Have any of you had suicidal thoughts as a pre bandster due to your obesity? Curious.

Let's be honest, it is a anonymous poll.

I once heard the a compulsive overeater is like someone digging a grave, one fork full at a time. Man, that is a horrible image.

But.......to be quite honest, taking the big plunge has been my safety net most of my life, I would think, "If it ever got too bad, I would just pull the plug, and put a cap in my ass." You see, I have never been scared of death. Quite the opposite, I have lived on the edge a lot and taken a lot of chance's, and believe me I have the body scare's (inside and out) to show for it. But, the digging my own grave thing has always been in the back of my mind, I somehow seem to want to kill myself in a slow and painful way. Like punish myself for not being enough, or for being so rotten. Whatever, I was killing myself with food, there is no other way to look at it. Just like a Junkie, or a Drunk, or a Anorexic..... I want to kill myself, or hide the real me under a much fat as I can.

But.......To really be honest, once I started to look at myself and start to work on knowing ME, and looking to a Higher Power for some kind of help and insight into His will for me, then I was ready to look at surgery for the first time. Once I made up my mind I was going to do the ban and I did a lot of research on all the ways I could go, the ban was the only way to go. I was scared and nervous about the whole thing but the thought of death never went through my mind. And suicide is no longer an option.

Butch from Florida

For myself the answer is no, never, not once, ever. But I can't vote "no, this is ridiculous" because I don't think it IS ridiculous. For me personally, I never felt ongoing depression or even felt much negativity in my life due to my obesity, but I can COMPLETELY understand how one could.

I work in psychiatry and counseling so suicide behavior and acts are part of my day EVERYDAY (and believe me, it is so hard sometimes). To say that it hasn't entered my mind would be lying but it has with only the slightest fleeting moment and long enough to think, "nope, not the answer". I hate my obesity and what it deprives me of in so many ways but to kill myself because of it would be to forget that I love MYSELF, ME INSIDE THIS BODY and I deserve to live. That is why I am getting the band.

I had to vote "No, this is ridiculous" but it isn't ridiculous. Just because I wasn't suicidal doesn't mean my pain and hurt and lack of hope weren't real, and it wasn't a far step from suicidal either.

I have, more than once, prayed constantly that God would just end it. I mean BEGGED him to let me die. I would never do it by my own hand, and I don't know if pray as hard as possible to die constitutes "attempting", maybe it does.

I suffered through about ten years of bulimia and there were nights I was sure that was it. My heart was beating irregular and I was so weak, I was often shocked (and unhappy) I woke up the next morning.

All of that wasn't just about being obese. It was about a lot of things and the obesity surely didn't help.

Give you the moon: I went through the same thing, from my freshman year in college up until a year ago. Vomiting made me feel more in control and then I'd eat more right after. Horrible cycle. I agree--it wasn't just about being obese, it was what being obese didn't help...I'm so thankful to be alive now though. Things will be better.

I really think this thread will help us think about where we were, where we are, and where we are going. Also for some of us to really realize that obesity is a VERY serious emotional disease as well as physical.

I think it is great that some people share their votes and I admire some of you for being open about your feelings. I want to remind everyone though that the voting is completely confidential and NO ONE sees your name and how you voted, not even me. I urge everyone to really be honest and vote how they feel.

Thanks again for voting.

I debated for quite awhile before posting here. I answered yes I attempted suicide. (94 or 95 I cant remember the exact date)I was staying with and caring for my grandmother who was dying from breast cancer and dimentia. I was in a bad relationship and the guy was a total user and loser. I also was working full-time and going to college. I thought my only option was to OD on pills and end it all. After taking the pills I realized how self centered I was really being. I called my parents who lived next door and they rushed me to the ER. My stomach was pumped and I stayed over night. Counselors came in the next morning and asked a ton of questions, why, are you going to do it again, do you feel the need to hurt yourself, etc. etc. etc. I told them what I expect they wanted to hear. I knew I could never attempt or even consider suicide again. For years after that I wondered if I had made the right decision in making that call to my parents. Now I realize I did make the right decision. I realize everyday of what an impact I make in people's lives. Not only my family and friends, but coworkers, the mailman, the neighbors, the lady at the grocery store, etc. I realize I have a purpose and a reason and a meaning in my life. I don't know how many times since my suicide attempt that people have told me, "Pam I am sure glad you were here to help me out!" What would have they done with out me. I know God has a reason for me being here and someday, somehow I will put it to good use!

Jenna, I just wanted to thank you for starting this thread about a very real issue that often effects those of us struggling with morbid obesity and the diseases that come along with it.

I too, have attempted suicide several times because of it, and just like Over the Moon, I have prayed and prayed and prayed for it to be all over, because I was always afraid that it wouldn't work, again, like it had not in the past, and that I would just end up feeling even worse, not something that was appealing for me.

I don't have a fear of death, always had more of a fear of living. I finally realized that it was time to get over that and face life head on. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere until someone else makes that decision, it was never mine to make.

I don't know how you came up with the poll and why you brought this subject up, but personally for me, I thank you, as I am sure many of us here do.

Happy Holidays

Cindy

I believe suicide is a viable option. It's a comfort for me to know it's there if I need it.

It can be a selfish act--or not. Our society is so judgemental about suicide you can't even have a rational discussion about it in most cases. You might as well be talking religion.

If I'm diagnosed with a fatal disease, with alzheimers, have a bad stroke or go back up to 300# I am OUT of here. My kids are grown my parents are old and it's my choice if I don't want to stay. My sons are well-aware of my feelings about this and wouldn't be surprised. And the God that I know and love would welcome me.

If I lived in Japan it wouldn't even be a controversal opinion. (In fact, there are a few American CEOs that could learn something from the Shogun ways.)

I cannot vote either. I have not felt suicidal over my weight, but I do not believe it is rediculous. I know some people are in real pain over their weight.

I am not one of those people., but I cannot vote

Jenna, I wanted to participate but there weren't enough options. Yes, I've contemplated it. I've fantasized about it. The reason God invented furbabies was to prevent suicide. I could never leave them behind. So yes, I've wished I had the courage.

Once I stood in the doorway to the garage calculating how I'd pull my car in, get all my furry people in the car, then do the exhaust-hose-in-the-window thing. I can't remember what stopped me.

I often lay in bed hoping I'll choke on food and croak in my sleep, but my needs come after Voodoo & Sachi's, so for now, Life is my only option.

I believe suicide is a viable option. It's a comfort for me to know it's there if I need it.

It can be a selfish act--or not. Our society is so judgemental about suicide you can't even have a rational discussion about it in most cases. You might as well be talking religion.

If I'm diagnosed with a fatal disease, with alzheimers, have a bad stroke or go back up to 300# I am OUT of here. My kids are grown my parents are old and it's my choice if I don't want to stay. My sons are well-aware of my feelings about this and wouldn't be surprised. And the God that I know and love would welcome me.

If I lived in Japan it wouldn't even be a controversal opinion. (In fact, there are a few American CEOs that could learn something from the Shogun ways.)

Kare, I agree with you in general terms but just have never been able to contemplate for my own life what would make me want to end it. But I definitely believe people should have the right to end their lives if they so desire. I think we're judgmental about it for purely selfish reasons, because suicide is often the death that leaves the most pain behind for loved ones.

For myself, from a strictly legal standpoint, neither the state nor the Federal government has OWNERSHIP of MY body....

Amen brudda! Really, I have always found it a hoot that suicide is ILLEGAL. It's just such a hard crime to prosecute!

Lisa, then I think you would fall into the second option.