Cindi_Augustine

This is just basic human physiology. EVERYONE gains weight if they don't practice healthy eating habits. It's not about "diets", it's about lifestyle. Making the right choices 90% of the time and carefully moderating treats. They haven't invented anything yet that can allow people to eat as much - and whatever - they want and stay healthy. Trust me, if and when they do...imagine the press coverage! LOL Sorry, it's not a happy truth.

I don't believe in feeling guilty over obesity, it IS a disease like many other addictions - a physical and psychological disease. I do believe in taking responsibility for your health, and here you are, doing that. Congrats! The food industry fooled us, and got us hooked on sugar, salt and fat, and we bought into it, but are you guilty? Nope, you were purposefully uneducated. Seriously, there are proven neurological studies. Now you're educated and you're treating your disease. WTG!!

There's a few obvious strategies, of course, like not having the problem foods in the house if possible. But that's not always something we can control. It really is about the proven neurological effect sugar, salt, and fat has on our brains. Once I understood that, through books and documentaries, I had better coping strategies, because, let's be honest, willpower never works alone. Some people go cold turkey off those things, others wean themselves off, and some learn how to portion them in a way that doesn't trigger cravings. Add that to counselling, and you have the psychological tools to go with the physical one of WLS. Keep posting here, and keep moving forward. You can do it.

I agree in feeling as though she was just trying to wrap her head around it. In our society talking about someone's weight is seen as taboo and rude, which just adds to how most people get so obese before they get help. Everyone aids in the denial. So, when someone mentions our weight we flash back to bullying and the hurt feelings rush back onto the person who might be trying to help. Give her time, and the benefit of the doubt, change the subject or be open and have a full out conversation about it. It can be very therapeutic and make the relationship stronger. Something to think about.

Yup, I love the adage: The best revenge is living well! LOL

Yup, that was a lousy thing for him to do. But he was likely going to run at some point if that's the way he acted. Better sooner than later. But of course, that doesn't stop you from missing him, or wishing it were different. Those are normal stages of grieving. Just do as others have said here and allow yourself to work through it, and don't think food will help. You know in your heart it won't...it never really has. A therapist or a support group would be a great option. Hang in there, wonderful days are ahead...this is just an early Spring storm...plan ahead for Summer!

I just want to highlight what others have said: Set some goals, and reach out. People won't know you need their company if you don't seek it out. I'm also a strong believer in volunteer work. It gives you purpose, stimulates your mind, and pushes you out the door and into the world of people where you WILL make friends and contacts. It feels amazing and you will feel very appreciated, trust me. Even if you can just offer a few hours a month to a local organization that is close to your heart, it's a great help! WTG on reaching out! That's why this forum exists.

This is so true. More often than not we are invisible to people because most people are up in their heads. But, because of our own self-dialogue we think everyone is looking and thinking about us. LOL That being said, when I was obese I do feel I was treated differently. I think the biggest difference I notice is at work. As an optician I am dealing with customers everyday. In the past I often felt disrespected by customers and co-workers. As though my expertise was in doubt because of my weight. Customers would defer to my thinner colleagues, and only listen to them, even though we said the same things. It feels very different now. And so often my customers comment on how stylish I am saying I MUST know what I'm talking about when I help them choose eyeglasses. I have always tried to dress well, but we know how that goes when you're plus-sized. Yes, appearance matters, even if we wish it didn't. First impressions are strong and usually based on physical attributes. We've all based an opinion on a stranger because of these superficial things, like hairlines, and the thickness of someone's lips, or a scar...things that mean nothing. As a life coach I'm very aware of this. I'm even writing a book on how to create the appearance you want in order to be treated how you want to be treated. It sounds shallow but my own experience has been proof to me.

I was like you, gained weight in childhood. I was very curious about the changes because, while I hated the weight, I have always felt pretty. Once I lost the weight I no longer saw THAT me...but I saw my mom, and my sisters. I realized I really do look like them. I love looking in the mirror and seeing them, and it makes me feel even more beautiful, because I have always thought they were beautiful! They always will be...and so will I! And so will YOU!

No, not at all!! The eval is there to determine what support you'll need to be successful in the long-term. Maintenance is tough if you don't have the psychological tools to go with the physical ones. You don't want to go through all this and then re-gain it all back. Be open, and honest. They've heard it all before and their experience can be of great help to you!

Very often people become obese from eating their feelings...depression, anxiety, anger...and when food is not a drug to self-medicate those feelings have to come out. It's a shame she didn't get therapy while losing the weight, but do not believe for one minute that the anger wasn't there before...she was likely burying (eating) it. You can't force her to get therapy, but you can seek out support for yourself, to deal with hers, and to reassure yourself that you won't be overwhelmed during recovery. If you can get her into family therapy with you, so much the better. I hope things get better. Best of luck.

Congratulations on facing this head-on and seeking help! ::applauds:: Sugar, salt, and fats have now been proven to affect the brain and are as addictive as tobacco and drugs, according to recent studies. There are some great documentaries and books out there. Depression is commonly self-medicated with food, so when people diet they may experience more symptoms. A good doctor, and a good therapist, will help you find other ways to deal with depression and food will no longer make you feel powerless over it. Together with this surgery you'll have the tools you need to lose it AND keep it off. Best of luck, and let us know how you're doing!! We can help too!

I found the book The End Of Overeating really useful. Dr. K. points out that it's not 100% willpower, and those who try to depend on willpower alone likely fail at getting control of their eating. Sugar salt, and fats affect us neurologically, and are as addictive as tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. I write a bit about it on my blog but this is the link to Amazon. I did search and find it at my library, as an ebook, as well. We can't do it alone and asking for help is the intelligent thing to do! Hang in there!!

Absolutely true. You are becoming more fit and healthy and as your spouse sees that it can create a dynamic shift as they become the less fit one. This can cause jealousy, anxiety, and a temptation to sabotage. They may be completely unaware of it, and bringing them to awareness can be tricky. Counselling is never a bad idea. If you can get your spouse to couple's counselling it would really help, but if they won't go then go yourself. The more you understand about yourself and your relationship the better decisions you can make. Best of luck!

I'm a coffee addict. I was told that caffeine in large quantities can be dehydrating but in moderate amounts is fine. In order to balance things out I just don't count my coffee as part of my liquid goals, although I was told it does count - in moderation.

http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20739512,00.html I'm sorry but diet sodas are poison. They are NOT better for you than regular soda...which is poison, too. I'll be blunt here and say you'd be wise to use this as an opportunity to break your habit forever. Bubbles don't mix with this surgery, nor is soda part of a healthier lifestyle. If you don't adopt a healthier lifestyle you're doing this surgery for nothing. Sorry, I'm sure you were hoping for another answer.

Anne, you list yourself as having surgery last December. If that's correct you are still in the early stages when things are challenging. You haven't stated what challenges you are having, so we can't give you the benefit of our experiences. As for bariatric surgery being a moneygrab, well, mine was covered by the government so that's not true in my case. As for being sold something i don't need...I've had a neurologist, a cardiologist and a rheumatologist all tell me I did the best thing I could have done for my health, and that I have very likely increased my lifespan... Sooooo... REGRETS???? You've got to be kidding! 4 years later I'm even happier I had this opportunity at a better life than ever before!

This isn't my blog, but there are some yummy options here: https://eatingaftergastricbypass.net/2013/09/07/20-quick-snackmini-meal-ideas/

Have you discussed this with your doctor? If you are exercising that much you might be eating too little, which can cause stalls. Your body may be protecting itself from starvation. Stalls are normal but a month warrants a check-in with the professionals, I think.

I've been told that large amounts of caffeine can be dehydrating, but otherwise coffee can count as liquid intake. Not the best liquid intake, but ok. I'm a coffee addict so it's been part of my pre- and post-op life. It wasn't an option. LOL

What are you struggling with?

Nice responses, thank you. Exercise can often be held up as the god of weight loss and it can be intimidating just to question it! I have always struggled with formal exercise and just try to get out and be as active as I can, walking around a mall, etc. I do think a little weight training would do me good, but probably won't help with my annoying 5lbs of yo-yo weight.

I agree, it doesn't diminish the importance of exercise, but the idea that more more more is better is not true and is being pushed by the fitness industry a lot! That's not helpful to people fighting obesity. Thanks for commenting!

This is partly why I started a blog. We need more people educating people on the true science of wls. So many people dying of obesity when there is help!! It's sad! People have no idea how challenging post-op life can be, but how amazingly wonderful it is, too.

You're welcome. I envy you, as I have the worst singing voice!! I love music but even I don't want to hear me sing! LOL