Malin

EVERY SINGLE POSTER, without exception, who have defended Alex's decisions have joined within the past 6 months. If that doesn't speak volumes about the type of member being courted by this site I don't know what would. Veterans who have met goal do not spend $$ in the store, or support recommended surgeons/healthcare facilities (Medical Tourism).
Gone is the experience the veterans so freely shared. Sure, their advice was not always rainbows and unicorns, but it was truthful.
Some of us do NOT want coddled, we want help on this journey. We want information that can ONLY come from those that have lived it!
Although this is my first post, I have been lurking, reading & researching for over a year.

From LipstickLady:
**I am PISSED that he implied that I was part of any backyard bullying club. Not only would I **never** do that, but I've known for a good year that he was reading PMs so if I was going to do that, it certainly wouldn't be there. I would be THRILLED if one of you posted THIS EXACT MESSAGE in that thread and say that it was from me.**
Alex, wtf? How can anyone find this place to be a 'safe space' if we're subject to outright lies being told about us? I'm completely bewildered by your unprecedented breach of normal website behavior...since when do site owners a) read private messages and then comment on the content of said PMs publicly?

I think you've painted yourself into a corner here. What I don't understand is WHY you've done it.

I used to enjoy coming here, being helped and helping others, as well as having few laughs.
For the past few months there has been drama, after drama, after drama.
People threatening others, name calling, being super nasty, stirring trouble, trolling etc ....
And now this!
So many great people have left. I guess if most if not all experienced and successful post WLS members leave, then the enablers will rule, leaks may happen and other emergencies.
I also come from medical background, and I am truly tired and sick of this nonsense.
I don't need it.
I too was accused of bullying, just because I did not know a particular junk food name, because I live in another country.
Enough is enough!

@@john925 I couldn't have said it any better. I absolutely agree.
PS: If it's really true that users on here made plans on how to ridicule and bully other members then that's just sickening and the ban is well deserved. Don't these people have lives to live?

BariatricPal Members,
I wanted to remind you all about BariatricPal’s purpose and policies. If you do not want to read this entire post, please at least read the following points!
BariatricPal is a safe place for the weight loss surgery community. No rudeness or disrespect will be permitted. Your use of BariatricPal implies your acceptance of the Forum Rules. Failure to follow the Forum Rules can lead to consequences included lifetime bans from BariatricPal. Now for the complete version:
I created BariatricPal in 2003 to help other bariatric surgery patients. I want the forums to be able to help everyone reach their weight loss surgery and health goals. My goal is to maintain the forums as a place for weight loss surgery patients and potential patients to come for information and support.
BariatricPal is intended to be a safe place for the entire weight loss surgery community. I want EVERY SINGLE MEMBER to feel welcome on this board. You should feel comfortable asking questions, expressing doubts, and sharing advice, insights, and experiences.
Unfortunately, this has not been the case recently. I have heard from multiple sources that some members are uncomfortable here. They feel attacked when they post. I have heard this not only from newbie and veteran members, but also from bariatric surgeons, nurses, and psychologists who are members of ASMBS and who have heard concerns about BariatricPal from their patients.
A tiny minority of BariatricPal members are responsible for creating these concerns. The vast majority of BariatricPal members have wonderful, helpful, positive, and informative posts. I thank you for that. You are responsible for BariatricPal’s success.
A few of you, I suspect, truly want to help, but may come off sounding a little harsher than you meant. This can be off-putting to members who have sincere questions and are looking for guidance. To prevent accidentally hurting other members, I urge you to re-read the Forum Rules for suggestions on making your posts helpful rather than hurtful.
There is a tiny minority of BariatricPal members who have gone far beyond the occasional misconstrued post. It is these members who have prevented the forums from being a safe place for everyone. They repeatedly and intentionally start threads or respond to members with disparaging or rude remarks. They often imply or state outright that they are correct and that other posters are doomed to fail. They send private messages urging their friends to bully other members who disagree with them. This does not create a safe space for members!
Anyone who violates the Forum Rules is subject to consequences, include being permanently banned from BariatricPal.
The Forum Rules state, “All members have the right to express their opinions and are encouraged to do so while maintaining a courteous tone.” Disagreeing with someone and expressing yourself politely to say so is one thing. Intentionally hurting others is quite another. If you are unsure of how to respond to a post without being rude, please refer to the Forum Rules for examples and guidelines.
Again, I thank the overwhelming majority of BariatricPal members who are just trying to help, and who have done a wonderful job of lending a hand or ear to those who need it. I hope you all recognize the value you each bring to the boards, and you consider how you can contribute in the most constructive way possible.
Thank you!

@@Kaylamh Your way is the way I've handled my WLS/telling people. I've not gone full-on FB public with it, but the people I interact with locally know. I've been very open with them, and I've been relentlessly positive about the whole thing. People find it VERY hard to say 'oh, why would you do something like that' or make any negative comment when I tell them that I did it to make my health and life better.
I've (80 lbs later) gotten a couple of inquiries about how much more I plan to lose, with 'you look great now' attached, but I just smile and say 'about 30 more, and then I'll see how I look/feel'. I think sometimes people feel compelled to say something like 'you don't need to lose anymore' as a way of being supportive and praising you for you progress.
I truly have not had ANY negative comments...I've got some really great people in my life

Rather than say they are haters, I'd say they were more curious and possibly concerned...and yes...there's some gossiping in there as well. Just remember that when we are very large and loose alot of weight, it's common for those folks who know you as a heavier person to think you have/are losing too much weight. Not so. It's perception. I lost more than half my body weight and lots of people thought I should have stopped losing weight 50 lbs. or more ago.
Besides....our bodies will tell us when we've lost enough. I know mine did and now I'm working hard to maintain that loss. No one says squat about my size or weight loss anymore. After four year, everyone is used to seeing me at a normal size. Period.
I for one am happy that the questions have stopped and I am just who I am. It's my new normal is all and for that alone, I am so grateful.

@@erp -- somehow I missed this post earlier. You make SUCH a good point. Rapid weight loss can be a shocking sight to see for some people, and their responses could be very genuine and sincere.
My dad is fighting Stage 4 Lymphoma right now. He has lost a massive amount of weight in the past 5 or 6 months. (In fact, it was the weight loss without him trying to lose weight that finally convinced him that something might be wrong.) Sometimes, when people see rapid weight loss, they think that something is wrong (because something often is wrong). Comments like that may be investigating that conjecture without directly asking about it.
That's just something to think about it. We all (myself included) form opinions pretty quickly sometimes without putting ourselves in the metaphorical shoes of others.

Never thought of it from that perspective. Good point! Sent from my SM-N920T using the BariatricPal App

I see your point also and curiosity is normal, no problem! However, I have had to stop being around people, one or two of which I believed to be friends of mine for comments like "you lost so much weight, you bitch!" Or "wow you look great, I hate you so much!". I realize these things were said in jest but I'm on a new path in my life and negativity will not be part of it. Just sayin..

When someone gives a compliment (sincere or otherwise), I'll often say "well aren't you sweet." It works in either case.
"Bless your heart" moments and people are a whole other thing! :-)

Being from the south, I would just say "well aren't you sweet" and move on...

I'm really open with people about my surgery. I don't think it's fair for people to think I'm dropping weight this fast because I'm eating right and exercising. I know that when I was bigger, and people told me that, I always wondered why it never worked for me and got discouraged. I try to use my surgery as a way to build people up, ya know?
I definitely understand keeping it private though. I don't post about it on Facebook, or at least I haven't yet, but when people ask I tell them.

Just tell them you gave up Oreo's so or some other junk food that YOU SEE THEM EAT EVERY DAY and I will Guarantee you will never hear from them again!!

I found very few true haters along the way. Turn the tables and imagine if you saw someone drop weight at an incredibly fast pace beyond the usual lore of 1-2 pounds per week. You would probably comment as well because our transformations are shocking. Everyday on here people post things like, "5 months out and 70 pounds gone forever!" That's not typical for most people and if no one knows you have an extra tool to attain rapid weight loss, why does this surprise you? In the end, I got my fair share of "you don't need to lose anymore" comments but it was never with any real malice, there was occasional jealously once or twice, but mostly just curiosity and true amazement at such rapid change.

My dad died after a gastric bypass in 1982. He never left the hospital, so it wasn't an issue with not following a diet plan--he never had a chance to do so. I believe it was medical negligence, I was only 8 and there was a lawsuit. THAT ASIDE--my mom had a sleeve done a few years ago, and I had mine back in December.
To quote my favorite TV show, "A lion does not concern itself with the opinions of sheep." I know that's hard when it's your MOM, but...when you're an adult...you do what you have to do. Period.

ain't it the truth?

Wow - I love this thread! Like many others here I wear minimal makeup, but I've basically been doing the same thing for the last 20-odd years. I've been thinking about having a makeup tutorial when I'm in the States, just to give me some ideas of where to start. I'm happy to see that Sephora now ships to Japan, but I've already put about $1000 worth of products in my cart, so maybe that's not such a good thing...
Anyway, lots of great ideas here!

@@theantichick
As far as makeup, go to Sephora and get ColorIQ matched. It takes all the guess work out of getting the right foundation.
If you have the right foundation, everything else falls in place. If you are over 40, your foundation should cost over $40, if it doesn't you are just borrowing trouble. The more expensive foundation costs more but you use less so it lasts longer so you save long term. My suggestions are Dior, Armani, YSL, or Lancome, depending on what your color matches are. They don't have Armani in the Sephora stores, so when you are color matched, just go to Nordstrom and get a sample of your color. DO NOT BUY A FOUNDATION UNTIL YOU HAVE APPLIED IT YOURSELF AND WORN IT ALL DAY FIRST. Get all the samples, try a different one each day, then buy the one you like the best and can apply the easiest, that is going to vary with everyone. I like to use liquid foundation and set it with a powder. If you aren't that great with makeup, then just a powder foundation with a big brush is the most forgiving. If you start filling your brows in, the trick to make them look good is to brush them again after you fill them.
MAC is only good for lipsticks and eyes. Their foundations are crap. They are okay if you are young and starting out, but they aren't good for mature/maturing skin. When it comes to foundation, be a snob, everything else, you can slum it.
I think the whole color concept for clothes is silly, but I'm also a skin tone that I can wear pretty much any color in the rainbow and it works for me.
I also don't subscribe to dressing your age. That is an outdated concept. I'm 40ish, I look 30ish, so I dress 30ish. I wear what I want. I work in corporate America, in upper management. I wear nice suits, but I pop them with a lot of color, so I might wear a dark suit, a bight colored shell and bright pumps to match. I express my personality in my clothes. I don't want to look older, I don't need to look older to command respect in the workplace. I was in middle management in corporate America in my early 20s and I commanded respect, because I earned it based on my skills not my looks. Dress how you want. No one who is in their 40s acts like it anymore anyway. This is 2017.

OMG. Got home where I could actually watch the videos. Holy Hannah, how long do you ladies spend on your makeup every day? I've never seen so many layers of stuff! I use: BB cream all over, blush if I can find something that works, 3 shades of eye shadow (brow, lid, crease), 2 coats of mascara, and a swipe of a (theoretical) all day lip color. Maybe some basic eyeliner and loose powder to set the look if I'm not rushed for time. What in the name of all that's holy IS all that stuff they're using?
sent from mobile device

I am not going to be any help at all. But, I want to contribute something. Mrs. LittleBill will often ask me, "How does this look?" I say fine, even before I have looked. I have the bruises to prove it. Good luck, and there are many people here way more qualified to help you than me.

This made me laugh. So often people want instant results. It is hard work to lose weight and get in shape regardless of having WLS.

That ruined my whole appetite. I think I need a bottle of tylenol and I'm going to try and drink some Protein and lay face down for recovery. Thanks guys!
Sent from my SM-G925T using the BariatricPal App

Took me 4 months before the soft serve machine started working....
thunder32