doxaholic

Tonight was my first public appearance post-op in a professional capacity. Now, I have been out in public since a few days after surgery. I mean appearance in that I was working and "performing" in front of a small crowd. This was a small private group of mixed professionals and hobbyists who are artistically inclined. I did a two hour presentation on the wood lathe for them, making a piece that was requested by one of the group's members.
These demonstrations are a combination of instruction and entertainment. And I've got to be pretty much 100% spot on the whole time. Mistakes are remembered and recounted for years. So it was something of a NSV for me. First, I worked in front of a crowd for two solid hours on my feet, talking, working, answering questions, and trading barbs with a number of colleagues. Second, I did not have any major screw ups. That is always a good thing, and especially so my first time out of the gate from surgery and significant weight loss.
Third was the weight loss itself. I've been in the crowd a couple of times, and wearing loose clothing. Tonight was jeans and a T shirt. There is no room for loose clothes around a lathe. And when you are on display for two hours, people have time to study you and take notice of things. Part of my notoriety is for my humor in these events, but part of it has been my size, which I joked about as well. You might say it has been a combination of mirth and girth.
But anyway, I received a number of comments along the lines of, "Wow, you've really lost some weight, haven't you? No, not just a few pounds. You've lost a lot of pounds!"
My stock answer was, "It's all from clean livin'." People seemed to accept that, although I got a few sidelong glances. In any case, it could not have been a better night. Okay, they could have paid me. That would have been nice, but this group doesn't pay anyone. It is for the exchange of ideas among peers, so I wasn't really expecting that.
Now I am home. It is very late, and I am full of adrenaline. Or, it might be that they gave me caffeine coffee at the drive through by mistake. In any case, I am wide awake. But I am snuggled down in a warm bed, listening to the rain on the metal roof outside my window, and the soft sounds of the freight train, as it makes its way across the countryside about six miles from here, sounding his horn in the night at dozens of country crossings. At least that stupid owl isn't out tonight. He hoots it up on a regular basis and keeps me from my beauty sleep.

I was watching some you tube videos and came across a young man that lost all the weight. He was talking about that now that he is thin he would never date anyone that was overweight because he was not looking at going back to where he was an an overweight person would only drag him down. Now i am not thin My journey just started however if i were ever to get thin i would hope that i dont turn into some of the people that make fun of me now. However i also see his point of view only about the being healthy. What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?
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You got me.

Agirlhasnofluff
Omg i have to admit your post scared the sh!t out of me then i read porkchopexpress and that eased my nerves lol some.
However i do have some questions for you since i am going to have the same procedure (maybe) and it seems like not to many people on here have opted for this one. So forgive me if i bug you but when you say 8000 times a day really about how much do you go and is it alot that comes out? Does it have an overly foul oder as i seen some say that have posted about their surgeries. Also does it hurt to go potty after surgery? Sorry not trying to be nasty just seems to be the right place to ask.Why the biopsy on your liver is that part of the procedure? Plus what is your starting weight and bmi mine is 391 bmi 53. Im on a cell phone and cannot see it if you have a ticker. Porkchopexpress i like your new picture you look slimmer already.
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The irony of the guy's statement about being dragged down by an overweight person is the assumption that a thin person doesn't have horrid habits. The thinnest girl I know, eats unbelievably poorly. Burgers and fries for lunch every day...chocolate bar Snacks etc...it is a horrible assumption that overweight always = unhealthy and thin always = healthy.

And on the 7th day I rested on the toilet. Then my miracle came, I pooped!

Or their pup?!

Look at you exuding all that confidence well done!
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One more thing: I also prevent myself from judging, by realizing I have no idea where that larger person is in their journey....they may have just lost 100, 200, or 300 lbs, and are thrilled with their success and proud of their hard work....who the hell am I to place a judgment on that!
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Personally, I have been guilty of not necessarily judging people based on their size, but on making size comparisons, as in when looking at someone larger than me, "well I'm fat, but I'm not THAT fat." I'm working now on halting such comparisons, mostly because someone else's size is not my business.....MY size is my business.
I feel that people who lose weight and are extremely judgmental of heavy people do so out of fear knowing they could slip into old habits and go back to that themselves. And I agree with another poster, who said most likely they have many unresolved issues about how they felt about themselves when bigger.
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I really don't have a set way of viewing overweight people. When it comes to strangers who are overweight, I give it little thought because it's not any of my concern. For people I actually know, my feelings vary depending on the individual. For some I have compassion because I know it's been a hardship, but for others I don't because they seem to be happy with themselves. They might not actually be, but since they don't discuss their weight, I don't either. One of my friends has been obese since college, and seems far more confident and content with her life than I was when I was overweight. I envy that she hasn't let her weight keep her from shining, the way that I let mine diminish me.

I was watching some you tube videos and came across a young man that lost all the weight. He was talking about that now that he is thin he would never date anyone that was overweight because he was not looking at going back to where he was an an overweight person would only drag him down. Now i am not thin My journey just started however if i were ever to get thin i would hope that i dont turn into some of the people that make fun of me now. However i also see his point of view only about the being healthy. What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?
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@@doxaholic, that's just unresolved hate they feel for their former selves misdirected outwardly at you. Just be glad that won't be you!
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I was watching some you tube videos and came across a young man that lost all the weight. He was talking about that now that he is thin he would never date anyone that was overweight because he was not looking at going back to where he was an an overweight person would only drag him down. Now i am not thin My journey just started however if i were ever to get thin i would hope that i dont turn into some of the people that make fun of me now. However i also see his point of view only about the being healthy. What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?
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In one of of the group discussions on this site, someone used the term "fatties" when talking about a group of overweight people. I couldn't believe their temerity!
But I do understand the OP's direction of thought.
Dave Ramsey says if you want to be a millionaire, then do what millionaires do.
If you want to be a thin or healthy person do what they do. And sometimes that means making choices to keep ourselves from being sidelined.
Their are plenty of soul mates out there, we just have to find one that is more closely related to our goals, values, character, and even health views.
I have always found intelligence, confidence and humor a primary attraction, secondary attraction were chubby men (or fit fat) ...more attractive than thin or even muscled men. I have no idea if that will change... but I will always want only healthy for my hubby. And if that means thin, so be it. And his current status of being overweight I know for him, he feels horrible. His recent weight loss of 14 lbs shows him feeling so much better and it shows in his self esteem.
But if I were single, I would be less inclined to date someone who uses food to Celebrate as that is one of my triggers. I second what another post said. food was my drug of choice. I can't afford to continue in a behavior that is my trigger, and if it means changing the types of people you hang out with, then you must. Criminals do it when they get out of prison and are on probation, drug and alcohol addicts do it in order to preserve their sobriety. So sometimes in order not to backslide, you might have to do it when considering a life partner.
11/11/16: HW 380
11/28/16: Duodenal Switch Surgery
11/28/16: SW 374 lbs
1/6/17: CW 337 lbs

It seems to me that people who lose gobs of weight and are judgmental of others who are overweight were equaily judgmental before they lost weight. The possible reasons are many, so I won't even take time to name any. You can figure them out.

Great topic.
I guess it is human nature to view the world through the filter of your own experiences. People who have never struggled with weight mistakenly assume that our brains/hormones work the same way as theirs, so judge us by their own experiences and will never understand or empathize.
No matter how much weight I lose, I will never forget the struggle and will always have compassion - because I lived it. My question to myself is, what biases/prejudices do I have for people who struggle with other challenges or addictions that I have never experienced?
On the other hand, it is very scary to allow someone into your daily life that could potentially derail you. So I can see the youtube guys point. My newfound behavior changes are so delicate. I know fat brain is lurking in the background, ready to take over if I open the door even a crack.

@@doxaholic
What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?
I have not forgotten how far I have come. I was compassionate before surgery. I'm still a compassionate person after my weight loss. I know what its like to walk in the shoes of a morbidly obese person. I would never disrespect someone based on weight.
On the dating side. I don't want to slide back. Weight wouldn't be a deal breaker if it was the right guy. The other part to this is I'm now athletic. I find other men that are athletic attractive. I would not have this type of attraction when I was obese. I would have been way too intimidated.

I don't judge people physically. It is a person's character that defines them to me.
If the overweight person is struggling with weight related issues, then I view them with empathy.

That is a very hard thing, what the other poster said about never dating someone who was obesee, now that they where at a healthier body weight(goal weight). We have worked so hard to change our bodies and improve our health, that sometimes it might seem taboo to date someone who is obese, for fear that their eating habbits will pull us back to unhealthy ways. Every person has to come to their own resolutions about their bodies and weight, in their own time and way. Bariactrics is not a fix all, it's just part of the bigger solution.
From my own personal experiences, it is very difficult to stay on the diet/task at hand when you are the only one in the house with restrctions on diet. And sometimes there is resentment on both sides. I wish sometimes that my husband could feel the distain I feel when I've gained weight and my bras don't fit or my jeans are to tight, it sucks. I know that going backwards will literally make me go backwards. Sometimes I think the spouses who are not surgically intervined need more therapy then we do.

You both look amazing than you both for sharing your pictures very inspirational.
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@@rouquinne I've learned real men don't excuse their bad behavior, don't put it on you that he did that... Have weight loss surgery to make you better... Skinny women/fat women have all been treated badly by men at some point... I do understand why you feel that way.
I like this quote.

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Rydersmomma wow wow wow you have inspired me. You look amazing. Your screen name should be hotmomma. Way to go lady you will hit your last goal.
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Look at you exuding all that confidence well done!
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I was sleeved on 8-23-16
Started at 352
Date of diet 340
Surgey- 308
1-1-17 -220
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