There are some very smart people on here with good advice. I was a smoker but not every day or week, sometimes months without. My lung doc told me if I didn't stop there would be nothing he could do to help me. I smoked more after that. I got vertigo and was told it might last 1 to 2 weeks. Well 10 weeks later it went away and the quickest way for it to come back is by drinking alcohol or smoking. Even when I was smoking there were friends houses I would go to where they smoked in the house. My home is 49 years old and we have never smoked in it. It finally got down to if we wanted to get together if I had just washed my waist length hair they knew I would not come so I wouldn't have to wash it when I came home, we would hang out side. My nephew stopped for a while but went back and does not have the energy or desire to do anything after getting off work. You have a lot going on right now, but you have many options. This surgery requires a lot of physical, emotional, and mental strength, so maybe working on getting your relationship in a good place should be a priority before the surgery. Many things can happen for the good if you can sit down rationally and talk, even have a buffer if necessary. We all change and grow in our own time. You are in the same boat with a hole in it, instead of throwing water at each other, help each other bail it out. I hope you continue to seek help be it spiritual or professional. I see a lot of underlying issues that needs addressing for both of your sakes. You have time, so no need for rash decisions, really talk to each other and find out where you both want to go from here. You might just be surprised by the abundant blessings waiting for both of you. God bless you and your family.