elliekay

Hi everyone!
My goal going into surgery was to get to 170lbs. As of this morning I weighed 180.6 (FINALLY losing again after 2.5 months of sitting at 185...) and I got to thinking, I've got way more than 10lbs left to lose!! It's weird how different my body is at this weight than I thought it was going to be--from looking at pictures of girls my height (5'11) at 170/180 to my conversations with my doctor and those close to me about what my expectations and goals should be, I really thought at this point I'd just be a bit chubby, not able to grab handfuls of tummy like I can now! I'm incredibly proud of how far I've come and that I'm this close to hitting goal... hopefully I'll hit it by my 1 yr surgiversary on 8/1... but I guess I'm just surprised that this weight I never thought I'd ever be able to get to now seems too heavy. This is my first time ever being this weight apart from being a child so I really don't know what to expect anymore or what to adjust my goal to.
Has anyone else had to adjust their goal as they've gotten close to it? Or been surprised by their body's changes in relation to what their expectations were?

@catwoman7 and @OutsideMatchInside - I've never considered that! I'll look into it. Honestly I hope it is a decent amount of actual fat because I'd like to be a size 8--sitting around a 12 right now. At my height I don't think I'll get much smaller than that regardless. I can tell I have a bit of loose skin but it's hard to really tell how much of it is skin and how much is fat. Thanks for the tip!

Hi everyone!
My goal going into surgery was to get to 170lbs. As of this morning I weighed 180.6 (FINALLY losing again after 2.5 months of sitting at 185...) and I got to thinking, I've got way more than 10lbs left to lose!! It's weird how different my body is at this weight than I thought it was going to be--from looking at pictures of girls my height (5'11) at 170/180 to my conversations with my doctor and those close to me about what my expectations and goals should be, I really thought at this point I'd just be a bit chubby, not able to grab handfuls of tummy like I can now! I'm incredibly proud of how far I've come and that I'm this close to hitting goal... hopefully I'll hit it by my 1 yr surgiversary on 8/1... but I guess I'm just surprised that this weight I never thought I'd ever be able to get to now seems too heavy. This is my first time ever being this weight apart from being a child so I really don't know what to expect anymore or what to adjust my goal to.
Has anyone else had to adjust their goal as they've gotten close to it? Or been surprised by their body's changes in relation to what their expectations were?

Hi everyone!
My goal going into surgery was to get to 170lbs. As of this morning I weighed 180.6 (FINALLY losing again after 2.5 months of sitting at 185...) and I got to thinking, I've got way more than 10lbs left to lose!! It's weird how different my body is at this weight than I thought it was going to be--from looking at pictures of girls my height (5'11) at 170/180 to my conversations with my doctor and those close to me about what my expectations and goals should be, I really thought at this point I'd just be a bit chubby, not able to grab handfuls of tummy like I can now! I'm incredibly proud of how far I've come and that I'm this close to hitting goal... hopefully I'll hit it by my 1 yr surgiversary on 8/1... but I guess I'm just surprised that this weight I never thought I'd ever be able to get to now seems too heavy. This is my first time ever being this weight apart from being a child so I really don't know what to expect anymore or what to adjust my goal to.
Has anyone else had to adjust their goal as they've gotten close to it? Or been surprised by their body's changes in relation to what their expectations were?

@catwoman7 and @OutsideMatchInside - I've never considered that! I'll look into it. Honestly I hope it is a decent amount of actual fat because I'd like to be a size 8--sitting around a 12 right now. At my height I don't think I'll get much smaller than that regardless. I can tell I have a bit of loose skin but it's hard to really tell how much of it is skin and how much is fat. Thanks for the tip!

Hi everyone!
My goal going into surgery was to get to 170lbs. As of this morning I weighed 180.6 (FINALLY losing again after 2.5 months of sitting at 185...) and I got to thinking, I've got way more than 10lbs left to lose!! It's weird how different my body is at this weight than I thought it was going to be--from looking at pictures of girls my height (5'11) at 170/180 to my conversations with my doctor and those close to me about what my expectations and goals should be, I really thought at this point I'd just be a bit chubby, not able to grab handfuls of tummy like I can now! I'm incredibly proud of how far I've come and that I'm this close to hitting goal... hopefully I'll hit it by my 1 yr surgiversary on 8/1... but I guess I'm just surprised that this weight I never thought I'd ever be able to get to now seems too heavy. This is my first time ever being this weight apart from being a child so I really don't know what to expect anymore or what to adjust my goal to.
Has anyone else had to adjust their goal as they've gotten close to it? Or been surprised by their body's changes in relation to what their expectations were?

@elliekay
Like @catwoman7 said DEXA scans are a great way to know what your body fat is and that is a better gauge of where you should be.
You are in Illinois, almost every public university offers DEXA scans in their Sports depts, at a fraction of the commercial costs. They need the money so support your local university!

your BMI is a 25, so you're fine. It's probably just loose skin. Of course, you can always try to lose more weight if you want to, but 25 is in the normal BMI range.
if you really want to know where you stand, get one of those commercial DEXA scans where they do the body composition analysis. It's one of the more accurate ways of measuring body fat. If your body fat percentage is normal, then it's definitely just loose skin. I had one of those scans and my body fat was 22%. The technician said that was fine, but not to let it get much lower or I'd just be consuming muscle. Between that and my PCP telling me it was time to stop, I decided to stop, even though I felt "chubby", too, with all the loose skin.

I'm vertically challenged at 5'1 so my original goal weight was 110 pounds, which would have placed me at a very normal BMI of 20 and into single-digit clothing sizes.
At three months post-op I adjusted my goal upward to 130. The weight was coming off at a painfully slow rate of about 5 to 6 pounds monthly, so I thought I'd never make it to my original goal.
I reached my revised goal of 130 pounds at 14 months out. My surgery day weight was 218, so I decided to lose a nicely even 100 pounds by getting to a body weight of 118. 118 pounds was my new goal.
It took another 4 months to lose the additional 12 pounds to get to 118. I've been maintaining this body weight without a great deal of effort while eating in the ballpark of 2000 calories daily. This is the first time in my adult life I've been weight-stable. I wear a size 4 and enjoy life as a normal-weight person.

I set my goal weight based on my HS weight. I'm physically smaller now than I was in HS at this same weight (a lot more muscle mass).
The smaller I get, the smaller I see that I can get, 10 or 20 more pounds wouldn't hurt. I have a lot of loose skin on my stomach, so yeah I can grab a lot of tummy, but it is mainly loose skin that I can't lose, its playdough. I'm almost 1/2 the size I used to be skin is to be expected.
I have a goal for myself and a stretch goal, that are just for me to know not anyone else. If I do not lose anymore I am happy where I am. I feel like I will lose more just because of how I eat. It will just be at a snails pace. I'm pretty sure my body is as shocked as I am to be at this weight.

Going to the support groups isn't to land a date. It's to get out and be social. Dating is not the only way to be social. Go make friends. Go get comfortable in public outings. Have fun. The goal isn't to meet someone to date, but it might happen anyway. When you're comfortable and happy with your social life it's a lot easier to attract someone who sees light coming out of you. Right now you are projecting this image (at least on this thread) as a sad, shut-in loner who hopes that internet magic will bring you a love life. Go love life instead, and the rest will either come or it won't, but at least you'll be out enjoying the world.

Tbh Sgc you've kind of derailed the original topic on conversation for OP, and that's sorta not cool man. Like I understand your frustration of not being able to find an SO but people here and in your own thread have really tried to help you out with suggestions. Also Bariatric patients are normal your talking like we got three heads or something. If your content with being single then what's the problem? Just live your life make friends and let love come to you stop chasing it so hard. It's almost like your just focusing too hard on it right now. Just continue on your weigh loss journey and keep your head up. Being in a relationship isn't the end all be all, and if you were miserable before it won't fix things. Ya know?

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

I want to answer the OP question first. I'm pre-op and even I don't like a lot of food based dates. I always suggest walking. I've gone to parks and trails on dates and have had some really nice conversations. If I didn't like them at least I added a few steps for the day. Outdoor events can also work. I know here there are usually food trucks, so if he is hungry he can get something there. If you are into geeky things there are trivia nights, adult nights at the science museum, conventions, etc.

On to the other conversation: I wish people would realize that no one is obligated to like them, speak to them or return their message. Yes, it is courteous but it is not a requirement of life. I been cursed out, called vile racist names and called fat (the least insult of them all) just because I said I don't think we would be a good fit. Men just can not handle rejection, especially if they think because you're fat you should have no standards. Now, I only reply to the ones I'm interested in. I expect the same. If they don't answer my message I move on. They weren't for me.

Fun date ideas.. I second the mini-golf idea, OP. But if you want to have just as much fun, rent a driver and go to a driving range. It's fun just whacking the ball everywhere, and since golf isn't so strength reliant (as it is form), it's an easy thing to learn.
Movies are a good one. Especially if you have some type of card that gives rewards. Every single movie my wife and I go to are free due to better utilization of CC rewards.
Beaches are always fun as well, provided you have the weather for it. It was always fun spending much of my life in NorCal being on a beach and watching some tourist happily sprint toward the (ocean) Water thinking "ITS SUNNY CALIFORNIA TIME TO DIVE INTO SOME WARM WATER", they jump in and then fly like lightning back onto the sand as it's way too cold and need a bodysuit to enjoy it.
I always had a thing for concerts (heavy metal), sports venues (hockey, American football, Association football/soccer), and sports bars/entertainment venues like Dave and Busters.
Theme parks are good too, but given how overweight many of us are, it's generally not a good idea until we get the weight down. I had my first embarrassing theme park moment being too fat for a ride when I visited Cedar Point in 2016. Was not cool.
If sightseeing is your thing, there's plenty of stuff around the country to see. Now is prime season in Alberta (Canada) to visit Banff National Park. The snow season is cool too for skiing/boarding, but you can do that pretty much anywhere.
Can also invest the time and money into protecting yourselves (enjoying your second amendment rights) and buy a gun/sign up for a range.
There's so many things I've done and can think of doing more of that isn't eating..

Thank you! I never said it was a secret I was carrying to the grave, just that I'm not giving that info out on the first few dates. Once we are in a legit relationship, then I will be honest about my "diet."
God I miss Chicago. I grew up there, now I live at the beach, which is its own heaven on earth, but in a different way. Definitely no $5-10 improv shows (or at least- no good ones.) We do get great live music out here though. I do frequent those!

yes! i LOVE keto! also an easy way to explain your diet without detailing your surgery

yes! i LOVE keto! also an easy way to explain your diet without detailing your surgery

I don't understand the mentality that you have to be completely open about your surgery on the first couple dates/early in a relationship lol... there's plenty of other ways to explain dietary restrictions without putting everything out there. it's a sensitive/vulnerable topic. honestly, i'm a bit over 7 months into my relationship (9 months post-op) and he doesn't know and probably never will. it isn't a necessity for him to know. a few people got mad at me for posting a thread here where i was feeling a bit upset that he got me chocolates for vday after i asked him not to but the thing is that that's an inconsiderate thing to do just knowing i'm on a diet and have digestive issues, he didn't need to know i had WLS to know better, you know? it's your business who you share it with. i'd explain that you're on a diet and maybe elaborate that you have a hard time digesting certain foods if you want a more solid reason but if they're worth the time they'll be able to respect that you're choosing to eat a certain way.
i don't know what the nightlife scene is like by you and what's accessible but i live inside chicago city limits so generally i like going to cheap shows on dates--there's always cheap improv shows or local bands for $5-$10. if we do get food i make sure i have suggestions in mind for places i can actually eat. bars seem to work ok as well once you're a bit further post-op, if you get 1 drink and drink it slowly over the course of the date.

Maybe you could start your own thread? For people to give you dating advice? This was a thread about food on dates...

Kinda sucks how the OPs post got hijacked.

yes! i LOVE keto! also an easy way to explain your diet without detailing your surgery

Then again- women have to deal with things like date rape, getting roofeed, serial murderers ,cat calls, bikini waxes, underwire bras, menstrual flow, control top panties, having assholes try and grope them on a date, jerks that "forget"Their wallet, being hit on in disgusting ways, cheating husbands, etc etc etc. So. I'd say it's about even. It's a war out there baby cakes.

yes! i LOVE keto! also an easy way to explain your diet without detailing your surgery

I miss living in Chicago (I never had dudes taking me on whack dinner dates then either, even when I was a whale, too much to do in the City), but even the smaller city I live in has plays and all kinds of events that range from free to still really cheap. A fun guy is going to take you on a fun date. A dinner date is about the most boring date you can go on.
When I met the right guy. I told him I was into being healthy and active. Since I don't look my age (thanks sleeve for knocking 12 years off me at least), when I say I am into health and fitness people believe me. When he cooks for us or we go out, he makes sure their are healthy options for me. I told him I low carb, almost everyone in my generation has low carbed at some point so it isn't a mystery what people eat or how it works. I don't drink and he doesn't either. So there are no weird convos about alcohol. We go to sports bars and order coffee I don't eat a lot at once but I eat literally all day. Eating small amounts all day pretty much deads any convos about how little you eat when you are eating every 2 hours.
The whole point in dating is finding someone who is you match. Some dude that wants to go to TGI Fridays and hit a movie isn't a good match for me, but someone else would love to have him, and they should.

I don't understand the mentality that you have to be completely open about your surgery on the first couple dates/early in a relationship lol... there's plenty of other ways to explain dietary restrictions without putting everything out there. it's a sensitive/vulnerable topic. honestly, i'm a bit over 7 months into my relationship (9 months post-op) and he doesn't know and probably never will. it isn't a necessity for him to know. a few people got mad at me for posting a thread here where i was feeling a bit upset that he got me chocolates for vday after i asked him not to but the thing is that that's an inconsiderate thing to do just knowing i'm on a diet and have digestive issues, he didn't need to know i had WLS to know better, you know? it's your business who you share it with. i'd explain that you're on a diet and maybe elaborate that you have a hard time digesting certain foods if you want a more solid reason but if they're worth the time they'll be able to respect that you're choosing to eat a certain way.
i don't know what the nightlife scene is like by you and what's accessible but i live inside chicago city limits so generally i like going to cheap shows on dates--there's always cheap improv shows or local bands for $5-$10. if we do get food i make sure i have suggestions in mind for places i can actually eat. bars seem to work ok as well once you're a bit further post-op, if you get 1 drink and drink it slowly over the course of the date.