bellabloom

It doesn’t really ever go away either, in my opinion. It’s hard for the body to eat less calories.

If you think you have one, you probably do. Take heart, they are pretty simple to fix.

It takes awhile for the brain to catch up

It’s hard to predict how much you will
Lose but rest assured it will grow back.

I did those for a bit, I had to. But I was told they don’t actually work very well.

Seeds are fine for me too

I think it’s better not to overthink it. Choose a goal that seems realistic to you. It’s hard to predict what your body will do. Many people surpass their goal because they simply can’t eat more. You may find that to be the case. Or your body may resist and want to stay at a higher weight than you wanted. I think the important thing is to take it one day at a time and realize that while you can do your best some of it is just up to your body.

A lot of people regain some weight or all their weight but a lot of people don’t. Try not to worry.

Today was pretty difficult for me.

As much as my life post bariatric surgery has changed for the better, in many ways wls is still a struggle for me. Sometimes I worry it will always be this way. Feeling “normal” again- maybe I’ll never feel that again. In 20 years I will still be the same as I am now and what are the long term repercussions on my health?

I really struggle with food. Protein is a constant challenge. I find it very very difficult to eat dense protein. It gets stuck so easily, even if I take care to chew the f**k out of it. chicken and I- not friends. Fish is very challenging. Steak is easier but still, it can go badly. I can’t count the number of times I’ve puked up dense protein.

You know that rule, eat your protein first? If I did this I would still be anorexically thin. Once I take a couple bites of protein my restriction is so high I can possibly eat any more. Three bites and done. That’s about it.

Lately everything I eat gives me horrid gas. I’m constantly constipated. I try to get enough Water but drinking between meals, when I need to eat at least six meals a day to get enough calories, is incredibly difficult. When I drink with my meals it’s a gamble as to wether I will dump or throw up, so I try not to. But in my busy busy life I find it so hard to drink outside of my 6 meals, to grab that bottle of water and get it down when my stomach still only takes sips even after so many years out. I get incredibly thirsty when I eat as well. It’s exhausting.

I’m hungry so often. Not physically hungry, although that happens too. But more of a mental hunger or a deep physical anatomical hunger that just feels like I can never really get enough food. I can never, or very very rarely, get quite enough that my body feels truly fed. I’m always in this limbo of not quite satisfied. My stomach prevents me from eating even if my body wants and needs more. I watch other people eat and I envy them. I miss the feeling of true satisfaction and resent the feeling of restriction, especially when I know my body really needs more food!!

Sugar and I- we have a very mixed relationship. I love sugar and I don’t fear it will make me gain weight. Carbs are easier for me to digest than protein and so I rely on the a lot to get the calories I need to not become skeletal again. But carbs can often give me dumping syndrome. I’m constantly playing a game of Russian roulette. Will I dump after this meal? Tonight I dumped horrible after a meal of a turkey sandwich and raspberries. I assume it was the raspberries. It’s a constant condition, one that I go through really hard times over and while sometimes I want to just say- ok! No more carbs- see above issues with protein.

Following the “rules” doesn’t provide a solution to me. Protein is too hard to get down. Water is so hard to get in. My calorie needs are high. I’m having jaw problems now from the stress on my jaw from so much chewing. I’ve seen my surgeon- he says no sugar.

So what’s left for me to eat safely! Protein Shakes? That’s not realistic. And I can barely keep weight on as it is.

What can I swallow and know 100% it won’t get stuck and I won’t dump.

So many people on these forums painting the perfect picture of life after wls. And those feeling like failures when they don’t lose weight.

Well I’m a “success story”. I’m thin.

And I struggle Every. Single. Day.

I wish people would talk more openly and honestly about the long term effects of wls and what it’s like to live with it. What’s it like in an imperfect world for an imperfect person.

My best friend had wls and we talk all the time about these things. It’s nice that I have someone who gets it. When people are considering wls they only want to see the positives but they don’t understand the choice they are making.

Would I make this choice again? Would I trade my health and freedom with food for a day in the body I have now? Probably.

But I’m not sure what that says about me.

Will you do the same? Think about it.

I’m not saying don’t have surgery. I’m not saying I would go back into my old body. That body had lots of problems too. My mind, my body, my life.. I’ll take it now. But wls isn’t for everyone. I’ve had a few friends chose not to do it, and at the time I didn’t understand their decision. In the honeymoon stage you’re on a weight loss high. I rode that high for a long long time. But now.. years out I’m beginning to understand.

Today was a rough day. I have better ones. It would be nice to have a place to get some support for the hard things we go through. Most other people in my life, they can’t understand. For me, having wls is living in a body with chronic digestive illness.

I wish I had known- being three years out now, that I would live with long term consequences. I would trade being obese for living with chronic digestive issues, never being able to eat freely or normally again and that meals would always be a struggle.

I’m not saying it would have changed my mind. It probably wouldn’t have. Being thinner and healthy is amazing and wonderful.

But you have to know, it’s likely you will trade one thing for another.

Today I had an "ah-ha" moment. It took 4 years, but I think I get it! It was triggered by this before photo popping up in my Facebook memories from 5 years ago, (coupled with my most recent post-op photo taken last week, down 120 pounds since surgery in 2013). (attached below)

....And then reading the following quote on a friend's post:

"Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you so you can be who you were in the first place."

I've struggled for years since losing the weight after surgery with questions of "is this the 'real' me, or am I just pretending and the 'real' 'fat' me will resurface sooner or later?" "Can people really change long-term?" It felt like the obese, sad, self-hating "me" was a monster waiting just below the surface to re-emerge. Give enough time and the right circumstances, the "real me" monster will rear it's head and I'll find myself back at nearly 300 pounds.

Guys! I get it now! It's not about change. It's not about the "sticking power" of change. It's not about willpower or determination. It's not even about counting carbs, Protein, calories, and ounces of Water. Sure those are tools that help. But it's not about that.

It's about doing the hard emotional work to figure out why I was hiding myself behind 150 excess pounds. It was about allowing myself to have a voice and using it. It was about demanding self-respect and respect from others. It was about leaving behind, painfully as it was in some cases, the toxic people in my life who emotionally damaged me. It was about processing the feelings that I didn't allow myself to feel for 18 years.

Once I realized this, once I did this work, I could little by little shed the layers that hid who I was. I don't hate myself anymore. I'm not even angry at myself for letting myself get to be 300 pounds like I was when my journey started. I realize now that I was coping. I was doing the best I knew how to do at the time. I look at that person in the "before" picture below and I feel compassion because I know she did her best.

I'm able now to let go the "fear" - and trust me, it's a literal fear - of that "real me" monster re-emerging from just below the surface. I can let it go because I realize, this is the real me. It was actually opposite. It was all the hiding I was doing under the emotional eating and the 150 excess pounds that was hiding the "real me."

So I have to on some level disagree with those who say this is a process of change. Sure, you have to change your behavioral choices with food and exercise or none of this will work. But for me it was not "becoming a new person" or "changing" who I am as a person. For me it was about simply allowing myself to feel and allowing myself to return home to who I was before I was hurt and who the universe intends me to be.

Feel free to check out my blog linked in my signature for more of my journey!

So beautifully said. Perfectly said.

It’s a part of weight loss that isn’t much talked about and integral to losing the fear of regain.

I have mirrored your journey. But I have also decided to completely move beyond valuing myself based on a number. I found that in order to be truly happy I had to accept that all “me” was a valid loveable person. The bigger me, the me now. My worth isn’t determined by my weight.

This allowed me to let go of the fear of regain and also let go of any dieting behavior. I now eat freely and intuitively and it’s been such a wonderful transition. I’ve embraced my body weighing whatever it needs to to be healthy. That’s when I was really able to find happiness.

My weight gain came about from self hatred and shame, feeling like a failure for not being model thin. If I kept holding myself to that standard I would have put myself right back where i started.

Thank you for your post, it’s a really important thing to talk about.

@Bellabloom please take your vitamins!!!! There are stories of people who have died a year or more after surgery because their organs just shut down from malnutrition.

My blood work is perfect. I eat enough actual food now that I don’t need Vitamins. I’m definitely not malnourished. I eat a wide variety of foods in abundance. Not taking my vitamins in the beginning was definitely bad and I wouldn’t advise it!! I didn’t take them because I was going through multiple surgeries and frankly I couldn’t tolerate them, they made me sick and I was exhausted by trying. My body became very malnourished. So yeah, take your vitamins people.

Sorry I shouldn’t have said that like it was okay to do. But I also understand why taking them can be really hard for those of you struggling.

In regards to food- I suppose I should say that yes, I do have a different experience than most people. I lost too much weight for one thing... I also entirely gave up the restricting a diet mindset a couple years ago and accepted that I could definitely gain weight back. I’m okay with regaining weight if it means being happy. So yes, I gave up all the rules in order to be happy and free.

Rules- when I had wls I had been following rules my whole life. Don’t eat this. Don’t eat that. Diet diet diet starve starve starve. Living in constant hunger or Constant shame and guilt. One failed diet after another.

After I had wls my brain just kind of hit a wall and said f**k THE RULES. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I internally rebelled to any more control over my life from the dieting industry. I was so emotionally exhausted by years of dieting and starving and hating myself that after wls I found myself thin but more miserable than ever. I could accept or follow even the simplest rule, it felt wrong to me to keep down that path. My mind refused. I went through a lot of depression and really had to look at other options.

I like to promote my way of eating vs continued dieting because I am all about encouraging people to stop trying to be thin and start trying to be healthy. I mean healthy, mentally. Give up dieting and be free.

I promote intuitive eating which has been absolutely wonderful for me. I should have prefaced my post with that. I’m offering an alternative to weight loss and maintenance.

Honestly these boards break my heart. So many sad people. People struggling. People going crazy when they can’t lose enough weight or start to regain, when they fall off the rule wagon. So much pain. I know, I was there once. Every other post is about struggling to get to goal weight or stay there.

Wls works for some people I guess, people who can handle following a diet for the rest of their life. People who get lucky and have a lot of restriction for years. But for many many people it’s just another step in a failed Quest to starve themselves thin. I’m offering an alternative.

There are so many people out there struggling because of dieting and living less than complete lives. We need to explore a balance between wanting to be healthy and honoring the way our bodies are biologically meant to be. No one can live their whole life following a bunch of rules all the time. It is not reality.

Look how many people have wls and go off the tracks super quick. Look how many people never reach goal weight. So many posts on here about why the “rules” aren’t working. Why aren’t they working?

This post caught my attention because “rules” have always made me the most miserable when it comes to food. I feel a ton of anger and resentment at the rules forced upon me from when I was a child. Any wls surgeon who thinks a person with an eating disorder is gonna be able to follow diet rules for the rest of their life is truly failing their patients.

Sometimes I tell people and sometimes I don’t. It depends on who it is. My close friends and people I trust know. Strangers I don’t usually tell.

It’s been 4 years now so people have stopped asking. You’ll see soon it won’t matter as much how you lost weight and people will forget you were ever heavy at all.

This is an issue you don’t hear about a lot, people don’t like to talk about it but it is common. Eating can be very difficult after the surgery. I’m four years out and I still have a hard time eating. I get sick about 75% of the Times I eat. It is u comfortable, can be painful, I dump and throw up.

I had to shelve all of the dietary advice I was given and I now eat whatever I can handle in order to just get food in. I would definitely recommend seeing your surgeon, adding in high calorie shakes, making a meal plan where you eat at least 6 times a day, and seeing an eating disorder therapist. ASAP.

Same for me. On April 1st of this year I weighed 102. I just had my 3 year surgiversary on November 4th and weighed 112. I typically weigh about 115 most days now, and I look much better with those extra pounds.

Sent from my SM-N950U using BariatricPal mobile app

Wow! I don’t meet too many people struggling with this as I do. Good for you! Yes you look way better I agree.

For me it’s really a challenge to keep weight on, both mentally and physically to eat enough. I was 114 at my lowest and looked really sickly. I definitely don’t want to ever weight that little again!

You look great. What was your start weight?

Mine is a little different. I’ve actually put weight on in the last year, I think about 10 lbs? Not sure but I’ve gained weight because I’ve eaten more and the weight gain has really improved my appearance and health. I didn’t try to gain weight by stuffing myself or anything I just have allowed my body to weight whatever it wants to. I stoped trying to control it.

I pretty much break all of them.

I barely took my vitamins... once I could eat I drank and ate together a ton, still do. I eat sugar and junk food and fried food etc. I drink sodas and red bulls and coffee... tons of bread and candy. I eat Bagels every day for Breakfast. I eat donuts in the super market standing in line. I don’t count my calories and I don’t weigh myself either. I don’t work out regularly although I do stay active at work. Nothing too active though. I drink carbonated beverages daily. I use straws lol. (Didn’t even know that was a rule) I eat whenever I am hungry. I have no plan whatsoever. I eat pie. I drink mixed drinks and wine and eat tons of super calorie high cheeses and oils. I snack and graze at times. I really pay no attention to what or how I eat.

My only rule is : I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m satisfied.

And other than the occasional dumping and stuff getting stuck I am happier than ever. I maintain at what I guess is my “goal” although sometimes I’m a little under it and sometimes a little over it but usually I’m trying to keep weight on me, not off of me. I’m too thin if anything.

You definitely need to get checked out by a doctor. A general one first and then refer to a gastro. You could have an ulcer etc. our bodies really change from surgery. Get looked at asap.

Get into counseling and see an eating disorder therapist. It’s unfair to ask yourself to go through this without the support you need.

It’s fine if you past the early stages of surgery. But take care because laxatives will bind you up worse. After wls Constipation can be a really bad issue. Try some milk of magnesia and Fiber pills and plenty of Water. Get on a good bowel regime and talk to your doctor.

That’s probably gonna be a normal thing. I still get sick a lot 4 years later. You will learn what does it, but it’s just a consequence of the surgery.

Hey everyone. I haven’t posted for awhile but i just want to share my story as there are lots of new people flowing through surgery and I’d love to help anyone with my experience.
I had wls dec 2014. It was quite an ordeal for me, very painful and I had complications. I weight 243 lbs at my surgery and I’m 5’6.
I ended up having five or six surgeries on my stomach over the next 6 months.
Gallbladder went, exploratory, revision surgery, a endoscopy for a super bad stricture, a granuloma removed from my belly button ...
After my wls I was unable to eat solid food for 10 months due to a severe stricture. I could only eat broth and sometimes cheese. So in a way this helped me reach my weight loss goal and surpass it. At my lowest I weighed 114 lbs.
Going through the surgery I realized I had a major eating disorder. I had to come to terms with a lot of emotional turmoil and self hatred, guilt and shame and fear of food and regain. I’m still going through some of it. I was very reluctant to return to normal eating post op even once I could. Losing weight became an unhealthy addiction. I ended up having to seek eating disorder therapy.
What I discovered as I clawed my way to better health was that dieting had no place in my life and would never work for me. It made me miserable and there was no future for me if I didn’t stop. I had to fully accept the possibility of regaining weight in order to embrace a non diet approach to weight maintenance.
4 years later I no longer diet or weigh myself on a regular basis. I eat through a method called “intuitive eating” and it has changed my life. I have worked very hard to try and embrace my body even as my weight fluctuates. Some days are easy, some are harder.
Many people regain weight after wls. Many people struggle to lose enough. I personally believe this is due to dieting being the reason many of us gain weight in the first place. Most people who are obese are suffering from an eating disorder. I wish I had know that before surgery.
I don’t regret surgery in fact I am a huge proponent to weight loss surgery. But I feel a combination approach is necessary long term to keep weight off and also have quality of life. Wls combined with I Intuitive eating has really worked for me.
Today I think I weigh around 130 lbs. I’m very thin, I struggle to keep weight on especially as food becomes more and more neutral to me. I forget to eat a lot and I have trouble getting regular meals in because I get busy. But I’m not underweight any more so that’s a big improvement.

My health is good but I suffer from dumping syndrome which can be stressful and exhausting. If I eat tom much sugar and fat together I will get it, or if I eat too much food, or put Fluid with my food it can happen. I also throw up occasionally especially if I drink while I eat. But if I follow the “rules” I’m mostly okay. But eating slowly and eating the right things becomes very hard and impractical at times so there are still plenty of times I break the rules and suffer for it. For one thing with dumping- I can eat very little Protein before I get full. If I wanted to not dump I would have to be low carb- but even eating tons of carbs, sweets and fats I can scarcely maintain my weight, I lose very easily. So a low carb diet is not an option for me even if I wanted to do it.

Wls is not something that is an easy fix. It’s a very hard surgery with a lot of longer term consequences. I still feel it was worth it however.
Here’s some pics and I’m happy to chat which whoever needs advice.
   

Why do you feel you need to lose more? You look great

Welcome back! Good to have you back. I was following your posts pre-surgery and have a new understanding and appreciation for them now that I’m post-op.

Yes. It’s harder to understand post op. It takes being at a certain place to relate I think. o hope you are doing great!

It’s amazing how much animosity there exists on bariatric pal these days. Whatever happened to just being chill? [emoji4] anyway.

Just wanted to update, I am still doing really well. My weight is holding steady although my body composition has changed due to plastic surgery. This year I’ve had a lot and it’s getting used to a whole new me. My waist is tiny, my butt is big, my boobs are little... lol. Hello.

So I’m buying different clothes and trying to get used to the changes now that I’m finally on the mend.

It’s interesting because once I finished the plastic surgeries I found that I felt basically the same but not that into caring about my looks like I did before. I’m content but not obsessed. I used to try a lot harder to stand out where now.. I just am focused on other things. I’ve been able to turn my attention away from my size and shape and back to things like my job and family. And that is a relief. There is definitely a time after wls where the whole world revolves around the physical changes one is going through.

These days I have a really nice boyfriend who is super supportive of me. He is helping me overcome some obstacles around my eating behavior that I still struggle with because of my surgery. I have some long lasting physical effects and we are working to see if I can get past those. He’s very supportive about my weight and never lets me slide into negative self talk.

I know that the hardest thing for me in all of this has been dealing with my self image and my value system. I have days where I feel a lot of anxiety and I feel enormous again. I have to remind myself, “fat” is not a feelings. Just because I may feel a certain way doesn’t correlate to how I look. I struggle with body dysmophia still. To this day I am shocked when I see a picture of me and I’m thin. It’s hard to get your mind to catch up with your body.

And then there is the notion that - does it matter? Is weight an item by which a person can be judged? No it isn’t. Is losing weight worthwhile? For me it was. But not for everyone. Just because we may want to lose weight doesn’t mean everyone over weight should or needs to. I have to remember not to judge myself by my looks. It’s a lifetime of habitual self judgement to undo.

My eating patterns remain the same. I try really hard not to skip back into dieting. I believe in intuitive eating and I love the health and freedom it has given me. Sometimes I miss dieting though. Not because I want to e thinner but because I miss the illusion of control and the patterns of restriction I was raised with. That belief of “my weight controls my happiness” and “dieting is what we should do as women” is really hard to overcome. I have moments where I get triggered and I fight those.

I haven’t weighed my self in a very long time. I feel like I look different but in a positive way. My clothes still fit, I wear a size 2. I know I’m at a healthy weight and no one makes comments that I am too thin anymore so that’s a relief.

I did several plastic surgery procedures this year which I am at the end of. I haven’t been working out at all because of this but now I am going back and look forward to rebuilding my muscular strength. I love to run and lift weights.

My meals are just the same as they were.. I usually skip Breakfast or sometimes eat some toast a bagel or an omelet.

I eat a big lunch, usually at a restaurant or a sandwich with a avocado and lots of cheese.

I eat a light dinner.. I kinda suck at dinner. So usually a snack then. And right before bed I eat a big meal.. dinner left overs or a burrito or microwave meal and sometimes desert. Sometimes I eat in the middle of the night too but not as much lately. I pay pretty little attention to what I eat.

One thing though lately is I have been struggling with a lot of gas pain. I’ve seemed to become intolerant to garlic and Beans and some other foods. I’m trying to figure out what that’s about.

Anyhow! Feel free to pm me anytime. I’m happy to discuss intuitive eating. [emoji4]

Here are some recent pictures.

Day of my surgery 12/2014

Couple weeks ago

How much are you down in those 4 months?

Awww. I bet you feel amazing! Cute baby too.