LadyFurball

Dknal2, I just want to reach all the way to Alabama and hug you. You are strong and gorgeous and healthy (and such an inspiration!), and you so clearly have heart. I was in a controlling marriage for a long time, and that game about not being willing to go to counseling and then telling you that you should go because you're the "crazy" one?? Oh wow, that brought back some feels...

You've got such a good outlook and sense of what's going on, and it's so good to see a person stay true to herself. I care and I'm here if you need someone to lean on. I hope one day soon he will see that you are the one who has to love the way you feel, and that he is so lucky to call you his wife.

Big huge hug ((((([emoji173])))))

How are you doing? Thinking of you

https://www.bariatricpal.com/search/?q=genepro&sortby=relevancy&search_in=titles
This is a horse that has been beaten to death.

Dknal2, I just want to reach all the way to Alabama and hug you. You are strong and gorgeous and healthy (and such an inspiration!), and you so clearly have heart. I was in a controlling marriage for a long time, and that game about not being willing to go to counseling and then telling you that you should go because you're the "crazy" one?? Oh wow, that brought back some feels...

You've got such a good outlook and sense of what's going on, and it's so good to see a person stay true to herself. I care and I'm here if you need someone to lean on. I hope one day soon he will see that you are the one who has to love the way you feel, and that he is so lucky to call you his wife.

Big huge hug ((((([emoji173])))))

Because I see so many others in a similar situation, I have to recommend some reading that helped me so much. I was not in a physically abusive relationship but the control, gaslighting, and psychological BS was off the charts wacko. It took not only friends, but neighbors and people who I barely knew coming up to me and expressing concern before I started to see it. A friend recommended a book, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft, and reading it helped me SO much. I never felt my situation was bad "enough", but I felt so alone. It helped to be able to understand. I had the book on my password protected kindle (if he had seen me reading it I don't know what would have happened). This book helped me more than I can say. In case it can help any of you here or your loved ones, I felt I had to share:
http://lundybancroft.com/books/
The book I read was Why Does He Do That?

And Dknal2: (((Hug hug hug hug!))). Thank you for posting this. I am so with you in spirit, and I think your post has helped so many people already to be able to talk about this and to not feel alone!

I can so relate to being the only fat one, the only fat one in a family who likes to talk about fat people, and I can relate to the pain that comes through in your post. I I don't know if this will help at all, but it has certainly helped me. (I should say I have not been sleeved yet, probably late May or early June for me, and I have been the fat one for as long as I can remember.)
What has helped me tremendously is to remember that I am worth just as much as those people, my struggle has been different but has most certainly earned me the right to have the sun on my shoulders just as much as they have the sun on theirs. I hope you are able to allow yourself to be comfortable, especially knowing that you are taking charge.
OK, here's the thing that has helped me so much as I have moved towards releasing the fat and have decided to have the surgery: There are a lot of gifts buried under this fat. A lot of gifts that I never really thought about it until I was in my 40s. Being the "fat one", I am also the one who truly knows who the nice people are. My thin and "traditionally beautiful" friends tend to be treated much better than I am. On the surface, that seems incredibly hurtful… I know. But, I have the benefit of knowing that the people who treat me well regardless of my looks are the good people. In fact, it's one of the gifts that I am not looking forward to giving up. being the "fat one", I have had a chance to observe so many things, and to identify the places where kindness is needed, because as so many of us know, we become kind of invisible sometimes, ironic as that sounds. I would like to think I have as much compassion as I would if I had the experience of being traditionally beautiful, but I think people who are traditionally beautiful don't see the subtle things the fat ones do. I am not sorry to have had this experience.
Of course no one can say for sure, but I would suspect your MIL is going to think what she's going to think anyway, and in my humble opinion, the way to work with these people is to have as much fun as possible despite what they may or may not be thinking and saying. They're going to think and say it anyway, might as well show them that you are so much more than the fat one.
Sorry about the long post, what I hope for you is that maybe this time before surgery can be a time to gather the gifts gained by being the fat one, and perhaps to go out there on a limb and have some fun in the body you have now :-) if you need pep talks while you are away, message me! [emoji254][emoji93][emoji173]🦋

Dknal2, I just want to reach all the way to Alabama and hug you. You are strong and gorgeous and healthy (and such an inspiration!), and you so clearly have heart. I was in a controlling marriage for a long time, and that game about not being willing to go to counseling and then telling you that you should go because you're the "crazy" one?? Oh wow, that brought back some feels...

You've got such a good outlook and sense of what's going on, and it's so good to see a person stay true to herself. I care and I'm here if you need someone to lean on. I hope one day soon he will see that you are the one who has to love the way you feel, and that he is so lucky to call you his wife.

Big huge hug ((((([emoji173])))))

picture in the left was me 2 days ago and picture on the right was about 2 years ago. I am close to 100 lbs down from when I first started this wls journey. I haven't worn my skates in almost two years and I can't believe how much I missed it and how different I look now from then. I'm still losing but I am down to my high school weight which for me was not seeable if I didn't have this surgery. I am only 3 months out and I can see myself getting to my goal weight before my year post op date. This is an amazing journey and I can't wait to keep moving towards my goal.

Down 142 pounds since surgery date 10/13/15.

Well my advice is to take what you learned the first time around and use it. I feel like my recovery from rny was easier than the band because I knew what to expect. I knew the gas was the worst thing about post op...so by evening of my surgery I was up walking, walking walking I was in the clinic for two days but was asking to be released after one because I was feeling better! At home I walked. I knew warm Water goes in when cold does not work. I knew to take my Prevacid. I knew to get my Fluid and Protein in first and I have been rigidly sticking to plan. And not trying to uneccsarily restrict calories.
Rny gives a metabolic reset so I am not going to destroy this new baby metabolism with crash diets like I did the last one. I have observed that many of the vets who lost weight on really restrictive calories guess what..they also have to maintain on really restrictive calories. I know other vets who focused on healthy foods like protein lots of vegetables, healthy fruits, complex carbs if you have room etc.,, they are able to maintain on 1400-1700 a day. That's who's plan I'm following. Now that I have had a malabsorbtive surgery I really have had a mindset change to eating what my body needs, as opposed to eating for entertainment. I don't eat processed food. My filter always is "does this offer me the most nutrition?"
I tried to get my calories to 800 as soon as possible (by 2 months). Then to 900 (by 3 months). At six months I'm now between 1050-1100. Still losing...slightly slower but who cares...I'm in this for the long term not the short term.. this one I want to be forever.
This is what worked for me. It isn't the only way, of course. But it changed my life.
Sorry for the long winded answer.

Pretty happy with my progress. Was hoping for 90 down today by today, but hit 88.2. so almost there. Revising my goal down now. Hit overweight last month!
People le who haven't seen me in a year aren't recognizing me. So here is that...

No offense to @blizair09 (congrats on the loss), don't compare yourself to the losses men have, you will lose your mind. Some of the guys here lose like 150 lbs in 4 months, it is maddening.
I didn't have a pre-op diet, I went from first visit to surgery in 8 weeks. I was 358 on surgery day and 230 at the 1 year mark.

My point was, expected weight loss is at the 2 year mark for everyone across the board. No one is really expected to hit their goal weight at one year. That is the standard, not 1 year. Only people on forums think you have to lose it all in the first year, because of the "honeymoon" period. Which is total BS. Honeymoon period is just an excuse to never learn proper eating habits.

I just said I weigh 187 and I started at 370. I don't get how you think I am saying you are only going to get to 250, I don't feel like I have done anything impossible.
I am telling you what the averages are, and the averages are because most people suck at this.
You don't plan on sucking do you?

You can lose to a normal BMI if you want to, you just have to want to.

Hmm yes and no. I mean it all depends on how fast you lose. RNY people with a lot to lose don't lose it all in year one either. Most people with a BMI over 50 to start are going to need 2 years. I started with a 60 BMI and it took me 17 months to go from 370 to 199. I'm 187 ish right now and I expect it will take me another 4 to 6 months to lose the last 20 pounds I want to lose. My expect average weight loss for my start weight was 220,
I hit the average expected weight for the sleeve at 1 year and the average expected weight for RNY in less than 18 months.

Those number above are what you can expect to lose in 2 years not one year. Most people need more than a year to lose their weight. The only reason that is becoming different now is more people are having surgery at lower BMIs. Most people in the past were super morbidly obese.



As you can see the chances of someone with my start weight reaching the weight I am currently at (which isn't even on this chart) is less than 20%. Most people that start in the 300s never see a weight below 200, most get stuck around the 250 range.

It also depends on how low you want to go. I started out wearing size 28/30 now I wear an 8/10 (I could be smaller but I have loose skin). I could be perfectly happy in the 190 range. I stopped my diabetes meds at 2 months, my blood pressure is on the low end of normal. I am losing more to get a cushion for regain as I age. I never want to be over 200 again in my life. If I lose to 170 and regain to 190 in 20 years I won't care.

Outside didn't HAVE "a tone"... What the heck! Men DO lose at about twice the rate as women. Period. With surgery, and without. Ever see the show Naked and Afraid? The men always lose a ton more than the women, given the same conditions. Fact of life, sister!

It's been 8 months since I decided to have the sleeve done and 7 months since surgery.
It's the the best thing I could ever have done. I have my life back!
I've added my B4 and images taken yesterday.
If your on the journey or feel you want to get on it.... I can't begin to tell you how it will change your life IF you embrace it!

I've had both the band and the sleeve. I personally found the band to be worthless. I had the vsg 2 months back, and it has helped much more so than the band.
Having said that I can say, and I really want to drive it home, that neither surgery will do much for you if you are not prepared to stick with the eating diet.
My advice to you is to find a post-op diet recommendation and follow it, not for one week, or one month, but maybe 6 months or so. If after six months, you still feel like you can follow it, go through with the surgery. If not, take some time and reassess everything.
Some people find when they have VSG they lose their appetite, this did not happen with me, so from a dieting standpoint I don't really feel any different 2 months post op than I did pre-op. Of course the first couple weeks when you are doing the majority of your healing, the inflammation will definitely present restriction.
I suppose if I tried to jam 6 tacos in I would have discomfort, but I have never had a problem eating anything in any rational amount and feeling like I needed to throw up afterwards, but then again, I don't force feed myself until busting either.
The fact is most food if chewed well will just push through the pyloric valve and go into the intestines if you keep eating. It will especially do so if you drink liquid right before a meal. I say this because I am 100% convinced that the physical sleeve is maybe 20% of the success, while diet and exercise account for 80%. It may even be more like a 10%-90% split. I'm sure there are some people who will disagree, so I will qualify all of this by saying it is just my opinion.

Because I see so many others in a similar situation, I have to recommend some reading that helped me so much. I was not in a physically abusive relationship but the control, gaslighting, and psychological BS was off the charts wacko. It took not only friends, but neighbors and people who I barely knew coming up to me and expressing concern before I started to see it. A friend recommended a book, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft, and reading it helped me SO much. I never felt my situation was bad "enough", but I felt so alone. It helped to be able to understand. I had the book on my password protected kindle (if he had seen me reading it I don't know what would have happened). This book helped me more than I can say. In case it can help any of you here or your loved ones, I felt I had to share:
http://lundybancroft.com/books/
The book I read was Why Does He Do That?

And Dknal2: (((Hug hug hug hug!))). Thank you for posting this. I am so with you in spirit, and I think your post has helped so many people already to be able to talk about this and to not feel alone!

Because I see so many others in a similar situation, I have to recommend some reading that helped me so much. I was not in a physically abusive relationship but the control, gaslighting, and psychological BS was off the charts wacko. It took not only friends, but neighbors and people who I barely knew coming up to me and expressing concern before I started to see it. A friend recommended a book, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft, and reading it helped me SO much. I never felt my situation was bad "enough", but I felt so alone. It helped to be able to understand. I had the book on my password protected kindle (if he had seen me reading it I don't know what would have happened). This book helped me more than I can say. In case it can help any of you here or your loved ones, I felt I had to share:
http://lundybancroft.com/books/
The book I read was Why Does He Do That?

And Dknal2: (((Hug hug hug hug!))). Thank you for posting this. I am so with you in spirit, and I think your post has helped so many people already to be able to talk about this and to not feel alone!

Abusive men prey on women with low self esteem and insecurities. Overweight women can be a very easy target.

The more notifications I get with additions to this post the sadder I get. A lot of you are in relationships with straight up no question emotionally (at the very least) abusive men. I hope you are able to break free. You deserve better.

It's interesting to read this thread. Before I went through surgery, I read a LOT about how the dark side of this surgery and that it will end up shining a light on relationships that are not strong. Sometimes ending otherwise weaker relationships because one of the partners evolves and the other doesn't like the evolution and change.
But there's a pattern here: It appears (and maybe it's because I'm like the ONLY guy posting) that women are finding their male partners aren't very supportive of them and are actually kind of mean. Reading the comments is making me feel like men are really, really mean spirited towards their partners. I don't quite understand it, I would think if I was married or with a woman that wanted to be healthy, look great and feel great, I'd get 100% behind her and support her.
How can I not benefit from that as a man?! Seeing the pictures of women and their bodies before and after, come on... that's awesome. If you're a male, you have to love that! I just don't get it...
I also find it really interesting that I'm not seeing a lot of men sharing the same issues where their wife or partner was negative or simply mean to them. I'm starting to think now that these men chose women they could control or feed off their insecurity or body issues and now fear the "new person" will be not the person they can continue to hold back because they will have confidence, feel good and probably get more attention.
I don't have the same experience.
In fact, my own situation, my wife was very supportive and does really supportive things like helps me clothes shop (which you have to do after losing so much weight). Little things that make me feel like what I'm doing is not only good for me, it's good for her -- she says kind things to me like "wow, you look good, how do you feel?"
It's troubling that women are in these bad relationships and it took a surgery to finally have them realize this.

Dknal2, I just want to reach all the way to Alabama and hug you. You are strong and gorgeous and healthy (and such an inspiration!), and you so clearly have heart. I was in a controlling marriage for a long time, and that game about not being willing to go to counseling and then telling you that you should go because you're the "crazy" one?? Oh wow, that brought back some feels...

You've got such a good outlook and sense of what's going on, and it's so good to see a person stay true to herself. I care and I'm here if you need someone to lean on. I hope one day soon he will see that you are the one who has to love the way you feel, and that he is so lucky to call you his wife.

Big huge hug ((((([emoji173])))))

Dknal2, I just want to reach all the way to Alabama and hug you. You are strong and gorgeous and healthy (and such an inspiration!), and you so clearly have heart. I was in a controlling marriage for a long time, and that game about not being willing to go to counseling and then telling you that you should go because you're the "crazy" one?? Oh wow, that brought back some feels...

You've got such a good outlook and sense of what's going on, and it's so good to see a person stay true to herself. I care and I'm here if you need someone to lean on. I hope one day soon he will see that you are the one who has to love the way you feel, and that he is so lucky to call you his wife.

Big huge hug ((((([emoji173])))))