Tosha-248

I am so excited, received my date today! Pre-op is this Friday, I start my 2 week liquid diet next Thursday, and my surgery date is set for AUGUST 4, 2016!!!! Such a stress reliever God is so good this is my 2nd time pursing bariatric surgery 1 unsuccessful attempt and now its finally happening!!!!!!!! ????????????
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What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

Any drastic change that takes place in one spouse affects both partners. Relationship issues after bariatric surgery are a common but couples counseling beforehand helps both partners manage the change together.


Counseling Before and After Bariatric Surgery Helps Couples Manage Change
Relationship issues after bariatric surgery are a common topic discussed during the orientation class prior to surgery. Any drastic change that takes place in one spouse affects both of the partners. In fact, bariatric surgery will impact the lifestyle of the entire family. In a prior post, the high rate of divorce after bariatric surgery was explored.
Relationship Issues after Bariatric Surgery
There are two leading causes of relationship issues after bariatric surgery.
Perhaps the relationship was poor before the bariatric surgery. The new more confident bariatric surgery partner now finds the esteem and courage to end a bad situation. Bariatric surgery can have a positive effect on a solid marriage but it can tear apart a marriage that is already on the rocks.
Sometimes the partners can no longer find a common ground where interests are shared. The partner who had bariatric surgery has been energized and is no longer attracted to a sedentary lifestyle centered around eating. Whereas the remaining partner is comfortable with the lifestyle that existed prior to the bariatric surgery.
It is this latter relationship dynamic that I wish to explore. Specifically, what can be done to resolve these sorts of relationship issues after bariatric surgery?
Resolving Relationship Issues after Bariatric Surgery
Dramatic change comes with bariatric surgery. Food shopping, mealtime, and the activities engaged in for enjoyment must shift to accommodate healthier habits if the bariatric surgery is to succeed. The loss of familiarity with “what was” calls for adjustment. And change, whether positive or negative, can be charged with emotions that promote stress. Stress will in turn grate patience, especially if the partner who did not have bariatric surgery is unenthused about the changes taking place.
If common ground cannot be found then you have to be ready to turn the page and end that chapter of your life. In the lifespan of a relationship sometimes a couple becomes incompatible. It is better to be alone and understand the power of aloneness than to be in a dysfunctional or incompatible relationship. But let it not go unspoken that a divorce after bariatric surgery is a decision that should come after an honest effort has been made to find solutions to the problems inherent in a marriage. Why abandon a relationship that may be able to weather the winds of change?
If after bariatric surgery your relationship becomes strained then counseling might help to resolve your issues. The purpose of relationship counseling is for a therapist to assist in moving the couple from conflict to resolution.
Resolving Relationship Issues before Bariatric Surgery
We are a society that was raised on a false notion of romantic love. We think that true love means “happily ever after” and not having to work at compatibility. That’s just a fairy tale we were told as children. Perhaps, then, a deep exploration of feelings and the solidarity of the relationship should be undertaken sooner rather than later. Read, “True Love after Weight Loss.”
Resolving relationship issues after bariatric surgery may not be the ideal time to seek counseling. With the extremely high divorce rate after bariatric surgery, it makes sense to play the odds and resolve relationship issues before bariatric surgery.
Pre-marriage counseling is often done to help couples address differences prior to taking their marital vows. Likewise, relationship counseling for bariatric surgery can be undertaken. Even couples in healthy relationships can attend couples counseling to further strengthen their already strong unions. In either case, relationship counseling before bariatric surgery will prepare and strengthen the couple to better withstand the changes that will come.
What to Expect from Relationship Counseling
Relationship counseling is a type of psychotherapy and is usually practiced by licensed professionals such as a marriage and family therapist. Counseling is usually short, and both partners should participate. The benefit is that couples counseling avoids the victim or “poor me” attitude that can be a by-product of individual therapy, which encourages people to dig deeper into their own world view. Each spouse’s job in couples therapy is to focus on his or her own learning and growth, not to try to get the other person to change.
Couples therapy will involve discovering the strengths and weaknesses in a relationship, improving communication, and developing problem-solving skills. Partners work on understanding their spouse’s feelings and viewpoint, negotiating the differences that can be negotiated or accepting those differences that cannot. Sessions can be animated, argumentative, or pass in stony silence. The therapist must be able to guide all sessions regardless of the climate.
Couples need not be married to participate, and a couple can be heterosexual or homosexual. As is stated, another term for relationship counseling is couples counseling and marriage is not a prerequisite. A couple sharing a relationship will suffice.
When selecting a counselor some of the more pertinent questions might be about the counselor’s level of education, general availability, number of sessions per week, length of therapy, fees and coverage through health insurance. You may find a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in your area through TherapistLocator.
If additional but separate problems surface then the therapist should involve other mental health counselors that specialize in those areas of need.
If the sessions lead to the discovery that the marriage is beyond repair then it could very well in the best interest of both partners to terminate the relationship. Although such decisions can be emotionally difficult, such difficulty is probably preferable to remaining in a hopeless relationship. Sometimes relationship issues only can be resolved by dissolution of the marriage.
Living larger than ever,
My Bariatric Life

I can't wait until the next up date
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Good luck and I wish you a speedy recovery

Congratulation on everything your doing a great job

Aw!!! Thanks Dawn!!!! You're so sweet!!! And you're right - best $18 ever lol! She said I could pay it when I got there but I was like nope, I'll do it right now!!! before they change their minds haha!

I am so so so beyond excited for you!!!! You are so ready for this and have gotten so far! Your gonna look like that picture you showed me in no time! And feel fabulous! Your so beautiful and with that amazing hubby you have by your side you are going to do great! Best 18.00 you ever spent! ????????????

Thank you! My surgeon was Alejandro Lopez-Ortega in Tijuana. I had zero follow up with my surgeon or a nutritionist. All I had was printed instructions for the first 4 weeks post op. I've done quarterly bloodwork with my primary doctor and my own research regarding nutrition plus daily reading on these boards.

I also NEVER EVER assume someone is pregnant! Even if they are wearing a shirt that says "baby on board" lol....

As a rule unless it is someone I am close to I never comment on weight. As for the men at work, They might also fear someone claiming sexual harassment.

I posted this awhile back and later felt that the issue had resolved itself and wasn't what I thought it to be. Looks like I may have been wrong.
So here goes..
I've received conflicting answers from UHC regarding my requirements. There are the typical; BMI, 6 month supervised diet and psych eval. All of which I have completed and my file is in the process of being submitted. I'm this close!!! And boom....I hit a big @ss brick wall that has knocked me off my feet this afternoon.
I called insurance to see if they'd received my file. While on the phone we discussed my requirements, etc. The rep then mentioned receiving authorization 6 months PRIOR to surgery. Curious of his answer, I asked him to convey his perception of that statement. Which he did, and I did not like. I then asked him that IF I were to be approved, let's say next Wednesday, does that mean I have to wait an ADDITIONAL 6 months before I can actually have surgery? So, like...August??? His response was yes. This whole scenario makes absolutely no sense to me. Why? Why make a patient bust their rump for 6 months to prove that they CAN follow guidelines set by their provider/nut but receive little to no result? Why have a patient see a psychiatrist, get the go ahead and then wait an additional 6 months? I'm not saying it will, but there is a lot that can happen in a 6 month period. I can honestly say that when my father passed away in 2012, I would not have been emotionally stable if you will, to follow protocol after surgery.
Up until today, I have been under the impression/hopes of having surgery in early March. I have put in my time and done what has been asked of me. And this news has rocked my world. No it's not the worst case scenario. Yes, I can put on my big girl panties and wait the required time. Yes I am even lucky for the fact that my insurance actually covers this. But I simply do not want to. And that is okay. Please do not ridicule me for being upset over this. I guarantee most of you would be just as disappointed if you were almost there and had the carpet ripped right out from under you.
And yes- when I first started this process I did inform my benefits coordinator at the office of what I was told. She said it did not sound correct and she thought the rep had misunderstood what they were reading to me. I spoke with another rep a couple of months later, and she told me that I did NOT have to wait 6 months. However, I will be calling my coordinator tomorrow to request that she call UHC and discuss this with them. When she initially called to verify my benefits, they never mentioned this to her either.
I'm just having a pity party, okay? And in an effort to avoid a bad habit I have almost broken...I am trying not to resort to emotional eating. I just want a big friggin donut right now!!!!!! Maybe a cupcake too..

@@MsB7
I wonder if it was fate that you wrote that post and that I read it. I just sat here and re-read it about 3 times. There is so much of your post that brings memories and echoes to my mind. I just got to the end of my mandatory 6 months+ of PCP monthly visits, physical therapy, counseling, nutrition, Nurse Practitioner, and 17+ lab and specialty appointments. I know what your going through with that. It's a long haul and you aren't allowed to miss or just not go to the appts. It's all required to see if you are really commited and that you will be compliant to ensure your success. One day at a time; that's all you need to concentrate on. One day at a time. No one is perfect and everyone struggles and makes mistakes. You get back up, do your program, keep the faith and keep it honest. Keep it real. This is a chance of a lifetime to take back your life and live it healthy and happy. So, welcome to this forum. Explore all the forums and ask anything you want. Sending out positive energy to you! You are okay and you can do this!! ????

Before/ during (posted in another thread previously)

Creating a new thread because the other one has gotten really long.
So, here are my before and currents to keep the topic moving.

Current as of last week: