funky_monkey800

Frankly, gal Friday, I'm surprised in this day and age you are not more aware of the difference between online and face to face interactions. Online is a form of non verbal communication that lacks those verbal cues that make a critical difference to people when communicating in real life. It also allows people to "create" personas that may or may not reflect their authentic self.
I teach communication at a large university in the northeast. I also have been active in many forums across the years. People who are vulnerable always have a difficult time. Often it is often because they disclose inappropriately. Online forums are NOT therapy. You simply have no idea of who you are interacting with and how your posts will be interpreted. That's just the reality. Some people will honestly feel that the best way to respond and help "tough love". It doesn't make them rude or insensitive.
I assume you didn't practice therapy in an online environment. Nor on an online open forum. Often the appropriate response to a "distressed/depressed" poster is to seek therapy, one on one, group or otherwise but face to face. People get offended by this suggestion. But the reality is they need a therapist not an online support group.
This forum is not unique. It is very similar in the way communication... TEXT based... occurs. If someone is at a point in their life that they truly become upset by what they perceive as "hurtful" responses then they probably should not be posting personal issues. Reading a forum for information and support can be for some people just as therapeutic and preferable to posting online.

@@gal friday not sure why you are no longer a therapist, but in my opinion, if someone is that thin skinned, then they really have no business in a public forum such as this. While some folks are super sweet, and sappy, many are just human, and flawed, and entitled to their opinion. Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing. If someone has issues with the messages they have received on the site, they can certainly move on to another site (which will be no different.....or may be worse) or stay off public forums altogether and do the in person support groups, or see their own practicing therapist. my 2 cents.

I just finished reading a couple of posts and I couldn't do anything but say to myself, "Seriously? Really?"
I know there are going to be some people that will probably what to take my head off for this one, but I just have to ask... Are there really people that frequent this website that are so weak-minded and sensitive that they can be absolutely devastated and sent into an uncontrollable bout of depression over something someone wrote in a thread?
If someone that you don't know, have never met, and they know nothing about you, can cause such an emotional reaction in you, I personally think that you don't even need to be considering WLS at this point. You really should be seeking out the services of a therapist to figure out what makes you give away your personal power to a complete stranger.
I hear people say how "mean" some people are, and how rude others are. People are only to you what you allow them to be, and they can only take control of the power you give them.
I have never testified that I know everything about everything, but to the contrary I'm not dumb as a box of rocks! Bottom line, stop letting the things these people on this site upset you, or even get your dander up. You never know, they may come here just to see what type of drama they can get started. If you find something of value to you, keep it and cherish it. All the rest of this mess is nothing but chatter.
This post may not have been directly toward you, but if the shoe fits, feel free to lace that b i t c h up and wear it.

I hit up the treadmill or the bike. Then I do stretching, isometric exercises, or weightlifting that works multiple musclegroups. Never the same thing two days in a row.

This is why I chose to tell no one...only my husband knows.....why? Because no one else matters to me...not their opinion or how they view me. I didn't want everyone around me analyzing how much I am losing, or eating, or secretly talking behind my back...my husband is my rock.....he has been with me when I was skinny and fat! To him I was always beautiful. Or so he has said so why would I open the door to un welcome responses and comments from people who truly mean nothing?
Good luck...I'm sorry I ranted on your post...but some people really get me with their whole "easy way out" mentality.....

This is why I chose to tell no one...only my husband knows.....why? Because no one else matters to me...not their opinion or how they view me. I didn't want everyone around me analyzing how much I am losing, or eating, or secretly talking behind my back...my husband is my rock.....he has been with me when I was skinny and fat! To him I was always beautiful. Or so he has said so why would I open the door to un welcome responses and comments from people who truly mean nothing?
Good luck...I'm sorry I ranted on your post...but some people really get me with their whole "easy way out" mentality.....

I told 2 very close friends at work. Didn't even tell all my family. I wanted those who I knew would support me 100% to know and that's it. I've dieted several times and lost 50lbs each time to only gain back 60 and 70lbs. Obviously, unless I wanted to eat cardboard the rest of my life, I needed help. And I did just that. Not for anyone else but me.
It's always so easy for others to judge.....again, walk a mile in my shoes.

Well I just threw up in a trash can in my office during a conference call because I ate something that my sleeve didn't approve of so yeah, super easy. Your post is exactly why I didn't tell a single soul at work. People can be dense sometimes.

My answer to something like this?
"Cool!" and walk away.
or if you really want to poke 'em...
"You know, as I consulted my doctor, my therapist, my NP, the surgeon, my nutritionist, something was nagging at me and I finally figured out what it was... YOUR opinion. That's exactly what I was waiting for. So thank you."

Or kick 'em in the junk.
Your choice.

I got the same thing from certain people and it completely angered me. It is not the easy way out. Its a tool. We are sometimes at such a heavy point that in order for us to lose the weight the caloric restriction has to be so low we would starve which would most likely led to a binge at one point or another. Plus we have to restrict everything we eat for the rest of our lives not just until we lose the weight. We are starting all over again. We are have deal with daily temptations and food can be just as addicting as smoking and drinking only more available and harder to break. We have to eat every day to live smoking and drinking we can live without. Don't even worry about others...you do for you and enjoy the journey of getting your life back cause at the end of the day you have to wake up and live with you! Good luck!

lol I love your response. For a few people who have made that asinine statement to me, I pretty much told them if it was so easy why didn't they have it done then come back and discuss it .. Most of the people who are making the ignorant comments are usually overweight people who are afraid you might be successful and make them look bad, or they are obsessive, compulsive runners who look like skeletons . Nothing wrong with exercise and eating healthy but anything to the extreme is obsessive. Anyhow, You don't owe anyone an explanation or reason for what you do with your own body. You are smart to realize while you are still young that weight has a lot to do with health. I was 66 when I had my surgery and it was not easy in the least.. Most of the criticizers couldn't make it through the pre-op diet.

I don't know how he found out, I really hadn't told many people at work, but I guess people talk. Anyway, it came up in conversation, and he started questioning my motivation, saying that didn't I worry that I was taking that easy way out. That if I just worked hard and stayed disciplined, I could do it all on my own. He made it sound so simple. I could tell he thought he was being positive, but he was being condescending, something he has a reputation for doing.
First of all, it's not so simple. I am well over 200+ lbs over. I have gone past the point of no return. And while I make no excuses for how I got this way, I know it's all on me, and I haven't made the best choices in my past. But I'm at the point where medical intervention is required, and my doctor wholeheartedly agrees (I love her by the way!). And I'm going to do this like I do everything in my life. To the best of my abilities. Despite his opinion, I know this will most certainly not be easy. In fact, I want to it to be hard. It will make it that much more worth it once I reach my goal.
And second. This is life and death, I'm in my mid 30s now, and the clock is ticking. If I keep going on this path, I will not have much time left on this planet. I am not concerned with preserving my honor in his eyes. I have family and friends who are all united in their support of me on this. And he's just some guy we hired last year to do . . .I really don't know what he does.
So for those that say, we're cheating, or taking the easy way out. Kindly direct them to engage in intercourse with themselves. Rant over.

I kill people with kindness,humor and sarcasm. I would have said, "yea, it is the easy way out of my fatness and into sexy"....then smile and walk away!

Well he can just SUCK IT! Moving on....

Exactly! My thought when I read your first post was that - you don't even know what this guy's job is at your company, so obviously he's not a close friend. People like that don't even deserve a response other than something like - "I don't recall asking for your opinion"

Ya know...Maybe you should confront that person (not in a threatening way, just casual conversation) and ask what exactly he/she knows about the type of surgery you had, and when they start mumbling and stammering, just say "Yeah, that's what I thought... so don't judge me or what I've done until you have educated yourself about it or walked in my shoes." Most people cannot even have an intelligent conversation about it because they don't know anything about it. They don't know that there are several different surgeries done to help aid weight loss and most importantly if someone has a high risk of morbidity and / or they can't exercise, this is the only option. If people want to say we took the easy way out, then they are uneducated as to what we have to go through or what our lives were before surgery. I'm sorry but I would have to say something to that ____wad. Can't stand people that act like they know everything but they are really stupid. I say..."Educate them!!!" LOL

Jerrbear, dont take this personally, but I think I love you . ( Lipstick Lady already knows I love her ) I love your whole attitude. Those that think its the "easy way out " are just running their mouths, not their brains, if they even have one. How on earth people get the idea that they gave a right to criticize someone elses medical choice, without being informed themselves is beyond me. Speechless. You just stick to your guns, do whats right for YOU, and after awhile your idiot co worker will be speechless too ( because you are going to look and feel AMAZING !!!) Best of luck to you !!

I'm the queen of sass and snark. I'm honestly waiting for the day someone tries to step to me and tell me what I'm about to do in about a month from now (gastric bypass) is easy or asks me why I did it. And I hope they do it on a day that I don't feel well or am already struggling so I can give them a full blown response. And I hope it makes them wish they never ran into me in the break room. Or regret that they ever learned to express an unwanted opinion again. Ever. I almost hope it's strong enough to get me warned by a supervisor. Cuz then maybe word will get out that I'm not someone to be bothered or quizzed.
:-D but still just as sweet as Splenda, I promise.

I talk too much, pretty much all the time, so I've told almost everyone I've spoken with in months, lol. However, most everyone that knows me know that I don't really hold back, so I haven't gotten any negative comments. They probably all know that if they say anything negative to me, I'll tell them to go fuck themselves.

You said it. Eff em'! I went through 3 ½ mths of testing, surgery to place an IVC filter and another to remove it. I work out 5 - 6 days a week and keep a food diary to monitor everything I eat. If that's easy I must be living in bizarro land.

Chai.... if you don't want anyone to know..... TELL NO ONE. people like to gossip... Even your bestest friends with eventually tell. Especially when they are large people too. When you start losing.. and people start noticing and those people hear and get jealous.... you can bet you last dollar the will say.....Well i could lose too if i had WLS.... then that's all it takes.
Just be prepared with an answer... Smile when you do. My standard answer was.... I'm watching what i eat , controlling my portions and exercising.... Which are all completely true.
Now when people ask me.... hey, how's your day.... i say... I'M Fabulous.. Thanks Even to my A** hole husband....... Because I am...

So what if it's easy??? The fact is it works....it did something I could not have done on my own. Believe me, I've tried.
I am so glad I told no one...I was once fat, and now I'm not.
To me, that's all that matters.
Simple. End of story.
BTW, me loosing 100+ lbs id old news, and no one even cares any more....except me and my family.

So happy I did not tell anyone. sorry for your troubles. easy my asss... this is serious hard work. running until the verge of passing out, watching people eat the things you love, recording everything you eat, every pound lost is a hard earned pound.

I don't know what it is......Everyone has an opinion for everything.....I find it entertaining now as at first it bothered me..Now just this past week a neighbor told me that they (neighborhood) all knew what I did and not to hide it.She said it like she was accusing me of something!.. Hide what...What I decide to do for myself. Do I tell my neighbors anything I do. No..They mean nothing to me and so they can shove it where the sun don't shine...
I did this to better my life and if it causes them issues the issues are theirs.....Personally I think she should look into the surgery herself...Just saying.....lol

I have to disagree with all these lovely folk talking about explaining WLS to him, challenging his knowledge, educating him on your journey, etc.
WHO CARES? HE'S NOT WORTH IT. F 'EM IF THEY ARE SO CLOSE MINDED THAT THEY MAKE JUDGMENTAL STATEMENTS ABOUT ***YOUR*** HEALTH DECISIONS.
I'm still going with a friendly smile, a thank you for your (dumbass) opinion, a possible swift kick in the junk (joking!!) and walking away with the knowledge that you will be healthy and fit this time next year.
And you STILL won't be the dumbass he is.