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I am having such a difficult time thinking about much else today. I mean, I did sit through 2 appointments and had a lab draw this afternoon. I have my vitamins. I have a pill packet to help keep me on track with the vitamins each day. I am not only going through the motions, but I'm also researching and learning. Yesterday, the behaviorist told me to think about short-, mid-, and long-term goals to help me get through the tougher moments.
 
My target weight is 150 lbs, based on the composition analysis done by my bariatric doc. I haven't seen that weight on the scale since I was a teen. I accept I will never be the small, petite size of several other members of my family, but I'm good with 150. I keep trying to imagine what it will be like to be able to shop in a "normal" clothing store or to find cute things at thrift shops, instead of the clothing I've had to wear all of these years. As I hit the milestones post-op, I want to be able to go into stores and try on clothing. I really dislike this, but as I'm losing the mass, it will be exciting to see these changes. I look forward to cleaning out my closet and donating everything that is too big.
 
 
One thing I have promised myself is that once I'm approaching my goal, I won't continue to hide myself under baggy clothing. I will work with a wardrobe person to get clothing fitted properly. For too many years, I have been hiding myself underneath tents.
 
 
Beyond clothing, I REALLY want to be able to do the things I enjoyed when I was younger.
I have a snowboard that has been in storage, waiting for me to return to the slopes. One trip I want to make is to Colorado to hit the slopes.
I have a camera that really wants to go out hiking with me again soon. My hope was to go backpacking through glacier national park once I finished my graduate degree. I still haven't gone.
To be able to sit in the roller coaster seat at Cedar Point again will be amazing. I was so disappointed the last time I went there and we couldn't get the restraint around my hips/belly. Of course, there will be a lot of work between now and then. I have several nieces and nephews who are finally big enough to ride the roller coasters at Cedar Point, so, next year, I want to plan a trip with my family to go spend the day there.
The other thing I really want to do in the next year or so is hike the San Pedro Volcano in Guatemala. I was there in 2012/2013, and that mountain laughed at me. I really want to get myself into shape enough to hike to the top.
Once I've lost some weight, I want to try out for a roller derby team. Everyone has to try it at least once, right?
Once I'm under 300 lbs, I want to join a zumba class.
Once I'm under 250 lbs, I want to join a kick-boxing class.
Once I'm under 200 lbs, I want to join a parkour gym. I did gymnastics as a kid, I loved it and was disappointed that my parents stopped taking me.
I want to bike the Dalmac.
I want to do a warrior dash.
I want to go sky diving.
I want to go spelunking.
I want to learn to rock climb.
I want to be the cool aunt who teaches my nieces and nephews the fun of running. I used to run 10 miles at a time when I was in high school. Well, more of a jog, but I still went the distance. I want them to join me for 5k runs, 10k runs... and maybe even work up to half-marathons.
I want to take the kids who are old enough out white water rafting.
I want to go on canoeing and kayaking trips.

I've missed out on so much for the last 6-8 years. In 2004, I went white water rafting, it was such a rush. I really want to go again. In 2006, I went zip-lining 100' in the air through a jungle, and I hiked a volcano that had erupted the week before and there was still molten rock flowing down the side. I haven't done much since then. I'm hoping that this will all help to keep me motivated. In the meantime, I will continue to take the small steps.

so it's 10 days away... the count down has begun. Tuesday starts the liquid diet for real, although I have been testing things out this last week to see if I like any sugar free, fat free stuff. I'm pumped and terrified!
 
So most of you reading this are on this journey with me, so you've been standing in front of the protein aisle at any number of stores staring at protein levels and prices and flavors and the bars etc. I started to twitch in KMart, although it didn't have much in the way of variety. Then I decided perhaps GNC would be better. Some of those tubs you could fit a small child in. Who eats this stuff on such a regular basis that they need a 6 month supply at a time?
 
In the vitamin aisle I nearly had a nervous breakdown. How many kinds of chewable vitamins do we need? Really?
 
I'm happy and proud to say that I'm all stocked up for at least a month or more. I looked at a number of web sites that specialize in bariatric stuff and it just seems like such a racket. The prices seemed so over inflated. I know they need to make a profit but aren't we already going through enough learning how to work our new digestive tracks? Should we also go broke trying to maintain it?

I started my liquid diet today feeling really good about it. I can't believe July 8 is the day my life will change for the better. I do planned to go to the gym at least twice a day since the gym is next door to me( smile) I broke my weight loss down in stages
 
Pre stage Liquid diet June 26- July 8 lose 20lbs
1 stage- Aug. 6 - Feb 6 lose 130 lbs
2 stage Feb 7 - Feb 7 a year later lose 100 lbs
3 stage to get to my goal weight 175 lbs how ever long it takes