jmc534

I wouldn't put so much weight on how she might feel about it.
How do you feel about your WLS? Are you proud of yourself? Are you ashamed that it came down to surgery to help salvage your health?
If you are proud of where you are, and stand by your decision there's no reason not to share Tunis with someone you are developing feelings for. It'll most likely come up eventually at a dinner party, where you are left explaining all the empty space left on your plate.
If you feel ashamed or embarrassed, that will most likely eminate through your conversation. I know I wouldn't want a potential romantic partner to feel sorry for me, like I had undergone this procedure but was so unhappy about it or not confident in my decision.
I think it's up to the person, and how confident they feel about their WLS to decide who/when to share it with.

What a fun suprise it would be if she answered that she also had wls! You can't know her reaction unless you tell her. Either way it might come up some day. Better to get it out of the way before telling her becomes a bigger hurdle. I'm sure she will share something private with you as well.
Nilla

I honestly can't remember when I told my (now) husband about my weight loss surgery, but I think is was when we started getting serious. I do know that when I did, he immediately shared that he had Crohn's disease and everything was out there...obviously it was a non issue for us and we are still going strong 10 years later.

So....you took permanent steps to give you leverage over being in better control of your health and well being.......and your wife has bugged out on you.....and you've found someone you really like.
I would think it would become fairly evident that something was different in that your way of eating and ongoing weight loss is effectively shedding pounds. If you really saw future times with this person it seems to be one of the things you'd share with her. Supremely doubtful that she'll judge you by this...if so, then....better to know now and move on.
I think we all feel somewhat defined by our wls in the early days as it's such a huge change for us. As time passes the new ways of eating and hopefully the increased activity just become the norm and we don't feel so compromised by our health. I think it becomes much easier to share with people as time passes.

I really can't imagine that she would think any differently because you had WLS. And if she did, she probably is not the one for you...
Good luck.

You've done and are doing something positive for yourself. If she screams and slaps you, it's your turn to file for separation.

My thought is....if she really cares about you, she isnt
going to care if you have had WLS surgery or not. She should tell you how proud she is of you for making such a positive change in your life. We all know this is not an easy thing to do, so she should have lots of respect for you making this positive lifestyle change. I think you should just be honest and tell her that you are sorry you haven't mentioned it before, but that you were nervous about what her response would be, but that you just didn't want to keep it from her any longer. If she gives you any negativity about it, then she is probably not the right one for you. I have a feeling she is going to be very proud of what you have done and how far you have come. The best of luck to you, and keep up the great work. Let us know how it goes.
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It definitely is empty calorie/carb intake, but hey, it happens! It's probably unrealistic to think that most of us will go through life without ever having another drink socially. What I try to do is limit it to the least amount of damage, First, I'm a lightweight with alcohol since surgery, so I limit to 1 drink and sip sip sip. :-) Second, I limit to the lowest possible caloric option, which is usually a vodka & club soda or something. I know, soda is bad, and you probably can't do the bubbles since you're pretty early on. My usual go-to is a boring (but fabulous) glass of wine. Not great, but not the worst calorie wise. You may see that you stay the same instead of losing the next morning, but I just would not make it a habit and save it for those social occasions. :-)

Here's the thing......you are losing the weight and hope to better enjoy life and living.
Hopefully you've added exercise to your daily regimen. Occasional drinks are fine....be mindful of what you are having as mixers in those drinks, though. A good bartender can help ensure you are not getting sugary mess. Vodka and light mixer.
Sip not pound down.
All things in moderation.
Enjoy yourself yet keep on the scale and ensure that you are on track with your overall goals and making progress.

Thanks for the response! I stick with vodka and cranberry or something of that nature. I'm not drinking 8 or 9 beers. I'll have 2 maybe 3 drinks. I've already lost 50 lbs so I want to keep it going strong but I still have to sort of live my life too. By the way, I haven't told any of the girls I've dated that I had the surgery. I don't think they need to know that yet. If I get serious enough with one of them then I will tell them
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You need to be careful with alcohol. Wls patients can become alcoholics, by trading one addiction for another. Not only is it empty calories but our bodies no longer process alcohol as it did pre-surgery. If you're going to be drinking be careful driving. You may feel fine but if you got pulled over you more than likely will blow over the limit even though you feel fine. Not only that but you're in your honeymoon phase still so may not effect your weight too much but definitely will after you're out of your honeymoon phase. I have seen it with someone I know and they are now having a hard time losing even gained some weight back because of drinking and that person does cross fit at least 6 days a week but what good is the cross fit going to do if you're going to go and drink on weekends and put all that hard work to waste by putting all those empty calories back into your body. I personally want to get to my goal weight as soon as I can and I know drinking alcohol is not going to help me get there. This is a decision one has to make for themselves.
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Two things- yes it will affect your loss. Your body will burn that alcohol before it burns anything else. THe people that I've seen going through regain MOSTLY have issues with alcohol. It's a lot of sugar and carbs, and even if you choose a lower carb option, choosing to drink less often will help in the long run,
Secondly, transfer addiction is REAL. The number of patients I know that drink most nights or every weekend is HIGH. A gal I know had to have her lapband removed because she couldn't eat so she drank herself sick. Maintain control, don't let your drinking get to that point. Alcohol is not a coping mechanism. It's not an outlet. Use it sparingly.
I would hold off on a lot of alcohol until you're MUCH further out, which is not advice anyone wants to hear but... yes it will affect your weight loss.

Unless you subtract out equivalent calories to make up for the alcohol, yes, of course it will. Extra calories = slower weight loss. You could always choose to do something like skip Breakfast and lunch to make up for drinking alcohol -- how much food you need to cut out of your diet depends on what kind of drinks you are having and what "a few" drinks means to you.
Not saying I think it's a healthy choice (AT ALL) but it's your body, your decision.
I am sorry about your wife's leaving. I can't imagine how hard that must be.

Although Alcohol is frowned upon due to lack of nutritional value, empty calories, sugar content etc. You have to gage it for yourself. Is it worth it? Are you following your plan? What will your limitations be? This could turn into a regular thing and that's where it can start to get fuzzy.
My personal experience I am a little over 4 months myself. I do drink occasional cocktails. During the summer MY husband and I were going out approx. 3 nights a week. Alcohol would sometimes be involved. I explained to him I can't drink like that but I don't mind joining you for a drink just understand that I'm concerned how the calories affect my weight loss. If I were dating, I'd just say, I'm trying to lose a few lbs so I'm trying to chill on the drinking for now.
I exercise 4 days a week. 1 hour. I follow my plan as best as I can. Sometimes I don't eat enough but I'm working on it. If I have plans to go out that day, or later I adjust my eating to accommodate a potential drink. If I'm having a bad week plan wise-- I don't drink. It is a very fine balance and I'm very disciplined. I've not experienced any stalls since surgery. If I felt like it slowed down my weight or caused me to stall I would not do it.
On the other hand, I have a friend who had the sleeve. She has stayed within 10 lbs of her goal weight for 4 years. I feel that she drinks often. Maybe because I'm not a big drinker. She goes out at least 3-4 nights a week and drinks 2-3 cocktails each time. Mind you she had to have a revision because drinking stalled her weight loss after the first surgery.
So think about that. It's not a good idea... WLS patients tend to give up one vice for another. If you can be sensible about it I don't see it being a problem. Just know that by you being on the single scene... the opportunity may present itself far more often in the months to come. I'm a married old hag so I don't go out much-- not as many opportunities to get in trouble.

It's ok to drink but what I would try is to burn those extra calories you drank the next day with cardio.
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Thanks for the response! I stick with vodka and cranberry or something of that nature. I'm not drinking 8 or 9 beers. I'll have 2 maybe 3 drinks. I've already lost 50 lbs so I want to keep it going strong but I still have to sort of live my life too. By the way, I haven't told any of the girls I've dated that I had the surgery. I don't think they need to know that yet. If I get serious enough with one of them then I will tell them
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@@AvaFern thank you very much for a concise and truthful answer to my question. Just to clarify to everyone, I do not plan to do cocaine or smoke pot because I have random drug tests at work, but everybody has their moments of weakness due to peer pressure or what have you. I'm making a huge decision to have this surgery and I am doing it to live healthier and better my life. I'm 40 years old now but in my 20's up until around the age of 33, I lived a life of excessive partying and drinking. I have two children now and I no longer partake in the drug aspect of that life but I do drink quite a lot on the weekends with my friends and my brothers. I've gone from a pretty steady 215 pounds to the heaviest I've ever been at 290 lbs. my joints hurt, clothes don't fit me anymore, my confidence is all but gone. All I see now is a fat lazy slob that I am ashamed of. I have depression and I'm on medication for it and looking back, I believe I used drugs and alcohol as a means of self medicating. I appreciate all of the posts and well wishes from all of you on this thread. It means a lot. Thank you for listening to my issues and letting me vent. I cannot wait to get this surgery and start to live my life the way it was meant to be lived. It will force me to do the things that I did not have the ability to say no to. I am excited for the future.
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@@AvaFern thank you very much for a concise and truthful answer to my question. Just to clarify to everyone, I do not plan to do cocaine or smoke pot because I have random drug tests at work, but everybody has their moments of weakness due to peer pressure or what have you. I'm making a huge decision to have this surgery and I am doing it to live healthier and better my life. I'm 40 years old now but in my 20's up until around the age of 33, I lived a life of excessive partying and drinking. I have two children now and I no longer partake in the drug aspect of that life but I do drink quite a lot on the weekends with my friends and my brothers. I've gone from a pretty steady 215 pounds to the heaviest I've ever been at 290 lbs. my joints hurt, clothes don't fit me anymore, my confidence is all but gone. All I see now is a fat lazy slob that I am ashamed of. I have depression and I'm on medication for it and looking back, I believe I used drugs and alcohol as a means of self medicating. I appreciate all of the posts and well wishes from all of you on this thread. It means a lot. Thank you for listening to my issues and letting me vent. I cannot wait to get this surgery and start to live my life the way it was meant to be lived. It will force me to do the things that I did not have the ability to say no to. I am excited for the future.
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@@Fatush if you bothered to read any of my comments than you would know that I haven't done it in years and don't plan to. Thanks for your wonderful insight into my issues pal
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Full disclosure here
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@@Fatush if you bothered to read any of my comments than you would know that I haven't done it in years and don't plan to. Thanks for your wonderful insight into my issues pal
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@@AvaFern thank you very much for a concise and truthful answer to my question. Just to clarify to everyone, I do not plan to do cocaine or smoke pot because I have random drug tests at work, but everybody has their moments of weakness due to peer pressure or what have you. I'm making a huge decision to have this surgery and I am doing it to live healthier and better my life. I'm 40 years old now but in my 20's up until around the age of 33, I lived a life of excessive partying and drinking. I have two children now and I no longer partake in the drug aspect of that life but I do drink quite a lot on the weekends with my friends and my brothers. I've gone from a pretty steady 215 pounds to the heaviest I've ever been at 290 lbs. my joints hurt, clothes don't fit me anymore, my confidence is all but gone. All I see now is a fat lazy slob that I am ashamed of. I have depression and I'm on medication for it and looking back, I believe I used drugs and alcohol as a means of self medicating. I appreciate all of the posts and well wishes from all of you on this thread. It means a lot. Thank you for listening to my issues and letting me vent. I cannot wait to get this surgery and start to live my life the way it was meant to be lived. It will force me to do the things that I did not have the ability to say no to. I am excited for the future.
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@@Seagull I actually don't enjoy perks or Vicodin or any opiates so thanks
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Thank you very much miss_smiles! It's a serious question. I'm nervous because I've been used to a certain lifestyle and that's all going to change. I love going to concerts and just enjoying myself because I work very hard during the week to unwind on the weekends. I am not an addict by any means but sometimes it's around and I like to have a good time. I want to know what my limitations are. Thank you
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Thank you very much miss_smiles! It's a serious question. I'm nervous because I've been used to a certain lifestyle and that's all going to change. I love going to concerts and just enjoying myself because I work very hard during the week to unwind on the weekends. I am not an addict by any means but sometimes it's around and I like to have a good time. I want to know what my limitations are. Thank you
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