canary

So a few days ago I posted that I couldn't reach the 100lbs lost mark. Well.. I did it. I finally did it. It has not been easy but if it had, it wouldn't have been worth it. I've noticed so many things about myself lately that I am proud of. With every pound lost, a little more of the fun inner girl comes out. I went inner tubing two weeks ago. I've not done that since I was like 10. I still have about 50 lbs to lose. But do you know the last time I had ONLY 50 lbs to lose?! ME EITHER! My rings are too big, my watch is too big, my clothes are too big. And it's AWESOME!! It's worth all the tears and frustration. It's worth all of it. Fight hard my friends. You are literally fighting for your life. And dammit... WE CAN DO THIS!!

@ No, do not cry! I felt that same way when I was with my kids, I didn't want to embarrass them. My mom is super morbidly obese and one of my earliest memory's was having a parents come to school day which my mother attended ( she is an artist, painter) After she left one of the little kids said something to me about how big my mom was. We were only 5-7 years old. I never realized my mom was different, I just loved her. I remember that really caught me off guard and I went home and cried which in return made my momma cry. I think that kinda stuck with me so When I was at my heaviest I didn't go up to the school unless I absolutely had to. Most of my daughters friends had never met me. A few months ago my daughter was in a "grace notes" competition for school and I got dressed up and went to watch her. After the competition was over on the way home my daughter said "mom you want to hear something funny?" After you left my friend said "I hope this doesn't offend you but your mom looks like a Barbie doll". Ha! Can you believe it??! I just smiled and said "whatever" but on the inside I was fist pumping ! That my friend was one heck of a NSV!!! You too will have your moments, just wait!

@ShrinkingPeach Thanks for sharing that. The last few years with my ex had me so beaten down I didn't really care about my health for years (she was bi-polar). In the four years post divorce I slowly started making better health choices, quit smoking and all tobacco and eventually finding this. It's been a heck of a ride, but I agree, I not only would like to live longer, but want to live better too.

I love your posts and thank you for sharing! I have been overweight my whole life and after going through a traumatic divorce (ending in a restraining order and other issues), I retreated into solitude and ate more than ever before.
I met the new love of my life in 2010 and we got married 2 years ago. I now want to live longer so I can spend time with him. I want to be healthier so we can do more. He has 2 kids from a previous relationship (14 and 10), and I want to be able to keep up with them!
I also work at a job where I wear scrubs and I couldn't even find scrub pants that fit, so I had to wear knit pants in black with scrub tops. I have now gone down from a 4x to a 2x. It feels great to not feel like I need to try to be invisible as I have my whole life. I feel like a butterfly being re-born. I still have along way to go but my whole confidence level is changing, it is bleeding over into every aspect of my life.
Thank you again for your post and that is my share!

This morning was a weigh in day and as I sat and marveled at the fact that I'm only 6 lbs away from hitting that elusive 100 lb mark I thought about just how much my life has changed in 8 short months. 8 months ago I was starting a new semester In college and it had got to the point to where I could no longer fit into any of my clothes (like, none of them!) I HATED clothes shopping, I hated the whole process of it from the horrific full length mirrors to the equally horrific lighting stores insist on using. So I decided instead of putting myself through the trauma of clothes shopping (I flat out refused to go up anymore in size) I would just buy myself two sets of black 2x scrubs to wear to school. Now, normally that wouldn't seem like such a big deal seeing as how I do wear scrubs for my occupation (nursing) but at the time I wasn't even working. I quit doing contract nursing to go back to school full time. I know nobody ever though anything of it, people just though I had been at work. I never lied or said I had been working it just never came up but I knew. I felt pretty defeated at that point. I knew I had to make a change. I got to the point I really didn't even want to leave the house but I had to go to school. When I think about that and then compare it to the fact that I just went out and bought myself some new scrubs In size MEDIUM ( I really am working again now) after only 8 months it seems like a real life miracle. I'm not sure why I'm really even sharing this but maybe it will give some newbies that are feeling the way I did some hope that it can and will all change. There is a light! I guess I'm just feeling extremely blessed and humbled this morning. So if anyone else would like to share their "fat confessions" I'd love to hear that I'm not the only one that did wacky things Life is good!

Red Robin will do any of their burgers or chicken sandwiches as a lettuce wrap. I then substitute broccoli or small salad for the fries.
I still eat cheese and mayo on my burgers or chicken sandwich. If I make a burger at home it is pretty small and I either don't use a roll or I eat it with part of one of the Arnold Sandwich Thins. I just eat it open faced and get the wheat. I eat about a 1/4 of one total. (1/2 of a 1/2). I toast them. They are well within my program's guidelines.

I work in the medical field and I can tell you, surgeons are their own breed. Most of them are very smart and very antisocial and cannot relate to people on a normal level. This is normal for them. Both your surgeons sound like they fit that to a tee. Also, surgeons primarily do surgery, they don't do office visits. That's why they have PAs and surgical nurses. You shouldn't be bothered by how you get along with your surgeon or if he returns your calls. That's not in their DNA. You should worry about his experience and his track record. That is really all that matters. If you want to talk to someone about the surgery itself, call and ask to speak to one of his PAs. They do the office visits. However, if you are unsatisfied with the whole office, then make a change. This is about you and your body.
I was supposed to have the sleeve too. I found out with my preops that I had reflux so I went with the bypass. Even though I am only a week postop, I love not having any heartburn. It's amazing! I would definitely recommend bypass if you have reflux. Good luck with your decisions.

I tell people that I e taken charge of my health! I tell them I'm following a bariatric diet (truth) eating smaller portions (truth) and working out like a maniac (truth). They don't need to know I had the surgery. I felt like I was lying by omission at first, but I certainly wouldn't ask them about their medical procedures, some don't feel the need to tell them about mine. The only person I made a point of sharing the surgery with is the daughter of my friend--her father is constantly on her about her weight (she's 18) and he told her she should
work out like me so she "wouldn't be such a fat ass" right in front of me. That killed me!! So I told her the whole story and reminded her she is a beautiful young woman (she's GORGEOUS!) and I didn't want her to feel bad about herself.

In the same way that I can't hide my fat exterior from the world, I can't hide how it has also adversely affected my health over the years.
People I've worked with in my office for the last 27 years are pretty much asking me daily, why I'm limping (osteoarthritis and plantar fasciitis), am I feeling ill, due to the constant grimace on my face (joint pain), am I all right (out of breath and sweating with minimal exertion), do I need help with things I used to be able to do in my sleep. The list goes on. A lot of these people I don't know past the nominal nod as we pass in the hall too.
I'm also sure they are probably harboring those ("Why doesn't she just eat right and exercise to lose that weight?) thoughts. So when I do start eating right and losing weight, and it becomes noticeable enough to draw comments, as far as I'm concerned, I'm just going to be fulfilling their prophecy, that yes, I did finally do something about my weight because of the way it was affecting my health, and longevity of life.
And if anyone attempts to push beyond that, as to how quickly it is coming off, I will cut the inquisition off at the pass, politely but firmly. I will never reveal the amount of weight I've lost, or exactly what I'm eating or drinking to achieve it, how much, or why. My repeated refrain will be along the lines of: I was having some major health issues, and now I'm working closely with my doctor to regain my health. Period.
In the same way I only told select people going in, I will only tell select people as I progress along. Doing otherwise puts you in danger of opening the floodgates on unwanted intrusion on your personal life that you will never be able to gain control over again.
This process is hard enough, I don't want to add unnecessary stress if I don't have to.
And as for the more personal relationships in your life that have, over the years, nagged you, belittled you, or in anyway made you feel "less" worthy than them because of your weight - they deserve an explanation least of all. Don't give them the satisfaction.