MimiBMe

Sometimes people forget you can "just keep scrolling."

Oh wow, I like that... my song is I Can See Clearly Now - Johnny Nash

Totally agree with the initial posting. I am shocked (but sadly, not surprised) when someone is so nasty and abusive to any one without reason.
I get that the format of text/posting like this - written communication - is sometimes difficult read tone and can be misinterpreted and it's easy to misread things sometimes. But maybe take a moment and think if this thing you're getting offended about might have been meant as advice, help, commiseration, encouragement, or even tough love? Cause that's primarily what I've seen on this forum.
And if you don't like what someone has to say, ignore them. How hard is that?
Outright attacks and abusive language, or vulgarity for vulgarity's sake doesn't make a person sound tough and cool; it just makes them sound idiotic, and makes me wonder if they flunked out of middle school - clearly a case of arrested development in the brain category. For sure just makes me pity those types of people because they lack intelligence, and will always wallow with in the mud and attempt to drag everyone else down to their ignorant level.
I hate seeing that kind of thing happen here, as I really like this place and feel like it should be a safe, supportive environment, and I'm very thankful for all of the wonderful posters that reach out to a bunch of perfect strangers to offer some help or comfort or just a slap up side the head (when needed!). So I'm super glad that most of those @#!$ jerkfaces get booted out after showing their true colors. We don't need that type of negativity and nasty here.

I thank you for this. I think it is normal to ponder and wonder if some can be achieved that has never been achieved. I agree with you that the way in which to contend with the doubt is to press on. The more we fight for a better body and so on I can and will diminish the voice that is saying, but "what if you do not make it?" I am glad you do not see me as a martyr I was not trying to even suggest I was. I think in our society women are groomed to not express or even have negative feelings. We are supposed to be upbeat and what not. If one of us opens ups and says something otherwise we bash her. I guess she has low self esteem or she trying to hold on to the shame. Last week was rough, but it was not the roughest I have faced or will face. I was ashamed, or rather disappointed, that I did not do as well as I wanted that's okay if God gives me another week to live then I can turn that boat around. Sometimes in life one is struck down, but that does not mean they are destroyed. I applaud you for not giving up! We are going to make it.

Kindle I see that it is you again. Feeling shame over one's failure does not mean I have self esteem issues. I agree that there more to life than a scale. Who said that was all it was? Again I do not equate the emotion shame with how I am as a person. That is something you and others have done on here. I also did not say that shame was the only thing I felt in the past week. I am the type of person if I feel a certain way I say so. The act of me expressing that is not an indicator of anything more a snap shot of that particular moment. Take it for what is was-- a snap shot and stop trying to analyze. I am not going to waste my time answering any of your questions because I have no obligation to you to answer them. Kindle, please feel free to not respond to any more of my post.

Defining success is often difficult, but you must. How will we know if we have success if we don't imagine its form?
I'm concerned about the word ashamed. If you know Brenee Brown or her TED Talks, you know that guilt is "I did wrong," and shame is, "I am wrong." Hun. We're teachers. Sometimes, we get enough exercise just pushing our luck. Go watch some Brenee, and realize we need to cut ourselves some slack more than we need to chop firewood for exercise.

Goals.
Goals not met.
Goals can be a real beyotch if you don't have some refinement and structure around them. At least that's the way it is for me.
I certainly have an ultimate goal of where I want to be.....but I've set intermittent goals that feel freaking great when achieved.
Not all of them are weight goals. Many are NSV's that I get a kick out of reaching.
....A piece of clothing that I want to fit in comfortably.
......An activity that I want to do without difficulty.
......Fitness goals.
It is imperative that I have goals beyond the scale. My daily weigh-ins would drive me nuts if they were my only source of validation.
One of the ones that I achieved yesterday.....hit me like a hammer and made me grin stupidly......was on the treadmill. Had my first morning off work after a 60 hr pressure cooker workweek. I hit the gym and busted off two hours on the treadmill. Even when I'd find that "right" music and turn up the speed and elevation.....I couldn't seem to get my heart rate up above the high 140's. Crazy. A month ago I couldn't keep it under 160. Soon....soon the knees will be ready to run and it's going to be ON !!!!!!

You don't say what your goal weight is, or where you started so it is hard to tell details about whether you still have a very long way to go or not... but I'm going off of your stats on the side that you are around 2 ish months out (if it's three, your progress is still awesome).
But in any case, 50 pounds in 2 months is AMAZING. I would have been over the moon happy at that level of progress at 2 months out, and you totally should use that awesome progress to really focus your energy and motivation on. You should be proud and psyched up about how well your body is responding already - not depressed that it isn't 10 times better!
At 2 months, you're probably eating so little calories that just puttering around the house would exhaust you; but you're out working and doing assemblies and field trips in addition to your regular job in there, and still managed to exercise once too? Girl, that is mind blowing!
You have nothing to be ashamed about. I was not exercising at all at 2 months out and I don't regret it one minute. It took me until about 6 months out to have the energy and motivation to establish a real exercise routine. It is HARD to start from morbidly obese with very sedentary habits and hit the ground eating perfectly and exercising 3X or more a week. I think you are being waaaay too hard on yourself. You need to forgive yourself and definitely not set such crazy high standards and goals!
This is not a race. You have the rest of your life to get and stay healthy. To discover fun exercise and find joy in eating healthy foods and being active because you enjoy it and not because you're forcing yourself to go through the motions. Your sleeve will not fail you if you work at it - get in your Water, eating Protein first, good veggies and complex carbs in moderation and slowly get moving and find ways to stay active.
But you absolutely should banish the shame. You are working hard at changing your entire life. That is going to take time, and life also gets in the way - job, family, home obligations - they are all going to slow you down while you figure out how to put the pieces for this new puzzle together. But you'll figure it out - even if it takes you a few months or a year - and it will be GLORIOUS.
You are doing fabulously and will be successful if you focus on the happy and the amazing and toss the shame and guilt and depression. Good luck!!

203.1. I can see the gates to Onederland...lol

G O A L!! 204.0
Ready for the next challenge. Congratulations to everyone ????

Alright, here's the weight from V-DAY 195.2 lbs!!!

The only people that know about mine are my kids and husband, my mom and dad, and a handful of besties. At almost three years out, I've never felt the need to tell anyone else. It's worked out fine.
The only people who irritate the sh!t out of me are the WLS patients who make the personal decision to tell everyone and judge me for not doing so. I'm not "lying", I'm not "embarrassed", I simply don't feel it's my job to educate, advocate or teach the general population about this process.
Neither choice is right or better, it's simply a choice.

My husband also prefers a curvy woman, but he also has said that he wants his wife to be as healthy as possible so we can be with each other for as long as possible. We met when I was at my heaviest (250) I lost almost 100lbs from diet, then gained almost all of it back with my two pregnancies. He loves me for me, and I accept that. Someone might be his physical idealness but they'll never be me. He's a very fit military guy, so I've always felt uncomfortable at my weight meeting his friends and things. He's good with the fact that I'm going to lose weight (and boobs lol), as long as I "don't lose too much" (120s). Even if I do though, I'm very secure in our marriage. For me, it's a good problem to have. He's attracted to me, because of me and that's good. If the tables were turned and he gained weight, I wouldn't love him any less. I think it's more of something I need to get over than he will. It'll take some time, but we'll get used to our new normal. Also, I know if I gain any back (as some people don't stay at their lowest forever) he'll be totally fine with that.

I am still in the pre-surgery stage of my journey, but this situation has also occurred to me. My husband is a large man. I'm a large gal, so it's been fine for us. We are attracted to each other, and share a similar lifestyle now. Although he says (and displays) that he is supportive of my WLS, I am concerned how my dramatic weight loss will affect him, and our relationship. In a perfect world, I will have a very positive experience with it, and he may consider it for himself, and then we can continue together with the new lifestyle. But, what if he doesn't? I don't want him to feel guilty for eating something that I can't have. And I don't want to feel resentful towards him.
When I first started this, I kept saying things like "OMG my whole life is going to change!" Then I thought of my husband and our life together. How hurtful that statement must have been to him. I realized that although my weight was certainly a major part of my life - but, it wasn't the whole thing. My marriage with my husband is awesome, and I don't want that to change at all. To head this off, I'm doing everything that I can do proactively communicate with him so we can squash those obstacles. But, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared....
I am sorry that I couldn't offer you much advice or solace for your situation.
I do wish you the best and hope that you can work it out. I suppose if I can offer any advice - it would be to encourage you to keep communicating with him. Show him that although you may look different... You're still the same girl that he fell in love with.

Awe...I completely understand how you feel right now. Week one was "hell" week for me, but you will be up and at it before you know it. This will be just a faded memory, over shadowed by all the awesome successes you are about to venture into. Sip, sip, sip...one day at a time...one step at a time. Keep us posted!

I think you just expressed exactly how I feel about coming here. Thank you,

No corner standing going on here.
I am stating my opinion of all of the discord here. There is no need for it.
If you are honestly taking offense to anything I have said then I have made my points: Stand down, take a deep breath and enjoy the diversity, not the divisiveness.
I will pray for you.
Valentina

If I may, I'd like the weigh in on this discussion. Weigh in....hehehee...ok...
For me, listening to ALL points of view has been extremely helpful. I'm 11 months out, and have been seriously off the rails for a couple of months. Such a creature of habit, with 67 years practice, it's challenging to change, and stay the course.
What I liked best about this discussion is the notion of finding what works best for your body. Sounds like a simple concept, but it has opened my eyes to the wide variety of options that works for folks.
Thanks to everyone for their contributions! You never know what is going to help a fellow traveler on this journey.

Isn't the whole point of bariatric surgery--self care???
Well, why don't we all get back to that central point?
We share our ideas, our successes, our failures and our dreams.
After that it is up to EACH one of us to cherry pick from other's statements and experiences and to apply or not apply those into our own lives--
SELF CARE.
Please, stop already with the bitch slapping and start appreciating our different opinions.
Valentina

I can definitely see why the language would cause offense and it's a pity because I do think there is a good point to be made and discussion to be had about the current state of our food, the standard American diet and even the nutrition guidelines given by bariatric surgeons.
I think for me I am able to look past the inflammatory statements because my interest in eating a vegetarian or vegan diet does not stem from moral or ethical concerns really. So I don't get on that high horse. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't think it's okay that so many animals are kept in deplorable conditions and force fed foods/given things that are causing issues in humans like antibiotics with poultry etc.
I come at it from reading scientific research that is increasingly suggesting that consumption of animal products maybe detrimental to health. Some of the people saying this are bariatric surgeons who themselves have treated thousands of patients and have data to back up their assertions.
So I get the ire, but I also can see the original point being lost in the flames.

For whatever reason, discussions about food that essentially ask people to make hard and fast decisions or choices tend to get heated. It doesn't have to be that way - it's all in the approach. I do think that on some subconscious level, people feel indicted or somehow judged by the choices that others make even when that is not the intention. I found when I ate a vegan diet for the period I described previously, I had to defend my choice to eat that way. I did not go around lording it over anyone or trying to convert people but eating can be a very social thing and questions are bound to come up.
Some people can definitely be too sanctimonious about their choices - but the other side of it is people getting defensive about their preference even though they have not been directly accused of wrong doing.
As a random aside, my wls surgeon advocates that at about 6 months post op patients should move away from eating beef, pork, chicken and dairy. He encourages intake of vegetables, fish, Beans, nuts, seeds and fruit with the goal being to eat high nutrient lower calorie dense foods. It's something that I think can work for me but fully accept that others will not want to do it or feel good doing it.

Ladies! Do we need to get the Water hose to break this up? Please get down off of your hind legs and take a deep breath.
Are we all hear to share, support, listen and learn? Even if we do not always agree with another's opinion, aren't we at the same time "learning" that we really DO believe in our own beliefs and the reasons why we do (or eat) what we do?
I am a dairy farmer's daughter, so of course I eat red meat (I can and have slaughtered animals myself--such is the circle of life on a farm). I'm sure there are vegetarians who own leather shoes ,wallets, purses, or gloves, wear silk garments, have had sutures made of animal gut, or even had a flu shot--all of which comes from slaughtered animals. Yes, I loved cream in my coffee and butter on my home made bread. I am also severely allergic to all legumes--especially anything soy. Try balancing all of that with a successful post sleeve diet. But ya know what? I thoroughly enjoy reading how other's are coping with their up bringing, their day to day diet pre surgery, and how they are or are planning to adapt those eating habits for the "new life" of post bariatric surgery.
Our minds should never be soo closed that there is no room for a new idea or thought. It may not prove to be right for you, but one can never be over informed.
Be kind, patient, listen, absorb whatever will benefit you, and store the rest in the archives of your mind for a later discussion.
Diversity is what this country is all about. We are all free to speak as we wish, worship as we wish, go where we wish and even eat what we wish---as long as we do no harm. I think that is a pretty good mantra to live by.

If you're going to not eat "dead animal flesh" then you have to be responsible for eating in a way that provides your body with sufficient Protein. And that means at least 60 grams of Protein to start -- and probably more later on. Lots of good plant foods have protein, but to eat complete Proteins you have to become a serious student of vegetarian nutrition. You can't just eat something that "still has the sunshine living in it" (I actually have no idea what that means).
As someone whose body does well with poultry, fish and a little meat, I've had zero health problems since WLS by eating those foods. In fact, as most people here will testify (counter to the OP theory that most WLS patients get sick from eating as their surgeons recommend they eat post-op) I am a heckuva lot healthier now than I was pre-op.
I do strive to eat 5 fruits and veggies each day and whole grains. Most days I also drink wine and have a little dark chocolate.
One thing that's definitely a switch is that since I hit maintenance (9 months ago) I now cook "from scratch" so much more than I used to. Hubby and I eat out and buy takeout so much less often than we used to.
Now, when food shopping, we seldom buy frozen or pre-packaged or deli food. We buy our veggies and fruits in the "fresh" department, get meat / poultry that's grass-fed and grown without hormones from a butcher's shop (not a big box store). We now make Pasta dishes with whole-wheat Pasta. We shop at farmers markets three seasons a year (but not very much in deep winter).
The food we eat now tastes so great! I am definitely not a WLS patient who doesn't like the taste of food anymore. I like it better, because the food we're eating now is better.
Oh -- and I drink a glass of skim milk daily and eat at least an ounce of full-fat cheese, sometimes two ounces. I don't eat a lot of nuts, although I made for dinner today some honey pecan pork cutlets. Mmmm-mmmm!
I cook with a lot more fat these days than I did pre-op -- was always a fat-avoider. Now I use a lot of olive oil AND butter.
When I eat breads or crackers they're always high-protein, high-Fiber ones. Most days I hit my minimum 21-25 grams of Fiber recommended for women.
And when I have treats, e.g., ice cream, Desserts -- I have the full-fat versions. I just don't eat nearly as much of everything that I used to eat.
So that's what I'm doing.

This is an interesting topic. I do find that I crave more veggies and fruit but based on what is recommended by my nutrionist, these food options comes last.
I won't lie, I do enjoy meat, seafood & fish but I want to try to eat less red meat. I've started researching the Paelo diet as well. I doubt I will ever be nor do I want to be a vegetarian, but I do want to find a happy balance.
As someone else posted, we each have to find what works best for us while keeping in mind the nutrients that we need to maintain a healthy body.

I have long felt that Western medicine simply refuses to learn about food. My surgeons instructions to eat a lot of meat and then only eat vegetables, then fruits, "if there's room," had me feeling sickly within weeks.
I did tell my body was in desperate need of nutrients. Specifically, minimally and unprocessed foods that grow naturally and are not genetically modified. Foods that still had micro nutrients, foods that still had the sunshine living in them.
I started to follow my instincts, and I'm still learning how to listen to my body. I think a lot of our problems come from placing it's already outside of ourselves, on the "other. "
I am eating a lot of cheese, nuts, fruits and vegetables, and have cut back on eating dead animal flesh. Overall, I feel healthier. I'm Losing weight, but I also feel like I'm eating more, but everything I eat has general genuine nutritional value.
I didn't get fat eating fruits and nuts. I got fat eating cakes and Cookies. Eating candy and yodels. I got fat stuff and down my feelings with food like products that were poisonous to my body, and I feel so much better about the way I'm treating my body now-How i'm eating now.
But I don't see much support in forums for anything except high-Protein, very low-carb eating styles, which do not align with what I know about overall wellness and health for the long term. What I see is people reporting other health problems within the first year after surgery, that probably come from this radical in balance and shunning of real food and nutrition, in exchange for creating a chemical environment in which that burns fast, but at the expense of overall well-being. Kidney and gallbladder stones for instance, seem to be very common.
I guess I just wanted to express this, in the hopes that others are also finding what's right for their specific bodies. If you are blazing your own trail i'd love to hear about how you eat and why, and how it is working for you post surgery. I am especially interested in hearing from people who are familiar with this thing called the Mediterranean diet, which seems to be what my body wants.
I think you kindly for your eyes, for your time, and for your comments.