If you have made the decision NOT to tell you had WLS, what do you do when you are among friends/family eating? ... Mom makes you a bday cake?

What do I say? There are some family members (Mother-in-Law) that just feel " you just don't try", to take care of your weight.

I know when I start loosing, people are going to want to know "how are you doing it ?"

Edited July 26, 201511 yr by Painter Girl

I tell people diet and exercise... I have been a member of Weight Watchers for so long that everyone knows I'm doing it. I've kept up my membership since surgery and continue to go to meetings because they are awesome and I hope it will help me in the long run. When we eat out or in front of people, my husband picks off of my plate to make it look like I eat more than I do. I know its all very misleading, but I am a very private person and no one knows other than my husband and parents. We also share meals in restaurants and instead of getting my own plate, I usually pick off of his. He is thin and can eat a lot so it hasn't been obvious so far. I haven't gone out with the girls yet (without hubby) because they will most definitely notice how little I eat in comparison to the way I used to eat. I doubt I will ever get to a point where I'll tell people so this is my new normal! Good luck!

Tell them the truth. You are eating less and exercising more. They don't need the particulars.

As for turning down the cake, I suggest watching how naturally skinny people handle these situations. They have no problem saying they don't like it, don't feel like it, don't want it... or taking a piece and pushing it around their plate and dumping it.

I tell people I had WLS and it doesn't bother me at all. But then again I couldn't give a rats *ss what others think of my medical decisions. That's between me and my doctors. I suspect people understand that since I've never gotten anything but positive feedback.

FWIW, If asked, I use the opportunity to educate people when it seems appropriate. Often what seems negative is actually a combination of ignorance and curiosity.

I tell them the truth...... that I'm eating 5 small meals daily, high Protein and low carb, and exercising like a fool. For me, it's a personal matter and no one needs to know unless I want to tell them. And I also just cut my hair off as a distraction.....LOL LOL LOL.

I was also concerned about what people would say when I'm out with "the girls" and didn't eat as much as I used to eat. I went out to lunch with 5 people last week (my first outing) and I noticed that all 5 people cleaned their plates in about 10 minutes. Just devouring the food. I ordered Pork BBQ sandwich without the bun and 30 min later asked for a To Go box. No one noticed, no one asked "isn't your food good" when I was picking at it. I had planned on saying "I have an early dinner planned with the family" or something like that.... but no one noticed.

People have seen you diet all your life, right?

This time, you're just dieting again. That's all there is to it.

FTR, I didn't tell anyone (except my medical team) but my hubby and 2 friends who live 1,000 miles away, in opposite directions. No family members, no sibs, no other close friends.

And before your mom bakes you a birthday cake, you say, "Please don't make me a cake this year. I won't be able to eat it." And if she bakes it anyway, do what you told her you were going to do: Don't eat it.

My family doesn't know. They live out of state so it is easy to keep it secret. When they see me I will say that I am eating high protein/low carb and exercising. I will make sure to state I am eating normal portion sizes as a part of my "diet". The surgery is just PART of the process and not he whole surgery. It will be true when you say how you are eating.

I just told people that I work out more and eat less- which is true. If someone makes me a birthday cake, I cut myself a slice with everyone else, I sit down and have a few bites, and I toss the rest away. My sleeve doesn't like sugar, fats, oils, milks, creams, or anything other than things like crackers, so when I'm out to dinner I just eat a bite or two, which is just enough to look like I'm eating but not enough to make me sick or derail my diet.

My family is out of town so last time they saw me I ate my usual small portions which apparently started this big discussion over whether I'm bullimic or anorexic or whatever was wrong with me. My logic is eh, let them talk. I wear size 0 jeans...I don't care if someone wants to make comments about how I got to where I am. My sleeve is my business and no one else (except my 3 best friends) needs to know I have it.

In the same way that I can't hide my fat exterior from the world, I can't hide how it has also adversely affected my health over the years.

People I've worked with in my office for the last 27 years are pretty much asking me daily, why I'm limping (osteoarthritis and plantar fasciitis), am I feeling ill, due to the constant grimace on my face (joint pain), am I all right (out of breath and sweating with minimal exertion), do I need help with things I used to be able to do in my sleep. The list goes on. A lot of these people I don't know past the nominal nod as we pass in the hall too.

I'm also sure they are probably harboring those ("Why doesn't she just eat right and exercise to lose that weight?) thoughts. So when I do start eating right and losing weight, and it becomes noticeable enough to draw comments, as far as I'm concerned, I'm just going to be fulfilling their prophecy, that yes, I did finally do something about my weight because of the way it was affecting my health, and longevity of life.

And if anyone attempts to push beyond that, as to how quickly it is coming off, I will cut the inquisition off at the pass, politely but firmly. I will never reveal the amount of weight I've lost, or exactly what I'm eating or drinking to achieve it, how much, or why. My repeated refrain will be along the lines of: I was having some major health issues, and now I'm working closely with my doctor to regain my health. Period.

In the same way I only told select people going in, I will only tell select people as I progress along. Doing otherwise puts you in danger of opening the floodgates on unwanted intrusion on your personal life that you will never be able to gain control over again.

This process is hard enough, I don't want to add unnecessary stress if I don't have to.

And as for the more personal relationships in your life that have, over the years, nagged you, belittled you, or in anyway made you feel "less" worthy than them because of your weight - they deserve an explanation least of all. Don't give them the satisfaction.

...And as for the more personal relationships in your life that have, over the years, nagged you, belittled you, or in anyway made you feel "less" worthy than them because of your weight - they deserve an explanation least of all. Don't give them the satisfaction."

Love that part The Candidate how true!!!

LOW CARB and tell them you don't eat cake etc anymore...it has worked for me...the small portions were a concern for a while by some family members but they are used to it now...the less you entertain and answer their questions and comments, the sooner they will quit doing it. I just told them I wanted to live so I'm making drastic changes. None suspects a thing..

I have been completely open about it. I have at least ten friends who either want the surgery or are interested in it. So I am posting regular updates on Facebook about my experience. Everyone is very curious about it and supportive.

I've been very open to people in person but haven't said much on Facebook about it. Friends and family have been incredibly supportive, at least to my face. I don't worry much about what acquaintances think but choose to not share a lot unless asked, and then I pick and choose what to share. Something's lost in electronic media sharing.....emoticons don't cover it, lol...so I don't really share much there except that I announced I had lost 70 pounds a little way back. Got a few questions, but nothing upsetting or crazy. I don't worry much anymore about what people think but, then again, I surround myself with only open-minded and supportive people, so it's easier that way. I'm retired so I don't have to cope with idiot co-workers.

Mostly, though, I choose to be truly known, so I tend to be more open than is sometimes typical.

It's odd though, most acquaintances who have made some kind of judgemental comment (you know, those weird innuendos that somehow imply that the way I am losing weight should have been done in another way?) seem to be really conflicted. Want me to be healthier but are angry I'm succeeding. Like it's a competition.....

I tell people that I e taken charge of my health! I tell them I'm following a bariatric diet (truth) eating smaller portions (truth) and working out like a maniac (truth). They don't need to know I had the surgery. I felt like I was lying by omission at first, but I certainly wouldn't ask them about their medical procedures, some don't feel the need to tell them about mine. The only person I made a point of sharing the surgery with is the daughter of my friend--her father is constantly on her about her weight (she's 18) and he told her she should

work out like me so she "wouldn't be such a fat ass" right in front of me. That killed me!! So I told her the whole story and reminded her she is a beautiful young woman (she's GORGEOUS!) and I didn't want her to feel bad about herself.

I basically don't GAF what others think about surgery. I tried for years the traditional way and just got fatter and more unhealthy. Those that think I "took the easy way out" don't know jack about this process. I figure they're just a bit jealous.

To start I've told a few friends and coworkers, plus half of DHs office knows as well. Everyone else can wait and learn on a need to know basis.

I work as an academic advisor at a 4 year university, and this is our busy time of the Summer due to new student registration. Yesterday advisors in other departments began asking DH where I've been as they hadn't seen me in a week. Someone from his office (thinking of my privacy and gossip spreading) quickly said that I had the flu. As anticipated the flu story spread like wildfire across the university advising community. Meanwhile DH kept busy to not get involved in the discussion.

Me, I figure there'll be some interesting conversation when I get back.

I haven't told people anything other than that I am watching what I eat. As far as cake, I avoid it. I have however been in one awkward situation where I took a bite and then acted really full. Everyone knows I love(d) cake and packed it for me to take home. Once home it hit the trash. At least no ones feelings were hurt.