maudeispam

I debated for quite awhile before posting here. I answered yes I attempted suicide. (94 or 95 I cant remember the exact date)I was staying with and caring for my grandmother who was dying from breast cancer and dimentia. I was in a bad relationship and the guy was a total user and loser. I also was working full-time and going to college. I thought my only option was to OD on pills and end it all. After taking the pills I realized how self centered I was really being. I called my parents who lived next door and they rushed me to the ER. My stomach was pumped and I stayed over night. Counselors came in the next morning and asked a ton of questions, why, are you going to do it again, do you feel the need to hurt yourself, etc. etc. etc. I told them what I expect they wanted to hear. I knew I could never attempt or even consider suicide again. For years after that I wondered if I had made the right decision in making that call to my parents. Now I realize I did make the right decision. I realize everyday of what an impact I make in people's lives. Not only my family and friends, but coworkers, the mailman, the neighbors, the lady at the grocery store, etc. I realize I have a purpose and a reason and a meaning in my life. I don't know how many times since my suicide attempt that people have told me, "Pam I am sure glad you were here to help me out!" What would have they done with out me. I know God has a reason for me being here and someday, somehow I will put it to good use!

I started out like a bullet out of a gun. Lost around 75lbs total. Then started having problems. I was always constipated, no matter what I ate or how much Water I drank. The doctors wer clueless. Then the weight started back on. Now I am back to my initial weight, prior to ever hearing of the Lap Band.