mal0712

I am a nervous wreck lol. Wish me luck folks!! I hope I get me a bit of good news today today I am chosen to be optimistic and hopeful ????????

Lau4lau I once sat through a lecture by a bariatric surgeon who flat out said mental health, depression, and anxiety had nothing to do with obesity that it was strictly bad eating habits (?!?!?!?!?!) There are HUNDREDS of different research studies done that say otherwise. Now looking how uninformed a surgeon is, just imagine how uninformed the general public is!!! People see over weight people as lazy and gluttonous. They have no idea that it's a disease. It is an addiction. I posted about my breakthrough with my husband just this past weekend!!! It took me literally being fed up to the point I vented it all out.

Too bad you couldn't find a nice big ole stick laying around to pop her in that big head of hers lol I'm kidding! I think all of us go through similar things. I have a step mom who loves to take me shopping because she wears much smaller sizes than me.... and loves to point that out. How adult/mature of her right? She's packed on a couple of pounds so last time we went she went up a size... I said hey weren't u in a 16 last time? I know I shouldn't have said that but I honestly felt better after I did I can't lie lol. I'm sure she's walking and dieting now so she can rub it back in my face, but for now I am satisfied lol.

I was completely addicted to sons of anarchy and the walking dead. I also love criminal minds

Too bad you couldn't find a nice big ole stick laying around to pop her in that big head of hers lol I'm kidding! I think all of us go through similar things. I have a step mom who loves to take me shopping because she wears much smaller sizes than me.... and loves to point that out. How adult/mature of her right? She's packed on a couple of pounds so last time we went she went up a size... I said hey weren't u in a 16 last time? I know I shouldn't have said that but I honestly felt better after I did I can't lie lol. I'm sure she's walking and dieting now so she can rub it back in my face, but for now I am satisfied lol.

Soooo some of you that have read my other posts knoe I've had a lot of different things going on this past year especially emotionally. This weekend my husband and I had an entire weekend for us alone! It started out really bad. He kept suggesting all these places he wanted to go and things he wanted to do like bowling, movies,etc. I really do love doing those things, but my weight always gets in the way. I don't like the looks and stares from people who glare at me as though I was a walking zombie. I don't fit in the theatre chairs comfortably anymore and I finally snapped this weekend. I finally had to break down and tell him why I kept saying no to these places. After my 20 minute crying spree and rant his eyes were the size of 1/2 dollars! He was so mad and me for holding and tell thay in and never talking to him about it! Then he just looked at me and said I get so much now that I didn't realize before. He is totally okay with this surgery and has now become my personal cheerleader! Today I feel blessed ????

I want to cry at how overwhelming all of this is! I want this surgery so bad that waiting to do a diet makes it seem hopeless... I get the liquid diet 3 weeks before surgery,but the 6 month thing seems kinda shady to me. If a crack head needs rehab do you say ok now dear u must go with no crack for 6 months and then we will help u. ????. For a lot of us this is food addiction related and 6 months may be too late. I'm done venting and crying now lol. Much love and respect to all of u that made it through the weight loss journey without goin crazy!!!!

Soooo some of you that have read my other posts knoe I've had a lot of different things going on this past year especially emotionally. This weekend my husband and I had an entire weekend for us alone! It started out really bad. He kept suggesting all these places he wanted to go and things he wanted to do like bowling, movies,etc. I really do love doing those things, but my weight always gets in the way. I don't like the looks and stares from people who glare at me as though I was a walking zombie. I don't fit in the theatre chairs comfortably anymore and I finally snapped this weekend. I finally had to break down and tell him why I kept saying no to these places. After my 20 minute crying spree and rant his eyes were the size of 1/2 dollars! He was so mad and me for holding and tell thay in and never talking to him about it! Then he just looked at me and said I get so much now that I didn't realize before. He is totally okay with this surgery and has now become my personal cheerleader! Today I feel blessed ????

Ugh.... I was told tonight...again... that I would be beautiful if I was smaller... by family no doubt!! Do people not realize that I know I'm fat? I do dress and bathe myself. I've seen the jelly rolls in action lol. I hate people putting stipulations on comments.:/ I can not (NOT NOT NOT!!!!!)wait to look on the outside how I do on the inside. I want to ride a roller coaster with my kids and not feel like everyone in the room is staring a hole thru me every bite I take. I am so done with being a chunky monkey????

I feel like the little engine that could lol I keep saying ok u can do this and then I see tacos and I'm like nooooooooooooo! Lol I think people don't realize people are truely addicted to food

I am wanting the bypass. My bmi is outrageous and I have had family members that have amazing success with the bypass.

Ugh.... I was told tonight...again... that I would be beautiful if I was smaller... by family no doubt!! Do people not realize that I know I'm fat? I do dress and bathe myself. I've seen the jelly rolls in action lol. I hate people putting stipulations on comments.:/ I can not (NOT NOT NOT!!!!!)wait to look on the outside how I do on the inside. I want to ride a roller coaster with my kids and not feel like everyone in the room is staring a hole thru me every bite I take. I am so done with being a chunky monkey????

It makes me question my ability to let things go which makes even more fears pop up!

It makes me feel crazy to mourn somethin that isn't even gone!!! I catch myself and feel the impulse to slap myself for being so insane about food!

Ok I am gonna sound soooo crazy here. I talked to my surgeons office and I set up my very first appt to see the surgeon. After that phone call (which was tuesday) I keep catching myself feeling stressed and snapping at people!! I feel like my emotions are so backwards! Instead of being super happy I feel like I am almost grieving food? !?! I practically bit my husband's head off that entire day and yesterday and I couldn't explain to him why. He really doesn't get my relationship with food. He is 6 ft 1 and a bean pole health nut in the military. did anyone else do this after they started out?! Am I crazy?!

This is gonna sound crazy, but I have been dealing with yeast issues for a while now. One thing that I use to try and help control it a little is deoderant! It helps some, but it doesn't keep it away for good. I've still had breakouts, but far less painful for sure. I'm hoping once I have this surgery, that I will get my insurance to cover my plastics due to the fact I have severe issues with yeast problems already even though I shower daily and take procautionary measures :/. A girl can dream right?!

This is gonna sound crazy, but I have been dealing with yeast issues for a while now. One thing that I use to try and help control it a little is deoderant! It helps some, but it doesn't keep it away for good. I've still had breakouts, but far less painful for sure. I'm hoping once I have this surgery, that I will get my insurance to cover my plastics due to the fact I have severe issues with yeast problems already even though I shower daily and take procautionary measures :/. A girl can dream right?!

Ugh.... I was told tonight...again... that I would be beautiful if I was smaller... by family no doubt!! Do people not realize that I know I'm fat? I do dress and bathe myself. I've seen the jelly rolls in action lol. I hate people putting stipulations on comments.:/ I can not (NOT NOT NOT!!!!!)wait to look on the outside how I do on the inside. I want to ride a roller coaster with my kids and not feel like everyone in the room is staring a hole thru me every bite I take. I am so done with being a chunky monkey????

Ugh.... I was told tonight...again... that I would be beautiful if I was smaller... by family no doubt!! Do people not realize that I know I'm fat? I do dress and bathe myself. I've seen the jelly rolls in action lol. I hate people putting stipulations on comments.:/ I can not (NOT NOT NOT!!!!!)wait to look on the outside how I do on the inside. I want to ride a roller coaster with my kids and not feel like everyone in the room is staring a hole thru me every bite I take. I am so done with being a chunky monkey????

Ugh.... I was told tonight...again... that I would be beautiful if I was smaller... by family no doubt!! Do people not realize that I know I'm fat? I do dress and bathe myself. I've seen the jelly rolls in action lol. I hate people putting stipulations on comments.:/ I can not (NOT NOT NOT!!!!!)wait to look on the outside how I do on the inside. I want to ride a roller coaster with my kids and not feel like everyone in the room is staring a hole thru me every bite I take. I am so done with being a chunky monkey????

I read something similar on the post op side but I wondered what were the top ten things/ goals some of you have for your post op self!
Mine
10. Go swimming in the ocean without feeling like a whale
9. Go to family get togethers without small kids staring at my chubbiness
8. Shop at actual stores with confidence.
7. Be able to eat without feeling like the world is staring at me.
6. Look in the mirror and see a face and body that doesn't make me depressed.
5. Take 100 selfies and love them. As of now I have maybe 4... Total.
4. Ride on an airplane. Won't do it now. I'm sparing myself the embarrassment.
3. Buy panties ( SEXY ONES) from a normal store that fit.
2. Go on a vacation as the "healthy Mal"
1. I want to stop lying to my husband and kids. They want to go to amusement parks and cruises...and I tell them I'm scared of heights... When I'm not... I just know I won't fit on the rides and it makes me feel like a huge failure...

I read something similar on the post op side but I wondered what were the top ten things/ goals some of you have for your post op self!
Mine
10. Go swimming in the ocean without feeling like a whale
9. Go to family get togethers without small kids staring at my chubbiness
8. Shop at actual stores with confidence.
7. Be able to eat without feeling like the world is staring at me.
6. Look in the mirror and see a face and body that doesn't make me depressed.
5. Take 100 selfies and love them. As of now I have maybe 4... Total.
4. Ride on an airplane. Won't do it now. I'm sparing myself the embarrassment.
3. Buy panties ( SEXY ONES) from a normal store that fit.
2. Go on a vacation as the "healthy Mal"
1. I want to stop lying to my husband and kids. They want to go to amusement parks and cruises...and I tell them I'm scared of heights... When I'm not... I just know I won't fit on the rides and it makes me feel like a huge failure...

I read something similar on the post op side but I wondered what were the top ten things/ goals some of you have for your post op self!
Mine
10. Go swimming in the ocean without feeling like a whale
9. Go to family get togethers without small kids staring at my chubbiness
8. Shop at actual stores with confidence.
7. Be able to eat without feeling like the world is staring at me.
6. Look in the mirror and see a face and body that doesn't make me depressed.
5. Take 100 selfies and love them. As of now I have maybe 4... Total.
4. Ride on an airplane. Won't do it now. I'm sparing myself the embarrassment.
3. Buy panties ( SEXY ONES) from a normal store that fit.
2. Go on a vacation as the "healthy Mal"
1. I want to stop lying to my husband and kids. They want to go to amusement parks and cruises...and I tell them I'm scared of heights... When I'm not... I just know I won't fit on the rides and it makes me feel like a huge failure...

I read something similar on the post op side but I wondered what were the top ten things/ goals some of you have for your post op self!
Mine
10. Go swimming in the ocean without feeling like a whale
9. Go to family get togethers without small kids staring at my chubbiness
8. Shop at actual stores with confidence.
7. Be able to eat without feeling like the world is staring at me.
6. Look in the mirror and see a face and body that doesn't make me depressed.
5. Take 100 selfies and love them. As of now I have maybe 4... Total.
4. Ride on an airplane. Won't do it now. I'm sparing myself the embarrassment.
3. Buy panties ( SEXY ONES) from a normal store that fit.
2. Go on a vacation as the "healthy Mal"
1. I want to stop lying to my husband and kids. They want to go to amusement parks and cruises...and I tell them I'm scared of heights... When I'm not... I just know I won't fit on the rides and it makes me feel like a huge failure...

I read something similar on the post op side but I wondered what were the top ten things/ goals some of you have for your post op self!
Mine
10. Go swimming in the ocean without feeling like a whale
9. Go to family get togethers without small kids staring at my chubbiness
8. Shop at actual stores with confidence.
7. Be able to eat without feeling like the world is staring at me.
6. Look in the mirror and see a face and body that doesn't make me depressed.
5. Take 100 selfies and love them. As of now I have maybe 4... Total.
4. Ride on an airplane. Won't do it now. I'm sparing myself the embarrassment.
3. Buy panties ( SEXY ONES) from a normal store that fit.
2. Go on a vacation as the "healthy Mal"
1. I want to stop lying to my husband and kids. They want to go to amusement parks and cruises...and I tell them I'm scared of heights... When I'm not... I just know I won't fit on the rides and it makes me feel like a huge failure...