OzRoo

@@White Sale Or you could skip the thread and move along yourself. I'll have my say, thanks.

EVERY SINGLE POSTER, without exception, who have defended Alex's decisions have joined within the past 6 months. If that doesn't speak volumes about the type of member being courted by this site I don't know what would. Veterans who have met goal do not spend $$ in the store, or support recommended surgeons/healthcare facilities (Medical Tourism).
Gone is the experience the veterans so freely shared. Sure, their advice was not always rainbows and unicorns, but it was truthful.
Some of us do NOT want coddled, we want help on this journey. We want information that can ONLY come from those that have lived it!
Although this is my first post, I have been lurking, reading & researching for over a year.

And now he's apparently changing the banned users names to things like Time To Grow Up and Stop Being a Child.
This is your leader, folks.
Hey Alex, how about you take your own advice?

Ah, name-calling, the last bastion of the uneducated.

I used to enjoy coming here, being helped and helping others, as well as having few laughs.
For the past few months there has been drama, after drama, after drama.
People threatening others, name calling, being super nasty, stirring trouble, trolling etc ....
And now this!
So many great people have left. I guess if most if not all experienced and successful post WLS members leave, then the enablers will rule, leaks may happen and other emergencies.
I also come from medical background, and I am truly tired and sick of this nonsense.
I don't need it.
I too was accused of bullying, just because I did not know a particular junk food name, because I live in another country.
Enough is enough!

If you're among those waiting to move along, you have the ability to extricate yourself from the thread and the vitriol. If you're lingering because, like those who materialize out of the ether to stare at traffic accidents, you're transfixed. You're on the horns of a dilemma. The good part is that choice is inherent.

@whitesale you've been here what 3 days move along off this thread you don't even understand why people are upset your so new.

From LipstickLady:
**I am PISSED that he implied that I was part of any backyard bullying club. Not only would I **never** do that, but I've known for a good year that he was reading PMs so if I was going to do that, it certainly wouldn't be there. I would be THRILLED if one of you posted THIS EXACT MESSAGE in that thread and say that it was from me.**
Alex, wtf? How can anyone find this place to be a 'safe space' if we're subject to outright lies being told about us? I'm completely bewildered by your unprecedented breach of normal website behavior...since when do site owners a) read private messages and then comment on the content of said PMs publicly?

I think you've painted yourself into a corner here. What I don't understand is WHY you've done it.

I have to wonder if those medical and bariatric professionals that have concerns know their patients are eating pork chops, tacos, steak, chicken, snrimp, bacon within the first 2 weeks out of surgery. I wonder if they know their patients are asking can I have this or that or when can I have this or that. I wonder if they know there are posters who tell them yes, it is ok, you will be fine or You didn't get surgery just to not enjoy the foods you like or I can tell my body is healed so I can eat what I want.
Those of us who have concerns for their health and that they have a plan from their doctor to follow and that this is a lifestyle change are tired of being told our tone was harsh. It is up to the reader to determine tone as they interpret it.
I can't even estimate how many times I have seen the words Is it on your plan? And Check with your doctor. These are supportive responses.
I am sure those medical professionals might be grateful that strangers are actually trying to help their non compliant patients. Maybe you can provide this kind of feedback to those that had concerns. I've run out of steam.

I used to enjoy coming here, being helped and helping others, as well as having few laughs.
For the past few months there has been drama, after drama, after drama.
People threatening others, name calling, being super nasty, stirring trouble, trolling etc ....
And now this!
So many great people have left. I guess if most if not all experienced and successful post WLS members leave, then the enablers will rule, leaks may happen and other emergencies.
I also come from medical background, and I am truly tired and sick of this nonsense.
I don't need it.
I too was accused of bullying, just because I did not know a particular junk food name, because I live in another country.
Enough is enough!

I used to enjoy coming here, being helped and helping others, as well as having few laughs.
For the past few months there has been drama, after drama, after drama.
People threatening others, name calling, being super nasty, stirring trouble, trolling etc ....
And now this!
So many great people have left. I guess if most if not all experienced and successful post WLS members leave, then the enablers will rule, leaks may happen and other emergencies.
I also come from medical background, and I am truly tired and sick of this nonsense.
I don't need it.
I too was accused of bullying, just because I did not know a particular junk food name, because I live in another country.
Enough is enough!

I used to enjoy coming here, being helped and helping others, as well as having few laughs.
For the past few months there has been drama, after drama, after drama.
People threatening others, name calling, being super nasty, stirring trouble, trolling etc ....
And now this!
So many great people have left. I guess if most if not all experienced and successful post WLS members leave, then the enablers will rule, leaks may happen and other emergencies.
I also come from medical background, and I am truly tired and sick of this nonsense.
I don't need it.
I too was accused of bullying, just because I did not know a particular junk food name, because I live in another country.
Enough is enough!

Too late - I have a screenshot! I'm pretty sure he doesn't have access to my personal files on my computer but one never knows...

This is very important. That is NOT okay and should NOT be normalized.

On every other forum I have ever been on in the past 20 years, private messages have been inviolate. If they were shared by one of the parties to the message, that is one thing. To have someone not party to a discussion reading it without permission smacks of intrusion which has been considered abhorrent by virtually every generation preceding ours.

I didn't know the PM's were visible, though I should have thought so. I hope those do stay deleted. Some were very personal (hence they were "private") and some downright salacious. I have one out to Dub, and I'll delete that tomorrow and stick to using PM to see if someone wants to exchange email addresses to carry on private conversations.

But the blockbuster is your admission (long suspected by me) that you read BP members' private messages. IMO reading members' private messages is a significant ethical violation by any message board operator. Those who choose to remain here need to understand that clearly.
This. Right. Here.

I haven't been on this site in about six months. But after this latest idiocy, I'm finally ready to delete my account.
Yes, Alec, as the owner and operator of this message board you can do anything you want to do with this board.
However, your posts in this thread mischaracterize the ways in which this board's culture and the value it offers WLS patients have declined for some time.
But the blockbuster is your admission (long suspected by me) that you read BP members' private messages. IMO reading members' private messages is a significant ethical violation by any message board operator. Those who choose to remain here need to understand that clearly.
These days there are so many other social media options for support of WLS patients. I urge those leaving BP to explore them all.
I expect that my and some others' opinions will soon vanish when Alex heavily edits or deletes this thread, just as he has deleted other comments and BP threads where members have expressed their opinions about BP's culture and operational policies. But I've bothered to type them anyway.
In closing, I would like to thank the many WLS patients here who contributed to my WLS success (I've lost 100 pounds and have maintained my weight loss for longer than a year). I also thank those who invited my input and who appreciated the help I offered. Help is a two-way street.

There, you've said it yourself. Many people don't understand their practices' instructions in the early days because so much new material is thrown at them. It didn't occur to them to get clarification from truly appropriate sources. Others don't understand because the didn't pay attention. Yet others are short on adult capability of requesting or demanding the assistance they need. There are plenty of other reasons for getting lost along the way. These are the people who need straightforward replies because sweet talk and coddling is where they'll stop -- too many are too confused or unrealistic to stay with it until the solid info. You haven't been here long or often enough, perhaps, to have seen how often new people come along with the same bewilderment and misunderstandings or adamant insistence on hearing only what they want to hear. If you want perfect little ladies and gentlemen to respond to those wandering in the dark, it won't happen. Those who do respond have good intentions. Those of dubious intentions are unavoidable. That's how it works when you have a barrel of humans The balance is the frequency with which most members point to a sound direction and, in return, receive everything from pouts to screaming tantrums because their input isn't what was wanted. And then there are the confused newcomers who are grateful and appreciative of direct, clear response aimed between their eyes. How nice it is to know that help isn't always wasted.
Anyway, that's my little rant and I don't care a fig about its being so disorganized. A well-organized rant isn't authentic. Well, okay, the truth is that I"m not paid enough here to edit myself.

I know you won't bother deleting my account, but I won't be here anymore. You remind me too much of the incoming "president," bullying people and taking choices away from them. If I felt safe here, I don't after reading this post of yours. I don't believe for one minutes that medical professionals (unless intimately associated with you) give a whit what happens here. You have banned the true sources of wisdom and allowed the petulant children to remain. I can only assume I haven't been banned because I'm still pre-op and therefore a potential customer of your store.
I hope know one sues you after they receive permission to eat pizza and drink beer in the recovery room and then rupture their sleeve, from the wonderful fount of knowledge that remains here.
You have permission to use nothing that you find in my profile or private messages.

Alex,
I am a big believer in private property, and you invested time/money/talent creating a working site such as this, I do considerate "private property" not public domain. So, I do respect your right to make editorial decisions.
That said phrases like "safe spaces" in the current political/cultural environment are now "trigger" words to me. (Ironic I'm using that verbiage). It does leave a very bad taste in my mouth.
One of the most endearing parts of this online community was the frank adult discussion on a wide variety of topics. That's probably what has brought me back here more often than I really should. As a whole, I have found the conversations to be of higher than average quality. It is always interesting getting the perspective of people worldwide, as well as those from NYC and major metropolitan areas and the handful of us in flyover country.
I have always had two reasons for actively taking part in this community...first was to try and give back and help others because I sure needed it early on. Second was the wealth of knowledge I would not have ever found on my own because I would not have known what to Google.
I'll keep an eye open, to see if this place is still worth my time. Frankly, I have enjoyed the tough love comments and while I am not looking for drama, I've never seen anything excessive. There are plenty of other boards which I have been part of that have more than their share of trolls, but this one has not been one to my way of thinking.
Since I am not privy to the PM's I have no idea of what is so bothersome, but I really have enjoyed the contributions of those who have been banned and that is why I am publically offering a sincere wish you would reconsider. But as I said this is your project and investment.

In my previous note, I wrote that some conspiracies such as you're describing as nauseating would not be a surprise. I've not been privy to backroom messages, but have no doubt that I've seen a few results in the forums.
I respect that BP is a business and that you want and intend to continue to run it as a business to realize financial growth and a livelihood. In the process you've provided a service that clearly, given the numbers, is in demand.
That said, it is insulting for you to say that you will not delete accounts and go on to say that your decisions are not about money. Advertising revenue depends on the number of subscribers/users/members. The greater the enrollment, the greater the income. That's all well and good. If it really weren't about money, I think you'd be happy to close accounts, as doing so wouldn't cost you anything.
I repeat: I have no problem with the business practice, but I do with subterfuge.

Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was fiction. The idea for BP was excellent. That it's grown and is still operating is excellent and surprising; many home-grown sites last a while and disappear long before the 13-year mark. The rub is the naivete or disingenuousness -- I don't know which and prefer not to speculate -- that speaks of any place where everyone will feel safe. The world doesn't work that way least of all because there will always be those who will feel safe only if they crawl back into the womb.
I do not doubt that newcomers and the seasoned have expressed dismay. The truth, nevertheless, is that "you can't please all of the people all of the time." If it were possible, the phrase would not be enclosed by quotation marks. Unsubstantiated second- and third-hand reports from ASMBS members or other non-participants have no place in the discussion.
Have you really received reports of conspiracies conjured in private? I think it's likely because anyone can sign up for BP, including those with middle-school mentalities. How many take part in such cartels?
You wrote twice (one fell out of the quotation here) that a "tiny minority" of members have menaced more tender members and once that most members are supportive, sweet, helpful -- good scouts, shall we say. That's a most impressive record. It seems that there's nothing to complain about. You've described a website that mirrors the larger world. Not bad at all.

$o the whining snowflake$ whined to their $urgeons... it'$ clear that YOU did not review their post$ before you made your decision. I would bet money that at lea$t a few of the complainer$ are on my BLOCKED list.
Bariatric Pal is no longer a SAFE PLACE for me. I have been stalked by this gang of thin skinned snowflakes (you can check my list of BLOCKED members) who regularly pick fights and generally behave like deranged 7th graders. I do wonder how all those surgeons and psychologist and nutritionist (from your Mexican WLS center?) will react when someone keeps right on eating corn on the cob and ribs 3 days post op because some idiot on this site told them "don't worry, we all make mistakes" and there is no one here to speak up and call bullshit.
It makes sense that you will not delete our accounts, after all you don't want your membership numbers to drop. I will delete my own account. But I am serious that YOU need to stop sharing my email address with your cronies.

How do I disassociate with this forum? I should be able to delete my own account. I want nothing to do with this site and do not want my personal info available to anyone - especially you (clearly you have read Private Messages between others which is extremely inappropriate).

I think we need some proof here Alex. Lipstick and Babbs weren't the problem and you know it. I'm done with this site. You should delete the accounts of people who want them deleted
Good luck making money.