I never knew

Wow, yesterday was tough. I have known for a while that I have a problem with food. But when they take it away from you and tell you to drink only liquids you begin to realize just how bad that problem was. I really feel like I have lost my best friend. Food could comfort me and satisfy me. I am really embarrassed and shameful that I let myself get to this point where I rely on food to fill my emptiness. People say things like "it is just for 2 weeks, you can do anything for 2 weeks", well I know that, but it does not make it any easier. Most people do not understand people like me who have such terrible issues with food. They can understand an alcoholic or drug addict, but food. Just stop eating they say. And quite honestly that really is what needs to happen, I just need to stop eating. But it is so hard. I really wish I could go to sleep and wake up when the 2 weeks is over. I am really questioning whether or not to even have the surgery. If I cannot learn to deal with all of these emotions and stuff in my head then I fear the surgery is really a waste. I wish I were feeling starving on this liquid diet, then at least I could say I am just hungry. But that is not the case, I have not really been that hungry, it is just all in my head. Dang it is hard! But I am going to keep forging on and checking off each day and learning to deal with the emptiness until I conquer this demon.