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Lite'N'Sweet

LAP-BAND Patients
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Blog Entries posted by Lite'N'Sweet

  1. Lite'N'Sweet
    So my 2 month lapbandiversary is upon me and it's been an interesting ride thus far. A great one - but interesting. The first month was all about the weight just sloughing off of me and I was like WHOA. But as I started to pickup solids, that slowed down considerably. So I did the next logical thing I could think of -- work out harder. I do about an hour of exercise a day, between running 5K and doing some BeachBody home program, i'm always moving around and pushing myself. Which I know has created more muscle mass for my body to deal with. But the stamina I feel is UNREAL. Never before would I think that i could run 5K (i used the Couch 2 5K program by the way) that coached me along and a kick ass playlist that would kick in JUST when I thought I'd quit. It's almost like it knew I needed that little extra bit. I still marvel at the fact that I can go at a jogging pace for 28 minutes. When I first started... I couldn't get through the warm out without being out of breath. And that is real.
     
    What i hate to reveal is that somewhere in there there are 5 lbs that have resurfaced on my body. I want to believe it's muscle weight. Cause that just makes me feel better. And I'm sure that it is, because all my clothes fit differently. i'm wearing stuff I haven't touched since before (or right after) my daughter was born. We're talking -- she just turned 3 years old. And I couldn't wear that stuff for all this time. So I won't kill myself over the lbs.... but in the same instance, I won't go changing all of my tickers to reflect the "weight gain".
     
    Something great that did happen... the other day I was walking with a few friends after a memorial service for a dear departed friend gone too soon (he was only 43... and consequently is the new motivation in my head when I think I want to give up on getting better / healthier / slimmer). On our way from the church to the car in upper Harlem, there's a gang of people out out in the streets... it was hot and folks were on the street to get cool before they went to bed. The friends who accompanied me were slender and trim and always have been since I knew them in college. And I walked between them. So the men outside were catcalling "Ohhh... look at them... 1, 2 and 3...." "mm mmm mm... i wouldn't mind being warm next to them tonight..." and then finally, "Which one would I like.. the one in the middle... mmmmm hmmmm!" Now... under normal circumstances, I wouldn't give that man the time of day... but something weird happens when you're out of shape - no one notices you. You literally disappear although you're getting bigger and harder to miss. I'm aware there are a gang of feminist movements out there about women being catcalled and objectified in a society that belittles our worth and intrinsic value. But for just this moment... I reappeared on the map as a viable wantable thing... and I? LOVED IT. I smiled to myself and kept it moving. And will use it as fire in my little furnace of needing to be better.
     
    Some visuals attached of my progress. I have to keep remember it's only been 2 months. 30 lbs is A LOT. And I shouldn't poopoo it. But I do... because I want more. But I'm also willing to work for it.
     
    On to 40... October 1st, here I come!
  2. Lite'N'Sweet
    Life's pace has definitely picked up with being back and work and all. The challenges of time have definitely been affecting me. Especially - time to eat right, time to make good decisions and time to log what's been going on. I promised myself that I'd blog to keep up with my progress and empty out what's in my head so I don't lose track of the thoughts.
     
    So 14lbs in the first week is a LOT to live up to. I haven't lost that much more since - of course my scale is schitzo which is good in a way cause it keeps me off of there. But if I were to venture a guess from the last time i tried to sneak on there looks like i'm down another 2 or 4 lbs (depends on what direction I lean in on the scale LOL). So I'm down to either 222 or 224. I'll go with 224 just so that anything less will pleasantly be surprised. I started to get a little bummed when I thought to myself - i'm down past 230 which I haven't been in a long time AND yesterday when I got out of the car, the hubby called me "skinny girl". Clothes have been fitting WAY better... theres a bunch of NSVs to be had so I can't get wrapped up in the numbers. What I do need to do though is make sure I incorporate enough exercise EVERY DAY. I go in on the weekends but I get so caught up on the weekdays. And I MUST make time to make my protein shake in the morning otherwise, the rest of the day falls like dominoes with poor decisions -whether it means that I'll eat something I really shouldn't be or decide not to eat at all - which is an equally bad decision.
     
    Something I've learned since the swelling has gone down is that... I can totally eat just the way I used to. I think if I tried to throwback a bacon cheese burger... I could do it w/o getting "stuck" or "slimed" or any of that. But the beautiful thing is that... I HAVEN'T. The worst I've done was to have a hamburger patty with a little avocado. No bread, no bacon no nothing. And I ate it... SLOW. And I drank something 15 min later. So I get it. All this time before they actually activate you is to get you to train your own mind about what you need to be doing in order to be successful. Now i just have to keep it going, get some real activity in and watch the change roll in.
  3. Lite'N'Sweet
    Day 6 was the return to work. Which was good and bad. Good because I have an office that I can't readily see everyone so when they're chowing down out there I'm oblivious. Bad because I work in entertainment and entertainment people are ALWAYS. EATING. So there's always yummy food just around the corner. Of course on the day I return there's a meet and greet with an artist and they catered it with the most delectable smelling soul food. But... I sipped my water. I went to Hale and Hearty to get soup for lunch because I figured if I try to incorporate normality in this not completely normal way of doing things it won't feel like so much of a restriction. So yes, go out at lunch and purchase a lunch (even if it IS broth) and then come back and eat it at lunch time just like it's an actual meal. I asked them to give me just the broth from the chicken noodle soup but I forget that their soups are mass made and stew for a while in those vats so the ingredients tend to melt and fall apart... making it very difficult to get a spoonful of just broth. But I worked at it long and hard and got my broth out. I was proud of myself.
     
    Day 7 was my follow up at the doctor. Traffic made me late (I was pissed) but when I called and asked if I could still come in they assured me that they'd see me at whatever time I showed up. That put me at ease, so I enjoyed the rest of the ride there. I got there and they saw me almost immediately. Firstly for the weigh in. They have this huge plate that you step on and the read out for the scale is off to your left (you the weigh-ee are facing a wall)... so you kind of have an option of NOT looking at the number. Which I kind of didn't want to see. I stepped on and clinched my eyes closed ... What if I hadn't lost? What if it didn't budge? What if i GAINED...? *gasp* I mean... my TOM is looming... maybe I'm retaining water... all these thoughts poofed like a little cloud when I heard the nurse say, "Well, look at you?!?" I turned to my left and there it was.
     
    226.
     
    Quick calculations in my head (because I'm soooo bad at math). 14 lbs... in 7 days. Really? REALLY? Okay okay - don't get TOO excited... just calm down because ... cause .... WOW 14 LBS????? Man!
     
    Then a chat with my surgeon who explained why I had 3 incisions instead of the afore promised 1. "Your liver was a little enlarged. So we needed an additional trocar to hold it up better so we could see." Sure didn't love hearing that. But hey... they made it happen. He took a quick look at my incisions, asked me if I'd had any vomiting or nausea, gave me the clean bill of health and then whisked me off to the nutritionist. She marveled at the number and kept stopping short of saying "you got through this all with flying colors!" She'd say "You got through this all with... you did really well." And I'm wondering if that's like a jinx thing for her... or maybe she forgot the phrase. Whatevvs. She went over what my next 3 weeks should look like. Talked about 2 protein shakes a day to supplement my 48 ounces of liquid. Just that for 1 week. Then in week two introduce thinned liquid foods - mashed potatoes, cream of wheat, farina, oatmeal, lowfat yogurt, pureed vegetable only soups (with NO "beans" in them -- too fibrous she said). Then by week three, I can start to experiment with the same foods but thicker. She broke it down by saying "do you have kids?" I replied yes... and she said - so you would give a newborn an apple to eat. You'd graduate them to the apple. So you start with formula, then a little rice cereal in the formula, then a little rice cereal alone... etc... I nodded with understanding. She gave me some more accolades and pats on the back and then walked me out to the reception area where I waited to settle up my bill. Then she exclaimed... "WAIT... you had the lap band??" and I said kind of suspiciously, "Yeeeaaaah.....?" And she replied quickly, "Oh noo... come back in here... I gave you the wrong plan. I thought you were a Sleeve patient by the amount of weight you lost!" The little cheerleader inside of me did a backflip. She called me back in and quickened the plan. NOT over 3 weeks. Actually I can start experimenting with foods THIS week, etc... then the following week for pureed foods, then to solids adding one a day. I finished by asking her if I could stick to the Sleeve plan and before I could finish the question she said "Absolutely!!"
     
    Things are going well. NOW... i gotta manage my expectations and reactions for the slow down which may or may not happen... so I don't get discouraged. But for now? I'm walkin' on sunshine! #lovethelapband
  4. Lite'N'Sweet
    So the one thing I've had to learn as I recover from surgery is that even though they tell you that you have to take it easy and not do A LOT of the things that you're used to doing, there are some things you kind of have to figure out for yourself. Like if you drop the soap in the shower, you certainly (well... i certainly) can't ask someone to come in from wherever they are in the house and pick up the soap for me. So I've been revisiting a lot of knee bends that don't require bending at the waist at all. Deep modified plies have been helping me a lot with mobility. I still can't wait till I can just move freely. I'm getting that slight "tearing" sensation when I do something too suddenly or move in a direction that my body's not ready for. But it's familiar from when I was recovering from my lateral myomectomy and my c-section. It's about the same but I don't want to exasperate anything. The glue hasn't fallen off of the incision spots yet, so that's good that they're holding on.
     
    I'm noticing a more pronounced "sensation" we'll call it, when I swallow. Like a lump in my throat but further down. And a tightness in my chest a little to the left. I'm assuming that's the band. I'm sure all my questions will be answered at my follow up. I've been really thinking about foods I enjoyed, the textures and the tastes and how i was comforted by eating them. But going through this surgery and the presence of the band puts such a hard "stop" on these thoughts. Like I start to reminisce and when it begins to head down the road of "would be nice to have it again" - a new voice in my head kicks in and says rather forcefully, "Well you CAN'T. And stop that. It's physically impossible and get used to this now." Might sound harsh, but it's good to know that this battle is being won on a mental front. It's what I need.
     
    I'm realizing one of the things taking a serious hit is my bonding time with the hubby. A typical day would consist of us getting up, playing with our daughter, getting ready for work, bringing her to school, getting to work, reclaiming her from school, playing with her a little more, putting her to bed and then we'd reconvene as a couple over a meal. Catch up on the stuff that happened in the day, discuss what's going on during the week... comment on the TV show that we're watching. The band has really changed that dynamic. I know that it's really early still but he feels guilty having food around me since I'm in this clear liquid phase still. And honestly I remove myself sometimes whey they're having popcorn or fruits because I feel my will waning. I know it will get better soon, but it's hard now as we adjust.
     
    He did say that he noticed the top of my tummy is starting to flatten down which gave me chills for 2 reasons. 1) because it's true and maybe something is working - i'm not gonna look at the scale though; and 2) because he's looking. And that always gives me good chills.
     
    Bring it on Day #3... They said you were the worst one... But I'm ready.
  5. Lite'N'Sweet
    I was in a stall. It was making me a little crazy too. Worse than a stall - it seems that I had put back on 5 lbs. But i never admitted to it, because adding it back on to my trackers and tickers made it feel like failure. And I know I was doing everything the way I should. Eating smaller portions, less calories, slower and more deliberate choices of food. Working out as much as i can increasing the amount of calories I would burn. But... there the scale stayed stuck. I could have done a number of things for those 3 weeks. Blamed the lapband for not working. Blamed my body composition for sabotaging me. Cursed the Gods for making me have to be fat.
     
    But I remembered something I read from a friend of mine on Facebook who is a Yoga Instructor and really has embraced the lifestyle that goes with studying and practicing yoga. "Anything will work if you stick to it long enough." Pointing out the issue that once we don't see something working in a day or a week or a month we abandon it and try something else... always looking for the quick fix and trying to see results tomorrow. But the fact of the matter is... we didn't get fat over night. It took years of hard work and diligent, consistent, persistent bad habits to get us to this place where we'd want to consider surgery. So it would take equal and opposing diligence, consistence and persistence of positive, good, healing habits to get us where we longed to be. So I looked at the scale and said "f you" and kept on doing what I was told to do. Kept eating right. Doubled up my gym activity and vowed to stick to it. Just keep doing it, because it makes you feel better, your endurance is through the roof and it's a great outlet for frustration. Don't give up.
     
    Then suddenly - all the comments - you know the ones I said I wasn't hearing? - started to pour in. "Hey, wow, you're really losing weight..." "you're just melting away" "look at you skinny girl" "don't lose too much weight now..." (that's my favorite one - because I've only just hit the 1/3 mark on what I want to lose. And it's every day. And it 's from everyone. Even the haters that didn't want to admit to me that they saw it like I knew they did. It's a little overwhelming and I try to be gracious with my response but also not let it swell my head. "Thank you - I've been working really hard at it" is my typical reply - and it's true.
     
    I'm so excited about my evolving body. I have to shop for some clothes that fit this weekend. And I'm really jazzed about it.
     
    And just like that - once I stopped focusing on it... the scale just started moving in the right direction. Those 5 lbs are all but gone now. Hoping that it continues past the lowest point I reached and that I can pack my bags up and put my home in Two-Dorville on the market and move back in to my cute little condo in One-derland. Here I come. And nothing will stop me.
  6. Lite'N'Sweet
    Today makes 1 month since I had Peachez installed. (It's a working name... It may change) and I can't say I have any regrets. I'm down 25 lbs since then, have been working out pretty diligently ever since (despite my achilles injury :-( ) but the thing that has impressed me the most about my progress is that I feel absolutely 100% ZERO restriction from my lapband even WITH the fill / I don't regurgitate anything / i don't slime / I don't get stuck -- but have installed my mental restriction and it's pretty solid. My issue going into the surgery was that my resolve was constantly failing me. I would give myself loopholes and exceptions and ways out of having to have willpower or stick-to-it-iveness. So no matter what the plan, I failed. But with this... there's a new little voice in the back of my thoughts that reminds me right before I contemplate a cheat or anything that's anti productive.
     

    YOU CUT YOURSELF OPEN FOR THIS.... SERIOUSLY??? You're going to rethink this "cheat" right now.


     
    That ALWAYS gets me right back in line. I've taken all the great advice I've learned here on the message boards: chew my food REALLY well; wait in between bites; don't drink while i'm eating; stop when I'm satisfied; sometimes hunger is thirst in disguise so start with a liquid. They've all been essential tools in my progress. I hope that they'll bring me through the next few months and the next 25 lbs. however long that may take. My clothes are fitting differently... folks are starting to notice. I just need to keep it going. Might I see ONEderland again before I turn 40... would be an awesome birthday gift.
     
    So happy one monthiversary for me. Here's to a lifetime of better choices as a result!
  7. Lite'N'Sweet
    A lot of this process has been introspective. As you go through the process of allowing the healing and trying to mold your thoughts to propel you to success in the coming weeks, you evaluate what got you to this point. How did you arrive at this point in your life. You listen more deeply to the things people are saying around you and assess your surroundings a bit more critically. One thing I've noticed is that since I've unhinged "FOOD" as a center of my interactions, social life and celebrations, I have A.... LOT.... MORE.... TIME. Like. Wow. It's made me really look back and wonder what else was I doing besides eating. Clearly nothing.
     
    I sign up for a lot of freelance but normally never get it done on time because I'm so busy... doing what? Eating. Eating out, going to events where there's food... etc. But I've been getting so much freelance done lately because I've essentially been avoiding being in the presence of foods I can't eat if I could handle it.
     
    Just now I got paid for a freelance gig that I've been participating in for a while sans payment and he handed me cash. Normally the plan is to go to a fave restaurant and chow down on something nice w/o having to worry about cost because I have some liquid assets to go to it. But I'm like... OVER THINKING what I can do with this money right now.... because I won't be spending it on food.
     
    I guess I'll pay some bills...
     
    Still hungry though. But also avoiding the scale because I don't want any parts of that until the Dr.'s office.
  8. Lite'N'Sweet
    Going good since the doctor's visit. I've decided to go the liquid protein route for at least a week before incorporating some soft foods. So I have vats of this protein powder that I had been using at the beginning of last year that was really good. Low carb, low fat, high protein and when I was using it for that diet I lost quite a bit. (BioTrust is the brand name). So I have one in the morning for breakfast, drink my liquids throughout the day and then have one for dinner. It hasn't been too bad. I just have to mentally fight my natural propensity to sample things throughout the day. I've also been doing great canceling the rationalization to eat certain things... or tell myself that I could somehow chew something fine enough to swallow it and not have it make a difference.
     
    I got my Fitbit on Friday and have been wearing it diligently ever since. I like it a lot especially because i can wear it in the shower / rain whatever. Makes it more convenient to just always have it on and i do love the constant counting versus my phone which only counts if I'm holding it. Seeing the numbers at the end of the day really make me feel like I'm accomplishing a lot more than I think I am.
     
    Saturday was another pre-planned thing I knew I was going to have to attend. My husband's fraternity chapter cookout. *sigh* It's at the beach so I committed myself to spending more time at the surf than by the mushrooms where everyone was gathered and eating. Which worked for a little while. But the day was overcast and the water wasn't really warm so I couldn't stay there very long. Back to the mushrooms I went and sipped my water as the smells from the grill wafted over and plate after plate was made and paraded in front of me. I'm proud that I didn't try to sample anything. I did try to talk myself into mashing some mac and cheese really good so it would be LIKE a porridge. But I got past that. The funny thing was, I was hanging with a few of my long time friends during that time and one of them was GOING. IN. on the food. I mean... she never wasn't eating. She never wasn't drinking something alcoholic. She was just non stop. To the point where I was nervous for her... she'd never been like THAT.... or had she been? And I was just... right there with her - maybe worse - eating and drinking up a storm? Is that what I looked like? I thought to myself. It definitely made me stick to my plan even more.
     
    So my TOM is here. Which SUCKS. Aside from bad cramps on night one, it wasn't worse than pre-band. I waited for the whole "your organs swell" thingy to affect me, but this time around it didn't. I'm looking forward to the scale registering that I lost more weight once it's gone (bye bye water...).
     
    My glue is starting to fall off and expose the wounds / stitches. So I'm taking special pains to make sure I take care of them so they don't scar too bad. I keloided pretty bad on my lateral c-section scar, i just want to limit how much scarring they would show.
     
    On to week 2!
  9. Lite'N'Sweet
    What I've been reading on most of these boards is that Day 3 after the surgery is usually the worst. The swelling begins to subside and your stomach starts to function as it did in terms of hunger. But all you're shoveling into it is clear liquid. Well... Day 3 managed to get by me. I discovered clear SOUP broth (see my previous post about the distinction between that and "clear broth") and that helped me by greatly.
     
    Until today.
     
    I was due to go see my Godmother because she had cooked up a huge vat of Haitian Soup (Bouillon) for me to freeze and use during my puree stage. I was excited to see her because she had her grand daughter who is 1 year older than my daughter with her and I knew they could play together and my husband loves her too. I call her Nininne. So we get to Nininne's sister's house and everyone is pretty silent. Just on their respective pieces of technology ( laptops, tablets, cellphones ) and making idle chatter. I'm sure everyone in there knew that I'd just had the surgery and had little to say. Bigger things were afoot - my Nininne's niece is pregnant so that makes for better conversation. But she chatted with me about it and what it took and people she knew who had the surgery, etc. It was nice... I was drinking my water... and then it happened.
     
    They started cooking.
     
    First they pulled out the Haitian Patties which are these beautiful puff pastry creations that cradle ground chicken, beef or saltfish in it's center. EVERYONE had one in the room (except for me). Then they started serving up the hot link sausages to the kids with glorious white bread... then... they started cooking vegetable rice to go with their fried pork tenderloins (Griot).
     
    I? was going to lose my mind. EVERYTHING IN ME... it took EVERYTHING in me not to shove a patty in my mouth or a handful of rice or swipe the hotlink from my daughter's plate. I WAS SO HUNGRY. I'd not been that hungry in a very long time. I drank my water for a while longer, announced that it was time to go after my daughter was done with her hot link and made our way out of there. (Don't worry - we'd been there for about 2 hours so it wasn't like we'd just gotten there). I felt like I wanted to cry. It was too much. All the comforts of the foods from my childhood coupled with the presence of family ( my parents have gone from this worldly existence ) which I seldom get anymore... there were so many strings being pulled to get me to fall. I had to remove myself from the situation. And good that I did. I'm sure they would have had to wrestle me down to unhinge my hands open from clutching whatever food I snagged.
     
    Got home - and had some vegetable soup broth. And all was right with the world again. I've told myself that if i was in the mushy stage or even just the liquid protein stage... I might have been able to do better than I did today (which wasn't bad, considering i didn't cave at all)... but I could have had some great tasting alternative to everything they were eating.
     
    It's a process... I'm going through it...
     
    I just can't wait for the next phase that will hold me over a little better than clear liquid.
  10. Lite'N'Sweet
    Well... I should have been paying closer attention to all the messages on the board that say "liquid in, liquid out". I have nothing binding me and it should have made sense that air alone could not pass from within. And so out of laziness because I had found a comfortable spot on my recliner (can't WAIT to go back to my bed in a week) and the dream was too good to leave behind... i sharted. It was terrible. In the middle of the night, I had to shower change and clean (it wasn't alot but I'm totally anal about that kind of thing -- see what I did there? LOL) So it just jostled my whole sleep flow then i had nightmares all night (unrelated). It was just bad. It made me remember a meme I saw online that said "Love is like a fart... if you have to force it then it must be ****." So... lesson learned - just take it to the bathroom.
     
    The timely discovery of chicken soup broth on the dreaded Day 3 was a total win for me. I mean... chicken broth is just colored tears. It's horrid. It has this irony smell to it and it leaves your mouth tasting all .... gamey. So my husband suggested to me, as he sat there looking at me stare off into the distance undoubtedly wishing for something I could chew, to boil up a Progresso chicken noodle soup then strain out all the stuffs and drink THAT broth. I mean... a single tear wants to fall when I think how ingenious that was. I could taste the chicken.... but the carrots and the celery and the noodles.... it was all a part of that beautiful bowl of liquid gold. And I felt satisfied when I was done. The chicken soup broth was a game changer. So the hubby went out and bought all sorts of brothy soups that I'll strain and enjoy in the coming days!
     
    Exercise wise, just in time, I've stumbled across an MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online) game called Ingress. So the whole purpose of this game is to get you out walking, hiking, biking. That's the bottom line. But they've entrenched the game in this Matrix like story line that there are portals all over the world that XM (exotic matter) is leaking through and there are two factions of belief about what can be done with XM - The Resistance (who believes that XM is going to be harnessed to enslave the human race so we have to fight against whoever is trying to do so) or The Enlightenment (who believes that XM could be our passage way to "leveling up" as humans and taking us to the next plateau). And so you have to walk around claiming portals (that are just really buildings, murals, landmarks and other sight seeing things...) in the name of your faction. I'm part of the Enlightenment and man... this thing has gotten me SO excited about walking!! I am sitting here icing my Achilles wondering if I can go back out and check out some portals I saw earlier. This was incredibly timely and just what i needed.
     
    All the pieces are falling into place just like they really should - because I was supposed to do this. I was supposed to finally shed this weight and burden and get back to the business of being me.
     
    To quote a late 80's visionary...
     
    "I love it when a plan comes together."
    -Hannibal of the A-Team
  11. Lite'N'Sweet
    I had no idea that this feature was available on this site. I really love BariatricPal.com. It's given me an outlet for all these thoughts circulating around in my head and how to deal with them all as I get adjusted to this new life.
     
    A little background about me - I'll be turning 40 this year. I've been struggling with my weight for the better part of 20 years now but have always struggled with my image. I look back at pictures of me when I was thin and healthy and fit and remember thinking how fat I thought I was. I now have a 3 year old and doctors were beginning to use words like diabetes, hypertension and "morbidly" obese around me. The biggest I ever got was 240 and that was quite enough for me. My mom died when she was 65 from all the aforementioned conditions and their complications. I already started late out of the gate having my daughter late in life. The least I can do is try to extend this here life a little longer. That's not really possible / an option if diabetes and hypertension are eating away at my ability to exist.
     
    So I banded! My surgery date was 7/11 and it's been pretty smooth so far. Just getting adjusted to it all. Today's challenge is gas, feeling tightness in my esophagus (which I think is my body just now taking inventory of the band install) and I can't wait for these incisions to heal so that I can pick up and hug up on my daughter.
     
    The journey continues!

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