OMG It is Real Now!
· staceymeaux · 07/15/2015 17:22
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staceymeaux
Gastric Sleeve Patients
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Blog Entries posted by staceymeaux
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OMG, I can hardly hold back the excitement and fear that today's news of final approval brings. I will be scheduling my surgeon appointment in the next week and will have the surgery within the next month. I know so many things need to change in my life for the surgery to be a success. I plan to start decluttering my life in the next few weeks to prepare my home for my new life. I need to freshen things up so that mentally I am prepared for this journey. I am so thankful that I have the support of my family and friends. I know that with their help, my determination and God on my side I can do this. I have been struggling so much these past few years with my self-esteem and am truly praying that loosing some weight will help me to regain some self worth while also allowing me to do more of the things I love. Feeling hopeful.
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How did this happen?
· staceymeaux · 03/18/2015 19:34
As I begin this journey to get approved and hopefully have WLS I have been pondering "How did this happen?". How did I get this big? I just simply call it life. Life happened. I let my life take control of my eating, my emotions, my physical activity, everything. I just gave up and gave in. I have struggled with my weight since I was a young child, I was always the "fat girl". Luckily I had the gift of humor and a fairly good self image to be able to shrug most of it off. I won't lie, sometimes the taunting hurt, but I learned to deal with it. When I was in my eighth grade school year I had a P.E. coach that was very good to me. He would try not to embarrass me in front of the class or make me do something that he knew I could not do or would make me uncomfortable. But one day in gym class we were jumping rope. He said "Bush" come try it. Well amazingly I tried it and I liked it. I was actually pretty good at it. So after those few weeks of doing jump rope in P.E. he gave me a rope (the old beaded type) and told me to take it home and use it. He said "you will be the prettiest girl in high school". I have never forgotten those words.
So my first weight loss journey began. I jumped that rope everyday rain or shine. By the time I started high school I had lost 90 pounds. People did not know what to think when they saw me. It was quite the transformation. From age 14 till about age 22 I continued to jump rope nearly everyday. I was able to maintain a weight that was healthy and manageable. Then I graduated from college and got my first job, it was very sedentary. I finally had a little more money than I had before too. I began to eat out more and got totally out of my routine and was far less active than I had been in college. My weight creeped up to 215 by the time I was 25. I got married that year and managed to maintain my weight around 215 for many years even between the births of my 3 sons. After the birth of my 3rd son I developed very bad postpartum depression. I was prescribed several medications to help control the depression and anxiety. Well the pounds began to come on, before I knew it I was 265. I had never weight that much, not even 9 months pregnant. I was mortified.
So my second real significant weight loss journey began. A weight watchers group was established where I worked. I joined with quite a few others from our office. I followed the program and had the support of others too. I lost 80 pounds and I was down 185. I felt good at that weight and I liked the way I looked. I was happy. I was so proud of myself. But about a year after I lost the weight my marriage as on the rocks, my depression was at an all time high and I was just generally a basket case. I began to use food for comfort. I ate and ate and I ate for every emotion, bored, happy, sad, you name it until I reached over 300 pounds. I was really mortified. I could not believe that any human could weight that much, especially not me. What had happened?
So over the next six or so years until most recently I tried all kinds of diets. I would loose 20-30 pounds and gain 30-40 back. This roller coaster really sent my depression to an all time low in 2012. I was nearly hospitalized, but found the courage to get help out patient, my medicines were changed, I had a regular counselor, and I managed to get through it. But my weight was and is still and issue. I feel like everyday that I am this overweight I am missing out on more and more. I tend to isolate myself. I am not totally depressed, I just want to do so much more with my life.
So about a year ago I researched a program available to Louisiana State Employees called Heads Up!. The insurance for state employees excludes any type of bariatric surgery so this program was formed to "study" the effects of weight loss surgery to determine if eventually this exclusion would be lifted. I registered for the program in February 2014 and made it through the initial screening and my name was put into a lottery drawing. Every month I have waited for the call that I won the lottery. Well March 2nd 2015 I got the call that my name had been drawn. I really felt like I had won a million bucks! I went on March the 9th for my first appointment and they did all sorts of medical testing and a complete physical and started me on a 2 week liquid diet (I am on day 2). I go back on March 31st to submit my daily food report and have some additional testing done. If all of this looks good then my information will be submitted to the surgery review board for final approval and then I will be sent to the surgeon.
Since the call on March 2nd my emotions have been all over the map. Can I really do this? Will I be the only fat person to have weight loss surgery and not lose weight? Is it worth the risk to have surgery? But I can honestly I am ready to start my new life. I am up for the challenge. I love Bariatric Pal, what a huge blessing for those considering and those having WLS. I plan to use blogging as a way to encourage myself and others as I begin this new journey in my life. Till next time.
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I can do this!
· staceymeaux · 03/31/2015 20:58
Well yesterday was the last day of my liquid diet required as part of the approval process for bariatric surgery. The first few days were really rough. Not so much feeling hungry, but mentally exhausting. I never realized just how much I depended on food for every emotion and occasion. I am very proud of myself though for sticking to it. This process really gave me hope that when I have the surgery I can commit to the life style changes necessary to lose weight. Heck, I even spent 7 days in Las Vegas while on this liquid stuff. It is still amazing me that I could do it.
Now a few more medical tests (an x-ray and sleep study) and then my case goes up for approval. I am excited an nervous at the same time.
My goal for now is to stay as committed to losing weight as I can until I have the surgery and not sabotage myself. I just keep telling myself, It is just food. I only need food to live, that's it! Nothing more.
So for now, I wait.
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I never knew
· staceymeaux · 03/20/2015 14:35
Wow, yesterday was tough. I have known for a while that I have a problem with food. But when they take it away from you and tell you to drink only liquids you begin to realize just how bad that problem was. I really feel like I have lost my best friend. Food could comfort me and satisfy me. I am really embarrassed and shameful that I let myself get to this point where I rely on food to fill my emptiness. People say things like "it is just for 2 weeks, you can do anything for 2 weeks", well I know that, but it does not make it any easier. Most people do not understand people like me who have such terrible issues with food. They can understand an alcoholic or drug addict, but food. Just stop eating they say. And quite honestly that really is what needs to happen, I just need to stop eating. But it is so hard. I really wish I could go to sleep and wake up when the 2 weeks is over. I am really questioning whether or not to even have the surgery. If I cannot learn to deal with all of these emotions and stuff in my head then I fear the surgery is really a waste. I wish I were feeling starving on this liquid diet, then at least I could say I am just hungry. But that is not the case, I have not really been that hungry, it is just all in my head. Dang it is hard! But I am going to keep forging on and checking off each day and learning to deal with the emptiness until I conquer this demon.
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