kim9

Hi.. My name is Kim. I am 41, 5'3" and currently weigh 235. I have been blessed with 7 children and the most loving, supportive and amazing husband. I have been overweight/obese all of my adult life. Growing up I was very self conscious and obsessed with my body image. I was a normal weight child and teen. Most of my adult family/extended family was overweight/obese. I promised myself I would NEVER allow myself to be that way. I routinely saved my lunch money to purchase diet pills and ate as little as possible. Many nights aNs a teen I would feed our dogs my dinner from the table, undetected or would choose a dark cup (loved that brown Tupperware cup) and put a portion of my dinner there, again undetected. I understood that food made my family fat and limited the amount I ate. I looked in the mirror and didn't see my size 3/5 self. I saw ugly and disgusting. I became pregnant with my first child at 17 weighing 120 pounds. I made the choice to stop playing games with food and ate regularly. I gained 55 pounds and within two years lost 40 of that. I hated even more what I saw in the mirror and buying clothes. When #1 was almost 3 I delivered #2. Another 50+ pound pregnancy. This time I had severe postpartum depression. No weight was coming off... When #2 was 6 months old I became pregnant with #3... I discovered with that pregnancy how to control my weight eating well and gained 25ish pounds... It was by far my best pregnancy yet. Needless to say, I still had 2 more babies in the following 3 years (20-25 lbs gains with each) with minimal weight coming off after each. I was 26 years old, 220+ pounds and newly diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis/hypothyroid. At this point my 1st husband left the marriage... Astonishingly I couldn't eat much and got down to 190 pounds. Being severely depressed and plagued with anxiety I agreed to go on antidepressants temporarily (1 year) and weighed 250 in no time. Since this point in life I recognized me weighing/being larger than my mother and most of my relatives. I was watching type 2 diabetes and heart disease cropping up in a lot of them and my mom having joint replacement surgeries beginning when she was 52. I desperately did not want this for myself or my children! I learned to lose weight via many methods... Only to gain back that and more!! I'm so beyond frustrated! It's so difficult to admit (here will be the first time to admit to anyone apart from myself) that I binge eat and am a closet eater. I want so much to experience permanent weight loss. I have got to the point that my age and size are getting the best of me. It took almost 3 years to gain the last 40 pounds I lost back (via hhcg) plus 10 more (where I am today). With this gain, even gaining gradually, I am a hot mess! My feet and hips hurt! My knee is almost always swollen and keeps my mobility limited to almost non existent. I'm terrified of the damage my weight is doing to my body. And honestly, I'm terrified I won't qualify for surgery. This is me... That is some of my story! Never have I been so vulnerable telling/admitting so much /: I soooo look forward to the day I will add more of my journey and my WLS updates to encourage someone like me (: