they don't know why and I've had so many health issues that they're so used to it, they don't even ask anymore. I'm normally sharing my life with the world because I've never felt like I've had anything to hide. I must admit my sheer embarrassment at taking this route to help me lose weight. I know my extended family and friends would not approve or support me. In fact they would actively try to stop me or emotionally abuse me. So I'm content with keeping this secret except for the fact that it's now a secret that I have to keep for the rest of my life. I'm scared to death that it will come out in someway or another. And I'm ashamed I could not do this on my own. Ive tried to find an in person support group local to me, but have had no response to the one I found and called on. I guess I just want to know that I'm not the only one who thinks about food more than anything and some part of me wants to see that there are others who are struggling worse than me along with those better. It would let me see where I could could end up with any decision. Sorry for the long post - if you've made it this far haha. I guess I'm just venting everything on my mind.

They just bumped my date to the 24th (instead of 26th). 1 week away! Starting liquid diet tomorrow

SO my preop appt with my surgeon went well. I signed some documents and got a folder full of every bit of information you could ask for from preop to surgery, discharge through post op life. Even a list of recommended and not recommended protein supplements. They gave me my pre and post op prescriptions and Then they said that I only needed a week of clear liquid preop diet so they moved my surgery day up from the 26th then 24th of this month (next week). The only thing that I'm disappointed about is that I have to go back down to do the hospital registration and pre-op tests on a different day. It's just one more trip that I didn't want to have to take considering it's an hour and a half away and I have been 6 kids. The office manager did say that even though they don't like to, since my surgery date is a week away they might be able to just do all the testing is the day of surgery and I would just go in a little bit earlier.

I did things a bit opposite of you but have a similar story. I lost 60 pounds on my own after being diagnosed it's severe PCOS and endometriosis. I was waiting on approval for a hysterectomy when a surprise pregnancy came. I was on 2 forms of birth control due to waiting for surgery and my son came through all of it. Well, I gained 100 pounds during that pregnancy and couldn't believe that I had worked so hard before only to have it all come rushing back on and then some. I was defeated, especially since even 2 years after giving birth I still couldn't couldn't lose even 5 pounds. I was referred to WLS by my PCP and here I am. Anyway I was talking to my husband last night because although he's supportive of the surgery and my feelings on it he really wishes that I could try to lose more weight on my own in lieu of surgery since I'm currently being successful pre-op. I explained to him that I had worked so hard for so long to lose weight before my son only to have it come on so rapidly when I was pregnant. And how I was just very tired of the roller coaster that I've been going through since high school. I'm older and I'm mentally exhausted of the fight. And I need a tool to help. My husband looked at me and looked at our son and said "but wasn't he worth it?" i hope you can answer that question easier than I could. My son is my life joy and I would never want to be without him. He's everything to me and honestly the best and easiest baby. But I still couldn't answer the question. I was mentally done with having kids before I got pregnant with him. I had 2 children already who were already preteens. I was having major life threatening health issues. I was excited to not be in pain anymore and I was almost done with the process of adopting another child who needed a family. All of that that stopped when I got pregnant. And I gained 100 pounds and end up leaving my beloved career to raise him. So while I do not regret him, I struggle with that question knowing what I went through- and what I couldn't go through- to have him. And still going through because of it. I did a lot of therapy just to get beyond the conflicting thoughts and am in a much better place mentally now. There is hope for it all, and reasons for everything. You just have to get beyond your own ideas of how things should be and move forward on the path you're brought to. Depression is the result of looking at the past. Anxiety is from looking at the future. Peace is looking at the path your feet are currently on and seeing which step to take just to navigate today. Good luck!

I am so happy I found your post. We all try to find out future self on these forums just so we know there is hope and we can anticipate real change. Our weights for high and surgery are almost exact (even though I still have a week and a half before I actually can say that lol) so I can only hope that my cw at 100 days out is similar. I am having surgery on May 26th. My HW was 328 and my current presurgery weight is 280. In praying to get down another few pounds before surgery next Friday. Thanks for posting !!!

Yes they set the date May 26th the same day they received my last clearance - the day before they submitted my docs for approval. they told you to expect 30 days! Wow. In my state, insurance companies are legally required to take no longer than 14 days to make a decision.