<3 Carolina Girl <3

So happy 2015. Let's do a recap!
 
Surgery May 5th, 2014.
Program start weight 312
All time high 335
Current weight 210
Goal weight 150
Height 5'5"
Age 37 going on fabulous.
 
I feel like I'm in the home stretch. My immediate goal is to be 199.5 by February 7th. Why February 7th? That is my birthday. And my birthday is my favorite day, ever. So this year I want it to be fabulous by me being under 200 lbs by that day. I have a month to lose 10.5 lbs. Can I do it? Hell yes I can do it! (Despite my general downer attitude about society as a whole I'm remarkably positive about myself and my own motivations. LOL). I didn't gain any weight over the holidays, but I also did not lose any. But I'mma be honest, I had way too many coconut rum balls and I have no one to blame for those rum balls but myself because I made them. Dealing with ones own demons and weaknesses never gets easier, no matter how far along you are. Those weaknesses resurface.
 
I got rid of all my old clothes. There was a post on the forums where someone wondered why they were keeping their old too big clothes. I had bags of too big clothes in my closet just taking up space. I kept saying I was going to donate them, but I never did. It was the fear. I took the step to throw them out. I was just keeping them as a crutch to my fears. So bite me, demons. I am not giving into the fear. I am not keeping those size 28s anymore. I will not go back to wearing them, ever.

At 6.5 months post-op, I am 218lbs. I want to be 212 by 7 months out (12/5). That will be 100 lbs gone from my program start weight of 312. I want to be below 200 lbs before my birthday (February 7th). I will do it. I think as a stretch I could be 192 by my 38th birthday. I've come so far, but the finish line (150 lbs) still seems so far away. The weight will go when it wants to go. In fits and spurts.

So I survived vacation with only gaining 2 pounds, which came off in 2 days! Yay me. We (hubby helped a lot) did very good the first week at my moms. Shakes for breakfast and lunch, reasonable dinner. Even went to my favorite Italian restaurant and ordered meatballs, no appetizer and only had 1 bite of their signature almond cake. The beach was not as good. I'm not sure why...might have been because I had not told my in-laws about the surgery. Anyway it's over and I don't currently have another one scheduled so I should be well down my road before I have to figure that out.
 
Had the endoscopy and it wasn't too bad. Arrived at 0700 (I was the first of the day). Was in the prep area by 0715...it was the first time in a long time that my husband couldn't come back with me. The nurse cracked me up...she asked if I wanted the larger gown and I thought Duh of course I do. Then she said....I think you could use the regular one...I mean your big but your not BIG....LOL I am too BIG that's why I'm here
 
So I meet the anesthesiologist who is a nurse practitioner...I joked and said "I guess you are going to put me a little under" and he said "Actually we are going to put you a lot under" I guess that is sleepy time humor. Then Dr. Galvani comes in absent his usual entourage of students (I'm using a university hospital). He jokes that he will be slower because they usually do the paper work.
 
IV is started, and by 745 I'm on my way into the procedure room. They put the mask over my nose, turn me on my left side, put a bite block in my mouth and I start to fight to stay awake. A bite block is a round tube like thing that they strapped onto my face (I guess they did, all I remember is being told to bite it but not hard). It protects the scope and keeps the mouth open during the procedure. The last thing I hear is Dr. Galvani talking to the others in the room about a different design for the room with stuff hanging from the ceiling...I think.
 
I woke up back in the original staging area around 840. Had some gunk in my throat as I was waking up that they suctioned out. I swear that nurse had me out of bed and in the bathroom to get dressed within 10 minutes and I wobbled to the car at about 850 with a print out of pictures of my insides...kinda cool for a science nerd like me but hubby passed on the offer to look.
 
We had always planned to go get breakfast so we took the long way to the café because I was feeling kinda woozy. Breakfast was uneventful except when I put pepper in my tea....but hey, that could happen any day right? Had only two lasting side effects...one was a slightly busted lower lip...apparently I caught my lip between my tooth and the bite block (it cleared up in 2 days) and I had a tenderness right under my left ear...which also went away.
 
We putzed around in Tucson till my last NUT apt and my pre-surgery class...both of which went well.
 
Back to work the next day, Friday and as I was driving home I got the call that the insurance had been approved! So I start my pre-op diet on 19 November and am scheduled for surgery on 03 December...This has been a long one so I'll talk about the irrational stupid self talk my brain is now putting me through later.

One that isn't three sizes too big. Just in time for the polar vortex. FUN TIMES! I was hovering right between the XL and the 1X. I erred on the conservative side and got the 1X. I really think I could have gotten the XL and been okay.
 

Ambivalence is defined as the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something. On this particular journey in my life I've decided that I have but only two kinds of days. The only way I can refer to them is as positive days and negative days. The two never seem to cross paths, and each morning promises one of the two. A new friend of mine that I have begun to get to know through this site, said it best; "It's almost like a strange retake on Groundhog's Day, where we've somehow got caught up in this (seemingly) never ending loop." That's exactly how I feel. I fall asleep at night thinking one of two things, either worry about the surgery and/or post op, or feeling excited about the surgery and/or post op success. I wake up feeling either anxious about how many days are left until surgery or hopeful about how positive my life will change for the better. I'm not quite sure why I keep vacillating so much between these two outlooks. The good thing about being on this site is that you can read all sorts of varying experiences from literally thousands and thousands of people. The bad thing about it is the exact same thing. It's the epitome of a catch 22. Sometimes when I read horror stories that people have gone through or turmoil that people going through right now as a result of surgery, its sets my nerves on overdrive. One side of me says, "that won't happen to me", and the other side says, "the risk here is real, even the risk of death". Those two extremes are just that. Extreme. Granted, I'm relatively healthy other than morbid obesity, degenerative arthritis and fibromyalgia. I don't have blood pressure problems or heart issues. But, the clock is ticking. I am getting no younger and no thinner being incapable of exercise in this state that I'm in. I know that I've made the right choice and I know that the more positive I remain, the better I will do. If I don't go through this surgery, one thing is for sure, I will get sicker, I will get heavier, and I will face more health challenges. My mind is made up, I just wish I could stop this cycle.

well here I am, just one week before my sleeve surgery. I can honestly say I am very excited to get this over with. I'm also nervous about the gas pain that everyone talks about and also just pain in general. I'm afraid of dumping...and what that feels like. but all in all I am excited to get this thing going. Now the shakes have been hard. I can do them but I am starving and with Halloween here and gone having candy in the house didn't help. So I have had a couple small pieces of candy but have still managed to loss weight. I am down to 220.8 this morning. So YEAH its still working! I will make a solid effort to NOT eat anymore candy. Its really hard but I don't have to tell any of you that.
I know the surgery is my only chance.
I will try to post as much as possible from now on to let you all know how it is going.
any positive ideas on what we can eat afterwards would be great help....say prayers for me please that this goes well with no complications :-)

The first image was taken on my birthday in May which is when I committed to a year of better health, the second image was taken yesterday. Its been 5 months, and I've lost 80lbs. I've now lost more post-surgery than I lost during pre-surgery. I am so amazed at the difference that I had to share it. I posted it on my FB page for the whole world (well, at least my world of friends) to see... and the feedback has been astounding.
 
I'm proud of my ability to see this commitment through. The last time I started working with the weight management center, I lasted 3 months... which is not even half the time I needed at that point to qualify for surgery.
 
I am still working with my personal trainer and going to Zumba classes most other days of the week. The only days I don't have activities scheduled are Fridays and Sundays, but I use those days to go out and do things with friends and family (like 5k walks or hiking)... Food-wise, I've mixed it up a bit. I still have the protein shake in the morning and a protein bar as an afternoon snack, then I eat cottage cheese for morning snack and soup or chili for lunch and try to make something different each evening. The day-time eating usually goes pretty well, but that is predictable and I know I can eat it. Its the food that I make at night that isn't so successful. For meats, I can eat chicken and turkey. I can finally stomach an egg. None of the other meats I've tried seem to work. I have a friend who suggested I try to go gluten-free, since its hit-or-miss as to what makes me sick. Has anyone else experienced these limitations 2 months post-op?
 
I'm hoping that my 6-month update that I put out to everyone will be 100 lbs lost. That would be so exciting. It would be almost halfway on my current journey.

I am a goal-driven individual, it seems to be the best way to keep me on task. As part of this process, it was suggested that I should establish short-, mid-, and long-term goals to keep me going in this process. Despite being larger as a teenager, I was always strong and athletic. I would spend hours outside chopping wood, moving hay, or other manual things during my summer vacations. I biked from county-line to county-line just to say I did.
 
One of my short-term goals was to get back out on the slopes this winter. Its been several years since the last time I went out. Since before my knee surgery in February 2009. That year I had planned on spending new years out on the slopes, but instead, I spent that New Year's Day at the hospital getting an MRI scan on my knee. Yeah, not cool.
 
I have since healed from the knee thing, but I put on a lot of weight, and was really nervous about getting back out on the slopes. I often wonder how I allowed this to happen to me, but I shouldn't dwell on it. As I read recently, you can't move forward in life if you keep re-reading the last chapter.
 
My goal that is keeping my motivated and going at this time, over the holidays, I'm going north and I'm going to get on my snowboard for the first time in half a decade. The poor thing has been calling to me for the last several winters. This winter, I'm going to try to go as often as I can. Of course, I'm planning on working with an instructor early on in the season, to help me get my footing and balance back. In the meantime, my personal trainer is working with me on my balance, agility, and strength. Its SO exciting. Last night's workout was so inspiring. He was impressed with how strong I'm getting. I blew through all of his exercises without faltering. He said he'll continue to work on making it tougher to push me, but doesn't want to push me so far to injure me.
 
To help keep me focused, I decided to bring out my snowboarding pants and hang them where I will see them every morning when I get ready for work. It has been a long 4.5 months, but I've come so far. The first time I tried to put them on, I couldn't even get them past my thighs. As of last night, they come all of the way up, but I still have about 6 inches to lose around the belly before they will fit comfortably. I can do it. I've come this far, I'm not going to stop now.
 
I'm counting down until I can hit the slopes again... 65 days and counting... I think I want to target losing about 25-30lbs, just so I know that the pants will fit better. Compared to where I was just 4.5 months (and 75 lbs) ago, I am sooooo close!
 
Once I accomplish that, I can set my sights on my next set of goals... Running the Warrior Dash in July, and taking the nieces and nephews to Cedar Point to ride the roller coasters! Of course, with 8-10 eligible nieces and nephew (ie, old enough and big enough to ride the big coasters), I'll need to enlist the help of at least 1 other person to caravan down... but I think it would be fun if the siblings would join me.

I know we are told in our educational sessions that surgery isn't magic, allowing for the change to happen overnight. However, I hoped it would be easier to keep a steady loss. I'm going to 3-4 Zumba classes a week, plus seeing my personal trainer twice a week. If I slack off any, I won't lose any weight. This is what I think happened in the past few weeks, where I was sore, sick, or too tired to keep to the routine, and my body just didn't respond. Not to mention, I've been struggling to get enough protein and calories in on a daily basis. My doc wants me at 1,000 calories a day, and I'm getting close, but not quite hitting that number.
 
I stepped on the scale yesterday, and it informed me that I hit 292 lbs. Amazing! The last few weeks have been slow to lose weight. I spent almost 2 weeks bouncing around a single pound. Ugh! After almost 2 weeks stuck on the same number, I stepped on the scale this morning, there it was 292 lbs! In my morning not-so-awake-ness, it took me a minute to do the calculation, but that is a total of SEVENTY-FIVE pounds I've lost since this past spring!!!!!!
 
I'm so excited. I'm 25 lbs away from hitting 100 lbs lost... I'm less than 10 lbs from the goal the surgeon set for me to lose by my next visit, on December 1st.
 
I told my trainer that I want to aim to lose 100 lbs by the next time I see my surgeon. I have 7 weeks to shed these 25 lbs, so, that's only 3-4 lbs each week, and seems completely doable, if I'm not completely stagnant. If I hit that goal, that means I will have lost 100 lbs in the first 6 months. CRAZY!
 
 
Fun story, I had to go shopping for new dress pants this past weekend. I had no choice in the matter. I owned 6 pair of dress pants, 4 pair are now so big that they fall down while I walk. 1 pair fits well, and the last pair doesn't fit quite yet. (Its a size 20 that I picked up on clearance back when I still wore size 20 pants and I liked them so much that I couldn't convince myself to part with them when I got rid of everything else.).
 
After my Zumba class on Saturday, I raided the local goodwill, which had quite a few pair of pants in the larger sizes. I didn't know what size to try, so, I grabbed women's 26, 24, and 22 pants. I was so excited to find out that the size 22 fits! Its a little snug on the waist, but fits the backside, hips, and legs just fine. I picked up 5 pair of dress pants for work and a pair of jeans. I haven't owned jeans in quite a while. This all cost me about $26. I love goodwill! I can't wait until I can get into the smaller clothing sizes, with the better selection.

I began my weight loss journey In August 19th when I went to my doctors because I wasn't feeling well and she weighed me in at 244. I asked her for diet pills and told her I was considering weight loss surgery. She didn't approve of either but did write me a script for Belviq. As of today's date I have lost 19.4 pounds since that visit. But I did start my weight lose journey as well. On Sept. 3rd I went to the seminar at the hospital I work for and where they will also be doing my surgery. It was a very positive seminar and things started rolling right along from there. The following week I was in the office meeting with the shrink and nutritionist.
Sept. 18th I met with the surgeon for the first time. Still very positive. I had a list of things I needed to do, but most were already done, I still needed to go to cardiologist and get blood work done. Blood work came back that my vitamin D levels were low and I needed to start taking calcium. from there I went to the cardiologist who gave me the 2 thumbs up that I was cleared for surgery. Then I called the insurance specialist and she told me I met all requirements and gave me my surgery date of Nov 11th! OMG I got so freaked out. I want this but at the same time I am so scared of everything that comes along with it. So my next visit is Oct 30th it is my pre-admission day and Iwill need to be there from 7:30am till 3pm. I have to take a day off with no pay... then I guess they will tell me if I need to do the liquid diet or not. So today I am 225.4 and feeling pretty good about that. scared about hair loss, scared about complications, scared of how life will change, but also excited to start this weight loss journey!

I had my Gastroscopy yesterday! It confirmed a small Hiatal Hernia, so that will be repaired when I have my Sleeve done.
Thank goodness as it is really acting up lately!
My surgeon is away on holidays from next week for several weeks so I will visit the Dietician and Psychologist during that time
and I will see him again 15 December with Operation confirmed for 21 January 2015.
 
Another Step Closer!!!
 
Lizzie

Because I am running. Who the hell are you, Andrea Diggs? A runner?
 
Let me say that when I run, its like a minute or two of walking, then a minute of running, then back to walking, etc. So it is not like full on half an hour 45 minutes of running. But I am on a treadmill doing something I swore I would never do, ever. Running. And it is not bad. I'm slow - only 4.2 mph, but walking has gotten too easy? Running on actual pavement is harder than the treadmill, but at the gym I feel I've hit my walking limit and almost have to move on to running to get the calorie burn that I want. At 228 lbs, I burn fewer calories than I did at 280. I gotta make up for that somehow.
 
Please seriously, let me know if you see any zombies. Because this is a sign of the apocalypse.

I have just seen my surgeon and he has agreed that I am a great candidate for a Sleeve...I am SO very HAPPY!!!!!
As I now need to have a pre-op Gastroscopy, a visit to a Dietician and a Psychologist, he will see me again in December with
a Surgery booked in for January 2015. Yes, it's a while away, but between all the pre-op visits to do, him going away on
holiday and my family with a Fiji Holiday Booked over Xmas, January is going to be a good place to start for me as I know the first
few weeks will no doubt be a little rough!
 
Here's to a New Year & a New Me!!!
 
First Step...Gastoscopy to book...hope it goes well!
 
Lizzie

A week ago, I went for an appointment to check in and hoping to get my surgery date. My stats looked great - lost another 7 lbs! We talked about some risks and went over what still needed to be done to submit to my insurance company. I have completed everything, they just had not received the letter from my psych evaluation yet. I'd not written out my daily food/exercise logs, so I'd need to print out my logs from MFP. Because I needed those things we scheduled a couple of extra weeks out from his normal 30 days. By Wednesday, I'd turned everything in & sent a copy of the psych evaluation. The office needs a couple of days to compile everything, so I'm guessing my case will be submitted today or tomorrow. I'm hoping for a quick approval & not even thinking of a denial. I don't see how they could deny me. I've done the hard work, I've made progress on changing my lifestyle. I meet all of their criteria and am still over the 50 BMI threshold to waive the 6 months documented dieting. I can't think of a single reason to not be approved on the first go-round. Still, I'm so scared that I won't be. Everything has seemed to go so smoothly, I'm just waiting for a bump in the road to make it all fall miserably. I'm trying to be calm on the exterior when actually, anxiety is reeling on the inside.
 
When I can focus on the positive, I am so excited and happy for what is to come. I actually have a date to look forward to. I'm counting down the days til November 10th. I'm so ready, yet I try to contain my excitement so maybe it won't be such a disappointment if something falls through.
 
I did "come out" to the world via Facebook late last week. I was overwhelmed by the support and love that my friends and family showed. I didn't really expect to have so many stop by my wall to comment and like, but it was blowing up my phone for the entire day. I never wanted to hide the fact that I am having surgery. I was, apprehensive about negative feedback. I should have known better - I have wonderful family and friends. The one not-positive message I got was from someone that I don't even know. She claims to know my husband, but even he says he doesn't remember her from high school. She recently added me (and him) out of the blue. I don't know where people who have no knowledge of your life or your struggles get off pushing their ideals onto someone they've never met. I realize I put my business onto social media and I will get responses - and I was prepared for negative and positive. I was not prepared to be told to rethink my decision because I could lose the weight without surgery by a complete stranger. I have not yet responded to her private message - no, she didn't even have the nerve to post publicly, but once I've responded, she will be "un-friended."
 
I'm so ready for these days to fly by. There are lots of things going on in between and then the holiday season just after, but I can only focus on surgery. October brings my birthday, my daughter's birthday & my husband & my anniversary all within 4 days - it is always a very busy week for us. I'm usually knee deep in thoughts of how we will celebrate. Right now, I am feeling so selfish as I'm only thinking ahead to November and what I need to do to prepare for surgery and recovery. I hope I can come back to the present for a while. My daughter is 14 and although she's happy about my surgery, she's at the age/mindset where the world revolves around her and her birthday is like a national holiday. I don't want her to feel that it doesn't matter to me.
 
Rambling again, I know, but that's the purpose - to put my thoughts out there and get them out of my head. As you can imagine by my rambles, it gets kinda jumbled in my brain sometimes. LOL Best of luck to all of you, no matter where on your journey you currently are. Have a great week!

My Hemoglobin A1C is 5.5%. this is normal. Like, perfectly normal normal. Not, well controlled for a Diabetic normal, but not a diabetic person normal. SUCK IT DIABETES!!!!
 
Also, my NP tested other levels and my vitamin D level is finally normal. My cholesterol continues to be fabulous. And she took me off of my blood pressure medication. SUCK IT, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!!
 
Bought two pairs of size 18 pants. I'm in this weird purgatorial area where an 18W is too big. Some companies that carrier an 18 in missy sizes, well, they are often too small. So it looks like the only place I can buy pants is Old Navy until I get down to a 16. Damn you, birthing hips. I'm 232. I've never been 232 as an adult. I mean, I think the last time I was 232 I was 14? Hoping to be in the 220s by the end of this month.

I stepped on the scale yesterday, and I'm down to 309! I can't believe it... I'm 10 lbs away from being back in the 200s... I'm almost back to my post-knee surgery weight from 2009.
 
But what was even cooler? I dragged myself into the 9am Zumba class, and I found myself actually bouncing with some of the songs. There literally was more bounce in my step. It didn't hurt my knee quite as much to jump and bounce. I can only imagine how I'll be flying through the songs once I get closer to my goal!

I was in a stall. It was making me a little crazy too. Worse than a stall - it seems that I had put back on 5 lbs. But i never admitted to it, because adding it back on to my trackers and tickers made it feel like failure. And I know I was doing everything the way I should. Eating smaller portions, less calories, slower and more deliberate choices of food. Working out as much as i can increasing the amount of calories I would burn. But... there the scale stayed stuck. I could have done a number of things for those 3 weeks. Blamed the lapband for not working. Blamed my body composition for sabotaging me. Cursed the Gods for making me have to be fat.
 
But I remembered something I read from a friend of mine on Facebook who is a Yoga Instructor and really has embraced the lifestyle that goes with studying and practicing yoga. "Anything will work if you stick to it long enough." Pointing out the issue that once we don't see something working in a day or a week or a month we abandon it and try something else... always looking for the quick fix and trying to see results tomorrow. But the fact of the matter is... we didn't get fat over night. It took years of hard work and diligent, consistent, persistent bad habits to get us to this place where we'd want to consider surgery. So it would take equal and opposing diligence, consistence and persistence of positive, good, healing habits to get us where we longed to be. So I looked at the scale and said "f you" and kept on doing what I was told to do. Kept eating right. Doubled up my gym activity and vowed to stick to it. Just keep doing it, because it makes you feel better, your endurance is through the roof and it's a great outlet for frustration. Don't give up.
 
Then suddenly - all the comments - you know the ones I said I wasn't hearing? - started to pour in. "Hey, wow, you're really losing weight..." "you're just melting away" "look at you skinny girl" "don't lose too much weight now..." (that's my favorite one - because I've only just hit the 1/3 mark on what I want to lose. And it's every day. And it 's from everyone. Even the haters that didn't want to admit to me that they saw it like I knew they did. It's a little overwhelming and I try to be gracious with my response but also not let it swell my head. "Thank you - I've been working really hard at it" is my typical reply - and it's true.
 
I'm so excited about my evolving body. I have to shop for some clothes that fit this weekend. And I'm really jazzed about it.
 
And just like that - once I stopped focusing on it... the scale just started moving in the right direction. Those 5 lbs are all but gone now. Hoping that it continues past the lowest point I reached and that I can pack my bags up and put my home in Two-Dorville on the market and move back in to my cute little condo in One-derland. Here I come. And nothing will stop me.

Every week, I take a class at my gym (LA Fitness) called Body Works Plus abs. It is what I term a fast and light weight class. Fast enough that you get a cardio effect while doing it, along with high reps (as opposed to the slow and heavy stuff I do in the weight room). The class has 2.5, 5 and 7.5 lb dumbbells in it. Stronger people (usually guys and super fit broads) can go out to the floor and get heavier bells if they want. Normally I take a pair of all three. Last night, Florence, the instructor, walked by and called me out about the 2.5s! She said I was strong enough to stop using them. The high reps do exhaust me! So I took that as a challenge, because normally I do use the 2.5s on some of the shoulder work because I am weak like a kitten in the upper body. I basically only used the 5s and 7.5s for the class. I didn't die. So I guess Florence was right.
 
If this is worst of the problems in my life, I have it pretty good.

Dreams can come true...You got to want it, fight for it and most of all believe in yourself!!

The first couple of days after surgery are a bit fuzzy, but that is to be expected. I tried to ween myself off the pain meds fairly quickly. Now, I only use them at night, if needed to help go to sleep. I haven't used them for the last couple nights. My new stomach and I are still trying to negotiate terms, and each day is spent trying to figure out what things we do and do not like. The only major hiccup I have had in this process is that I woke up this past Thursday night/Friday morning about 3:30am screaming in pain. It was an excruciating pain on the upper-right part of the abs, just under the rib cage. I suspected it was a gallbladder thing. I contacted the doc as soon as his office opened in the morning, and they had me come in for an exam. The doc seems to think it had something to do with gallbladder too. He sent me to get tested and have an ultrasound done of the area. By about 2pm in the afternoon, the pain left about as quickly as it came... and I was able to relax enough to fall back to sleep.
 
Something positive that came out of the doc visit is to see that I dropped almost 10 lbs since surgery. All together, I have lost like 47 lbs, I can hardly believe it. I'm almost at the 50 lbs mark since last spring. How is that even possible? I've never been this successful at losing weight... and most of that weight came off pre-op!
 
So, as I've approached (and maybe even hit) the 50 lbs mark, something I've noticed about my morning/evening walks with the dog is that I feel phenomenal. I mean, as I walk, it feels like there is less gravitational pull on my body... almost like what I would imagine walking across the surface of the moon would be like. I walk faster, the pressure that used to be on my knees and lower back is gone... and my clothing is hanging on me... making it feel like I'm flowing as I walk.
 
I know that people still seen the 300+ lbs version of me, but that version of me is becoming less by the day. I still have a long way to go before I hit my goal. However, with as fit and energetic as I feel at the moment, I see myself more as the person who has already hit that goal. I hope I can continue on this strong in the coming months as winter approaches.

My only regreat is that I didn't do it sooner.
 
I had surgery 3 months ago on Friday. I can't say I was nervous, I was just so excited and I had done so much research and waited so long that i was just ready to cross that threshold!
Surgery went well although due to my VERY HIGH BMI a second surgeon was needed to assist. My surgery was performed using the Da Vinci machine, 5 little incisions.
I woke up a few hours later with awful dry mouth - SO THIRSTY, that was the worst of all. Pain I was expecting, but they kept me pretty drugged up. My friends had a real good time watching me make no sense at all.
Surgery was on Thursday morning and I went home Saturday mid day. My experience was fantastic. Sure I had pain, but you expect a certain level of discomfort. I think it took about 7 days before the bloatness (they pump you full of air) started to subside and the incisions healed up real nice, although the main incision (where they remove the stomach though) was the last to heal and certainly caused muscle pain in the area, which lasted a bit longer. But again, I was expecting pain, although was not only bearable, after two days at home I no longer needed any major pain meds, just aleve for the muscle pain. No nausea. I had no problem drinking my water quota - 64 oz a day, although it took concentrated effort and good timing!
I can say I was back at work on day 6 and by day 10 I was feeling like a pro - I sit behind a desk - so no efforts there, and driving within a week.
The hardest part was really the liquid diet. I was ready for some consistency and varied flavors..
 
My first week I was highly concerned with my protein intake and paranoid - I was online comparing myself to others - PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT - many doctors drill down no less than 60-80 grams of protein, but my surgeon/NUT were not that worried at all. I was only allowed one 4 oz serving of protein shake.
By week two I was over that and stuck by what my NUT/DOC said. I can't say I was entirely sold on only 3x 4oz meals a day, but I have been sticking to it!
I felt so good that there were times I wondered if the doctor really removed 2 thirds of my stomach.. But every meal I had reminded me that he had - 5 little bites and I was stuffed.
I did not stick to the foods progression plan after 3 weeks. I skipped the phase 2 blended food stages altogether. By week 3 I was adding soft, mushy fish, scrambled eggs and other soft proteins. Just a tiny amount and some definitely didn't work and came right back up.
I never lost the pleasure of eating, although I had little to no hunger. I got to enjoy foods I would not indulge on otherwise, now that I ate so little I could afford it - like expensive salmon and Shark, and I even had a filet mignon, but honestly I don't feel the same way about red meats. The last meat to introduce was chicken - that is sort of dry. But I enjoyed being able to eat my proteins.
I did not eat much in a way of carbs at all. I actually decided to go Paleo, not because I couldn't but because first priority is protein and when you only eat 12 oz of food a day, you better make sure you are eating the right foods.
I had my first glass of wine at 2 months out and I did NOT get tipsy or drunk, but I also took an hour with that one little glass of wine.
I rarely drink, as I think my liver deserves a break - it needs to break down all my fat! LOL
 
I have been seeing a counselor and attending a eating disorder support group, because I knew the honeymoon would not last forever and I needed to have the right support when I started to fall back into old mental habits. I have tried to be very proactive about this and see if from a 3 dimensional perspective. It's not just about the eating and the losing weight, it's about the emotional relationship with food and the fear of failure all of us, professional dieters feel. We failed so many times that we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop when things are going well - to which my counselor gently reminds me - BE MINDFUL. Eat mindfully. My counselor does rock!
 
My first melt down was actually yesterday ( be happy I didn't write yesterday) From surgery day - 3 months ago to today, I have lost 44 lbs, gone from a size 20/22 to a comfortable size 14, and lost a combined 20 inches. Naturally, that is not enough for me - I want to lose it ALL by tomorrow.. So when I completely fell off the NO SUGAR wagon and had a very small piece of the most amazing chocolate cake ever made by man - I went in panic mode. I had no control over that hormonal induced craving... That was the first time since surgery that I felt I was not in control. It was awful. Pre menstrual and very tired, all i wanted to do was eat sweets and salty snacks. Which I have not done since memorial day. I can't tell you how awful I felt and how much I cried. But remember I can only really fit 4-5 oz of food at the time, so even on my worst day, the weakest and unhealthy, I still lost .4 lbs... Thank you Banana!!! - (as I call my sleeve)
 
By this morning and after a good night sleep and a good cry, I woke up back to my new normal. Not starving, not craving the worst foods and not hating myself for being human. I got my power back (screw you hormones!)
 
The road to post surgery success is not a straight line. It can be confusing, and zig zag on you. (You WILL lose a lot of hair) It will be filled with plateaus and desappointment due to unrealistic expectations, and it will rock your world, because it doesn't change who you are at all. No surgery does that, although many people think that losing weight is the answer to all ailments - But it will be filled with empowerment and non surgery successes of all kinds, it will give you hope and lift you up!
 
I can wear bracelets and watches now - they fit loosely
I can wipe my own butt without being a contortionist (sorry but I was that big)
I can paint my toe nails and shave my legs again
I can fit behind the wheel with plenty of room to spare
I sleep much better
I no longer hide from cameras!
I am not hot all the time. My internal thermostat has adjusted itself
My cholesteral is under 200 for the first time in 20 years (163 actually)
I can see my colar bones
I have a waist! (who knew?)
I also have a knee, an ankle and you can actually see them.
I enjoy shopping again - my teen loves that!
 
And the list goes on and on..
 
So if you ask me what is my biggest regreat about having Gastric Sleeve surgery? it's that I didn't do it sooner.
If you have been through surgery, would love to hear about your experience.
And if you have not yet, I wish you the best of luck and much success on your journey!
 
Mindfully,
Karen

I had another appointment with my surgeon yesterday. He was extremely happy with my food journals. My Upper GI, chest x-ray and EKG were great. And I've lost 9 pounds! He had told me his best expectation of his new patients was about 4 lbs in a month. I more than doubled that! It's paying off! I feel pretty impatient at most times, and just ready to get this surgery, but knowing all that I'm going through is really paying off, makes all the waiting worth while.
 
So then we talk about my other outstanding appointments & that they'll be completed next week. He says, great! Then here's your blood work orders, get your PCP to send over their records and recommendation letter. Come back to see me next month and we'll set your surgery date! I was floored! Really? So soon? I don't have to wait forever & ever?! You couldn't have knocked the grin off my face. Then we talked for a minute about my insurance. I had spoken to them a few weeks ago & was expecting to be mailed all of the requirements, etc, of bariatric surgery, but it never came. I explained that from my understanding, I would need the 6 consecutive month weight loss attempt - documented by a Dr, of course. He told me, no worries, if that's what we have to do, we'll just keep seeing you every month until we get there. And that's fine.
 
We talked about this to the lady in the office that works closest with the insurance companies. She tells me she should have the policy already. She finds it, prints it out and gives me a copy. We're looking over it and sure enough, there's that stipulations - six months documented attempt, blah, blah, blah. So I leave the office. I had another appointment to get to. Actually with my PCP, so I'm all fired up to find out if last year's phentermine attempt had me in the office for 6 consecutive months. I'm crossing every finger, toe and eyeball in hopes that I won't have to wait another 4-5 months.
 
As I'm waiting to be called back, I find the next point in the stipulations - the six month documented attempt will be waived if the patient has a BMI of greater than or equal to 50. (I have a BMI of 53/54) Fireworks went off in my chest! Really?! So, that means, I can get my surgery date next month?! Do you have any clue how excited this made me? I was literally sitting in my Dr's waiting room, reading from this huge stack of papers and wiping tears from my eyes. I couldn't wait to get out of the Dr's office so I could go back to the surgeon's office to let everyone know what I found! Sounds crazy and dramatic, but I was crazy with excitement! And I also had forgotten to make next month's appointment, so I needed to go back anyway. I showed the ladies what I'd found and they were all so happy for me.
 
My surgeon has such a wonderful team. I'm so blessed to have found them. Everyone is so supportive and welcoming. They treat you like family and it's a wonderful feeling. I know I'm in good hands and I'm so thankful for this feeling of confidence in them.
 
So now I just have to get a few things out of the way - Tuesday I'll have my Dietitian and Exercise specialist appointments. The following Saturday, I have my second/final session with the psychologist and one day I'll drop by the hospital for my blood work. Then I see Doc again on September 22nd to set my surgery date. I'm coming into the home stretch! I'll be sleeved within two months and I am barely containing my excitement.
 
Thanks again for reading my ramblings. Best of luck to each of you, no matter where you are in your journey!

I did it! I did it! During my initial appointment with the surgeon in July, he stated that I needed to lose another 15 lbs prior to surgery. My Pre-op appointment with him was yesterday. I've 16 lbs since my appointment with him in July, and I've been greenlighted for surgery next week. Yes, a week. I'm now at 7 days and counting. My nerves are a bundle, and my excitement is off the chart.
 
I have lost over 30 lbs since my birthday at the end of MAY (in 3 months' time). That is crazy. No other attempt to lose weight has been this 1) consistent or 2) successful. I'm fitting back into my dress clothes that I bought last summer when I returned from working in Central America. Still need to drop another 50 lbs to be pre-knee injury/surgery weight... but I'm getting there. I now have less than 200 lbs before I hit my goal.
 
Sorry, my thoughts are not cohesive today. Lots of things on my mind. I start my all liquid/no solids consumption tomorrow.
 
To do pre-surgery list:
1) start all liquids (8/22)
2) do final blood draw (8/22-8/25)
3) pre-registration call with the hospital (8/26)
4) final pre-op nurse check-in/weigh-in (8/26)
5) get my POA documentation signed/notarized/filed (8/26)
6) review/go through 24 hour pre-op checklist (8/27)
7) pack for hospital stay (8/27)
8) stop all liquids by midnight (8/27)
9) show up to hospital (8/28)
 
My leave of absence from work has been handled. My work is being temporarily transitioned to a co-worker while I'm gone... my nephew will be taking care of the house/dog/cat while I'm gone. I should see if my trainer will get a pic of me tonight when I go workout. That would be fun to see a difference, even from a few weeks ago.
 
Waiting it the worst... patience is not my forte... sigh.

It's not getting much easier. I'm sticking with the diet changes that I'm supposed to make, but they are not easy! Sometimes I just want a sandwich! Or a bowl of cereal. That used to be a great, easy dinner when I didn't feel like cooking. We've been eating eggs a lot lately. When I make them over medium (with the yolk still runny), I just want a piece of white bread to sop up that yolk! It's the best thing in the world when you can't have it. I can do without pasta - except for Aunt Faye's mac & cheese that I only get on holidays. That's my only pasta vice. I will have a bite (or 3) of that at Christmas time - no matter what. Hopefully by then I'll have had surgery and be well enough to be ok with the occasional treat. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning my cheats even before I get my surgery date. There are so many things that I shouldn't have that I can absolutely see myself never wanting again. And I am ok with that. I would be totally satisfied if I never had spaghetti noodles with my meatballs & sauce again. Like I said, pasta isn't a big thing for me, unless you put a pan of Aunt Faye's mac & cheese in front of me... I would be completely happy to never have white bread again - I'll be just as happy with some yummy whole grain ONCE IN A WHILE. There are too many sugar free options for me to worry about every having sugar again, no worries there. Rice - eh - not a big deal to me. I would like to be able to have some really good sushi again, but I'm sure my sleeve will only allow so much. I'm ok with that. I'll just make sure that I have the best quality to make up for the quantity. Potatoes aren't that big of a deal for me either. Who doesn't love a nice baked potato or yummy garlic mashed potatoes, but I'd much rather have that filet. I can make those choices and not feel deprived. I'll be fine with it.
 
Do you see what I've done here? It was not my intention to write about what I can do. It was my intention to rant a little and let off steam about how much I just wanted to give up. But here I go - I've convinced myself that I can do without these things. I've turned my head hunger around just a little bit and reminded myself that I don't need it. I know someday I'll be able to add some of these starches back into my life, but for now, they aren't priority.
 
Yes, I miss bread & rice & potatoes! I'm only human. But I can make this journey. I can do what I have to do. I want to do this! I need to do this! My life depends on this. In my first consultation, Doc told me that my chances of living to age 65 were 10%. I'm 35 years old. I never thought it was this bad. I knew I was fat - that was never a secret. I knew I was doomed to high blood pressure & diabetes. It's all over my family. But I never thought I'd hear someone tell me that I probably wasn't going to make it to retirement age. My last two years have been tough medically. And it seems to never end. I truly believe that it can all be alleviated, or at least helped, if I could just get rid of this weight. I'm carrying around enough weight to almost equal 3 of my 14 year old daughter. WOW! That's a lot! I can not continue to live like this.
 
I don't know where I'm finding this discipline, but I thank God for it. It's so hard. I just pray it will be worth it in the end.

My company specifically wrote out Bariatric Surgery from my plan. I have worked for the same company for five years and each year I would pray that they would change their minds and allow WLS. Nothing happened. In 2012 my father passed away from a heart attack, he was only 63. At that point my obesity was making me so uncomfortable I thought that I could be the next one to go. If I lay on my back at night to go to sleep I would wake up with panic attacks that I couldn't breathe. I literally had thoughts that I would go to sleep and not wake up. I kept saying to myself, when you get your WLS your life will change but at the same time I kept eating.
 
Finally, on November 30th 2013, I began praying the St. Andrew Christmas Novena. For those who aren't Catholic or religious, a novena is a prayer that you say so many times a day or for a number of consecutive days. I am not in the habit of asking God for things for myself. I usually pray for my friends and my family or in thanksgiving for what I have already been blessed with. This time though, after I prayed the novena prayer I asked God to work a miracle in my life that I would be able to afford WLS. I had no savings to speak of, especially not $13400. I prayed the novena faithfully through advent and up to Christmas Eve, each day asking God for intercession in my life. Some days I felt very guilty because my Aunt was dying of lung cancer and I shouldn't be asking for something for myself but for her.
 
Christmas came and went and my prayer wasn't answered but I was determined that I would get my surgery somehow but I had other things to focus on, like my aunt. My Aunt passed away on January 18th. I delved into the planning of her funeral services which would be held on February 1st. I also decided that I would enter the medically supervised weight loss plan offered by my WLS office. I had my consultation with them, did the H-Pylori testing, and scheduled a time for my first follow up appointment for when I started the diet. I was going to start the diet on 2/3/14.
 
The day of my Aunt's funeral came. The service was very nice, I was able to sing the Psalm without being too overwhelmed and gave her Eulogy since her own children were so devastated by her loss.
 
My Dad's side of the family came to the funeral to pay their respects. Afterward my grandfather asked to speak to me and my brothers. What came next was the shock of my life. My sweet Grandpa who loved us all very much and would send us small tokens of $20 in birthday cards, seemingly out of the blue, gifted my brothers and myself with $14,000 each. There is no question in my mind that this was the answer to my Novena prayer, that Grandpa was inspired by God to gift us a portion of our inheritance so that he could see us enjoy it while he was alive. I cried. It was just enough to have my surgery. It was the most profound feeling, God had heard me, He listened to my prayer, He said yes!
 
I started the iMetabolic Diet as scheduled with a new found vigor as I knew that I would be getting my surgery. I lost 23lbs by my 1st appointment 17 days later. I scheduled my surgery for March 12th, 2014. The day of surgery I had lost 38lbs. Since surgery I am down 60 more. Every day I am driven by thankfulness, to my grandfather for his gift, but even more so to our Heavenly Father for his intervention in my life.
 
I know there are skeptics who would think that this is just coincidental, and I say believe what you will. And I will continue to recognize God's intervention in my life.