ralambert511

I am by nature a private person. When I had my gallbladder out I told no one outside my husband except for my parents because I needed them to babysit my then 2 month baby while I was at the hospital and my husband was at work.
I've decided to tell them. When I tell them I will ask for their understanding and support but if they can't or won't give it then I will just have to distance myself from them for awhile. I have reached out to a therapist to help me prepare me for telling them and to help me deal if things don't go smoothly.
Thank you for all your replies. I appreciated everyone's point of view and words of encouragement. You all helped me to see that despite their judgement, I need to tell them for my own sake.

I guess what my original post should have said was "my family will be unsupportive and I'm disappointed that they won't be there for me." Because everything you ladies have said hits home for me. I guess I just needed someone else to tell me that it's ok to not want to include them in this.

I have told everyone I needed to. I have spent the last 10 years hiding in the back for pictures, policing my family's social activity for fear they would post a picture that would reveal how big I am, avoided family pics and reunions. I can't wait to stop hiding me again and if they are going to talk crap about me getting my health and life back imagine what they were saying about you/me before.

I have not had it yet. I have told my hubby,my kids 21,14 and 12. a dear dear friend who all will be helping mee in the process in one way or another.
I worry about telling my mom....so I told my sister in law..She was supportive....and I know it will get to my brother,who will tell my mom. She will blow up on him and be calmer when she finaly comes to me to talk about it. Weird I know but at 42 years old my siblings ( I am the oldest of 3) have found ways to help each other manage my mom..and the telephone game is one. Shrug. As for work... I will be telling the HR person "abdominal surgery" and when the weigth loss is evident I will tell any one who ask directly if it was surgery the truth..yes it is..along with diet modificationa and exersize...

I've been listening to the Life Coach School podcast on recommendation from my therapist and she teaches that our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings dictate our actions. I bring this up because you don't have to "feel" like the "fat girl" if you stop thinking like the fat girl. Be proud of your accomplishments! You've worked hard and deserve your new body and life! Instead of feeling embarrassment for ordering the lite version, think, "I deserve this and I'm making a good choice for my health and weight goals." Thinking different thoughts will help you to feel proud and empowered instead of embarrassment and shame. Definitely check out the podcast because Brooke Costillo explains it way better than me lol I think episode 1 introduces the idea.

Take that twenty pounds a month while you can get it. When I hit six months, the weight started coming off in grams instead of pounds.

And ... my husband who is an officer at his company {though he just started a few months ago} spoke to HR today about the exclusion and gave him documentation that I found.

The HR guy told my husband that there is an appeal process and that other excluded items have been approved to be covered in the past so he is going to start the appeal process for me to have this surgery.

I don't know how long that will take as it is an internal thing - BCBS of OK clearly has coverage available for bariatric surgery so this just comes down to the employer.
http://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/support-files/bariatric-surgery-insurance.pdf

@@MarceMonster ...
I'm one of those who didn't worry about low carb during my weight loss phases. Serindipitously, I wound up eating about the same number of grams of carbs and Proteins on an average daily basis.
I also am one of those who, after 4 months, starting increasing the number of calories I ate (on the advice of my bariatric PA) so as not to accustom my body to operating on low cals. I added calories by increasing my Protein and adding low-glycemic, high-Fiber carbs (colored veggies, lower-sugar fruits, whole grains).
I didn't lose as fast as you're losing, but I really didn't care so much about speed. On the other hand, I didn't have any big or long stalls, but lost steadily.
Although my daily intake varied, here are the daily averages I aimed for:
Month 1 - 500 cals, 60 gms Protein
Months 2-4 - 800 cals, 70-75 grams protein
Months 5-6 - 1,000 cals, 85 grams protein
Months 7-8 - 1,200 cals, 100 grams protein (I reached my weight goal (150 lbs) during Month 8)
Thereafter, I added 100 cals/day every few weeks, until I have found a "sweet spot" that works for me -- at 144 pounds and 1700-1750 cals/day (average).
I can't prove it, of course, but my theory is that eating more calories and more carbs while I was losing weight has helped me be able to eat more to maintain my weight at a pretty high calorie budget.
But I've only been at maintenance for 3.5 months. As I've said repeatedly, things may change. And if they do, I'll have to change how I'm eating.
This whole trip is very interesting. I've come to understand and accept that what works best for Person A is not necessarily what works best for Person B.

From reading the forums, there is a wide variety on should and should nots. I agree with the elimination of old habits but I also recognize we are human beings. I have had pizza two bites or so... do I have it daily? Noooo. I want to be successful. I definitely don't do carbonation. I make sure to aim for the Protein and Water requirements. My biggest lag now is really getting exercise. I am at week 10 and just now getting energy levels up. We all have to find what works for us... and yet not make us miserable. For me, that means occasionally two bites of "eliminated". I log it on my fitness pal and I stay under calorie goals. We still have to support each other in spite of our differences. We got this!

At the end of the day we need to do what works for us. This may be completely eliminating all processed foods, sugar, Pasta, bread etc from your diet or allowing yourself small portions of them occasionally, I don't think either one is wrong, but then again I have not yet been sleeved and I may feel differently when I am, just my two cents.

I'm going to buck the trend here and say I would wait. Not everyone has a perfectly smooth recovery, and even if you do, you'll still be tired and adjusting to your new eating habits. I can't imagine going to classes right after having the surgery, much less taking care of a child without the additional help.
I also took a trip right before surgery. I had lost 19 pounds in the 6 weeks leading up to surgery, and lost none the last week before, but my doctor was fine with this because my liver had shrunk from the recent weight loss. I wouldn't gorge in Paris, but . . . it would also be a chance to have some amazing food (food funeral of sorts). If you go after, you won't be able to eat much of anything, depending on how your doctor schedules the stages. Ditto for the holidays. Just speaking for myself, I would find it hard to be sleeved right before Thanksgiving, etc. Again, I would still try to eat healthy and lose some weight during this time. Just my two cents. Only you can decide what's right for you.

I don't have my surgery date yet but I'm already getting impatient...I wish I could have it tomorrow! I'd definitely take the earlier date if it was me...think of how far along you'll be by your trip!

I say go for it! The sooner the better! The sooner to start a healthier you! The semester will be almost over. You may be able to make some arrangements with your professors by then about your course work possibly taking exams earlier ect. With me I have my first consult on next Monday. I've only told a select few about my decision cuz not everybody will understand & most will try to talk me out of it!! I wish I could get mines that early but I have to do a 3 month supervised diet. So I'm looking at December for my surgery. If u want to private message me I'm here. I will cheer u on thru out your journey!! ????????????????????????????????????????❤️

If it were me, I would take the earlier date. Honestly, in my opinion, things like what you might need to explain to people and where you would exercise shouldn't really be factors. Getting healthy as soon as possible should be your no. 1 priority. You will be much happier on your trip to Paris if you are slimmer and more active rather than trying to comply with a pre-op diet or something.
I don't understand your timing though -- if you have a late December trip to Paris planned, you'll be less than two months post-op, not three months out.
Anyway, I would if at all possible hire a babysitter or caregiver to help with your child and around the house for the first few weeks while you recover (rather than have your husband take time off) and go for it ASAP.
Tell your professors a bit ahead of time that your doctor has scheduled you for surgery and come up with a plan to make up any missed classes, labs, etc. I am a professor myself and this is not an unusual occurrence -- I and all of the colleagues that I know put our students' health first and want to do what we can to help and support them. Good luck!

I think that the major circumstance that had made all of this food and Water juggling do-able for me is that I am retired. My deepest respect goes out to those of you who have to accommodate a work routine or the care of litle kidlets.
I do the five mini-meals, too, but have to be careful to keep the timing short, or it easily turns into grazing. I do have an assortment of Protein bars on hand, but I save them for when I am out and about. They are kinda like candy bars with Protein, adds to my carb limit very quickly.
Colder beverages work for me, too. sugar-free popsicles and Jello count as Fluid. Sometimes I just don't want full strength Crystal Lite, so I will make up a gallon and put in a packet meant for one glass. I don't miss the straw as much as I miss the Pepsi I used to drink with the straw. Well, there is no turning back on that one. Lack of a straw will not stop the world from turning.
You sound like a good candidate for batch cooking. Having the right foods on hand makes this process easier. My boyfriend is the cook in this house (I do the clean-up) because he just simply is better at it. But he works 12 hour days, three on and then three off. On one of his off days, he cooks everything for the week, and we are fine with heating up the lefoivers.
He makes ups a batch of sandwiches for his work days, which means I always have meats and cheeses in the fridge for myself. He might make up a batch of Breakfast burritos to take to work, which means I have the scrambled egg and veggie filling for my breakfasts.
I wish you much success with your weight loss. Hugs from Chicago.

Absolutely I must agree with what everyone has said its your life your decision you must live with the effects of being overweight and the surgery not them they don't need to be told so they criticize you if that's their thing that's on them not for you to have to deal with this process is hard enough without negative uneducated or jealous comments etc you can always say u have a slight tummy bug or you pulled a muscle which is sort of how it feels one thing I feel is that u don't have to defend yourself or justify your decision to anyone it's your life to live not anyone else's place to say what u should do

Yeah, no. I wouldn't tell them.
You'd be amazed at how little attention most people pay to others' lives.
BTW, I see so many overweight and obese people on these boards who feel "obligated" to share so much more private information about themselves than seems healthy to me. It makes me think fat people (I can call us that -- I'm a member of the tribe!) crave approval and intimacy overly much, given how little approval we've received for being fat.
Just a random thought there.

I know I crave approval and support. That hits home. Ralambert, I hope your family offers you their love and support. If they don't please realize that it is their issue not yours and remind yourself that you do have support elsewhere. Good luck.

I'm a stay at home mom, and my son just turned one. I'm nervous about this.. I was told I can't lift more than 10 pounds for 4 weeks.
My sister will be helping the first week, then my husband is working from home the second week. I'll have to play it by ear after that. If I need to, I'll have my husband put him in the car for me in the mornings, and go to my parents house.
He is walking, and can go up stairs, but not down, and we have a lot of stairs in our house. He can eat on the floor if he has to, so I don't have to worry about his high chair, and I can do my best to avoid leaving the house and dealing with putting him in his car seat. My biggest concern is getting him in and out of his crib.
Hopefully it will all be smooth sailing, and I'm worrying for nothing!

I informed my family by email AFTER the fact and respectfully asked for either support or silence. The silent ones waited a year or two..but became supporters after they saw how much better my life is.
I just didn't want negativity since I was so scared preop and early months post op.

I was worried at my parents reaction to me telling them I was going to have WLS. I just came out and said it "I'm going to have a surgery that will cut out 75% of my stomach." My mom looked at me and started to cry - she understands what I went thru and my struggles. My dad asked several questions, "Are you going to be able to live without the foods you love?" type questions. He was very skeptical. Now, almost two years later he calls this a "necessary medical procedure" - that makes me smile.
I have not told my brothers - I just felt it was the right thing for me to do.
This is your decision - you need to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. Don't worry about "guilt" because they can't have the surgery - you shouldn't slowly kill yourself with knife and fork.

I m happily married now, but in still a guy so I hope you'll accept this, we have many facets as men that make us charming to the opposite sex, but if you feel a connection or are inclined to think this might work, then it is your job to set the ground rules and boundaries by using straight talk, you will not only eliminate any problems with the other person, but since we are not teenagers you will also know right away if he thinks or feels the same as you do, or if his trophy case is bare and wants another set of antlers so to speak, relationships work because of attraction, like interests, and COMMUNICATION!, so if you think you are really interested don't lead him on, be specific and call the shots, he may surprise you, or you move on, my wife told me on the second date that I was gonna marry her.........and I did!!?lol

I guess what my original post should have said was "my family will be unsupportive and I'm disappointed that they won't be there for me." Because everything you ladies have said hits home for me. I guess I just needed someone else to tell me that it's ok to not want to include them in this.

Would you feel guilty if you had a medical condition that caused significant weight loss?
I would just disappear for a few days and get it done. Then there would be nothing they can do or say to undo your surgery.
You are a grown person who should be in charge of your own health decisions, no matter what anyone thinks, family or not. Now, go out there and be in charge of yourself. I am rooting for you!