jane13

My buyers remorse came and went within about 2-3 hrs on the Friday after I had my surgery on Wednesday. I was really blessed with no post surgery issues. I think for most of us it's the coping with life, minus food.
I remember thinking what have I done? I can't go get my stomach out of the biohazard bin at the hospital :/
Then sanity kicked in and I remembered WHY I chose to get the surgery. My health. My beautiful grandchildren......my husband and children......ME!
Tomorrow will be 18 months post-op and down over 100lbs.
No Regrets!

I weigh usually daily just to keep my head in the game. I am officially a vet today as I am 18 months post and about 15lbs from my dream weight. I check in but quit posting for a while as I was frustrated with the mindset of some folks about how some of us respond.
Glad to see Jenn is still checking in. I miss some that don't check in at all anymore :/

@@Aggiemae - you are exactly right you will benefit from what you put into your surgery (tool).

Amazing post. And so true.
As someone who has been involved with 12 Step programs like AA most of my life, believe you me, there is none of that nonsense going on when someone in a meeting admits they 'slipped'. There's no coddling, head patting or excusing the behavior. There's just "Get your sh*t together, man, or you're going to DIE".

@@Diva Taunia **I guess what I'm trying to understand is why there's so much anger and vitriol instead of compassion and more understanding.**
I should have combined the 2 posts, sorry. I want to make sure that you understand there's no anger or vitriol coming from me. You're reading it into what I write and making assumptions that I'm not kind and/or compassionate. I'm both, and I feel pretty confident that I demonstrate that over and over on these boards, answering questions, encouraging people who are discouraged, messaging with people who don't feel comfortable posting their problems, sharing my problems and thoughts and trying to be a productive member of the community. BUT, I'm not perfect and I have a serious peeve with people who refuse to own their own actions. So I'm here in Rants and Raves, doing just that, instead of giving in to the temptation to be unkind to someone on the main boards.
I do have to say, I'm impressed by you calling Lipstick Lady's post a huge leap, then invoking Ghandi and the Dalai Lama to support your own

@@Diva Taunia **Being judgemental with each other NEVER helps. Support is not judgemental. Support is support. You're there through the good times and the bad listening, lending an ear, giving the best advice you can through a supportive and encouraging lens that won't further damage someone(s) already struggling.**
Yep, which is why I'm VERY supportive in the regular forums. I seldom say much more than 'no, you should not do that'. But this is Rants and Raves, and I'm ranting and raving

So true.
Those dogs won't hunt........


I also get worn out with the constant excuses and bs rationale that continues even after the pre-op counseling and severity of bariatric solutions is explained.....yet the mindset doesn't change. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!

Helping someone justify potato chips at five weeks out, Swedish fish at five days out, alcohol at three days out, etc. is not **MY** idea of compassion or kindness. It doesn't help them and it especially doesn't help others reading, researching, absorbing.
People choose to be be offended or read comments as judgmental around these parts when their bad choices are not coddled, high fived and justified. From me, judgement is not at all intended 99% of the time (true story!) but clearly I am NEVER going to be a warm and fuzzy person so some choose to read it that way.
Everyone has a different interpretation of support and we will never all agree in that RIGHT definition. Some like it soft and coddling, others like it straight forward and to the point. It's the internet. Take what you need and ignore the rest.

In other words, winner winner chicken dinner.

I think there is a difference between being judgmental and being real. I also think there is a difference between being supportive and becoming an enabler.

I don't care about the flak...I'm fed up. And I'm ranting about it. I see these people here, in my support group, in the waiting room at my doctor's office...they're everywhere. Complaining, whining, justifying their own crappy choices by asking others to validate them. I'm raising two sons to NOT be backseat drivers to their choices, to not blame their self-created misfortune on others...it's a personal peeve of mine. YMMV, of course.

Bless your heart. Too funny. I agree, people piss the opportunity away - over things like a freaking mini Halloween candy. Uhhh... ok.

I weigh usually daily just to keep my head in the game. I am officially a vet today as I am 18 months post and about 15lbs from my dream weight. I check in but quit posting for a while as I was frustrated with the mindset of some folks about how some of us respond.
Glad to see Jenn is still checking in. I miss some that don't check in at all anymore :/

You are spot on. It really is a very sad situation when people are given this amazing opportunity and they can't rise above food to take full advantage of it. It really is a mental game from the very beginning, and I don't think many people who post on here get that. They look at the insurance requirements (if they are using insurance) as "hoops" to jump through instead of thinking about why the requirements are there and how they can actually be beneficial to help them mentally prepare for surgery and their post-op life.
I try to remember that this is a public forum, so there will be a wide variety of opinions from people with very different types of lives, but after being on here for a few months, I am more convinced than ever that LOTS of people get this surgery for the wrong reasons, see it as some kind of magic wand that it isn't, and ultimately are not going to be successful long-term because they refuse to change their relationship with food.< /p>
I just think "bless your heart" and move on. People are going to do what they are going to do...

amen

Just spent an hour of my life I'll never get back reading in the Pre-/Post-Op Sleeve forums and I'm amazed by what people will still, even as they're undertaking MAJOR SURGERY, say to justify their behavior.

There are people about to have most of their stomach removed who say "I don't have a problem with food". Say what?? I'm pretty sure the Fat Fairy didn't put all this weight on any of us, right? "I couldn't stop myself". Yes, you could have...you DIDN'T. "Everyone does it". No, they don't. YOU did.
As I'm typing this out, it's clear that I'm fed up with the lack of ownership of behavior. It's odd to watch fat people trying to float the same justifications here that they've used for years with other people. Walking into a group of fat people and saying "I don't have a problem with food" is pretty ridiculous...that dog just won't hunt here. If you can't be honest with yourself and a group of people much like yourself, how can you succeed with WLS? The non-ownership of our own actions and capabilities is what got many (most?) of us to where we are and it kills me that there are people STILL wallowing in the 'I don't control myself' pool who are getting WLS. What a waste.

Thank you for your post. So glad you checked in with us and updated us on what's going on. Every day without any fanfare or kudos, people do for each other out of love and respect and that's what I've gotten out of your post. Obviously mom did something right to have raised such a wonderful daughter who can manage both mom's care and not falter in managing her own life.

It's been a long time since I've been on bariatricpal.com and I've missed it. My life changed drastically on 6/20/2016 when my mother had a large right sided hemorrhagic stroke. My life was the hospital ICU, acute rehab hospital and finally the subacute rehab. She didn't come home until the end of September and then had a setback where her vitals were so low she had to be readmitted to the hospital for 3 days and then do another week at the subacute rehab. She finally came home on 10/2. My stress levels haven't gotten any better since her coming home. I'm thrilled she is home, but she cannot be left alone. This means we have a home health aide for 11 hours a day, from 6AM to 5PM....while I am at work. Medicare and her private health insurance pay for none of it. We've had to modify the house, and stairlifts are also not covered.
Luckily mom is a fighter and just turned 67. She had the gastric sleeve in March and thank goodness she lost weight because her stroke recovery would be so much harder for her and me. I like to say she is full of piss and vinegar. She is DETERMINED to walk again and I know she will do it. Unfortunately she's very impatient and I have to remind her of her "gains" even though they may be small, every day. She's done SO WELL since June it really is amazing. In the life of a stroke 4 months isn't a lot and there is so much she can do on her own that I'm amazed.
As for me - I had my gastric sleeve surgery in August of 2015. I am SO THANKFUL I did because if I was 295lbs there is no way I would have survived the last four months. I would not have had the stamina or the strength. Weekdays I am up at 5AM and out the door at 6. When I get home I am constantly running around, up and down stairs, etc....trying to get laundry done in between a million other things. Transferring her from the wheelchair to the chair, or the chair to her bed is also serious exercise. On top of it I decided to go back and pursue my bachelors degree. I must be crazy! I had signed up before she had the stroke and I only have 11 classes to get my degree. Luckily I was able to switch to online courses and have already completed one. I had homework due by 11:59PM and it just happened to be on the night she was taken to the ER and I actually logged on from the "cubby" we were in while she was resting. I kid you not, less then 3 feet away from me in the other "cubby" a guy was getting a rectal exam. All that separated me from them was the curtain. I guess you do what you have to do! I submitted the last assignment at 11:45PM. She finally went up to a room around 12:30.
My weight has been semi-stable during this time. At first I couldn't eat....just couldn't hold anything down. Then I wanted everything that was bad for me. Then I realized that wasn't making me feel any better so I had better stop. I'm not going to lie, I pretty much existed on Decaf iced coffee, egg & cheese on english muffin from Dunkin Donuts, and Protein bars. I know it's not the greatest but it was all I could muster. I was getting up at 5AM and not getting home some nights until 10...and I still had stuff to get done at home.
Right now I'm 175. People say I'm thin enough. I have some loose skin on my stomach but it's no so terrible that I can't hide it and I have some loose skin on my thighs and upper arms. It's not enough to make me NOT wear a bathing suit or a sleeveless shirt. I feel good, and clothes fit well. I would like to get down to 165 but if that doesn't happen that's ok too. I'm comfortable where I am. I know if I had skin removal surgery it would probably get me there or close to it. That's probably not in the cards for me right now. Don't know if it will ever be.

I see my PCP next Tuesday. I am also going to see a therapist next Wednesday. I had to ask my PCP for something to help me with my anxiety and depression. I have cried every day since 6/20, sometimes several times a day. I know that's not healthy. I'm taking an anti-depressant, but I've only been on it since 10/25...and it takes about a month to come up to it's full effect. I hope it helps. I'm also taking .5mg of clonazepam for the anxiety in the morning and at bedtime. It's not a lot, but it's enough to keep me steady. I hate having to take those medications, but I need them right now. Some day I won't hopefully.
I know this is a long post - if you made it this far thanks! The one thing I need to make time for again is my monthly meeting at my bariatric center. I have only been to one meeting and that was in October. It was a celebration of everyone who had done well and had surgery the year before. I wore a lovely black dress and "big girl" shoes. I felt wonderful. I need to make the time to get back to my meetings because they are important and they keep me grounded. I'll figure out a way.
Margie

All those reasons above is why I believe so few of us are left posting years later.
Yes, they could have just moved on and still be successful, but I give kudos to this board, and checking in, to keep ME going year after year.
I want to believe the seasoned vets are out there working their program....
I just wish they would visit.

Amen.....
So many people just really really dont friggin get it at all. They dont realize the short period of time they have to get their behaviors in order.
They dont get that this is not about a short term diet, it is about a whole new way to live your life.
Just today someone posted about getting home from the hospital, craving chocolate so they ate it. One day out......never mind you could cause serious harm but if that person doesnt understand "the article" they will never take the time to learn what actually needs to change for their long term benefit.
Maintenance in my opinion is sooooooo much harder than the weight loss phase.
1. The incentive of getting on the scale and watching the numbers go down is no longer there, now you just hope they dont go up
2. You have to find your sweet spot when it comes to your nutrition so you are not losing and not gaining....not easy!
3. Once you do screw up and go off plan for a few days it really is hard to get back on the right path. To me it sometimes feels harder than when i did it the first time.
I used to live to eat, now, I eat to live. Dont get me wrong i really still enjoy food and wine. We just have to learn how to live normally and indulge once in a while. And even then our indulging has changed. I know what I call indulging is not what it was when i weighed 310lbs.
Indulging to me is having a glass or two of wine with dinner.....a rule i normally never break. Or having a piece of dark chocolate once in a while.

Completely agree. There are some post-wls people who can successfully maintain a normal weight using the "eat everything you want in moderation" or "make good choices 80% of the time" approaches, but I think most of us have to be much more vigilant than that.
I think a lot of people want to imagine that they are one of the lucky "I can eat whatever I want and maintain a normal BMI" few, but when confronted with evidence to the contrary (the scale going up, clothes getting tighter) they refuse to believe it.
My surgeon likes to say that if you are over 30 years old, living in Western society, and have a normal body weight, odds are very good you have to work at it. Whether or not you have ever been obese or had surgery, you still have to work at it.
I know this is true for me. Maintaining a slim, healthy body means I have to work hard, both in being vigilant with what and how much I eat and in exercising, and I don't get "treats" or "cheats" or "oopsie" slip ups if I want to stay out of plus sizes. It sucks but not as much as having to buy two airplane seats and ask for a seat belt extender sucks, and not as much as an assuredly early grave would suck.

Great article. Great find!
What people don't understand as they gleefully exclaim in these threads "I'm 6 months out and I eat or drink XX all the time and I'm still losing weight!" is that their bodies are on auto pilot for the first 6 months to a year. The sheer lack of calories results in weight loss, and you could be eating mini chocolate donuts for Breakfast every day and still lose some weight because your overall caloric intake has decreased drastically.
Then our metabolism catches up to us.
That's why it's so important to cement healthy habits while that glorious honeymoon period is still in full swing where the restriction is great and the hunger is low. Once we get to our goal and are comfortably in maintenence, it's really human nature to want to push things. Dip our foot in the pool so to speak. Having that ONE cookie turns into 2 or 3. That ONE alcoholic beverage every week turns into every day. That one rare fast food hamburger you have on the run because you were ill prepared turns into 2 times a week.
Some can moderate to those things. Most can't (otherwise we wouldn't have needed surgery, right?). We have to learn what each of our individual limits are and go from there, because the further out we get from surgery, the more the weight wants to creep back up on us, even when we're towing the line pretty well.
It's a cold, hard truth that most don't understand.

I'm kind of over trying to help any more of the posts along the "I ate something really fatty/sugary/solids" or "Gee, is smoking really bad?" variety. So much anger and pissy responses because I didn't pat them on the head and tell them it was just fine and no, you special little snowflake you, it isn't a bad idea to do whatever the hell you want just cause you are craving it or uncomfortable denying yourself. SMDH.
I had surgery to be healthy, which included me admitting that I ignored or tried to downplay the stupid @#! I did, and putting an end to all of it (overeating, binging, poor eating habits in general, lack of good exercise/smoking). This was the most difficult thing I think I've ever done in my life, but I did it and it seems like the dumbest thing I would ever do if I were to go back to any of those habits and destroy everything I've worked so, so hard to accomplish.
I guess a portion of folks out there are would rather live with their delusions and pretend their poor habits won't result in regain/sickness/addictions. Just have to realize that some people are violently in denial about how messed up they are and don't want real help - just a magic potion or something that will let them continue their unhealthy habits without consequences.
I do admire y'all that still fight to cut through the BS if only to keep the misinformation down for the ones that read here and don't post. I just don't have it in me any more.

I'm really liking this for some odd reason. Magic indeed! That old Protein, Water and exercise magic.... Repeat for years.... Magic![emoji326][emoji326][emoji436][emoji436]

Honestly, I usually don't reply. I do amuse myself by reading the threads and all the pre-op people who respond with-- "It's no big deal, you'll be fine" on all the cheating and 'should I eat this' threads. It's like asking the alcoholic if you should have a drink. When I do rarely reply, I simply respond that if they are pre-op they should postpone surgery. If they are post-op then I tell them they should want more for themselves and that french fries and chicken nuggets are not worth a complication at 5 days out and leave it at that. Somehow and I don't know how, I have yet to called a bully or sent a PM to that effect after over 4 years on here.
Lipstick lady, I think I recently read a thread where you and Babbs tried to tell someone they were effing the whole thing up and the thread just deteriorated from there. My favorite reply was you telling the pre-ops and newly sleeved something to the effect that they were right and you were wrong and you would just walk away in your size 8 skinny jeans. I guess I just figure that those folks choose to be a statistic, the percentage of people for whom WLS "didn't work".