EverLearning

HI,
After a long journey I now have my surgery date of December 15, 2014. I am nervous, excited, scared, and can't wait all at the same time.
 
When I met with the Dr. yesterday I was wanting to loose weight so very badly I was scared to make a decision of which surgery to choose. I have consistently leaned toward sleeve, but when it came down to decision time I wondered if I was choosing wrong for me and what if I didn't succeed? In hindsight I realize I placed myself in a no win and Sleeve is the right surgery for me. My goal is health 10 years from now, being able to take ibuprofen as needed, avoiding malnutrition, and learning to be satisfied with a taste of favorite foods and still loose weight and gain a higher level of health than I currently am living.
 
The realization that I really did choose right for me with sleeve came to me as I told friends about doing surgery and explaining what I was planning and why. I can't even talk about bypass with a straight, neutral face! I get all thinking about doing that to me so Sleeve is my surgery and I am good with it.
 
I have attempted to loose weight for YEARS, I have never been successful even with calorie restrictions, high protein, exercise, personal trainers, multiple modified eating habits and diets, metabolic clinic work ups and all I could do. I can say now I have done all I can and my body likes to gain weight, the Dr. at the metabolic clinic is who suggested surgery as a good option for me and started me to thinking in this direction. That was over a year ago.
 
I am ready to live and not say the best of life is behind me.
 
I am married, and I have great immediate family support from my kids and husband. I have 4 children and one grand child. I haven't told my extended family my plans yet, but I have been open about it at work.
 
Doing surgery right before Christmas feels right - a little crazy - but right. I am so ready! I will celebrate the holiday without the food and I can still enjoy the season! I am working on making a plan of success for that and my imagining has me being successful.
 
I am struggling with the thoughts of what if I only loose a little bit? My sweet husband says if I just quit gaining I have still won! SO very TRUE< but I want MORE! I do not want to accept that I may only loose 50% of my excess weight - I want to be the gal who looses down to a healthy weight. I don't need to go bikini thin - just healthy size and functioning.
 
Forums are new for me, but I know getting support and having a place to ask questions increases my success and satisfaction both and will keep me reality based.
(I should have read what people put in these before I started writing!)
 
I look forward to making friends and being a friend in this journey.

So I put my 50 year old self in time out last night. I really deserved it. I totally went berserk over a string of Christmas lights that wouldn't light. Of course I was tired, feeling head hungry, frustrated that my day to day plan before surgery was getting disrupted, anxious to get the tree done, melancholy about surgery Wednesday....and probably a bunch more. The line Ron Weasley utters when Hermione tells them about what Cho is feeling comes to mind...."No one can feel all that or they would explode" just came to mind. He's right!
 
OLD Beth would have said screw the diet, and would have eaten everything in site. EMERGING Beth told the family (husband and adult brother) I'm going to the bedroom. I was in time out about 1.5 hours, then I took a hot shower and rejoined the husband to watch football and eat my yogurt.
 
I slept almost 10 hours and this morning I'm much clearer of mind and I didn't bust my plan! YAY. Now to go fix those dang lights. Beth