My head is spinning

I am having such a difficult time thinking about much else today. I mean, I did sit through 2 appointments and had a lab draw this afternoon. I have my vitamins. I have a pill packet to help keep me on track with the vitamins each day. I am not only going through the motions, but I'm also researching and learning. Yesterday, the behaviorist told me to think about short-, mid-, and long-term goals to help me get through the tougher moments.

My target weight is 150 lbs, based on the composition analysis done by my bariatric doc. I haven't seen that weight on the scale since I was a teen. I accept I will never be the small, petite size of several other members of my family, but I'm good with 150. I keep trying to imagine what it will be like to be able to shop in a "normal" clothing store or to find cute things at thrift shops, instead of the clothing I've had to wear all of these years. As I hit the milestones post-op, I want to be able to go into stores and try on clothing. I really dislike this, but as I'm losing the mass, it will be exciting to see these changes. I look forward to cleaning out my closet and donating everything that is too big.

One thing I have promised myself is that once I'm approaching my goal, I won't continue to hide myself under baggy clothing. I will work with a wardrobe person to get clothing fitted properly. For too many years, I have been hiding myself underneath tents.

Beyond clothing, I REALLY want to be able to do the things I enjoyed when I was younger.

1. I have a snowboard that has been in storage, waiting for me to return to the slopes. One trip I want to make is to Colorado to hit the slopes.
   
2. I have a camera that really wants to go out hiking with me again soon. My hope was to go backpacking through glacier national park once I finished my graduate degree. I still haven't gone.
   
3. To be able to sit in the roller coaster seat at Cedar Point again will be amazing. I was so disappointed the last time I went there and we couldn't get the restraint around my hips/belly. Of course, there will be a lot of work between now and then. I have several nieces and nephews who are finally big enough to ride the roller coasters at Cedar Point, so, next year, I want to plan a trip with my family to go spend the day there.
   
4. The other thing I really want to do in the next year or so is hike the San Pedro Volcano in Guatemala. I was there in 2012/2013, and that mountain laughed at me. I really want to get myself into shape enough to hike to the top.
   
5. Once I've lost some weight, I want to try out for a roller derby team. Everyone has to try it at least once, right?
   
6. Once I'm under 300 lbs, I want to join a zumba class.
   
7. Once I'm under 250 lbs, I want to join a kick-boxing class.
   
8. Once I'm under 200 lbs, I want to join a parkour gym. I did gymnastics as a kid, I loved it and was disappointed that my parents stopped taking me.
   
9. I want to bike the Dalmac.
   
10. I want to do a warrior dash.
    
11. I want to go sky diving.
    
12. I want to go spelunking.
    
13. I want to learn to rock climb.
    
14. I want to be the cool aunt who teaches my nieces and nephews the fun of running. I used to run 10 miles at a time when I was in high school. Well, more of a jog, but I still went the distance. I want them to join me for 5k runs, 10k runs... and maybe even work up to half-marathons.
    
15. I want to take the kids who are old enough out white water rafting.
    
16. I want to go on canoeing and kayaking trips.
    

I've missed out on so much for the last 6-8 years. In 2004, I went white water rafting, it was such a rush. I really want to go again. In 2006, I went zip-lining 100' in the air through a jungle, and I hiked a volcano that had erupted the week before and there was still molten rock flowing down the side. I haven't done much since then. I'm hoping that this will all help to keep me motivated. In the meantime, I will continue to take the small steps.