Smye

@@VDB, Not preachy at, all - thank you. And I agree - I'm not headed into anything just yet, more allowing myself to explore the possibility at this point and all under the careful guidance of a Straight Partner-experienced therapist. I don't typically make decisions until I've overthought them for at least a year - so although I'm excited to form a newbond of some sort, I'm 100% upfront about each step of the way and don't see marriage until quite a ways out.

100% normal and even expected. As you metabolize lots of fat, your body is dumping a whole host of various estrogens into your bloodstream. At 2 months out, my bloodwork suggested I was pregnant (full story here). Later your testosterone concentrations will rise (less volume of blood, same amount of production) and the estrogens will indeed fall. That's a whole other thing to get used to.

This is precisely why I went with my program - they won't even consider you if you're not willing and eager to do manditory 2 year follow up in psych, exercise physiology, nutrition, and meet with the surgeon monthly for the first 6 months and quarterly thereafter, with unlimited 'as needed' appointments throughout. They also offer support for 5 years beyond the initial 2 if you want it. If that wasn't impressive enough, they recently started an outreach program for folks who had surgery anywhere that didn't offer the support to enroll them in their aftercare at a fraction of what it actually costs them to run.

I'm with @@Elode on this one at this point. But I WILL say that I have that issue if I eat or drink anything within an hour of eating one. I also eat, at most, 2 a month in case of emergency. Maybe if I had more of them I'd have noticed more?

Just a quick update - Mrs. Smye is still working through her process and debating whether/how to tell her parents. I, on the other hand, am continuing to realize more and more how much of the grieving of our marriage I've already done. 6 years ago when she first told me she didn't think she was actually attracted to me, I started grieving the 'mutual attraction' aspect. 5 years ago when she told me (with the utmost kindness and honesty, not out of spite or anything) 'I really don't enjoy sex and, you know, if we never had it again, I'd be thrilled,' I started grieving the 'sexual intimacy' portion. When she told me 'it really bothers me/makes me uncomfortable when you a)suprise me with something special; B.) tell me I'm beautiful; c) arrange a special evening even with my foreknowledge; d) do anything else typically identified as 'romantic,' I began grieving the 'romantic' aspect of our relationship. 2 years ago when a surgeon who was working on something else entirely essentially destroyed her vagina (the bas****, he's still the only person I've ever had violent dreams about - even without sex it hurts her to walk more than 5 minutes at a time...), I began to grieve the 'sex at all' portion of our relationship. Everything else, our deep love and respect for one another as parents, as best friends, as co-learners and cohabitators, those I don't have to grieve. Except for the last, but that's a ways off and I can start that grief process now. I don't mean to claim that I'm 'over it.' Holy hell it still hurts. I'm nowhere near over it. I don't know if I ever will be. But I feel, in many ways, a sense of peace that my feelings of never being 'enough' for her were not only justified, but had nothing to do with me. AND I'm shocked at how excited I feel for both of us to move forward while doing our damnedest to keep our friendship solid whatever comes in terms of the pain/frustration that's inevitable moving forward. All that said, though a piece of me is screaming "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I've recognized that this has all been going down for as long as we've been wed. Not that she knew she was ***** (her currently chosen term), nor that we would inevitably divorce some day, but that our marriage wasn't all of what either of us wanted it to be, despite being nauseatingly idyllic in so many other areas. And I never, ever, have to sacrifice those idyllic pieces if I don't choose to, even if and when we divorce. And so the next step - dating. I'm not interested in dating around, sleeping around, or trying to 'get the most bang (sorry) for my buck out of my new body.' But if I'm decided to find a new partner (and I am), I'm eager to get going. I'm thinking I'll start with an OKCupid account here in the next couple of weeks after my next meeting with my counselor. How weird to be simultaneously nauseated and utterly thrilled. Does that make sense?

@@AnA92212, thank you for your support, sitting with me in my grief is precisely what I need. That and I may invite advice on the process when I start dating - though less about my current relationship and more about simply "what the hell is dating?" But yeah, it hurts like hell. And it's exhilarating. And scary. And, well, everything.

@@VSGAnn2014, Thank you, thank you, thank you! I want to say more, but nothing can say it better. Thank you. Please keep speaking truth to power (and to bariatric pals). @@Dar200, thank you. I do. @@Folly, Thank you again for sharing your experience - although mine will undoubtedly be unique, I am thankful to learn what has happened to/for others. When I reached out to TSSN, their response was... less than supportive. They were well-intentioned, but the assumption of duplicity on Mrs. Smye's part at the least was a given for those I spoke with. Serious bummer.

@@Elode, no kidding. And it's those poor girls who haven't quite figured out that 5 pumps is too many when it comes to perfume and that form fitting doesn't mean as tight as you can possibly fit into. I guess it's part of growing up, but still...

Although it drives me nuts when my 14 year old students show up in see-through leggings @@Elode, I couldn't agree more.

@@betrthnever, HERE HERE! @@cusoon, thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable and share! @@VSGAnn2014, no kidding, that's two of us! @@Rogofulm, I'll admit, were it anyone else, even now going through this myself, I'd give roughly the same advice to them. However (and I admit this might be naive), I don't plan on following it entirely myself - excepting that ABSOLUTELY we're going to be seeing a counselor to help guide us through this process and the deal is 100% open honesty at all stages and a willingness to change the plan when/if need be. Of course it's going to hurt like hell, but I think that's inherent in the vulnerability necessary for us to stay a family in the way we want. Check out Brene Brown (like, read the books more than just the TED talk), it's great stuff.

Thank you so much for finally posting something like this. My blog is entirely dedicated to the concept: www.baridelciousfood.blogspot.com

@@VSGAnn2014, thank you. @@Jessica Ellison-Correa, Agreed on all counts, even the caveat.

@@Folly, thank you so much for sharing your story, the perspective of the new spouse of a formerly straight spouse is one I haven't heard and it is a huge asset to me to hear it. And thank you for the *hugs* as well, received and warmed! My sympathies & congratulation to your husband. If you don't mind sharing a little more, what was the experience like for you? I'm at the point of considering the possibility of actually, really, truly, coming to love someone else and want to ensure that I am able to support my future spouse through what will undoubtedly be challenging for her as well. @@cusoon, I'm so sorry you and your ex went through that, it hurts like hell. But I'm so glad to hear your story! I too hope (and trust) that 25 years from now we'll be where you are, but the getting there in the meantime is daunting. For now, we share a bed still, we live together, and ideally will do so until one of us is repartnered, but, for example - how do we navigate this when we start actually seeing other people? What about when/if Mrs. Smye doesn't make enough to support herself, I don't make enough to support a mortgage AND a rent, but (assuming I repartner first) my new partner has moved in etc etc. Long story short - thank you. And yes, Mrs. Smye is made of stronger stuff than I can even conceive of. @@jane13, thank you!

So I've found two possible counsellors - one who specializes in giftedness (a condition that makes most counseling a difficult process for most of those who fall into that category - yay me ), and one who specializes in LGBTIQ issues. I've got an appointment with each in two weeks - I'll just have to see if either is a good fit. Also, a VERY surreal experience today. I found myself sobbing on my drive into work, I am very literally giving up my longest held dream (I first decided I would marry my wife when I was 5) by considering going forward with our plan. And throughout our marriage, I've been entirely faithful to her, both with my body and with my mind - not even considering other women as anything more than purely platonic, struggling at times to even appreciate their beauty more deeply than I do a mountain range (a lot of appreciation and wonder, but nothing romantic or 'yearning' or sexual). In short, she's been my everything. So today when I suddenly realized that I was looking at the left hand of every female bodied person I saw to see if a ring was there and if so on which finger. Well, it was a huge rush of shame initially mostly now it's just a curiousity, something I'm working to understand more than on a cognitive level... ... especially when I realized that I am married. I love my wife with my entire self. I fully intend to keep loving her just as deeply until the day I die. And I'm utterly psyched (and more than a little terrified) at the thought of making love with another woman. Wait, what? Really? I want to have relationship, fall in love, and have sex with someone other than Mrs. Smye? Meaningful sex, not just affair sex? And still love Mrs. Smye? And somehow this isn't wrong? Yes. That's exactly what I mean. Don't get me wrong - I'm not actually ready to build my OKCupid profile, I've no idea when I will be. Heck, if the cute barista at starbucks asked me to dinner, I'd say no right now. But that doesn't mean I'm not excited and working hard to accept that this excitement is neither taboo nor any sort of betrayal. What a mind-f****.

@@katladee, Your post made me cry, a lot, in a good way. Thank you! @@funredneckgal, I'm glad you and your partner were able to find something workable - the more I research the more rare I learn that is. And thank you for your support. Unfortunately (for me anyway), she's not bi in the least, just hesitant (and I don't blame her) to accept any particular label. @@PokeyJo, I'm so sorry for your struggle/frustration/grief. And you're right on - we can indeed, we believe, maintain the core and the foundation of our relationship throughout this with honesty & openness.

Some people also make a concentrate by boiling lemon rind or hibiscus or whatever (like 2 cups or so) and then add the concentrate to a gallon or two of plain water and refrigerate - this is the fast way but to my taste is only 95% as good

@@wantingabetterlife - I just put it all in a mesh bag (old, boiled t-shirt or cheesecloth) and pop into a pitcher of water and let steep in the fridge as long as I want, but there are special bottles, doodads, etc you can buy. I also (depending on what I'm using) just pop water and flavorings into the pitcher and drink around (like with lemons).

@@mykdzmom, I get them from my garden. But to help make that a reality, you can buy stevia plants at many nurseries. Just be sure to ask one of their master gardeners how to care for it, depending on what region you're in you might be able to set and forget (like where I'm at) or you might have to give daily care and/or special lights etc (like where I grew up).

Hibiscus and lime is phenomenal! If I'm feeling particularly like treating myself, I'll put in 1 whole stevia leaf per pitcher.