sksh

14 hours ago, Sosewsue61 said:

You need to get a better therapist, between your physical state and mental state everything is fighting with each other. Your body wants to live, you can change your mind - when the mind is being a sneaky lying b!tch you have to tell it to shut up! It lies. You can do this, don't worry about what you weigh right now. Just follow the rules of eating at a table in full view, drinking 30 minutes after food, write down in a journal what you eat, and write down 1 funny thing that you saw or that happened, 1 thing you are grateful for, 1 thing you will do tomorrow - just a plain old notebook will do. Repeat and know that you can love yourself again. Get your mind going forward and then deal with your body. Post back here DAILY.

Exactly that's my feeling,..

Everything inside me is fighting... Even my mental state is not clear yet..One day I say okay I'll do it re-start again..the Other day I'll say screw it and eat non-stop.....

I stopped fallowing the rules.....and I think it's the reason for making m stomach larger now....I can eat like the old 125kg Sarah again...........

To be honest with you.. I see nothing in my life to be grateful for anymore...But I'll try...

Thank you so much..Just the fact that you all stopped and read this post means a lot to me <3

15 hours ago, soccermom2 said:

I'm probably not the best to respond since I am still pre-op but you post really got to me. I am so sorry that you've gone through all of this.

Have you thought about revision surgery? I have seen a few people on these forums who had regain or didn't lose as much as they wanted. They did a revision to the mini gastric bypass or full gastric bypass and had a lot of success with it. Of course I don't know if you meet the BMI requirements or not for that.

I've also seen people do a "pouch reset" where you go back to what you were doing in the beginning right after surgery. liquid diet, then purees, etc. It's supposed to help regain some restriction.

I really think you should try seeing a therapist too. They can help with the depression you have & even help with the binge eating problems.

Are you exercising? Using a Fitbit helped me a lot. I thought I was active but I was gaining weight. Then I tracked with my Fitbit and was actually only getting around 4,000-5,000 steps a day when I'm supposed to get 10,000.

I did and I talked to my Doctor but he refused ...

I tried to do the liquid diet... I failed :[

I also went to consultant, I told him I hate losing control over my eating habits I hate the fact that I can't do anything regarding me gaining weight .. still he gave me pills that increase appetite..................So I stopped taking them and going to him.......

I did tried to go to the gym...my member **** is gonna expire soon and I only went there 5 times...When ever I will go I ended up crying and have no energy and when I actual go I'mm come back with bad mood and extremely hungry.

and I do use fitnesspal, I hope it will help....

Thank you for your respond :[ it means a lot to me <3

3 minutes ago, Berry78 said:

Remember your dream of going abroad for your studies. It can still happen! You have run into health issues, but schools aren't going anywhere. Get stronger, and find a way! You can do it!

It is a great big world out there. So many opportunities! I know you have the strength to go and find a new path, because you have been so brave on this one.

I lost it .. all hopes and motivations ,,, the only path I see is dark.. I'm really tired od this .. every time I try and try I lose.

Thank you for your replay.

I'm sorry for the long post but I really just needed to get out of my chest ...

1 minute ago, Deactivatedfatgal said:

First off, I'm sorry you for want through this! I would hope you could find support on a forum like this. So you became anorexic and then began binge eating to gain the weight back? Now you feel you can't stop eating? What did the doc do to check and see if your stomach stretched? I'm praying you find your way & faith. You are beautiful & WORTHY. Hope my few words of encouragement help

I don't even felt the times of binging...

they did that test where you drink something and X-ray .. I forgot the name of the test

"You are beautiful & WORTHY."

Thank you <3 But I'm really not.... and I hope soon everything will end..

Thank you <3

So here is my story..

It's long post but I really have no one to talk to that can understand me....

in 11 Jan 2015 I had the Sleeve Surgery and my new life started..

I started a new lifestyle and I was working out I start losing weight really good.

everything was more than amazing and I felt like I died and went to heaven.

the dream of my life was coming true .. all I ever want is coming true and happening in real life not just in my dreams.

I hit my idol weight .. from 125kg to 55kg in a year and couple months.

and I was still living a healthy life and a feeling great. I felt so strong and controlled over my life and everything..nothing can stop me.

I resigned from my job and I stayed home searching for new job but still I kept eating healthy and working out, nothing changed.

then I found the perfect new job.. The place were I always wanted ... I worked so hard to prove myself and make them re-contract with fulltime contract..

the thing is I forgot myself .. I wasn't eating or even drinking Water ... in only 3monthes I went from 55kg to 30kg without even trying... I then tried to fix this and get on track again but it was too late...

my body gave up ,, I was rushed to the ER my levels were all zero.. my heart was in bad shape surrounded with water which make it hard for it to beat .. I was diagnosed as Anorexia..... My brain was effected by all of this too I guess .. If you ask me "Sarah what happen back in Nov and Oct of 2016" ... I have no idea...I wasn't even there.... I can't remember this 2 months at all .. for me i felt like I was asleep for 2 months ....

It was hell .. for my mom and my uncle who had to take care of me....The brainless weak body .. I couldn't move my head it was always hanging there :/ and I was talking hardly but it wasn't me ...I can't remember anything .. nothing ..

I gained over 30kg since I was eating so fast and a lot till I really pass out .. my mom had to hold me every time I was eating.....I was eating all time and when I start walking they had to lock the kitchen cuz against my will, I will eat every damn thing....without even feeling or knowing it..

now I weight +80kgs... and my appetite is still crazily wild and I can't control it.......I went to a doctor to seek help, he told me my stomach is bigger now (after only 2years from surgery) and he refused to fix the damage by surgery .. he gave me a strict diet and that's it..even when I told him that I can't control my appetite anymore..

I have a massive depression from my weight and the loss of control over everything I had to go to consultant .. I tried..and I'm still trying to kill myself ...

I see no point of re-trying .. No point of living.. myself steam is Zero .. I refuse to meet or talk to people anymore....

I simply can't .. I'm a big fail the only success and the thing I wanted the most and made me proud is losing weight ... Losing what I achieved made me feel like I lost everything..lost hope, lost motivation to live.

and worst I lost faith in God .. what I ever asked for? nothing ... the only thing I wanted so bad and I worked hard for ,, was taken from me in the worst and must painful way ever...what have I ever did to deserve this?

I have no one to talk to and share my feeling to ...

and you guys are my last place to share my feeling with...

My start was about 52 BMI. The recommendations have evolved over the last 4 years, but 60 is a pretty standard minimum. What I was banded in 2001 I was given zero guidelines. ..just told I would become a delicate eater.

I will start taking some Protein shakes that for sure!!

. but this days I'm always dizzy, lazy and I have no energy

That's because you only eat one meal a day.

The 60+g protein/day is universal, you don't need to talk to your surgeon to verify. So is the MINIMUM 64oz Fluid rule. So is the taking Vitamins and getting regular bloodwork done to check for deficiencies. These are basic guidelines for all WLS patients forever.

You WILL NOT stretch your sleeve eating appropriate portions (2-6oz) of healthy food. You WILL NOT stretch your sleeve drinking fluids. This includes Protein shakes if that's what it takes to meet Protein goals. You seem to have developed a serious eating disorder. If you can't bring yourself to nourish your body appropriately, you need to seek professional help. Call any therapist, psychologist or counselor you can find. If they don't feel they can help you, perhaps they can refer you to a specialist that can.

Please get help before you do some serious, irreversible damage.

I do feel I'm doing something bad..

I'm trying to change this I don't want to harm myself !!!

it takes time .. but I'm trying to fix this i'm aware of it ><

but this fear is still there so i'm trying to change this!

When I was sleeved, 60 g was a standard recommendation and many of us did fine on it. My 3 year post op check...they said "the evidence now says 80g is the minimum ". When i went for my bod pod analysis, she said I should go for 100g due to my rather muscular build and desire to reduce body fat and build more muscle.

My point is that high Protein / low carb really really helps control hunger and helps build muscle but I am not convinced that it is critical to health otherwise

My doctor never mention how many grams should I be taking!!!

even when I once showed him a Protein Powder just to see what he think of it..he said I don't think you need it your Protein in your food in enough :/

so I don't know what the Idol grams for me ><

I really should talk to him !!!!!

when I first did the surgery I was feeling fine .. but this days I'm always dizzy, lazy and I have no energy

What was your starting BMI?

When I was sleeved, 60 g was a standard recommendation and many of us did fine on it. My 3 year post op check...they said "the evidence now says 80g is the minimum ". When i went for my bod pod analysis, she said I should go for 100g due to my rather muscular build and desire to reduce body fat and build more muscle.

My point is that high Protein / low carb really really helps control hunger and helps build muscle but I am not convinced that it is critical to health otherwise

My doctor never mention how many grams should I be taking!!!

even when I once showed him a Protein powder just to see what he think of it..he said I don't think you need it your Protein in your food in enough :/

so I don't know what the Idol grams for me ><

I really should talk to him !!!!!

when I first did the surgery I was feeling fine .. but this days I'm always dizzy, lazy and I have no energy

One thing you can do is stock your fridge with foods that won't activate those hamsters running around in your head. Right now, I have sugar free pudding, sugar free Jello, sliced tomatoes, carrot and celery sticks and homemade hummus. I recently discovered jicama, and will put slices of that in the fridge, too. Boiled eggs are high in Protein and guilt free.

If I eat carbs,I pack them in at breakfast and then eat lean the rest of the day. This morning I had a scoop of oatmeal that I put Protein powder, cinnamon, dates and raisins in, and ate that with a small banana. I was not hungry for a morning snack because breakfast was keeping me full.

For lunch I have a taco salad almost every day. I add mixed salad greens and spinach to my taco meat made with ground turkey, peppers, onions, garlic, diced eggplant, celery, taco seasoning and salsa. I don't eat much cheese, but I sprinkle a little shredded cheddar on it and if I want to indulge, I will have a spoonful of sour cream. By looking at this you can tell that it is high in protein, high in fiber (which helps you feel full) and low in calories because you really can't eat much at one time.

If i have an afternoon snack, it is likely to be a pickle wrapped in a slice of turkey, or those raw veggies with hummus. dinner is usually 2 ounces of meat and as much cooked veggies as I can handle. Broccoli, cauliflower, eggplant, zucchini, mushrooms, peppers, sunchokes (veggies that provide high fiber and low calories.

If you haven't noticed, I eat my fair share of Mediterranean style veggies. That is because my boyfriend loves to cook, and he is from Malta. He grows a garden of Mediterannean veggies in the back yard. He frequently uses olive oil, garlic, lemon, and Mediterranean spices in his cooking.

The point that I am trying to make is that since your live in a Mediterranean adjacent country, a lot of this should be available to you locally. The way he cooks, I get plenty of protein and fiber without the killer calories. I can eat until Miss Tummy says quit, without doing caloric damage.

I challenge you to get creative in the kitchen and have some fun with food, instead of seeing it as the enemy. Go for foods you can chase, catch and pick instead of factory products, and you will do well. Learn how to adjust old favorites to make them acceptable to a bariatric patient. Now get in that kitchen and have some fun!

I have some Quest bars and Atkin bars as snack and I had them for so long but I didn't eat them!! I have a fear of stretching my stomach lol

also I made some new I snack from fruits ~~~~

frozen grape (yummy) taste just like candy you should try it *_*

or banana Ice cream~~~

I try to avoid nuts I feel like they have so many calories (/^\)

Also I try to avoid carbs and I focus more on protein!

I feel much better now .... I guess :/

but my sleeping schedule is upside down and I only get one meal a day (/^\)

which is some protein and veggie (/^\)

my craving with sugar is better less than before but sometimes I just want some chocolate ><

but I don't eat lol as I said before I start to get this fear of stretching my stomach ^^;

You really need a minimum of 60 g of Protein a day unless you want long term health issues. Your body needs the Protein. If you don't give it enough then it starts to take it from your organs and muscles.

I think it's a low grams of protein also! put I don't know how many I should take! but thats why I start drinking my coffee with Protein Powder and I hope it will help .

this days I only eat one meal a day and that's why my grams are low ...

Are you taking a Multivitamin everyday? My doctor stressed to me the importance of doing that for the rest of your life and getting 90 grams of Protein every day

90g? I eat around 30g or 35g a day only

I do take Multivitamin everyday~

I sometimes experience dizziness and I was told that I was not getting in enough Protein. I started eating more Protein and the dizziness did go away. I hope you find the help that you need and hang in there every day gets better.

I think i'm not eating enough protein + Water also :/

I drink click. I like it and it's easy ro make

really T_T

finally I found someone T_T

your nutrition is okay with it?

how is it? dose it have that smell like the Protein powder strong smell?

dose it make you full for at least an hour?

sorry i ask too much (/^\)

Are you asking if my nutritionist is ok with it? Honestly, I didn't ask. She's not my babysitter. She gives me information and I use that information to make my own decisions.

I haven't really paid attention to whether or not it has a smell though.

what makes me worry about it is the sugar so this why I ask about nutritionist opinion(/^\)

thank you for sharing *_*

I use Isopure Columbian coffee Protein drink. Love it, add a little Creamer and ice and it's like iced coffee.< /p>

I used Isopure vanilla before I couldn't handle the smell T^T

but it was so good *_*

I'm craving coffee and when I saw your post .. I'm now craving coffee even more

I just make regular coffee and instead of cream I use vanilla Protein powder. If I get coffee from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts I get it no sugar and add either my unflavored whey or vanilla Protein powder to it.

I used to do that it tasted so yummy and makes you full for longer~~

but then the brand I use had a strong smell of protein ,,, I couldn't like it anymore and I had to stop T_T

lucky I manged to stop drinking from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or any other coffee shop .. if I went there with friends or on an appointment with someone or so I order nonfat sugar free latte (/^\)

but really! I think the coffee we make ourselves taste much better than Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts

I like them both. I don't buy flavored drinks. My fanciest order is dark roast coffee. I often get gift cards for free from Starbucks or Dunks so it doesn't cost me anything. Otherwise I just make my own in the Keruig or coffee press.

Keurig is awesome it does have many options

I let a cup of coffee cool a little and add a scoop of Cappuccino flavor Syntraz Nectars. I drink it iced in the summer. That is my Breakfast most mornings.

I know some people that drink the Click... but to me the 15 g Protein and 10g carbs seems like a poor balance. Never heard of the Javapro, but the nutrition numbers look good.... I wonder what it tastes like?

yum sounds yummy *_* I may search more about it as well~~

that what makes me worry about Click actually ~~

Javapro label looks great! I also wonder what it tastes like~~

but I'm afraid it will have that strong Protein smell .. I can't handle it T^T

and I haven't seen anyone who use it yet!! also they don't over sample packages :/

I too make my coffee at home . I put one scoop of unflavored in my coffee and cream every morning.

Seriously I think the coffee we make ourselves taste much better than any other coffee shop!! you can control everything~ the flavor the amount ~~ everything *_*

I just make regular coffee and instead of cream I use vanilla Protein powder. If I get coffee from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts I get it no sugar and add either my unflavored whey or vanilla Protein Powder to it.

I used to do that it tasted so yummy and makes you full for longer~~

but then the brand I use had a strong smell of Protein ,,, I couldn't like it anymore and I had to stop T_T

lucky I manged to stop drinking from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or any other coffee shop .. if I went there with friends or on an appointment with someone or so I order nonfat sugar free latte (/^\)

but really! I think the coffee we make ourselves taste much better than Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts

Most Pre-mix Protein drink have about 6 gram of sugar so how bad can this be and it has Protein. Look some people need their coffee. My Nut drinks this herself, and she's like a size 6, had the surgery about 6 years ago. Your stomach will let you know if it does not like it. Don't worry, you should be ok.

So true!! I do need my coffee..

plus 6g for 31g and I will not be drinking 31g a day (/^\)

she dose

I guess you are right I should try then judge myself to test my stomach also ~~

thank you for sharing *_*♥

I drink click. I like it and it's easy ro make

really T_T

finally I found someone T_T

your nutrition is okay with it?

how is it? dose it have that smell like the Protein powder strong smell?

dose it make you full for at least an hour?

sorry i ask too much (/^\)

some of the people on another WLS site I'm on drink Click. I've never heard anything about Javapro

really? I saw some people on youtube also!

Yes, I am better than okay now! Thanks for asking. Just keep working at it.

I'm glad to hear that♥

Many of us have had some emotional ups and downs related to massive weight loss. What concerns me the most about what you have shared is the extremes. It seems like you believe you are ill and undernourished but don't really have evidence of that. We all worry about regain, but most of us don't turn that into eating anguish, refusing to socialize etc. You mention that you are scared of overeating but have bad cravings for chocolate etc. -that can really backfire big time - starving yourself interspersed with overeating crappy food. That by itself can make you feel terrible.

I don't think you need to find a counselor who specializes in WLS, but rather a good counselor with expertise in addictions and perhaps even obsessive-compulsive thinking. Be open to the possibility of medications.

A good nutritionist can help-especially give you peace of mind, but honestly you probably know what you need to do. Treat food like a life saving medication. Plan, choose wisely, weigh/ measure and track. Get at least 80grams of Protein, drink tons of Water and the rest starts to fall in place.

BTW, in the spring of 2014, I went through a bad time and couldn't eat. I didn't feel guilt or fear of eating, I just couldn't. I lost 10# in about 3weeks, and I was already at goal. I forced myself to start eating again and slowed down the losing until I finally got back to normal. I bruised easily, ribs on my back protruded, guys thought I looked hot but anybody that cared about me (including my docs) saw me going downhill fast. It took effort to regain my health - both physical and emotional - but you too can do this.

are you okay now

you eat normally now right?

I hope you are much better now♥

I do crave chocolate and sweets

but to be honest with you I'm happy that I'm still on the road..I mean I measure my food I eat Protein and I watch what I eat and I don't eat junk anymore .. yeah I treat myself between time to time .. but it's all with Protein Bars or diet chocolate .. I don't eat normal chocolate bars anymore .. but still sometimes I get way to crazy with it.

But I will try to change this .. I'll never give up on this .. I already had to give up on my dreams for this and I'm not ready to loss it!!!

and use it for me and to help me change myself..

thank you :")♥

So I feel like I am the jerk right now, but have you hit goal? Your BMI is listed as being at 26.2, which is not unhealthy or even low weight. You said that you were eating less than 1000 calories, which as long as you're not consistently eating like 500-600, if you're in the losing phase this isn't going to hurt you. In Blue Zones, areas of the world where people regularly live to be over 100, they often eat a much more calorie restricted diet than we do. Research shows that lower calories than the FDA suggests is not unhealthy as long as your diet is balanced. If your blood tests show that your Vitamin levels are normal, which you said they do, then your nutrition is likely fine.

Every single one of us is worried about regaining weight. It is the people who stop caring that get fat again. While I would agree that it would be helpful to talk to someone about your concerns, nutritionally you aren't underweight, your calories if they are just a bit less than 1000 aren't going to hurt you at this point, and your blood values are good. So on the bright side, you are healthy. Why not keep that desperate feeling and use it to push you toward your goals and toward maintenance? There is this book called The Four Hour Body and one thing I remember reading in it is that people who are unsuccessful at losing weight just haven't been hurt badly enough to be sufficiently motivated. Again, this isn't a nice thing to say, but it's true. The fear of gaining weight, of getting fat again can all be used in a positive way to get you to the size you want to be and to keep you there.

Everyday I wake up and I weigh myself on three scales (long story behind why). I write each scale number down. I put everything I eat into MyFitness Pal. I don't ever eat sweets. I walk into my giant closet with my clothes that are a size 0,2,4, and while there is a lot of joy there, there is also that little catch in the back of my throat, that quick second of terror about what will happen if I get fat again. I use it to my advantage. When I see cake, I think of that fear and I don't eat it. When I see other junk food I think about that terror I feel when I get on the scale in the morning after a bad day of eating and I don't eat it. I eat a very normal diet, usually about 1200-1400 calories a day which has kept me in maintenance, but I stay in maintenance not because I am always happy and life is grand but because I know the misery of being fat and I am terrified of going back to that place.

Life doesn't always have to be sunshine and daisies- thunderstorms have their purpose too...if you can't get over your current feelings, then use them to get you what you want.

Also, quick suggestion...when you get up and feel dizzy it's possibly orthostatic hypotension. It's a drop in blood pressure when you stand up or sit up from a laying position. Ask your doctor to test you for it. Literally they take your BP while you are laying down and then again as soon as you stand up. If it has dropped, then they can fix that problem, which potentially doesn't have to be related to your diet. Also, you are not going to stretch your stomach. 80% of it is gone. Think of it like a balloon that you cut 80% out of. Sure, it might stretch a little bit, but it is never, ever going back to anywhere close to its old size, so if you're a rational person everytime you start to worry about that think..."ok, well it is not possible to go back to anything close to the old size, so worrying about this is irrational and a waste of my time". That thought process has always worked for me. If I can isolate the flaw in my thinking, I can talk myself past it. Perhaps give that a try.

You are not jerk don't say that♥

I'm so close to my goal now around 15kg away..

​which I know that it's blessing and I'm grateful to what I achieved so far~~

You know.. I think you are right!! I mean since I feel "guilty" means I will keep watching which means I won't gain weight!

it's just..sometimes....makes me so tired..

"there is also that little catch in the back of my throat, that quick second of terror about what will happen if I get fat again. I use it to my advantage. When I see cake, I think of that fear and I don't eat it. When I see other junk food I think about that terror I feel when I get on the scale in the morning after"

You know what.. I'm gonna do the same

I will take this factor that been making me tired and scared and use it to achieve my goals and to maintain it!!

I will try to change this feeling from crying to motivating!

I feel like your words kinda open up my eyes for other things...

thank you .. really thank you.

I will do try to do this .. and If I found someone to talk too.. I might as well talk too~